Classic Narcissists Demean Your Feelings and You

Classic narcissists, larger than life, bombastic, charismatic to some, sail through life in the fast lane—always moving to their next cascade of narcissistic supply. If they are very successful they have more opportunities to be adored, praised and rewarded handsomely in this current world of rampant pathological narcissism. Those at the top of their game don’t do the hardest work. They have adoring followers, psychologically dependent individuals, hangers on, at their beck and call.

If you have narcissists in your family, I am sure you are too keenly aware of how they demean you and/or ignore you or both. If you are having a difficult time and you share this with them, they completely ignore what you are saying or they wonder what is the matter with you that you have caused such trouble for yourself. “Is there something wrong with you that you have so many problems?”

Some of the most cruel, cold human beings I have known are classic narcissists. Since they have no internal psychological consciousness or a well developed conscience, they move swiftly and smoothly through their professional and personal  lives with ruthless abandon. They choose partners whom they can dominate and control. They ignore their children or choose only those who will become their living ego supplies—little narcissists who will grow up to be just like them.

Do narcissists care about you if you are their child, spouse or sibling? Not so much or not at all. They are too taken up with themselves to give any energy to your life with its many painful twists and downturns.

Narcissists are  peripatetic –They always have their engines running. They go from one project to the next–one trip to the next—one acquisition to the next–one full makeover to the next–one partner to the next, etc.

They get a kick out of running circles around you. You are depressed or very anxious or going through a  period of loss, confusion, financial distress, etc. You share some of your deepest issues with the narcissist and there is no response. It’s as if they are unable to hear you—literally. They jauntily move along in the conversation to tell you about how swimmingly their lives are going, how busy they are, what they are achieving and don’t forget–“their successes” (There is nothing wrong with success in the world. Here I am talking about all out bragging when the other person is going through a very tough time and needs to be heard). I find this kind of interchange to be nauseating and cruel. On some occasions the narcissist wonders out loud about what is wrong with you that you can’t overcome your problems. After all they did!

Remind yourself that you are genuine and that having psychological pain is part of a life that is lived authentically with real feelings and deep caring for others as well as oneself. You are not deluded. You do not brag about yourself. You are highly empathic and care deeply about the feelings, the problems and the suffering of others–family members, friends spouses, etc. You are the opposite of the narcissist.

Give yourself credit for being a true individual who is growing and evolving. Know that this is a process that takes time and effort and that you are moving toward developing a stronger, expanded true self. (The narcissist is a false self that leads his/her entire life in delusion.) There are others who are real whom you know and will find.

Let the narcissistic world twirl by at ever increasing speeds as it goes nowhere.

Stay with your path and your rhythm. Practice self care. Access and use your intuition for direction and validation of the truth.

Maintain distance from narcissists, especially in your personal life. Don’t engage with them at all and if you must, keep it  short and detached.

Focus on your creative inspirations, your spiritual life (if that is your choice), the boundless beauty and comfort of Nature and a few human beings who want to share their lives with you. Learn from one another; help one another.

 

 

2 thoughts on “Classic Narcissists Demean Your Feelings and You”

  1. Comment: From Kim
    After finally realizing that I was raised by a narcissistic mother (who is still in her narcissistic stupor), and being repeatedly thrown under the bus by narcissistic women in my personal relationships, I also came to realize that I am deeply conditioned to fall into my pleaser role automatically, and without consciously realizing it. I have to be mentally on guard ALL the time, in ALL situations, like a sentry on night patrol. It’s a daunting task, but absolutely necessary. I find these regular posts to be most helpful, providing the ongoing assurance that, yes, I am thinking correctly. Lack of confidence and self doubt have torpedoed me throughout my life. But, it ain’t over yet, and I feel like I’m at least in the driver’s seat, and not back in the trunk. Many thanks to Linda, for her diligent and persistent hard work. It is making a difference in people’s lives.

  2. Comment: From Grace
    Is it possible for children of N’s to develop disorders such as dictatorship of persona? My ex N dominated, controlled, and micromanaged our lives excessively. Because of the job he had, for the first 13 yrs of our marriage, he was gone approx 9 months out of the year. So he was away a lot. I’m an authoritative parent and this enabled me to parent my kids almost exclusively. Until he had an accident partly due to company neglect and partly his irresponsibility. He was no longer gone for periods of time. Demeaning and critical comments became more prominent. My role as a mother was blatantly minimized and awareness about that was clear. I was no longer able to be free to raise my children or even handle things without feeling like I was on eggshells about making a wrong decision. If my (our) children did NOT fit the representative standards he demanded, they were demeaned, criticized etc. A simple wrong turn resulted in devaluing. Our daughter was given examples of what men really want, like Taylor Swift. My daughter’s good friend, who is the daughter of a doctor, became almost an obsessive focus as to who our daughter should socialize with. My daughter began to become self aware of obvious inadequacies, since her dad made such strong points on who she should be. She is 22 today and displays impulsivity, strong need to constantly be around ppl, rages, etc. I’m trying to find the help she needs, as do I, since at 46, I’m now in the discard phase and no longer held back and controlled, while he is enticed by the potential me status and the attention it draws from younggirls as yoingyoung as 18.
    Have you ever heard of a N child developing said disorder?

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