Month: December 2012

Narcissistic Sociopathic Spiritual Teachers Cause Psychological Harm

Narcissistic sociopaths, especially “spiritual teachers” are among the most cunning, compelling and psychologically corrosive individuals. Many of them build large movements. Some of them develop into cults that involve mind control. The leader is often highly attractive in every way: physically, intellectually, has tremendous charisma, even psychic powers. They have command of themselves and know how to determine if a person is “ripe” to be brainwashed into their movement or special community. There are spiritual groups that are very sincere and have a high consciousness. I am talking about the newly imaged, hip, smart bearer of truth, insights and epiphanies. They are often announced with great fanfare. There closest devotees treat them with reverence. Their eyes glow with true believer allegiance. They smile their ways through the perfect trance of their newest delusion—the belief that their leader is divine. They are hooked and fused with this person. Many have paid thousands of dollars numerous times to attend weekend retreats with their holy teacher. They don’t blink an eye at the expense they are in such a state of bliss. Some sociopathic spiritual teachers present themselves in an ego dropped, simple manner–just plain old me. Don’t be fooled. This is a convincing act that can be irresistible to many who are spiritual seekers and feel that something vital is missing in their lives. While many people look to spiritual individuals in times of need, others seek help in the form of psychic readings from professional mediums. However, many psychic mediums do not give their clients a great look into the divine that they are hoping for. That is why it is important to check out some of the Best Online Psychic Readings before deciding which medium to go to. Comparatively, seeking mentoring from ‘spiritual teachers’ can often be damaging for individuals who are often used by the narcissist to get what they want.

Those who become deeply involved with the sociopathic spiritual teacher lose themselves and their identities chasing after the empty promises of this very disturbed individual. The psychological fusion that the devotee has with the “teacher” is very unhealthy. A deep dependency can develop and the person is unable to dis-identify from this person whom he views as savior. When the member finally leaves the group, he or she is psychologically damaged and financially compromised. Some members sign over their valuable possessions to these sociopathic leaders. After leaving the cult or sociopathic spiritual leader it is essential that the person receive highly skilled psychotherapy to help them sever their relationships and dependence on this person.

There are certain red flags that will tell you if a “spiritual sociopathic teacher” is in your midst. Ask yourself what is the money motive. Are they charging inordinate amounts of money? Are they insist that you return for the next group of sessions to get to a higher level? Is the teacher highly grandiose and making impossible promises about your healing and divine gifts that you will automatically receive if you sign up. Do they isolate people who attend their retreats so that they become more emotionally vulnerable. If you don’t go along with their program, are you shunned or verbally criticized and humiliated. How much money is changing hands.I say always follow the money. True spiritual teachers are not focused on money but on helping you reach higher consciousness, deep mental focus, a strong sense of inner peace and deep empathy.

Pay close attention to you intuition and it will always tell you if you are dealing with a narcissistic sociopathic spiritual teacher.


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Spouses Ripping You Apart Piece by Piece

Piece by piece, some small others large, your narcissistic spouse is ripping your apart psychologically and attempting to destroy your singular life. When we are married we expect some autonomy. This is not possible with a narcissistic partner. They are fused with husband/wife even when they are having affairs, ignoring your feelings, pretending like you don’t exist. You are their possession to be used according to their delusional whims and obsessions. When you put you life’s fate in with a narcissist you have made a deal with the devil. Many spouses who remain in these relationships decades later look back at what has become of their lives. They are worn out, depressed, lack energy and hope and feel desperate much of the time. Every once in a while they will have a crumb dropped on them out of the blue by the narcissistic partner. “Let’s take a trip, dear.” “I bought this outfit just for you.” Let’s go out to dinner, just the two of us.” Often these are empty promises to bring you back into their camp—prison camp. Many go for this bait time after time.

The narcissist is not going to change—ever. You are married to a severe fixed personality disorder. You are the one who will make the decisions and the changes. You cannot trust the narcissist to do what he/she says in a moment of conjuring up the early days of glowing seduction and no limits life possibilities.

You now see through the delusion but are afraid to leave the narcissist. Many with whom I have been in contact, reach inside and make the decision to sever the marriage and reclaim their lives. This is a tremendous challenge but those who have made this step report that now they lead their own lives and are not overshadowed by the narcissist’s possessiveness, intimidations, humiliations, betrayals and exploitations. Take heart, you can turn on to a different pathway and lead the life to which you are entitled.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Expect Perfection—From You

Narcissists are often obsessed with the perfection of the externals–how they look, what they wear, their eternal youth, flawless skin, no errant hair on the brows, sparkling teeth that startle the eye, perfect bodies, no wrinkles. However, caring for your teeth isn’t a trait exclusive to narcissists, we should all try to maintain good dental health and attend routine checkups with our Dentist Syracuse. When they walk in a room at a party they quickly survey the scene and know that they are the most beautiful or handsome person in the room. They are thrilled from head to toe, manic over their flawlessness. They go from person to person–exhibiting how lovely they are. They’ve got it all and they are advertising it to the hilt.

There are narcissists who are obsessed with their work perfection. Many of them do perform at a very high level. Others are delusional and believe that they are perfect. They are known for delegating to others and expecting them to do all the hard work. When a project is completed the slave laborer–sometimes a spouse–is berated and criticized even if the product is superior. Their open mouthed screams can be heard down long hallways. They pick at you, like a vulture on a dead carcass. The problem is that you are alive—your adrenal glands are pouring out nor epinephrine, your intestinal tract is roiling, you have to go to the bathroom because you feel like throwing up, you cry and can’t stop–Your tears make the narcissist livid and he/she turns up the volume and may even push you around–literally. You are a living slave to a narcissistic ego. How much more will you take? What are your options? How can you free yourself? You don’t deserve to be treated this way. You need to learn to respect yourself. This is severe verbal and in some cases physical abuse. When the time of reckoning comes, many partners of narcissists take the step to separate from this horrendous way of life and leave the narcissists. There are many life stories of successful flights to freedom.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Your Healing Accumulates

When you have been through the mental and psychological torment of growing up the daughter of a narcissistic mother and now you have severed the relationship, you wonder: Will I ever heal ? How long will it take? I don’t think anyone can answer that question specifically. However, Healing is Cumulative. Every step you take each day is moving you toward greater wholeness. You are initiating this process when you never blame yourself for the narcissistic mother you had, when you allow yourself to feel and express your feelings, when you cry and feel a sense of release, when you write spontaneously without editing or judging, when you do gentle yoga poses, breathing through the nostrils and acknowledge that each cell in your body/mind is renewing itself. Every time that you are in the parasympathetic nervous system zone—you are healing. Daughters of narcissistic mothers grow up in “running from the beast who will kill me” mode.  Living with this fire drill constantly and the fires that have to be put out from these dreadful mothers makes a daughter feel endangered at all times. This has a drastic effect your psyche, mind, body and emotions. Many narcissistic mothers besides their extreme abuse, deprive and neglect their daughters. I have heard that they have never been hugged by their so called mothers. They were told that they were never wanted.. They were ignored. Some of them were left hungry as small children and not fed. This is the truth. There are other daughters who were given what their body needed by their souls and psyches were starved and they were the recipients of narcissistic abuse simultaneously.

Develop a healing program that works for you. Some benefit from excellent psychotherapy. Be sure to interview several therapists. Yes, there are excellent ones but there are also narcissistic psychotherapists who are after your emotional dependency and most important to them—-your money. Some narcissistic psychotherapist overcharge without blinking an eye. Exercise helps to strengthen the immune system and modulates your moods and reduces anxiety and helps your sleep. Some of those healing, take up a meditation practice. This can be done in a variety of ways. You can doing walking meditation, sitting meditation. Do what works for you. If it is two minutes or less, this is meditation. It is intention in action and consistency. If you miss a day or more, do not judge. If you love Nature, embrace it. It is there to heal us.

If you love color, take photographs, view art in any number of forms, listen to music and flow with it. Acupuncture for some is a source of experiencing the parasympathetic nervous system, the ultimate in relaxation and calm.

Know that your healing is accumulating every day. Stay in touch with your loving heart.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Are Pretend Parents

The narcissistic personality is psychologically a young child who never learned to be responsible or accountable for his actions, decisions or his treatment of others, including spouses and children. Narcissists are developmentally arrested at the age of two or earlier. They Want and they Get. They cajole, manipulate, deceive, rage and lie to get exactly what they want. They are bottomless pits of having their way. They are cunning, cruel, and exceedingly exploitative, often of their own children. When a marriage with a narcissist fails, the narcissistic spouse who hasn’t paid one moment of attention to his children, suddenly want them all to himself (herself). He plays hero suddenly and becomes the great parent. This is an image that the narcissist creates. He makes sure that the cameras and attention are on him when he is playing this part. He is photographed, tweeted, linkedIn and facebooked. Narcissists cannot love their own children or anyone else. You can be married to a narcissist for many years who has ignored your children since they were born but when you decide that you can’t tolerate the abuse any longer and seek a divorce, he will do everything and beyond to get custody of “his” children. He is super dad and saint combined. When he does get custody, he ignores his children, often leaving them alone to fend for themselves. In public he suddenly becomes highly attentive to them. When the doors close and the narcissist is unseen, he has no use for them. This is the Jekyll/Hyde father that causes serious psychological issues for his children. It is important for these children to get professional help if they develop symptoms. In some cases the narcissist becomes very bored with the whole arrangement and decides to go solo and run after the lovely ladies that he knows have been waiting at stage right.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com