This may sound like tough talk but I have known too many victims of narcissists who married them not just once but two or three times. The psychological and emotional pain of enduring years and decades of verbal abuse, cold manipulations, treacheries, chronic lying, hidden agendas and the constant whiplash of living with a narcissist is astounding. It brings their victims to their knees and leaves some crawling. If you are going with a man or woman whom you suspect is a narcissist and this person has decided to show you the door, give you the cold shoulder, place you in the background of his/her life or simply give you the heave ho–it will smart at first but then remember it is a necessary blessing. If your intuition has been telling your for months that this person whom you are planning to marry has a serious personality issue you can’t put your head around but feel deep in your bones, listen up! You are getting the warning loud and clear, that this individual may likely be a narcissistic personality disorder. Listen to the music of his self absorption, obsession with his looks, over-love of money and status, inability to listen to you and honor your feelings, his authoritarian ways, his inappropriate forcefulness to get what he/she wants. Intuition always tells us the truth. When he or she shows you the door or if you beat the narcissist to it, run out into the clear blue sky of evening and kiss the stars. You are free!!!
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Lifewill be published in a paperback edition on August 15, 2013
Comment:From Lori
I was cheated on and dumped by my narcissistic husband of 17 years. This blog is specifically good for me as the one who was brought to my knees. However , it was a necessary blessing and as painful as this whole ordeal was, I’m beginning to see the blue sky.. I am learning and I am letting myself see and admit that there was an overwhelming amount of self absorption and every other thing listed in this blog, that I lived with and suffered through for many years. My home and life is now quiet. I am not ready yet to move on, but I’m no longer being mistreated, ignored, blamed or abused. I am free. There is peace. Lori Z
I have just been widowed. My narcissistic husband was so abusive, physically, emotionally, verbally, right up to the night before he died from a long illness. I am grieving. Why? I should be twirling, dancing, reaching for the moon. I’m finally free. Instead I prefer to be quiet, alone, like a timid rabbit.
Give yourself time, as long as it takes. Just be, where you are at, in the peace and solitude. You are recovering from some of the most damaging experiences a person can have.
Eventually flickers of your true self and of joy will bubble up to the surface again, as your brain slowly adjusts to the absence of the abuse.
And yeah, there is grief. They make us dependent, so that we will stay and love them. I find I’m grieving most for all the neglect and abandonment and abuse I suffered during the relationship; the absence of the love and support that there should have been.
I have loved at least 5 of the men that display this type of behavior over 23 years. in the last 8 of these years. i started stuttering my sentences and lost confidence i didnt have much before anyway. last one i should have seen the signs. but i fell for it again. thankfully i had no children of my own with them. but the comments they made will last me forever i think. by the way they always make sure they are not alone dont they.
I have been with at least two of these types. One we wnet back and fourth for over a course of 5 years. And the last dump was by him and he completely blocked me and moved to what we all know of is three different states, new jobs, etc.
The other, Is a bartender, likes to refer to himself as a drifter, has major addictions (drugs, booze and sex). After the first break up, many of his stories came to surface. At first he was divorced (still married). He was on not only dating sites but swinger sites and very active. ( I been checked, were a-ok, miraculously). His “friend” from high school (Quasimodo) was his back up plan. He loved chasing those with S.O’s. And ruining lives. He has kids. Saw them three times in a course of a year. Lied about things litereally in front of my face, like I’m crazy. The final discard (well, three days ago) via text message, was him saying “you’re fired” I told him you can’t fire me, I quit!!
I didn’t fully go into him this time, I was dating someone else because I tried to be just friends with him and that’s how I saw it. But he thought we were in a relationship, though nothing in bedroom occurred. He became frustrated. He’s got a camping trip with a bunch of friends, and there are drugs. But he doesn’t do them, and never has (that’s why I picked him up a few times because he was too far gone right?) Anyway, theres something on the agenda I know, but its ok. WHen he found out someone else may (or may not be in picture- you learn to triangulate right back and play his game over time) he wanted to know who. I said no, you ruined the last time and its not your business (I took one from his book b/c he’s secretive in his actions). He threw a fit. Oh well. Good riddance!! enjoy your weekend all.
Update:
Well, same guy tried to talk to me two weeks after this was posted. I was friendly. We saw each other at a local store. He approached. The camping trip he had… upon his return we found him on plenty of fish and more swinger websites. miraculously a week later he’s in a relationship. his pof says he doesn’t want one? We’re thinking its some poor girl from the camping trip not Quasimodo. Well, we know not her. She contacted me soon after.. No one knows what or who to belive. But I found it kind of laughable until… my car was tagged and then the work car was. each time he has been seen or made a contact. I don’t know if its him but its coincidental to say the least. I installed cams to be on safe side. police are aware of both him and car situation. if it has anything to do with him, its a runner. meaning he will have an alibi because someone else is doing it for him.
I’m just hoping tht he really does move to pa.
new car was tagged twice, we have restraing order and court date this week.
wishme luck
Carol….good luck….but you don’t need luck !! You are strong…I can tell that. Just stick to it with your (evident) resolve. You deserve so much better…and use the authorities whenever you have any concerns. Even the ” feeling” of fear is justifiable to engage authorities. (in my province at least).
You are strong….and very deserving……expect what you deserve and nothing less !!
Brad
Call me wind because I am abotlusely blown away.