In narcissistic families some children are more “equal” than others, even “superior.” Of course this is not true; it is a delusion, a tale of parental narcissistic psychopathology. When we are very young we are helpless and must do whatever we can to survive. Some kids play the game; some know how to be skilled actors; others hide and wither. If you have lived in the deep shadow of your sister’s pathological narcissism, you have weathered great emotional and psychological pain. Very likely one of your parents was a narcissist. In many instances it is the narcissistic mother who chooses her favorite child to carry the family banner of perfection. She has picked the one who will give her the most narcissistic supplies and bragging, bravado. She will wear the family coat of arms and be crowned as royalty. This child can do no wrong and is given no limits of behavior. As a result this golden sister does not develop a conscience or empathy or compassion. she may be sadistic and enjoy causing you emotional pain. She gets you in trouble with her lies. Mother believes her because they are psychologically fused with one another. This ghastly delusional arrangement can move all the way into adulthood.
At some point many of these victims of the narcissistic sister decide they are carrying too much pain. They can no longer endure it. They have tried everything to be accepted by their narcissistic mother and sister. But nothing ever works (and it never will–That’s how serious disturbed these individuals are. You have the insight and know that you will now sever this relationship with narcissistic mother and her twin the narcissistic sister. You will no longer be living in her shadow.
Many individuals in this situation move forward to separate from this pathological family origin with the help of excellent psychotherapy and other healing methods that include gentle yoga, meditation, finding supportive friends, using your creative gifts and watching them blossom in full light. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]
I finally realised today that my sister is a narcissist. My mother is most definitely borderline and highly narcissistic. Sister has always been the Golden Child and the one who most resembled my mother, as I’ve been told repeatedly. I look more like my father, and my mother betrayed him in the end and now claims she’s asked God for forgiveness; however, nothing has changed aside from the religious front — she is still the same. She also always asks me why my sister ignores us…lol…she doesn’t realise that my sister is exactly the same as she is. I finally realised today that my sister has no interest in being my sister, and never will, unless it is in regards to some form of bragging that she is doing, in order to undermine me. I now understand why in my youth I basically cloistered myself in my room working on my writing, art, and music. My mother and my sister ganged up on me and were “shopping buddies” who would go out shopping together, so I chose to just stay away from them. My sister only used my mother to buy her new things. Now that my sister doesn’t need my mother anymore, she basically ignores her as well, so my mother is in agony as to why my sister is acting this way; however, my mother doesn’t really care about me at all, and I know it. Once I retrieve my last possessions back at home, I am cutting contact off with my mother. I am cutting contact off with my sister as well. They have both hurt me immensely and cannot even see what they have done, and they have hurt many other people throughout their lives. Both of them cannot keep friends and constantly “burn” one person after another, and they are dishonest and sneaky. I cannot take any more of this! My mother just got divorced from her second husband and is already with another older man, now claiming she is going to move and may never see me again; however, she has plenty of time to take vacations everywhere but cannot see me. I am not wealthy and cannot travel and have struggled for many years. My sister is also the same way as my mother, she hasn’t cared to see me in many years now, but only tried to call me today, most likely to brag that she is on her European vacation right now. I am cutting my sister off today and slowly but surely going to let my mother go a well. I know once she moves in with the new man, I will be forgotten anyway. My father learned too late what my mother was capable of, and he warned me that my sister was a “user” just like my mother. I wish I had listened to him and taken that to heart much earlier. I gave both my mother and my sister too many changes to make amends. I’m done with both of them now.
Sorry about the typos in my comment, I was upset when I wrote that.