Stop Acting As the High Level Narcissist’s Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply

When you meet a narcissist—especially a very smooth attractive one–you would never guess that he/she is decimating his family—spouses, children, siblings, in-laws, grandparents, etc. Narcissists go viral. Their venom spreads out to every family member. There are some individuals who even as small children know that there is something very wrong with their mother or father, that this person is toxic to them. They keep their emotional distance from this person whom they are asked to call mother or father. Some family members survive by becoming invisible. As soon as they are able they spend long periods of time away from their home. Or they find hiding places in their rooms or outside. They learn how to avoid their own parent. They emotionally detach themselves from the narcissistic parent. In some cases there is an aunt or grandparent from whom they can get some of the warmth and love that they need and deserve.

Other family members–spouses and children–go along with the pathological thinking and behaviors of the narcissistic parent. They will tell you how much they love the narcissistic parent who is crushing them. They have never made a psychological separation from this poisonous person. Even in middle age, they are still holding on to a non-parent who has taken their lives away. They will not become separate individuals. Some children in the family are chosen to be the special ones who represent the narcissist’s power, brilliance, talent, physical attractiveness and magnetism. Many consider them the lucky ones. They are treated like little gods but they are not real people. They are pariahs who are allowed to emotionally harm their siblings. They are raised to the heights by the parents and believe they are perfect and superior. They treat their siblings like dirt, lie about them, get them into serious trouble with the narcissistic parent, etc.

These dark narcissistic family patterns do not stop. Fortunately, there are individuals within these families who grow up to be genuine, solid, kind and productive human beings. Your best offensive is to learn everything you can about the narcissistic personality. Are you about to marry a narcissist? Find out now before you take that fateful step. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

When you look into the eyes of a child of a narcissistic mother, the pain is so intense you cannot bear it. Imagine what that human being across from you is experiencing all of the time–since the beginning of her/his life. Some children of narcissists are so psychologically numb that they cannot feel this pain because it would crush them completely. Rather, they harm themselves. Some become anorexic and control the one thing they can–what they put in their mouths. Others turn to high risk relationships with sadistic partners who beat them up psychologically and physically. Some make small cuts in their flesh in inconspicuous secret places to release their unbearable feelings.

Many of these adult children tell you over and over again how much they love their mothers. It is confounding but not surprising. They have identified with their life aggressor, the person who birthed them and then did everything possible to destroy them. Narcissistic mothers adore their golden children–the ones that are very attractive, extroverted, overly confident, great performers. They detest their child who is not as physically attractive, a loner and thinker, quiet, sensitive, introverted.

In many cases the unwanted psychologically abused child goes through her life “adoring” mother and hating herself. She is fused with a mother and trapped in a state of self loathing. This is tragic and true.

There are other children who awaken to the true nature of their narcissistic mother—feel her mortal danger to them, know that she will never love them and will not stop torturing them. They take the ride of their insight and finally acknowledge that they never had a real mother–but a monster, a psychological killer.

There are many life stories of those who have broken these horrendous chains of abuse, who have worked through their feelings of self hatred, shame and loathing and have emerged to recognize, feel and celebrate their true natures. You deserve our special love and respect. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Did you look into the eyes of your sociopathic narcissistic mother and feel the full force of her hatred? Were you nauseated by her touch, her smell? Did she constantly threaten to harm you? Did she watch every move you made so that she could pounce like a wild animal? Did she make fun of you in front of your brothers and sisters and other family members? Did she tell you that you were ugly and she was ashamed of you? These and thousands more of horrific questions are still heard and felt loudly in the minds, bodies and psyches of children of sociopathic narcissistic mothers. These are not exaggerations. I have heard and read these life stories and innumerable variations of them too many times not to know that this is absolutely true. When you see the intolerable pain in the faces of those who have been tormented in this way and hear the faint whimper and terror in their voices you know they have suffered intolerably. They have been treated without mercy.

I have a special place inside for children who have suffered so severely. I am moved by their courage to survive each day and to finally prevail. To seek good professional help that can help them to heal. To practice healing modalities like gentle yoga, different forms of meditation, jounaling, spending time with Nature and animals, to build loving relationships with individuals whom they can trust. Often those those have been treated without mercy are compassionate and empathic individuals. You can and will heal. It is your destiny to be whole and experience deep inner peace and to express your creativity fully. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

True holiness is rare and sublime. It is based on a deep inner core of compassion, empathy and true selflessness. The person traveling the spiritual road each day comes without fanfare or entourage. He lives simply with ego dropped. He is flexible and open and has a great sense of humor.

A type of covert narcissist is the one who wears the martyr’s crown and dresses in sackcloth and ashes.He/she demonstrates externally how devoted he is to helping others, being exceedingly moral, putting others before himself, self sacrifice with complaint. This is the external image which is often very convincing with friends, acquaintances and family members.

When you encounter a pseudo holy covert narcissist one on one, they will attempt to activate feelings of guilt in you. They remind you from years past of some misstep you made, an insensitive remark you made, a foolish small oversight. They tell you to ask for forgiveness from the person you “harmed” but also from God. You deserve to be punished from their point of view. They impose their beliefs on you and if their personality is forceful enough, you feel guilty and inadequate. They create many victims including their children who experience great shame. With children this is a form of brainwashing. The child believes that there is something intrinsically bad about him. Fortunately, in many cases children grow up to recognize that their parent was misguided. Many benefit from psychotherapy which helps clients to look into themselves, to understand the projections imposed on them by the covert narcissistic parent. The covert narcissist in any role in your life is always projecting his/her unconscious toxic contents on to you. Remember this–It is vital information when you are interacting with a narcissist.

The take away is to learn to respect and protect yourself, to trust your perceptions, insights and intuitions. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic psychotherapistsn know how to become indispensable to you. You are ready to become dependent because you have traveled a long painful road through horrendous symptoms–deep depression, frequent severe mood swings, phobias, unyielding anxiety. No one has been able to give you any relief. When a “gifted” narcissistic therapist takes you on as a patient, you are in for a ride–a very bumpy one. You may feel very attracted to this therapist and that draws you in closer. You become willing to listen and internalize whatever they say. You believe it is the truth about yourself.

In some cases these highly trained professionals are projecting their unconscious thoughts, impulses, hidden traumas, etc on to you. With all of their formal work—-they do not know themselves. They have no acquaintance with their unconscious.. They are in deep denial. The psychotherapist role for them has become strictly a business. It is the money making and prestige that makes them tick, not the welfare of their patients.

Remember that a narcissist, regardless of his/her title, training or experience has certain indelible traits—self absorption, grandiosity or its opposite–phoney humility, lack of empathy, deceitfulness, exploitativeness, extreme self entitlement, feelings of superiority. To protect yourself from narcissistic psychotherapists of all kinds, study the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Some victims of narcissistic parents–mother or father or both, blame themselves for not being perfect. They live the guilt of not meeting their parents’ expectations. These demands and expectations on the part of narcissistic parents are delusional. Even if you had reached perfection by their standards it would never have satisfied them. As the child of a narcissistic mother or father you remember that making your greatest efforts to satisfy their demands and wishes was never enough. You were criticized, demeaned and humiliated. Even when you had straight A’s in school they chided you for not participating in enough extracurricular activities or being alone. It was always something. They would always finding a way of pulling you down.

Many victims of narcissistic parents still feel haunted by feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness as a result of innumerable verbal assaults on them as children and adults. Some of these adult children make the decision to sever their relationship from the narcissistic parent. They cannot and will no longer tolerate this level of verbal abuse and their collusion with other relatives to ruin your reputation with others.

You have a unique individual life that belongs to you–You are many talents and gifts that you can use to enrich your life. You have opportunities for loving relationships with those who will care deeply about you and love you for yourself. Think about this—You can be free. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists watch out for number one–themselves. Remember, in the back of their minds they know they can replace you with someone else. They have those in reserve who worship at their altar. Narcissists are incapable of emotional intimacy. They are highly gifted at playing the role of the deeply caring, highly engaged and smitten partner. In the early stages of a romance, the dice are hot. They are feeling very attracted to you and it is mutual. This is the chemistry phase which is very exciting and addictive. Having a handsome, compelling, bright, seductive narcissistic man come on to you like you are the most precious living thing on the planet is an absolute thrill that reverberates throughout your system. You become obsessed with being with him all of the time. And you interpret that the feelings are mutual. For a while they might be. But this is transient for the narcissist. Once the pull of the initial sexual chemistry has run its course, he is going to move on. The problem is that you have fallen in love with this man and want to share your life with him. You are willing to do anything to keep this ecstatic mode going. Meanwhile, he has cooled off. You are in denial because you are not aware of the duplicitous nature of the narcissistic personality. I have heard too many life stories of women (and men) who are caught in this spiral of obsession. They become psychologically fused and forget that their own life matters.

I say don’t go over the Falls for a narcissist. Pull yourself back from the edge before you have to go through the suffering that these individuals cause by simply throwing people away. Remember they are incapable of love. You are—-and are entitled to have a genuine, intimate emotional and psychological union with someone who is worthy of you. To protect yourself, study the narcissistic personality in-depth. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic mothers know that they are superior to everyone else, especially their daughters. If you are the daughter you felt your mother appraising you very early and finding you wanting. She picked away at your self confidence. Her tone of voice was demeaning. She never approved of you. You may have been beautiful, bright, talented or not unusual on the exterior. This would not have mattered. She was in competition with you from the beginning. Some narcissistic mothers resent how much attention the her husband, the new father,is giving to his baby daughter. If the bond is loving and close, she becomes incensed. As you grow she tells lies about you, enunciating long lists of your many transgressions and cruelties. Your narcissistic mom lied about you all of the time. She wished that you never existed. You were her immediate rival for dad’s attention and the entire world. In private these mothers humiliate, intimidate and terrorize their daughters, seeking submission and blind obedience. In many cases they achieve this. The daughter is psychologically immobilized and unable to activate her gifts. She is frightened all of the time that mother will take revenge if she reveals her real self or speaks openly about her feelings. The homes of these daughters become prisons–at times a form of solitary confinement.

When daughters of narcissistic mothers grow up and become teenagers and young women, the NM vies for the attention of the young men who come to visit. She may even become seductive with the daughter’s male friends and proposition them. In some ugly scenes the young fellow goes along and has a sexual fling with the narcissistic mom. The humiliation and horror of discovering your mother’s breach of morality and her complete betrayal of her maternal role is emotionally intolerable. The narcissistic mother has no conscience–when she wants something or someone, she goes after it. This woman is a narcissistic personality who is not going to change. Think carefully about your options. You can sever this pathological relationships. Study the narcissistic personality in-depth.Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

The sooner you recognize a narcissist whether it is a prospective spouse or a member of your family the better. I have been noticing recently the facial expressions that narcissists often make. One in particular is the phony smile and the hollow laugh. The mouth turns up but it is forced.. The eyes don’t contain any feeling. With a genuine smile the entire face–eyes and mouth especially light up and create a dynamic sense of joy, of letting go, of aliveness and humor. The true smile engages us. We become at one with the person who is offering it to us. There is a deep communication that takes place when a wonderful person lays a special smile on us. We feel it deeply and it resonates inside of us for a long time.

The narcissist is a false self, incapable of being genuine. It makes sense that he/she is not able to express himself with a real smile.

Babies smile very early–even in the first weeks of their lives. Their eyes engage us and their tiny rose bud mouths spread beautifully to communicate their joy. This is a precious gift. I always feel so grateful when a baby chooses to smile at me. I feel that life is better in that moment and I treasure it.

Watch for the fake forced smile and the hollow laugh of the narcissist. They give themselves away every time. To learn about many other attributes of the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com?

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com