Narcissists Will Never Stop Lying to You

You want to believe them when they pull you back into their orbit after their horrible cruelties and betrayals. They know just how to talk to you, what your emotional needs are as well as your vulnerabilities. You are most likely a deeply caring, compassionate and empathetic person.  These are the ones that that they prey on the most. Although narcissists have no genuine insight, they have been practicing “playing people” all of their lives.

We don’t expect another person with whom we have shared are lives to be so deceitful and annihilating. That is because you are not thinking the way that a narcissist does. It is very important that you learn how these individuals function, what their goals are and what makes them tick. Remember–they are not like you so don’t expect them to tell the truth—ever. They lie by omission and commission. They deny the dreadful things they have done to you. They purposefully make empty promises under pressure to keep you by their side as a source of perpetual narcissistic supply–adulation, praise, validation, adoration.

Many narcissists are so charming and magnetic that with the power of their personalities and their attractiveness, they can convince you that they are telling the exact truth even when they are lying through their gorgeous white teeth.

Narcissists don’t develop a conscience. What is right or wrong for them is based on whether they can get away with something that is often immoral and unethical and even illegal. They don’t have a sense of limits. They are always right and perfect. They view others as inferior to them, boring, stupid, foolish and ignorant.

When you pay close attention to your intuition you will know when the narcissist is lying to you to get you back, to intimidate and humiliate you, to blame you, to project his/her volcanic rage on to you.

Study the narcissistic personality in-depth. Honor who you are as an authentic, creative and grounded individual. Learn to take very good care of yourself —physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Put yourself first.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

23 thoughts on “Narcissists Will Never Stop Lying to You”

  1. noting the N in my life, i know i’m not crazy. this is progress from having believed what she wanted me to believe. problem is, she is daily siphoning my energy, psychically and through selects acts of stabbing me emotionally which she then hides in front of others. i live with her and feel too depleted to gather the resources to move out. i had 4 catastrophic brain-related injuries in 2013, making me compromised in myriad ways. i was already quite depleted before agreeing to move in with her 6 mo ago. i have spoken up and each time i am punished with things such as being cornered and verbally berated despite asking to stop. this alone happened 3x in the oct nov timeframe. i have since developed panic attacks to confined settings which i never had before. so, what does one do after getting to know the N, and how does one self care and be authentic in the midst of daily eavesdrops on me and also despite daily mental/psychic drain?

  2. I just ordered your book today because even though I worked in a psych treatment centre and studied psychology, my relationship with my borderline/narcissist mother and my narcissist sister is burdening me. I think this book is going to help me a lot with the current crisis I am going through, especially during the holidays when I compare myself to others who have more normal families.

  3. Thnx alot Linda. This means that many women are indeed in trouble. Sometime ago i had twice been to the psychiatry because i had thought that i was crazy. If not because of my faith i would have stood on the road for a car to hit me even though i had five children. He actually divorced me thinking that he would dupe me of the C of O for my house but unfortunately for him the government of my country have some good policies against corruption and so his forged incriminating papers of giving him the house as a gift turned against him and when he was threatened to be turned to the EFCC i.e.economic and financial crimes commission, he quickly returned my house documents to me.. He still had the audacity to think he could stop me from getting married claiming that he did not divorce me.
    Linda do all leo men potray NPD or do other moon/star signs also show this disorder? How does a woman recognize such men during courtship? Pls answer these questions for me.Thnx for your time.

  4. It took me many years to discover this piece of the puzzle that was my life. Although I came to the realization that I was codependent, it took me quite some time to understand that I had been raised by and attracted narcissists into my life that simply could not tell the truth. For decades I thought I was the problem, and that perhaps I was crazy. My narcissist would tell me “I heard things wrong”, and laugh at me when I asked him for clarity. Mind bending really!

    Thank you for putting together such awesome, clear information. It is essential that those suffering from narcissistic abuse understand the concept of lying amongst narcissists. It is so helpful to understand their agenda’s and their weapons.

    I refer my clients to your site often, and have posted a link to this site on my blog as well.

    Thank you for your amazing work!

    Kindly,

    Lisa A. Romano
    Author and Life Coach
    http://www.lisaaromano.com

    1. Being screamed at that I am delusional “I never said that!” I doubted what I heard. Screaming with a Rage I never saw in them before & its toward’s me. What I saw with my own eyes was not real. Ridiculed by the woman I gave All to. My everything. Being shamed & guilted because apparently I only imagined I saw my wife physical touching, kissing another telling me I’m only insecure. I’m insecure because she is the Life of the Party. That she is adored by all. (She was fun to be with) I started to believe I was in fact like she told me insecure & everything else that was wrong in her behavior projected & mirrored at me. Turning the backs of Family & Friends. Manipulating Everyone… Everyone. I spent 10,000 hrs Reading 1,000 plus articles from Women’s sights & Blogs. What a woman wants. She told me we needed Marriage counceling because she wasn’t happy. I set up the marriage counseling & went by myself. Told me we needed Self therapy. I went. I searched everywhere, read everything with open mind & actively showed her my love was real. Being told she wasn’t happy but she didn’t know why. Told me I’m a great father & husband, Soul Mate.. Not 1 month later I’m the reason she has been miserable for 6yrs. I didn’t even know what Narcissism was until I started Googling “Why?” Trusting the guidance we received during 16 years of our marriage I begged my In-laws to guide their daughter, my wife. To do the right thing because I believed in her. In us. In our children. … Now everything I have loved past 16yrs is being ripped away viscously. If I could find one word that describes what it feels like to be on the receiving end of this. Everything that I have given. All my love I have given. All I have sacrificed so many years. All the Trust. Not once can they Truthfully say I did them wrong. It’s all Forgotten. Thrown away. Vulnerability & intimacy I have, a lot. I thought it was strength but now I know it was my weakness to them. My once peaceful nature, patience, My integrity that always attracted her now is looked down at. One month It took to be replaced by her infidelity also married (Going through separation) partner. I forgave her & proved it through my actions for reconciliation & in return I’m spit upon. They cant just leave. They won’t. They will destroy all that was once good about you. This is my worth? Was I conditioned all these years?! When feelings of Being In-love disappear from this type of person their feelings might been lingering inwardly but never brought out to talk about. Their behavior though will change 180° Over night. Her behavior changed in Morning of the loving Wife I always had to 11hrs later She is leaving me because (Same night I first heard about her true feelings) telling me she told herself 6months ago for her feelings of being In-Love with me to return & if they didn’t by then she would pursue another. They want you to blow up at them. Yell back & fight like they do to you. Don’t, it’s just an act they will only do around other people to manipulate everyone. I knew better. Wanted me to leave her so she could play the victim. Didn’t think I would forgive her. I didn’t think I would either but that’s real love. Feet & hands bound, I’m thrown to the lake of Wolves with Vultures circling overhead. It’s… (Evil). My Eyes Wide Open now. I Refuse to let this change who I am. I’m better than this.

  5. I was married to one. I gave him my whole heart bore a beautiful baby boy all naturally and then my now ex husband started the beatings and other horrible torture and emotional abuse etc. He was not centre of attention any more and me and the baby stopped him having and doing what he wanted. His psych report clearly states it all. You cannot help who you give your whole heart to but I’ve learned since he NEVER EVER loved because these Abusers cannot be in love, cannot love, have no empathy, no compassion and are compulsive liars, cunning, cruel, serial cheaters, controlling, deceitful and manipulative. We loved him with everything we had, we trusted and believed in him did all he wanted loved him even with his dreadful flaws but he never felt anything for us because he betrayed and destroyed us. Killed my other babies either by throwing me down the stairs when I was pregnant with twins or with huge stress and intimidation etc. I protected my son as best I could at the time. I tried and hoped we were enough for him to change and be what I gave my whole heart to in 2000 but I have been shown that was his act, his Oscar Winning performance we were just possessions do with as he wanted and discard when he was bored and keep cheating with other women. He was always into the plus size brunettes and red heads before me but he preys on kind, giving, loving women like me for his amusement. He damaged a child in the process one who now at 14 hates him, knows the truth, could not be brain washed by him and never wants to see him ever again. All the while the ex was not respecting him lying in texts to him etc. The ex’s own mother lies and condones what he does always has and the woman he has been with for the past years cheating with her, his mother and him told me and my son that his mother was seriously ill with cancer lymphoma needing chemo when there was never anything wrong with her. It was just so he could go down to be with the other woman and they did that to a child lied and did not respect him let alone me. He never deserved us and our love and trust etc.

  6. I married a man that made me feel like I was everything, played games through the years to make me feel like everything was my fault.
    I didnt realize what he had done before the damage was done to me and my 4 children, along with family and many other people.
    I put me and the kids in therapy and still to do this day have hope that it will end, but I am dealing with a whole family that seems to be just like him.
    Help don’t know what to do, I cut off contact and they stalk me, have other people stalk me.
    The mental beat down they do to my daughter who is 10 is unreal and she can’t fight back but its killing her little by little.

  7. Thank you for your insights. I am recovering from 24 years of enslavement to a narcissist; actually, two narcissist. I married one and gave birth to a son who eventually became one. Now, I am reeling, with the impact of this double betrayal, especially by my grown son. I could never have imagined that he would turn out like his father, only more dangerous because of all of the love I lavished on him. It’s as though everything good I gave to him he has turned as instruments of manipulation: education, manners, skills. He even seemed to learn from me what real love looks like so he can fake it perfectly. All my love seemed to go down the drain, as it has fed a narcissist who has had every advantage that love could give him, but turned out a narcissist like his father instead. I should say, a sadistic, sociopathic narcissist. Not just run of the mill, if there is such a thing.

    1. Laurie,

      I am so sorry you’ve been through all of this. It is really a tragedy but you are not dead. Live for yourself. Value yourself. Rebuild your life. Bring back into your life the things you love, and the people who truly love you.

      I’ve had so many set backs in my life, so let me mention some of them to you to show you how resilient a human being can be:

      my father fell in love with my brother’s wife (a narcissist, of course), spent all his money catering to all my brother’s and her needs. That was not all. She knew I didn’t like her (who can blame me?), so she eventually turned my father against me. My father ignored my existence after he passed away, by not leaving me or my older brother anything. My younger brother spent all my dad’s money and kept for himself almost everything my parents had.

      Further back into my past life, my mother was always jealous of me with my father (who had never made any incestuous moves towards me) and kicked me out of her house. My older brother (who today hates the younger one married to the narcissistic woman who seduced my father), hit on me when I was on my 20s. This was in addition to ignoring me during our whole existence together. He was never my friend and physically abused me until he went to college. I hit him back many times. I think this made me a fighter in my currently life. A go-getter.

      Even further back into my life, my grandmother once had a jealous fit when we casually met her ex-boyfriend in Copacabana. My aunt stole a teenage boyfriend I was in love with (for the first time in my life) and seduced him.

      This episode was about 20 something years ago, when I was working with my father and brothers. My father supported the fact that my two brothers were paid a salary more than twice as much as mine and when business winded down, my younger brother sort of dismissed me from the family business. This is what prompt me to move to US and restart my life here. I became a Writer out of scratch, with no one helping me.

      Here in the US, I married a guy who was also addicted to online porn (just like my last boyfriend, who I obviously left). I was miserable for 8 years and eventually divorced him. He lost his job on the second year of our marriage, and worked odd jobs, at my insistence on and off, for the whole remaining time we stayed married, being unemployed for most of those years.

      What a life of losses and sad events, huh? But I am still whole and still believe I will be happy.
      I felt practically dead after I left my last narcissist, but I am starting to sleep better. My skin was looking old and full of dark spots. I now look about 15 years younger and people around me are noticing it.

      I am writing all this to you to show you that it is possible to overcome anything in our lives and still like ourselves.

      Be strong for yourself. You deserve it.

  8. Lying is what they do best! And, they are so convincing [as Dr. Martinez-Lewi has said in her book]: “some of the best actors/actresses that you will ever encounter!” The one weapon that I keep at my disposal, is a tape recording APP on my I-phone! Tape record them (without them realizing it) ANY conversation of importance! It can be used to re-hear at a later time (when you are no longer emotionally charged) and it can SERVE as a witness to your point of view!!! Recently, I was able to use a tape recording to strengthen my position, when the narcissist in my life tried twisting someone else’s words (who was no longer alive) to support her lies.

    This is also a reason that most narcissists won’t put into writing what they PROMISE!!!! I had another narcissist constantly promise me that I was in her will (I never asked to be named, nor did I EXPECT it!). Finally, I figured out that her unsolicited promises were just puffs of air….used to manipulate me into thinking that I was special….more special than her own daughter, because I was in her will, while her daughter was not! LOL

    Lies, confusion, shame, blame; and empty promises are in a narcissist bag of tricks! Once you realize what their bag contains, be prepared to encounter them with wisdom and a plan to disarm them!!!!!

  9. I just broke things off with my boyfriend of 6 months. I experienced some really crazy situations that I ignored. Things just continued to get more and crazier by the day. I could feel myself wanting to get away but I stayed as long as I could take the verbal & emotional abuse. I thought I was causing the issues and I kept trying to fix me so we could be happy, things got worse.

    I consider myself and educated intelligent woman that knew how to have a healthy relationship but this was out of my control. All the lies and betrayal has me traumatized. I still can’t believe my experiences. I am praying for God’s mercy to help me heal!

    1. Ann,

      Live your live by your own TRUTH, and not anyone else’s! No one but YOU knows the 100% truth about you, except for you! So, when a narc comes along, and tries to use manipulation, shame, blame, or pain, RECOGNIZE it for what it is! A tactic to get you to do their bidding!!!! Healthy people ASK and accept a person’s decision! Un-healthy (Narc’s) MANIPULATE into doing an action for them, because they a) don’t want to give you the choice b) are not prepared to take “no” for answer!

      I have literally have had to scream “I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY ANSWER, PLEASE ACCEPT IT!”

      Lastly, don’t EXPECT any LOVE, RECOGNITION, KUDOS; CONSIDERATION from them because they are not capable of giving GOOD GIFTS to others! The only time they will attempt to GIVE you praise, is when they are GROOMING you to do something for them!!!!

      Live an unbridled, abundant, full-filling LIFE….Don’t live in fear….not in pain…..nor in the presence of people who have shown you time after time that they are incapable of loving you back!!!!!

  10. I have been with thmy common law husband for 20yearsi can’t have any friends he has even tried when we first got together to sleep with my best friend right on front of me since then he won’t allow me to go anywhere but to the grocery store and he must always bwwith me has and shows me no trust (makes me look untrustworthy for last 15 years will only come. To bed with with me when he wants sex don’t matter if I want it or not, after he’s done his thing he’s gone stays up all night exerynight playing video game and sleeps all day to I can’t ever do enough in his eyes he treatshis bedroom ordeal leaves me feeling used kinda like nothing but a simple common whore. Then tells me all I do is whore around I can’t have or keep anything private just for me no diary or jurnels he uses them for his own entertainment then throws thingdlsbackin my face I can’t speak to anyone without him interrupting by talking louder and over me I am constantly beinflg corrected by him nothing I can do or say is right or good enough I’m not allowed any privacy what so ever then he will make up stories about me make fun of me or make jokes about me

  11. My estranged husband (the big N) convinced me that I am bi-polar. I went into our marriage 15 years ago as a rape survivor with PTSD, and he used it every chance he got to manipulate me. Throwing me around, guns to my head, and if I ran or fought back he would instantly change. He would become cool and calm, restrain me, and tell me that I’m having a delusion, that he isn’t the one who raped me, that I don’t have to fight anymore because he is my husband and he loves me. That same loving husband is now saying that he has been secretly video taping me (after we were first married, drilled a hole in the ceiling over our bed and connected a camera) in the bathroom and he’s going to humiliate me if I don’t drop my restraining order and give him my children. He is winning in court. He is an amazing lier/actor, and charms the judges and mediators. Now he’s saying that I’m mentally ill and a danger to our children. I’m terrified!

  12. I am so thrilled every time I find another professional who is aware and open with the truth of how the Narcissistic Personality individual behaves. I see the victims of these disordered people and, thank the universe, have had my own experience and healing, which has made me hyper aware of their plight. It’s in the manner of their words, speech and energy. It’s a narcissistic world these days and those of us who are not of that ilk need to be thoroughly educated about how to spot it so as not to get entangled with it, if at all possible.
    Best wishes in your continued work!
    Barbara Monett, LCSW

  13. I knew my mom was all these things! Never had pin pointed she was a narcissist. Had her figured out as a teenager. Now 33, with my own family I am trying to figure out what to do about her. She makes our lives HELL, blames anyone but herself, makes extreme threats, uses my dad to try and guilt us. However, if we suppress our feelings and always go along with her things are great!…my brother cut her off years ago. He WAS the golden child. When he left he slowly cut everyone else off. My dad is a peacekeeper and tries to avoid all conflict. Despite how obvious my mom is. He has to live with her. It’s such a mess. I am so sad and hurt. She is my mom. He is my dad. They are a package deal. They are my kids grandparents. My kids are 10 and 12. They know something isn’t right and are confused. I have lost so much sleep over this for many many years. 🙁

  14. Amazing and seems to never end, even now while we are divorcing after a 35 year marriage that he walked out of 2 years ago. In my case, my husband has lied to his own attorney, mostly by his omission but I have caught his lies twice now and reported it to my own attorney who is representing me.

    As Dr.Martinez-Lewi states -these people don’t think or feel like the normal person does and seems to spend their entire lives manipulating, deceiving and omitting the truth. My husband and I have a mentally disabled adult son, age 24, who lives with me and during this divorce process his father never told his attorney about this fact, but my attorney sent the official letter of disability to his attorney who is probably stunned himself at the lack of love or empathy his father has for his son.

    Karma always come back to those who do this to another and I feel good that once our divorce is done and settled I can rid myself and thoughts of this horrible individual forever. We do live in the same part of California and I hope I never see him again.

  15. It is so unbelievable how they pull you into their lives make you feel you mean so much to them then just throw you away and you are left feeling the fool, thinking was it I who made more of it than it actually was? After all most of it was assumptions, thinking they were feeling the same as you because you aren’t crazy, you felt it but you question your own judgement. How can I have been so unsuspecting and fooled. It stings long afterwards trying to figure out all the lies and what was the reasoning behind it all. That’s the stab wound that hurts the most, questioning over and over, what was the reason behind it all? The worst part is they never forget about you, you feel them just as they feel you in your subconscious. He’s gotten into your very being but you know he isn’t the him you once saw and you feel sad at that realization but your self preservation and peace of mind is more important. Your mind has overruled your heart and you are safer without him. You stay away from swimming in water with sharks because you know…. you’re damned if you do.

  16. Dr. or anyone out there, my great friends hus is a lying piece of garbage! He has conned soooo many people it is truly pathetic. He has her losing yet another house to foreclosure because he’s in so much business debt! He spends with wreck less abandon and could care 1 iota less. He cheated when they first got married and then behaved for about five years until he messed around again with an intern at his office. He has 3 sexual harassment charges against him, he stalks his ex wife, uses the kids as pawns, blame shifts everyone else! Never is anything his fault! He has to have his name on license plate, be center of attention, is chronically late, on and on….what does she think he is so great? He has her brainwashed! She’ll get upset some days and then act like no big deal the next!!!!! I just want her to wake up!!!! I don’t get it!!!

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