There are many individuals addicted to pornography who are not narcissistic personalities. I have come across a population of narcissistic personalities who are. Some of them are obsessed with it–day and night.
This causes additional problems for the spouse of the narcissist. If there are children in the picture this complicates the matter. Narcissists are very blase’ about these addictions, thinking nothing of them. They are not concerned about protecting their children from exposure to images and sounds that could be shocking and disturbing to them. They do not genuinely love and care about their children. Their concern is about getting caught and having their perfect image impaired in some public way. That is the worst punishment for them. Narcissists have no sense of limits so if they want to watch porn, they deserve to enjoy it and not be disturbed by anyone else in the household. I have heard of cases in which a child was sick, the mother was very concerned but the narcissistic husband and father was too “busy” with his extensive porn collection to offer support or even attend to his child’s physical pain. In some instances, the child had to be taken to an emergency room by the mother and dad stayed home with his favorite pastime. This illustrates how infantile and unempathic these individuals are. It illustrates their extreme sense of self entitlement and no limits or boundaries beliefs about themselves.
Eventually there is a time of reckoning with the narcissistic spouse. As the only responsible adult and parent in the family, it is up to you to make the call about severing the marriage and seeking a divorce. Some spouses are unable to make this decision and drag out the emotional and psychological pain to themselves and their children. Once the truth about the narcissistic spouse is clearly in your mind together with all of the damage he has done and knowing that he will never change, step forward, make you plan to sever the relationship. I hear from those who have made this decision and they feel that they have started living again.
They are motivated and act to make the final shift from being a victim to leading a full solitary creative life for yourself (and if you have children for them).
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life