Many of you have had the experience of watching a narcissist grow from early childhood into adulthood. You heard the ear shatteringtantrums, saw the parents make no attempt to get their “golden child” to behave. Their efforts were feeble because from the beginning he/she was never corrected for inconsiderate and boorish behavior. This child was considered special from the beginning–a little king or queen who was raised to the highest pinnacles. I have been astounded and chagrined by the outrageous behaviors of these chosen children. (This post refers to both male and female budding narcissists).
I have bitten my tongue in social situations to not say: “Make that brat behave. He is not the only one on the face of the earth.” “You are growing a monster who will come to hate you, exploit you and make the lives of others intolerable.” But in social situations I have kept quiet in the past. Now I refuse these invitations. I would be watching a parent creating a mini monster who will grow into an abominable human being.
Adults especially parents make excuses for their unempathic, selfish, materialistic, cruel, sadistic children. And others in the family go along with the charade. After all this child is so bright and attractive, what could be wrong with him. He is excelling in school as he charms everyone. What else can a parent want? You as a member of this family are expected to believe this delusion and to adore the child as much as his parents. Beneath the surface, the budding narcissist, day by day is becoming more self obsessed, grabby about what he must have, more grandiose that he is superior to everyone else and cannot make mistakes. He lies impeccably to trick others and make fools of them. He intimidates his brothers and sisters who live in sheer terror of his footsteps. Mother and father are oblivious and reluctant to correct or criticize the little prince. He has become a reflection of their perfection. They cannot be objective. The family image rides on the their son’s (daughter’s) perfect narcissistic facade.
In the current societal climate today,narcissists are ruling. They get away with their treacheries because they exude confidence and are often very clever and forceful personalities that no one will buck them. If a member of your family is a narcissist and you have known him/her since childhood—-he is not going to change. Now as an adult he is a larger, more ingrained, more vicious facsimile of his younger self. In fact many narcissists become meaner with age, more duplicitous and malicious.
Do you need this person in your life? Is it worth all the hurt feelings, cruelties to be a part of this pathological drama. Ask yourself these questions and trust your inner response. You don’t deserve this savage treatment. Learn about the inner workings of the narcissistic personality. Protect yourself and insist on respect even if that means no contact. You deserve to move forward with your life.