Linda Martinez-Lewi PhD - The Narcissist In Your Life

Narcissistic Mother Severely Destructive to Her Children

The narcissistic mother is cold, robotic, ruthless and cruel. She has
no real feelings for her children except for the one who is most like
her–the golden one. This is the special boy or girl whom she has picked
as a living god like a pharaoh. NMs live through these children who
can do no wrong, who have no limits and are allowed to abuse their
brothers and sisters without any consequences.

Unchosen
children live in constant fear, apprehension, always waiting for the
next catastrophe. Their nervous systems are always turned on the fight
or flight syndrome. They don’t know what it means to feel safe. Many of
them have horrible insomnia or night terrors. They worry that mother
will come in and start screaming at them or even beating them. Secret
punishments that cause humiliation and constant terror are meted out
regularly. When you live with a narcissistic mother you exist in a kind
of gulag. There is no escape; you feel helpless and alone and there is
an enduring sense that this hell is never going to end. Some children
of narcissistic mothers feel deep inside that they are bad and defective
human beings. “What have I done wrong?” What horrible things have I
done to mom that she hates me so much? “I can’t stop hearing her
screaming in my ears?” “I get scared every night that she’s coming in my
room to hit me and then send me away. Where will I go?’

Every
despicable word or deed you can imagine has been perpetrated by
narcissistic mothers, especially if they are sociopathic. They are
highly sadistic and smirk and smile when their children are most
terrified by them. They love to shock even a small child just to watch
the kind of power they have over him. They cram food down their throats,
put them on hunger regimens, make them eat food that has spoiled,
demand they stand in their feces for hours. You name it, they’ve done
it!.

The psychological impact of having a narcissistic
mother is devastating. There are actually some people who don’t believe
these life stories. I say the hell with them. Don’t give anyone who
doesn’t believe you the slightest attention. You know exactly what you
have live through. There are so many people who are incapable of
empathy. If it didn’t happen to them, it doesn’t exist. How narcissistic
is that!

Adult children of narcissistic mothers can
continue to suffer in the aftermath of their abuse. Many of them find
healing by working with excellent psychotherapists, practicing healing
modalities like gentle yoga with its emphasis on the slow breath through
the nostrils, acupuncture can bring the quieting parasympathetic
nervous system experience to those who have suffered this level of
abuse. Many survivors of maternal narcissistic abuse find their way back
to inner peace, the loving acceptance of their real selves and the
activation of their creative gifts. To learn about the narcissistic
personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Narcissistic Sociopaths are Dangerous in the Workplace

The narcissistic sociopath has become more socially acceptable in our
current society. The goal to “win” at all costs has become the mantra
of our times. There is a distinct lack of conscience among many in the
business world whether we are talking about large corporations, banking,
finance, government projects, the defense industry, entertainment,
media, etc. There are tremendous exceptions of individuals who are very
successful in their careers who have a strong conscience, are highly
competent and very ethical. We are fortunate that these people are part
of our society today.

Once the narcissistic sociopath
has gained sufficient power in a large corporation he builds fiefdoms
that are under his absolute control. Some of these individuals
purposely become involved in intimate relationships with their superiors
and those above them, to make sure that they are protected from any
reprisals. The boss or super boss of the narcissistic sociopath is
vulnerable to be extorted as a result of an intimate relationship with
this person. There are instances in which the NS has video and listening
devices set up in advance of the sexual liaison. He or she can hold
this over the boss’s head indefinitely. The NS can threaten to go to the
wife or husband and blow the secret wide open. The NS plans to trap the
boss or ultra boss so he can run the table and be free to do whatever
he wants.

If you run across the narcissistic sociopath
in your work environment, keep your distance if you can. You don’t want
to become involved with one of these individuals under any
circumstances. If this person is a colleague, be polite and professional
and go about your business. If he or she is your boss, then you have a
decision to make. Eventually there is a chance this NS will want to get
you involved in one of his unethical and illegal schemes. When this time
comes, don’t be surprised, be prepared. You might want to work on a
lateral transfer to another department. Make your plans–save your money
to have in reserve. You might have to leave this job. It is not worth
being under the thumb of a NS. These people are very destructive to
everyone in their environment. Trust your intuition and listen to the
voice inside that tells you that you are in the presence of a malevolent
person, the narcissistic sociopath. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Sing Your Own Tune Not the Narcissist’s

We all have music inside of us. It may be a small voice that calls
from inside that is barely heard. It may be a swelling sound like a
river held back too long that is bursting to go over its banks. When we
are little many of us sing to ourselves and if we are fortunate, others
share their voices with us. Song has been with us for thousands of
years. It is a part of our nature. We were meant to move to rhythm and
to hum and sing. Listen to very small children and you know that is part
of who we are. When we sing and give power to our voices, we are whole
and free.

Those who are tied to the narcissist in a
charade marriage narrow their chances of becoming the person they were
meant to be. The narcissist demands mirroring of him/her alone. He is
the master; you are the follower.

He is always right–impeccable.
You make all the mistakes. Every fine idea or creative endeavor evolves
out of him, even when its origin is yours. You can never win with a
narcissist. They may create a comfortable lifestyle that is consistent
with your external goals but where is the heart of the narcissist. It
can’t be found. Narcissists are masters of pseudo empathy and caring
when they have to play the part but once the drama is over and they have
gotten exactly what they wanted, they revert back to their fits of
rage, recriminations, constant lies and ruthlessness.

If
you have had more than enough and can hear your own song in your head
and it is getting louder and your intuition is messaging you frequently,
pay attention. You are being told to make a decision, to take a
different road, to activate yourself fully as an individual without
limitations. We come to this earth in our present form once only. Make
this one count. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth,
visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

No Longer In Shadow of Narcissistic Sister

I hear from many sisters who were psychologically dismissed because
they existed in the shadow of their older sister golden child. She was
beautiful and bright. Everyone paid attention to her. Her birth was long
awaited and she became the star of the family immediately. The
narcissistic mother worshiped gorgeous Sis. Second sister Alyce was not
an extrovert. She was quiet and intelligent. Alyce learned to survive
by living in her older sister’s shadow. She tried to imitate her
manner of speech and gestures, thinking that she would be able to get
her mother’s attention and love if she succeeded. Instead Alyce was
laughed at, demeaned and humiliated. The narcissistic mother who was
psychologically fused with her older daughter would mimic Alyce, even in
front of company. Alyce was so hurt that she ran to her room and cried
uncontrollably. No one came upstairs to see how she was feeling. She knew
that her mother and sister didn’t care. They were too engrossed with
one another in mutual adoration mode. Alyce learned to keep very
quiet and become invisible to this duo. She didn’t have confidence in
herself and hid in her studying and books. When Alyce left for college she was relieved to get away from the narcissistic abuse.

The psychological pain
remained with Alyce. She found excuses not to visit the family on
Holidays. After going through a rough period of depression, Alyce sought
psychotherapy. She developed a strong therapeutic alliance with the
therapist and went through the process of grieving for the mother
she never had and a sister that could do without her. It was difficult
work. Alyce emerged emotionally stronger and steadier, more clear about
her true identity as an individual and appreciative of her unique gifts.
As time passed Alyce severed her relationship with her narcissistic
mother and narcissistic sister.

She is no longer in the shadow of
her narcissistic sister nor does she fear the disapproval and cruelty of
her mother. She has gone through a process of personal transformation.
Alyce feels free to move ahead with confidence and optimism about her
present and future. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic
personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

The Narcissistic Style Has Taken Over

The narcissistic style is obsessive self involvement sprinkled with
lack of empathy, compassion and doses of of materialism and the need
for external perfection. There are countless individuals who lead their
lives with consideration for others and who will stop and help people
they don’t know. They provide comfort to their friends and are present
and loving to their families and people whom they have never met before.

I
am talking about what has happened to many individuals in the course of
a decade or so. The narcissistic style is being highly rewarded by
corporations, amid many social circles, in the media and entertainment.

Externals
of face, body, figure, clothing, connections, glamour and youth are
rewarded over kindness, consideration of others, thoughtfulness, empathy
and deep awareness. It has become a Darwinian world. Many people are
out strictly for themselves and brag about it with their constant self
references of success, monetary gain and, with regard to parents, the
perfection and brilliance of their children.

Many
individuals need to wake up and realize that some people lead very
difficult if not impossible lives. They had it very rough as children.
They were dismissed, abused, neglected, beaten, psychologically
deprived, physically ill and poverty stricken. Never assume when you
meet someone that they have not had a very painful background and that
every moment of their life now is trying. I am sickened by the lack of
sensitivity and awareness of those who have taken up the narcissistic
style as a way of life. Learn to tune in to the other person before you
start bragging about yourself and all of your achievements and monetary
worth. Keep still and listen and take the other person in. Then you
will know what to say about yourself and when to keep quiet.

There
are extraordinary human beings who are so empathic they restore your
belief in the goodness of people. We need more of them. If you are one
of these, appreciate yourself. Let your light shine. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Sociopathic Narcissists Have The Killer Instinct

The grandiose narcissist needs to have his/her ego constantly
stroked. He knows how to reel people in. He plays to their dependency
needs, material desires, their aspirations for wealth and power. He can
take one look at a woman and know how to get her under his control. Many
women fall for this master of charm with all the gilded promises. With a
narcissist you are lead to believe that you life will be unlimited,
that you can have every high and pleasurable experience you’ve ever
wanted, that you will never have to worry about money, security, social
status. You will always be royal. Woman with very successful careers and
professions still fall for charming narcissistic men. They become
entranced, hypnotized.

The sociopathic narcissist is
several steps beyond his classic brother narcissist. He doesn’t have a
whiff of conscience. He is involved in illegal activities as part of his
lifestyle. He secretly leads a number of lives and has a keen killer
instinct. You get in his way and your life is toast. That is the force
of his dangerous darkness. He may threaten you openly or keep his plans
secret but watch out if you confront him. Those who go along with him
are not leading their own lives. They stay there because of all the
perks which are a constant distraction like a merry go round that is
moving faster and faster. The giddiness of having anything you want is
intoxicating.

Sociopathic narcissists are disastrous
parents. They are incapable of forming any kind of relationship with
them. Sometimes the child looks up to the father or mother because this
person is very successful and powerful. Some narcissistic sociopaths
choose one child to mirror him. He becomes the golden boy or girl and
can do no wrong.

Sociopathic narcissists are
psychological killers in business. They terrorize their rivals. They
have close allies and partners that make the lives of their competitors a
living hell. They step over ethical and legal boundaries all of the
time and don’t get caught because they have a coterie of killer instinct
sociopathic lawyers.

When you decide to divorce a
sociopathic narcissist, make your preparations secretly and take your
time to do a lot of research. Interview several attorneys who understand the way these people tick. The soon to be ex is out for blood and will stop at nothing to win. Find an attorney who is
not intimidated in the slightest with these personalities, someone who
remains calm when the long knives come out. Use all of your resources to
get the support you need. Excellent psychotherapy can be very helpful
during this time. Find friends that are available to support you and
stick with this ordeal. You will prevail. Keep telling yourself that
this is a marathon and you are up to the race and will cross the finish
line with a smile on your face. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Narcissistic Ex-Spouses Psychologically Poison Their Children

Remember that narcissists are without conscience or shame. They will
never apologize for some horrible trauma they have caused you or your
children. In fact, they blame every calamity on you. They twist the
truth like a warm pretzel. Some spouses believe their lives are great because they
have been brainwashed over the years. Others are
immersed in the lifestyle that he/she provides for them. There are too
many trips, parties, lovely possessions, gifts and all the other
distractions that keep them deluded by the fantasies of having what they
want. They are like children in a candy store with unlimited amounts of
money to buy every treat they can reach.

When the
marriage disintegrates and the nasty divorce dance is over, there are custody arrangements. These always cause problems. With half and half custody the narcissistic ex-spouse
spends enough time with his/her children to psychologically poison them
against the other parent. They tell outright lies to the point of
describing an affair that the other spouse had. None of this is true.
The children find this information very alarming. What makes this even
worse is the narcissistic ex-spouse swears the children to secrecy.
Don’t say a word; this is between you and me. Narcissists thrive on
secrets. It makes them feel powerful. They control others with this
mendacity. It pits one person against the other and weakens them. They
are sadistic and love to watch others twist in the wind and lose their
psychological footing.

Maintaining a loving, open,
close relationship with your children is key to offsetting the
psychological poison of the narcissistic ex-spouse. When the
relationship is solid and loving, your children will tell you exactly
what is going on when you are not in their presence. We only need one
good loving parent or a parent surrogate.

Use your intuition and you will know what your ex-spouse is cooking up. You can smell the aromas of his deceptive stew of lies. You have the drop on him. You know the truth. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Narcissistic Spouses Seek Revenge Taking A Pound of Your Flesh

Narcissists are always on the take. They are aggressive, unempathic, merciless and driven to get exactly what they want. If you have been married to one for years or decades, you must know that they don’t care about your feelings. They are using you for their own purposes. Everyone in their lives is expendable. They can and will replace you. Narcissistic spouses wear you down to the nub. If you are emotionally and psychologically vulnerable, you are at particular risk.

If you want to stay in the narcissist’s favor, you must mirror them perfectly. Regardless of how perfect you are and how well you follow their orders, it is never enough. If you cross them and become more independent, they seek revenge. Since they don’t have a conscience to slow them down, they go right for the jugular. They take their pound of your flesh. They kick you when you are down and take control of mutual financial assets. They know how to whisk them away in secret, leaving you vulnerable and at their mercy.

If you wait too long to divorce them and they have the upper hand, the narcissist holds the best cards. He slaps you when you are down. I know of situations of narcissistic husbands refusing to help a spouse who was physically ill. She had to drive herself to the hospital.

Narcissistic husbands and narcissistic wives out of revenge will work the mediators and courts to get custody of your children. They hire attorneys who are slick, hungry beasts.

Arm yourself with research about the true nature of the narcissist. Recognize that this person cannot change. This is a fixed personality disorder. Don’t be pulled back into the pseudo marriage by his empty promises and pitiful martyr performances. Be prepared for his tawdry act but know that he will seek revenge, get it and never look back. The narcissist is hard and cold, like a piece of stone.

Make your move to sever the relationship soon rather than later. You have courage and talents and your life ahead of you. Many before you have made this break and discovered that at the end of the tunnel there is freedom, inner peace and an expansion of your creative gifts. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Sadistic Narcissistic Mothers Aim Knives at Your Heart

Some narcissistic mothers hated you before you were born. They didn’t
want children. They were obsessed with their careers and climbing to
the very top. (Every woman who climbs to the top in her career is not a
narcissist.) This often includes finding a man that will be a
reflection of their perfection. Narcissistic women often choose weak men
whom they can completely control.

Narcissistic women
have no substance, conscience, compassion or empathy. They are highly
ambitious, very bright, exceedingly driven and determined to reach the
pinnacles of power. Narcissistic women have children not because they
are capable of love but to use as narcissistic supplies that will
burnish their external image. They can say they have it all and can do
it all. Their children are often taken care by babysitters and nannies
from the beginning of their lives. Their children are narcissistic
supplies, especially the kid that is chosen as the golden child. This
child is claimed perfect from the beginning and often becomes a budding
narcissist.

The worst narcissistic mothers are highly
sadistic. They obtain pleasure from terrifying you. When you are a baby
they startle you with their loud voice or allow the other children to
pinch you and pretend that this is a funny game. Narcissists
unconsciously despise themselves. They project their self hatred on to
their children, especially those she has placed in the role of
scapegoat.

Some of the children of narcissistic
mothers describe their childhoods as unbearable. They were constantly
hanging on by an emotional thread waiting the moment of annihilation.
Narcissistic mothers aim knives at your heart. They attempt to
de-humanize you, to take away your integrity, to humiliate you. This
works with some children who simply give up the fight and hide in the
shadows and escape deep into their minds. Some children numb out and
freeze their feelings. The very sensitive child feels his/her sadistic
narcissistic mother’s knife pointed at her heart. She is a child caught
up in combat who feels her life psychologically endangered. The sadistic
mother thrills at watching her child in primal terror. Now she has
complete control over this person.

Keep your heart
open, secure and free. As the adult child of a narcissistic mother you
can heal. The process can take a long time. It requires consistent work
and some adult children find healing through professional psychotherapy.
Other strategies involve gentle hatha yoga, meditation in the form that
works for you, finding emotional support from friends whom you trust.
You can prevail and heal your psychological and emotional wounds and
strengthen yourself. To learn about every facet of narcissistic
personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Sadistic Narcissistic Mothers Aim Knives at Your Heart

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]