Narcissistic men and women cannot sustain authentic relationships in marriages or as parents. They act out, having multiple affairs, mistresses, girlfriends, boyfriends, secretly on the side. They have no shame about their reprehensible, destructive behaviors. If they have power in the world and are venerated publicly as high level executives, part of the entertainment and social elite, they get away with it. These days, living in a narcissistic society, most people shrug about these matters. If someone is “very important” it doesn’t matter what they do in their personal lives and some believe that they are above reproach because of their extraordinary success.
The narcissistic man or woman has a severe personality disorder that is not going to change. There is no motivation to become different since the narcissist believes that he is perfect and every one else falls short. If the narcissist has a loyal professional and social following, a source of constant narcissistic supply, excuses will always be made for him/her despite the abominable behavior toward spouse and children.
After causing horrific trauma to a wife or husband and children who have been abandoned, he moves on to re-invent himself and re-burnish his image. For the narcissist, there are no genuine relationships. One person is replaceable with another—one wife with another, one child or two children with others. Some narcissists go on to produce children with two three or even four other partners. It doesn’t matter as long as he is getting the adulation, praise, adoration that he needs and maintaining the power and money that he holds on to and that defines him/her as a person.
Study the narcissistic personality in-depth so you don’t get caught up in a partnership or marriage to one of these individuals. I hear many stories of those who have had children with narcissists and have gone through painful ongoing experiences, worked through divorces that were very stressful and complex. I give those who have weathered these storms great credit for their forbearance.
Remember to take good care of yourself. You are authentic. Seek those who are like you—authentic and compassionate.
Comment:From Claire
I appreciate your writings so much. They are encouraging and knowledge is definitely power.
Comment:From Lori
Linda, you state that the Narcissist believes that he is perfect…. But I thought that they really deep down hate themselves.. That they have deep fear and shame. So am I to understand that this feeling of perfection is really a cover up for their true self hate?
Comment:From Sue
Wow. This describes what happened to me. We divorced in January 2013. He abandoned me, his kids and grand kids and reinvented himself to hookup with old high school girlfriend. Moved across the US to NJ. God put a stop to his madness with a fatal heart attack on Friday the 13th in September. Faith, family and friends have saved me.
Dear Lori,
Thank you for your insightful comment. The narcissist is a false self, starting from the time he is quite young. If he is the golden child he is treated like a special person that can do no wrong, that is perfect and above everyone else, including his siblings. Some narcissists are not golden but become disordered as a result of developing a false self as an adaptation for survival in their families. The real self in the narcissist is badly damaged and takes root in the unconscious. The self hatred stems from the fact that the narcissist in the deep unconscious knows that he or she was never loved or valued as an authentic individual. This self hatred is projected on to those closest to the narcissist–spouses, children, siblings, etc. The narcissist leads his life as a false self and consciously is unable to perceive himself any other way. I appreciate your reading my posts and commenting. Your observations are very accurate and add a lot to the discussion.
He left two years ago and moved to Afganistan as a contractor. He has reinvented himself to look Muslem . He was always clean shaven but now wear a long unkept beard. I think he keeps me hanging on just in case he wants to come home. I’m stronger now but I’m not married and not divorced. How unfair. I’m lonely and sad but not strong enough to file divorce.
My ex’s father abandoned him at the age of 2. Learning what I know now about narcissistic personality disorder, which i was lead to research since his repeated emotional abuse of myself and our young daughter for years followed by a sudden and destroying horrendous discard, I see now that this is possibly the reason and his constant adoration from his mother.
When we started he quickly abandoned his previous child, which he led me to believe was due tot he mother, stopping contact. I did not understand at the time why he didn’t fight for him and later I approached the mother to see if contact could be resumed. He went mad stating he wasn’t ready. Contact was resumed but only a couple hours, if that, a week. I still did not see the signs.
He played yoyo with us, with constant cheating and emotional blackmail, even using fake suicide claims to keep me from leaving him. Until eventually he dropped us like a stone and ran off with a much older rich recently widowed woman. Due to the smear campaign nobody questions him and we have been left to struggle financially etc.
My question is my poor daughter at 4 is heartbroken, how do I stop her becoming like this too?
My heart dropped after reading this article. That is exactly happened to me. I had no idea my ex-husband had a narcissistic personality disorder. I knew he had some type of disorder but not this one. He abandoned me with our three children and moved on. He is trying to move on with other women who can not see right through him for what he really is. He abandoned his children that he saw come out of the birth canal and dropped them like a bad habit all the while trying to make it seem everything is my fault.
He is giving us pure hell but I won’t let him defeat us.
Omg this sounds like my ex! We were married almost 22 years. After 4 years of marriage he was caught cheating on me when he left for a weekend to supposedly to help a friend move out of state but after I didn’t hear from all weekend and then he didn’t return like he said he was going too, I started calling the friend to ask where my husband was! The friend claimed that he didn’t know that he wasn’t his keeper!! So I told my in laws and my father in law went to the friends old address and found his son my husband hiding in the house. My father in law brought my husband back home to me and that’s when I learned that my husband planned on abandoning me for the first time he said because he cheated with this girl. He never asked that I forgive him but I begged him to stay. So 6 months later on our 5 year anniversary we renewed our vows at his request of professing his love and commitment to me. Fast forward a bit and after years of not being able to get pregnant we were working on getting foster kids to adopt and just before getting twin girls placed in our home he gets a letter from a Dss agency from another state that I thought had to do with us getting the twins so I open it. It turns out to be a letter stating that a woman is claiming that he is the father to her almost 10 year old daughter and that he needs to go do a DNA to prove rather or not he was the father. Imagine my shock when my husband had told me that he was a virgin when we meet and I believed him because we both went to Christian schools and we came from Christian families and I was a virgin myself. Anyways he was found to be the father and his story was that he got drunk one time with the mother and didn’t remember that he must have had sex with her and that he didn’t know she was pregnant when he stopped seeing at a truck driving school that they met at. The mother of his daughter told me that they were dating and that he knew she was pregnant that one day he just disappeared. My ex’s mother told me that she had gotten a phone from the child’s mother when the girl was a year old and that child’s mother had told her that she thought her baby was his, so my ex’s mother told the girl to let her current husband raise the baby as his because her son was now married ( we had just gotten married must have been within days of the girl calling). So my ex had to start paying child support for his daughter and I encouraged him to get to know his daughter and we took as many trips out of state as we could to see her. Then fast forward again after my ex joined the national guard and spent a year in Afghanistan he came back and without asking my opinion agreed to work with the army training other soldiers at a army post in another state for 15 months so that kept him away from me and our then 3 adopted daughters and when we would come to visit for a week or so he would get aggravated that we were there until finally he would tell me that we had to go before we got him into trouble. Near the end of his time there I ended up getting pregnant with my son and I didn’t know I was pregnant for almost 5 months but my ex had already started working on getting in the army active duty so by the time my son was born he had a few days to see him and then he was gone out of state for classes with the army. While gone he met women there. Which I now know that at the other army post he had women there too! Well with out asking me what I thought he chose to move me and our 4 kids across country to a post in Texas 1,600 miles from my family. Well it took me being there almost 3 years to realize that he had been having different affairs while we were there. The Christmas of 2012 as me and the kids were getting ready to travel back home for Christmas as we had done for the last 3 years my ex tells me that the army won’t let him go with us this time because he was going through a medical discharge from the army. While we gone 2 weeks the only time he called me was to ask when we were coming back home after I had told him over and over when we were leaving to come back to Texas. I dreaded coming back so bad that I took my time and came back a day later. When me and the kids got back he didn’t even welcome us back he even started telling me that he had been looking at apartments and that he had one lined up. The next night as we were all around the dinner table he tells me that he is wanting me and the kids to move back home early without him. So within a month he suddenly able to take off 2 weeks to move me and the kids across country where he leaves us at some really crappy mobile home which was all I could find that I could afford trying to split our income for two different places to rent. He then got to where he wouldn’t answer my calls and would rarely talk to the kids wouldn’t talk to one of them at all. I filed for divorce after one of my 11 year old daughters had been telling a friend that before her daddy moved us back home he took her to meet a woman and while riding on the road with her daddy on the move back home he told my daughter that he was going to leave me with nothing and marry that other woman. Well he lived with that woman awhile until she kicked him out. Then a few months later when he was out of the army and he moved back to our home state he lived with his parents about 6 months rarely seeing the kids and then he saw the kids one day and then the next without a word to me or the kids he up and moves out of state to live with a girl that he had gone to school with he was with her for a year and didn’t see the kids during that year but would make empty promises of vacations with him and then he got engaged to that girl while we were still married then a few months later she kicked him out. Now he his living with his older daughter that he abandoned and her mother and her husband and the daughters brother and his girlfriend. My ex just had his first week long visit with the kids and has now told them that he’s marrying his older daughters mother after she divorced her current husband which he doesn’t know she wants a divorce and they are getting a 6 bedroom house and he’s taking the kids from me! When does it end?!!
My Narcissistic ex partner whom I asked to leave my home due to his inconsistent stories and emotional affairs online. Blamed me for going through his emails and told me I broke his trust. He never had money as he had to pay for his ex wife. I have had his child and he has only seen her once. Our baby is a year old and he has asked for a paternity test and told everyone I was crazy and I won’t allow him to see his child. Unyet emails me to say he doesn’t believe our baby is his and that I’m a liar
Long story short his ex wife has assisted him in hiding his income and has supported him in slandering me
I have never had to deal with such immaturity along with just plain evil people
So true this is what the liar conartist did and then the partner scum mistress took advantage of his wife and the break up of the family and joyfully flew off internationally with this man on her credit cards and to this day drives around in a red Ford explore with the wife’s name on the insurance card in the truck registered at the wife’s address The pig disgusting heartless creep from South Philly with eight different past addresses. ERIKA Bachari is a pig Family record with no heart a new soul and allows her children on going watch her sleep with a married man and they know he is married. Her sad loneliness even trumps the disrespect she has for her own children living in an immoral life in a trashy apartment in South Philadelphia with the former pig liae cheater George P
I know all the women on here feel cheated out of a happy life. I also had a narrasasitic husband I was dating my boyfriend for over a 2years we had alot of fun and I worshiped him and waited on him. And we got pregnant immediately he wanted me to abort I was heart broken and I refuse after all we had discussed the risks of this happening and he said he would be there for me. After he calmed down about the baby shock he insisted we get married so we did I was never happier however shortly after our marriage he started staying out late late nights turned into days and he never returned my call or text. About a 2 months after being married he got a women he met at a bar pregnant, and proceed to wreck our car, clean out our bank account, leaving our unborn child and myself pennyless, with no transport, no heat, and a overwhelming stack of over due bills when he was called because our daughter was being born he was staying at his pregnant girlfriends house and his phone was off. He blame it all on me and continues to blame me for his refusal to know his daughter I feel sorry only for bringing a child in this world who’s father is such a coward I feel your pain if this sounds like you zero contact trust me dont call cut him off and if you need a friend email me with the subject survive [email protected]
I completely fathom every single one of you. I was with my ex for 2 years. When I met him he was somewhat fresh out of the army. We met at a club and he lived in SF and I lived in LA. I really liked him off the bat. He was well spoken, handsome, and definitely knew how to engage in a conversation. We texted each other and hung out once after that. I didn’t see him for a year until he began reconnecting with me. After a few months of getting to know each other, he moved from SF and we began dating. He seemed perfect, we had a great time hanging out, we had great sex, and he made it seem like he did love me. I fell head over heals for him. 5 months after dating he made me his gf, and around that time he had lost his job and had no where to stay. He ended up moving in with me. I pushed him to go to school and get a career, found him a job. I had full trust for him until I started noticing that he would put his phone on silent or we will be watching something on his phone late at night and a girl would be texting him. He always assured me that they were just friends. Once he went back to school, he was getting a certificate as an MA. I kept having feelings that he wasn’t being completely honest so I started snooping around and in fact he was talking to other girls. I would try to leave him and he would assure me that he loved me and wanted me and would even show me when he would blow them off. Things would be back to fine for a few weeks before I started noticing little things. Then it became an on going cycle of him constantly dating multiple girls and he would never stop. I would cry and ask him why he would do that to me when I had done nothing but show him love, my faithfulness, my caring for him. He didn’t have a car, so he would even use my car. I gave him everything thinking of helping him out but I just made the situation worse. I kicked him out of my house like 5 times but he would always come back because he wouldn’t let me go or he would know how to brainwash me into thinking that he did love me and he was gonna change. I ended up getting pregnant even though I took care of myself. I’ve always known that the worse thing is to get pregnant to keep a guy, and that wasn’t the case, but I for once thought that maybe now that I was having his child that he might stop and finally give me my place. I was all wrong. Throughout the whole pregnancy he made me feel like shit, he would always be mean to me, he would go out at night for “walks or to run”, yet he wasn’t wearing running shoes or he would put cologne on. If I tried to question him why he would go dressed like that or why he would go he would begin telling me that I was suffocating him, that he felt like a caged animal and there was nothing wrong with taking walks. He filled his mouth saying that as soon as our baby was born I would not have to move one finger, that he would help me extra because I had a c section. The baby came along and he did not help at all. He would not get up to help me feed our child, he would just sleep even though she would be crying and crying. I would cry to him asking him to help me but he would always say that if I was already up that why did I bother him. I went through Post birth depression. I was not getting any sleep with my new born at the moment and two weeks after giving birth two of my friends reach out to me, one of them being my best friend and they both showed me how he tried to get at them. Telling them how beautiful they were and how bad he wanted them. He was also dating another girl from his school. He built a complete new persona, telling her how he “lived with his sister”, that she was the biggest bitch in the world and couldn’t stand her, he never mentioned he had a kid, yet a long that he was in a relationship. He told the girl that he was fresh out the army, that he earned a lot of money, and he was not like the typical guy. We broke up and I kicked him out, he begged me back again saying he needed his family and this time was going to be different. He showed me he changed for a while but it was just so I can have him back at my house. From there things never changed except he started becoming verbally and physically abusive. He suffered from depression, extreme PSTD from the army, if I would catch him talking to other girls, or even seeing how the girls would send him explicit pictures he would flip. He would tell me why the hell was I going through his phone, if I cried he would laugh at my face and say how pathetic I was and to suck it up. When I tried to leave him he attempted suicide. I felt horrible and once again tried to help him because he said in order to get better he wanted his family. He claimed and portrayed to be the best father but he never really showed the love a father would. I always compared his love to his daughter to the scenario of someone going over a friends house and that friend has a dog. When you see a cute dog you pet it, and play with it for a while but once the dog barks you give him back to his owner. Well that’s exactly how he treated his daughter. He would be loving for 10 mins and once she would get fuzzy he would return her back to me. He could never help me take care of her because he worked and he was “always tired”. He could be sitting on his ass for hours on his computer but not move one finger to play with his daughter or get her if she cried. I was just going to school at the moment and practically being a house wife, but since I wasn’t working for 9 hours a day he would diminish my role to the lowest. Always telling me wtf have you done, you don’t do shit. Yet I’ll cook, clean, go to school and take care of my kid 24/7. My daughter turned 10 months and one day suddenly decided to leave us. He said he didn’t want to fight anymore, that he needed to work on himself. And today I find out that he left to go live with another girl, for the two months that he was gone he only came to see his daughter three times. Only bought her diapers once cause he “didn’t make enough money”. I find out that he did have money but it was to for the other girl he was living with plus the others he was dating. The girl told me my relationship was always a lie, that one day before birth they had sex and they’ve always had sex. How he was always talking bad about me. Then another girl finds me and tells me they’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend for the past 6 months while we were together. That he recently paid for a hotel since she came to see him from SF. While his daughters bday is this weekend and he did not put one dollar down. That he introduced her as his gf to his family and that I never want to let him see his daughter. Yet he was begging me to go back wth him, try to hang out with me, even got aggressive when I would tell him to do his life cause I was doing mine. He couldn’t grasp me not wanting to work things out with him, he would flip and always threaten to do something if I didn’t want to, but he had other girlfriends. I’m glad hes finally out of my life even though I’m emotionally broken at the moment. But you know what, we all learn from our mistakes and what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Whoever went through the dis unfortunate misery of coming across these kind of man and have kids, be strong and try to work on yourself before you begin dating someone again. We have to learn again to love ourselves and gain that respect back with each other
My wife just abandon me , my 2 teenage sons and my 4 year old daughter 9 months ago but
On her way out she faked a suicide attempt , crashed vehicles , destroyed our home and took all of our possessions
She then went on to re invent her self and after @ 6 months of not seeing her , she showed up at my house at 10 pm attempting to enter the home thru windows doors etc. when I realized what was going on I went out the front door to tell her to leave the property and that’s when I was encountered by a male that was with her and holding a loaded assault rifle.
She was attempting to create a situation where the male would feel justified killing me.
I was so very lucky that there was a neighbor screaming that distracted him so I could psycialy protect my self and escape the situation
I’m 38 and was married for 16 years
Along the way I saw lots of signs and red flags but was always manipulated to think otherwise
If you are with a person that is a narcacist or you even suspect they are do not hesitate
Run for your life.
Ladies,
I’m so sorry! I of course have a similar story. Met my sons father we were friends, then dated and of course I fell for him hard. So we moved in together, and that’s when I started to notice the habits of him hiding his phone, but I felt that’s so small. Eight months later I am pregnant with our son, whom we find out has a severe congenital heart condition. I became depressed and so did he, I thought. He lost his job, didn’t try to find work and then started staying out with his friends. I was pregnant, depressed, supporting us and still lonely. I ended it with him, but later ended up getting back together a month before the baby came. The first few months, our son was in the hospital so I stayed with him. only a few weeks after we were able to return home, I found all the disgusting messages he was sending women from my phone, while I was staying at the hospital with our son. That of course was enough for me. He was mad and didn’t want me to expose him and instead wrote a note on social media saying I was crazy. Deep breathes…… And has since moved out of state and married another woman, is step dad to her sons. He does visit our son once every couple months. Our son loves him so much, and his dad always buys him things, so I refuse to tell him any different. I just pray when our son gets older that his heart isn’t broken by him, because he craves his dad but his dad only gives him attention when he wants to do so. When things break up, he moves on to the next one and plays the step dad role well. This is his third relationship in five years, and he just tries to drag our son into each “new family” with him and I hate it. Our son has enough going on without having to deal with emotional trauma. The truth is unless his dad changes then he will have to see for himself.
I’ve been trying to read up on Narcissists. What I can’t figure out… can someone just turn into one? I’ve been with my almost ex for 17 years married 10 of them and lived together for 15 of them. We’ve been together since I was 15. We grew up together. His family loved me… my family loved him. He was a great husband and very involved hands on dad. Our kids are 11, 9, and 7. He left for a customs academy. He was gone 5 months. We talked every day. The last 3 months things got bumpy and I could tell he was detaching and pulling away. Come to find out he started an affair with a classmate. I found out when he came back. He said he realized he wasn’t happy, planned to transfer out of state, and wanted a divorce. I was blindsided. I along with everyone who has ever known him is devastate. He turned into someone he’s never been. Turned against everything he stood for and believed in. Rewrote our history. He’s not around and abandoned our kids. The kids can’t process what happened to their dad. They are in counseling. The person that was there for them their whole life… all of a sudden doesn’t want to be there and is a person they no longer know. They are just as confused as everyone else… he even walked away from his parents and siblings. He’s turned cold. How can someone just turn into this? I get if they were like it from the grip. Even a dead beat parent from the grip… but to just turn into one? Any input?
Oh I like how this ends!
Did you or did you reconcile…
I too was in this boat but I filed and will be divorced soon
My situation was a bit different but I can understand how you all feel, I met my narcissistic partner when I was 19 and he was 27 and he was charming and good looking so off course we ended up falling in in love, well I thought he loved me,then after 5 months I got pregnant and he got so upset and even threatened to leave me saying he wasn’t ready for a child. I got depressed and at the time I felt so insecure and did not want to be alone due to his narcissistic abuse so I ended up having a termination. After that he started showing me love again and we were happy, 6 months down the line I started seeing pictures of him and another woman on Facebook, he didn’t even care that my friends, family and myself can see these pictures and when I confronted him he said it was his friend, I’m insecure and immature so I let it go, then about a month later he forgot to log out of his email and Facebook account on my laptop and because I didn’t trust him I read his emails and messages to see if I’ll find out if his cheating or not, when I read his emails I was in shock at what I found,I found out he had 5 kids with 5 women and his not a part of any of their lives, he even told one of the women to put her son up for adoption, the kids ages were from 10 to 3 months. I could not believe what I was seeing different messages from different women and some of the women he never even responded to any of their messages from when they told him they were pregnant till after they had their baby, long story short I confronted him about it and he denied having any kids saying I was lying and he started blaming me for reading his emails, he got very angry with me and left, he didn’t even give me the chance to kick him out he just left. After a few years I met him at a mutual friends party and we started talking I could not help myself so I had ask him to be honest and admit he has kids, finally he admitted to having only one child and said the child’s mother moved to France and would not allow him to see the child, this man literally made me wonder how someone can be so evil that even after being forced to admit the truth he had to make himself sound like the victim about the one child he admitted to having. I really hope I never meet anyone like him ever again in my life, at the moment I have very serious trust issues due to that relationship.
I have been married for about 17 years and a half. My husband kicked me and my daughter out after 13 years of marriage. We were separated for about a year with not contact. I have prayed so hard for my husband to seek to love me again like he always do, for him to resist temptation and to love me like he is called to do. he left me for another woman i even saw there post on social median how they are loving each other, i cry all day and night i love my husband and i want him back in my life, i search the internet until i meet with a spell caster call doctor Moon, he assure me that if i can do what he will instruct me that in 48 hours my husband will come back begging me to forgive him, wish i did what he said i should, i am glad to let every body know that my husband and i are living like never before i show love and respect to me i love you he say all day. thanks to DR MOON, if you think you need his help contact him on email: doctormoontemple778 @ gmail . com Doctor Moon thank you once again
weak overweight women posting
after 26 yrs of marriage and a year before marriage, I, yes I, bought and spent my money on him. Why didn’t I see then what was what. Marriage, friends came first, cars, came second and drugs came in that mess and somewhere around fifth or sixth place his new bride came. Yrs go by and I am tired of supporting him. he finally goes to work and I stay home because I am pregnant and then I lost the baby and he has zero to say, yes he was there for the DNC and immediately after his farther came before me, two hours after dnc he walked out the door to go meet with his dad for breakfast, his dad’s comment at my front door was, why did you waste the money just leave her sitting on the toilet…..he tucks tail and runs two yrs later because boss was on to him so we move six hours north and live while he sells weed….I get pregnant again and sick, oh was I sick, all I wanted was to go home. He sent me home then followed. It was all about him, why did his dad beat him and treat him this way and that way. HEY! What about me, the one carrying your child. No medical attention till I was six in a half months pregnant. He drove me to Dallas to move only to figure out, we cant afford it and he doesn’t want to live there. We get back home and it was fight with his mom and dad,about the abuse his dad put him through. my mom and dad was not pleased at the position I got myself into and their comments were, you married him. you deal with it. Finally got on medical, seen the first doc and she is furious because I was seven months and never seen a doctor prior. Sorry, speak to my husband. So tired of making excuses for him. Thank God I had a healthy daughter, 40 in a half hours of labor with zero pain meds only to find myself in having a c-section. Five days home and he wants sex. LOL….madder than hell cause I won’t give in to him. three weeks I drive myself to the ob to have three week check up…she screams at me….what am I suppose to do…..I raise my daughter, she is three almost four and driving a long distance in a pick up she is moody and fidgety and wants out and he her dad spanks her for being disturbed while he is driving. He wrote a number down and the next day he called that said number and went long haul driving, for 12 weeks while he left me his wife with zero money and his daughter with nothing. When hi arrived at home he was madder than hell at me because I was on the computer and wouldn’t get off when he tried to call….had dial up at the time. Never knew when he was gonna call….that went on for a full yr or two…..then he came home and lived off my dad….dad paid rent, phone, cable, garbage power ect. went back to work and for the first time he actually supported his wife and daughter for four yrs. it was a good for years. then hell broke loose, he had an accident in said truck and the company said he was out of route…one road south of where they wanted him at the time. He fired him he collected workmans comp; not enough to pay our bills. My Uncle needed us to buy his property and houses from him. I wanted zero part of it, my husband jumps on the bandwagon. buys the two acres and three bedroom home…..then buys the 18 acres and the three bed room home…..starts said trucking company…..he can’t pull it off so I jump in, my dad jumps in and buys us 4 53′ trailers and I kill myself for five yrs trying to keep our noses above water all the while my husband is trying to drown us. Needless to say six yrs later my husband closed the business and I was lost. My dad died that night and no income…..husbands answer is borrow against the property….borrowed three times before he decided by to buy his truck and start driving. first two yrs not bad, third yr I have no answer for….then he sent me a text. I am done. He meet some whore on Craigslist and moved in with her and I lost our home, property and life as I knew it. I had zero income, he has refused to pay spousal support since 2013 and the judge deemed said amount and two yrs later he states he is too ill to pay it and has leased truck and trailer for 300 a month.. So judge takes my 4,383 a month for spousal support and lowers it too 300 a month and in over three yrs I have yet to see a dime. I am homeless, disabled and screwed…..what is an answer and where do I go from here???
This really makes things very clear. I have been getting over a 2 year relationship with a woman that was having an affair with a married man, had a few girlfriend and me. The triangulation was rampid. I was blind with love ( best sex ) I never heard of NPD before this FB page, if I had it would have explained ALOT. Saved me a lot pain, and it is very painful. It takes strength. At times I feel like an addict being denied my fix. At times I feel humiliated for being so stupid. I read this page every morning to help me get threw the day. It re establishes my believe that there are kind and compassionate people out there. A person devoid of empathy is not worthy of breath.
Has he displayed other narc behaviors? Abusive, verbally or physically? Sounds like he us just a jerk. More details about his behavior will help.
Thanks Sandy!
I
What did Dr. Moon tell you to do?
Linda, I’m very young but I think that I may be a narcissist. Should I avoid getting married and having children? Should I avoid forming close relationships?
Okay this is wrong on so many levels….first of all he can not take those kids from you…2nd you need to put him on child support if he’s not already on it. You knew this guy was a loser EARLY in the marriage…. next, can we say alimony? Why is he not paying it… this guy is not taking anything he is a dead beat and btw after 7yrs of age children can decide what parent is the best fit for them..hello?! Get with the program…sheeesh… this man has put you through hell. LOL at when does it end. His life is over, you finally get your chance to sit back and laugh at this moron. I hope you find happiness in your life and give us the play by play of him crashing and burning.
Connie, Do it! Get the hell out of there and get him out of your life! You are feeding his narcicism by not divorcing him. He thinks you can’t break away which gives him power. He still has control over you. Break away and have nothing to do with him or people who believe his falseness and lies or you will never be free. He is the reason you don’t have strength. He has taken your power and strength away it’s what they do.
Filing for divorce will give you that power and strength back. Gradually you will feel your power return. It is the only way!!!!!!! Believe me, I’ve been there and I know! PLEASE FOR YOUR OWN SANITY, DO IT!!!! Good Luck!!
Hi. I was wondering how things were turning out for you now. My husband was much like yours it sounds like. We were married for 20 years when I first found out about his affairs/prostitutes. I was so shocked as he has been such a nice guy, hands on dad, very happy family man and kind. Anyway, for 4 years we worked it out with counselling and so forth, but kept it private with just counselling and a select few knowing so as to save the marriage. Then suddenly he left in December last year and has reinvented himself with this new family. My teens are still in disbelief/anger/depression over how he has just replaced them with other children. It is totally sick. He barely sees the kids and they dont like seeing him because he is a different person. My oldest says it is like their dad died and who is this guy we have to spend time with? I just dont get it. How can he live with himself? I can’t get my head around this. Was he always this bad person and I was just blind? He fits the above description as an executive with money and I think he might enjoy the power he has over us financially right now. I am scared to get a lawyer as his will be so much better. Sadly I love the man he was or shouldve been, but I am a bit scared of who he is really. I thought narcissists would reveal their true colours before 20 years.
I’m thinking Karma too Brittany
My husband left me last Christmas (2015) and said he didn’t love me. I was told he had been having an affair in March 2016. He told me that he hadn’t planned his current relationship and it was an accident. He told our family thoughtless and hurtful comments. The relationship broke up for 4 months due to complications. They are back together now and he has just picked up and moved on. He has met her kids, her ex husband and turns his phone off 4 days at a time. When I say that I needed to talk to him about an emergency I get a nonchalant response “I’m trying to spend time by myself and didn’t want to be hassled.” I have become angry because who does that.
My husband has had multiple affairs before our 16 year marriage. He has drifted from relationship to relationship. I like this article because his mother has definitely always put him on a pedestal and he was always the favourite. I have never met someone who is full of blame and doesn’t take responsibility and accountability. I feel totally betrayed and hurt. I have done a lot of self reflection and feel that he is at the charming stage with his current girlfriend and she believes all his lies, just like I did when I first met him e.g. “I have never been in love” “You make me feel so special” “My ex with a psycho”.
I am currently at a loss for words of the man I thought I knew so well has become someone with a different identity. It is hurtful for me and the kids.
Sounds a similar story to my own. I have been married for 16 years. My husband was charming, nice and caring when I first met him. We fell in love, had 2 kids. We had a bumpy road too. He became detached and started disappearing. He told me he didn’t love me. I found out he was having an affair. I was devastated. He said that he wouldn’t attempt to try to work on our marriage, he wanted to be with the new partner of at that time 2 months. He said that he had never felt like this before, loved her etc. My oldest daughter has been diagnosed with depression and experiences suicide ideation. My son is withdrawn.
Our mutual friends cannot believe the man he has become. We wonder if he just disappears off to his new life and becomes an alternative person as the person we have in our lives is an arsehole – full of blame, denial, horrible comments. His business partner has pulled out of their business because he has lost his best friend.
I am not sure if my husband is going through mid life crisis, is a narcissist or what. It is hard to move on when they have hurt you so much. It is hard to move on when your kids are hurt. It’s hard to think about what they are doing with their new partner, her kids and their new life. It is hard to reason with them why they did this and why they wouldn’t work on your marriage.
Put up your picture N
well of course that must be it, says the pathetic lonely self-loathing coward who just happened to stumble upon a blog about narcissists at 2:06am, perhaps in need of a little anger management ?
your ex is strong and moving on and you cant handle it…haha nice try
Rg
I met a girl through a dating site a few months ago and things started of great, we kept chatting for a few until we decided to meet, when we first met I really liked her appearance and she was very outspoken, there were a few red flags which I decided to ignore for the reason that she was a very attractive girl, a few days later she was my girlfriend, I was very happy and every time I was with her I felt awesome, after a few months of dating we started talking about moving in together, however I started noticing how she would spend a lot of time taking pictures of herself constantly and posting them on every social media that she had, I immediately thought that I was dealing with an egocentric person, I understand that some of us love attention and who doesn’t like to be told that you look good? But it was getting to that point where it was jst to much, however I thought to my self that I shouldn’t say anything because maybe I was wrong and over reacting and I didn’t want to hurt our relationship with my insecurities, and more red flags started showing up, she would always talk about how her whole family was always against her and how she thought there was nothing wrong with how she would go out every once in a while and party with her friends, ( she had a son), and couldn’t understand why everyone would get in her business, throughout those months things were getting a little more serious so we moved in together, ( this is very embarrassing for me and painful) long story short, we lasted 22 days, all of a sudden those three weekends she went out and partied with her friends, on the last weekend she went out I tried to refuse because that wasn’t what I had in mind a relationship was, so I gave her the option of “party or me” and obviously she wanted party, we argued and she left, A few days later, a friend of mine showed me her profile on a different dating site, I was crushed, can someone tell me if this is an example of a narcissist? Or is it just me that I am to weak minded and emotionally? I was even left with feelings that it was probably my fault
My ex did a very similiar thing.
We were married almost 35 years.
He started an affair with a married woman/no job from a social chat room. He has very little to do with our grown son and daughter. They both divorced and married. Two cheating lovebirds. She is bleeding him financially as she does not work. (lots of day time to be surfing those chat rooms while he is at work) Waiting for justice to be dispensed to him. He does not believe nor her that they will be ever be held accounting for their choices that devastated what were previously loved ones. He cannot escape though.
God turned him over to a reprobate mind. The bible has a lot to say about why people fall in to a persistant downward spiral of SIN. Sin is punished with more SIN. I am going through the same things as you, but I detached my heart from him a long time ago, so I’m OK emotionally, my poor son I’m not so sure. The bible says a man who deserts his family is worse than an unbeliever.
How about your immaturity of getting involved with a loser who was already paying for alimony…you decided to have the child All due respect, and this goes for all the exes here celebrating heart attacks etc… is there no mea culpa on actually picking these guys in the first place?
This is so right on the whole factory of people were exactly like this…..never made sense to me why they were like they were, I just thought they were ALL
Depressed! SMH laugh was on me., I
Was the one who got depressed!
LIVE & LEARN
This was back in the 80’s
This is interesting, and I do know at least one person who fits this profile of a narcissist who reinvents himself. However, it’s important to note that if you are fleeing a marriage from a narcissistic abuser, you yourself will need to reinvent your life to a large degree. So in my case, I was emotionally and physically abused by my narcissistic ex, but when my therapist said that I was ready for a new relationship, I am the one who reunited with my high school boyfriend and moved across the country to be with him. Prior to filing for divorce from the narcissist, I was completely faithful to him in every way, and I don’t fit the rest of the profile of a narcissist. So please do be careful not to characterize everyone who legitimately needs to make a life change as a narcissist.
You described my father to a tee.
i am having continual trouble with confidence and repairing damage done to my life because of a horrible abandonment by my father. I believe he projected/s his own traits onto me and showed no empathy or forgiveness. it has had a snowball effect on my life – I have struggled to get back on my feet for more than fifteen years and have suffered repeat rejection and abandonment. all the while, tremendous effort and work has gone into my trying to stay afloat, let alone get somewhere, and all the while he remains oblivious to damage done. …Of course, his vengeful approach to me stems from his incredible fragility …and yet I am just supposed to put up with it.
Most of my family are somewhat this way – touchy, spiteful hypocrits.
I feel so abandoned. Some days I am suicidal. I am in a living nightmare.
I was married to a narcissist 16 years.
He left abandoning our family in middle of the night.
His profile: moved around a lot as a child, called the golden boy by his mother, mother looked to him for most of her emotional support. It was never impressed upon him to care about relationships. He was always very disconnected to his own feelings and thus, unable to be aware of anyone else’s feelings.
How his parents and other relatives interacted created a sociopathic narcissistic dynamic. If you are unaware of your own feelings, you disregard how you feel when someone slights you. When you slight someone else and they react you respond with,”Oh I wasn’t doing anything. You’re just overreacting.”
This is gas-lighting, discounting another person’s experience (their feelings) and being disrespecful.