The truth about being raised by a narcissistic mother has not been sufficiently exposed. It is vital that we all understand the horrific experiences these daughters endure throughout their childhoods and into adulthood. Narcissistic mothers are cold, dismissive and completely self absorbed. When we need them the most they reject us, are unavailable and preoccupied with their own lives. They make fun of their daughter’s feelings, calling them “cry babies” “spoiled brats” and “demanding brats.”
Many of these daughters cannot remember ever being held or kissed by their own mothers. Daughters report that they did everything they could to get mother’s attention and care. Some narcissistic mothers literally push their children away. They refuse to hold them, listen to them or provide them with any affection. Narcissistic mothers don’t have conversations with their children. They indulge in endless monologues about themselves. They talk about their superiority, their accomplishments, how they are admired, how people admire them. Narcissistic mothers are often competitive with their daughters, especially if their child is very attractive, a superior student or has specific talents. While she tells everyone how exceptional in public (this is part of the narcissistic mother’s ego image) she works away at her child’s emotional stability by telling her she is selfish, doesn’t have a lot of friends and that she will never be able to reach her life goals.These mothers are jealous of their daughters. They are the ones who feel “less than” but this is played out in their unconscious.
As you grow up and leave your narcissistic mother’s house, the pain of having such a person as a parent is still very much in your mind. You may wonder if mother was right and there was something fundamentally wrong with you.. Eventually many of these daughters decide that their contact with mother has become deleterious to their psychological and emotional health. It is taking a great toll on them. They sever the relationship and seek no contact with the narcissistic mother. This is very difficult for many daughters since they had always hoped they would have a real mother. After moving through this period of loss, often in psychotherapy, the adult daughter recognizes that she is a separate person who has been set free and no longer has to give up her life for a selfish narcissistic woman who has abused her all of her life. These daughters discover that they have many talents, that they are strong individuals capable of making their own decisions. Some of them develop a practice of quieting the mind through yoga or meditation. This is very helpful to the healing process. They now know that they can be and deserve to be loved for themselves. Their creativity and sense of purpose moves forward and they don’t look back. They have made their lives their first priority. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life