Month: January 2016

Concealed Narcissists Are Psychologically Dangerous

One of the most difficult individuals to identify is the concealed or hidden narcissist. They are so clever at disguising their true intentions, lack of conscience, emotional threats to you. Often they appear to be humble and self effacing–butter doesn’t melt in their mouths. They give you just the right kind of attention that makes you feel that you are deeply appreciated and respected. You breathe a sigh of relief and believe that you have found someone whom you can trust. They have a way of putting you at ease and off guard. Concealeds are unlike their grandiose, “look at me” cousins. If anything, they appear to be quiet, undemanding and empathic. They have Ph.D.s in pseudo empathy. That’s how fine of an act they have honed down. You find concealeds in every population. Some thrive in religious circles, spiritual communities, in mental health professions, etcsta. However, they range the gamit in formal education socioeconomic status, social status and circles of influence.

The concealed narcissist possesses the same psychic structure as the grandiose, sun kings and queens that demand attention at stage center and are constantly commanding unlimited applause and adulation. That is the difficulty in recognizing them before they get their psychological hooks into you. They are very cunning and hold their personal cards close to the vest. They are masters of your emotional and psychological “tells”. I daresay some of them are phenomenal poker players.

Concealeds are clever at putting just the right flavors and amounts of their attention on to you. Some act like servants, individuals who are there to rescue you, who declare that without you their lives would lack meaning or value. Concealeds outwardly take the high moral ground. This is a ruse to impress you about their “fine” characters.

Once you are under their spell, you begin to feel the cruel darkness beneath their compelling, seemingly innocuous surfaces. They let the primitive projections fly and catch you off guard. You are shocked and rocked by the incoming waves of corrosive cruelties and psychological assaults. Then, when you think you cannot take it any more, the hidden narcisisst apologizes so convincingly that you let him/her back into your life. This back and forth pattern over months and years saps you of your emotional and psychological energy. But, many of you blame yourself. This is all backwards but you don’t realize that you are not at fault at all. You are on the receiving end of severe psychopathology.

To protect yourself from these hidden narcissists, study this personality structure in-depth. At the same time, start putting yourself first. Learn to take very good care of yourself. If you have not learned how to do this, especially if you were raised in a narcissistic family, it is time to start—-Now.

Know that the concealed narcissist is very difficult to identify. Put yourself first. Take care of yourself with the right amount of sleep, proper eating, an exercise program that works for you, guided meditation, high quality acupuncture, making Beauty and Nature in all of its forms a part of your daily life. Trust your intuition and insight always.

Become Entitled to Healing from Your Narcissistic Mother

Children who are victimized being raised by narcissistic mothers do not develop a healthy sense of self entitlement.  They survive by feeling less than, even worthless and nonentities. It is very sad and at the same time exasperating to watch adults who grew up under family regimes of terror, fight or flight, incessant cruelties and humiliations and exploitation—still be unable to own what is theirs–A healthy entitled solid sense of self.

Narcissistic mothers are over-entitled and take your life over from the time you were born.  You are treated like a servant who is responsible for providing mother with everything that she demands: absolute obedience, constant praise, adulation, even worship. If the child provides mother with everything that she requires, it is not sufficient for her.  You still hear her voice, screaming ugly epithets at you, insulting and humiliating you, telling you how stupid and foolish you are—what a bad human being you have always been, that you were never wanted and a failure. In order to survive the young child must go along with mother’s projections and false beliefs.

There is a raw pit in the stomach of these children that gnaws away at them. They turn themselves upside down, inside out, trying to make mother love them to no avail. Some children never give up. They believe that if they try just a little bit harder, mother will come round and change and accept and love them. This is not the case since mother is a fixed, highly pathological narcissistic personality that will not change. These individuals are cruel, cold, selfish, highly controlling, exploitive and often vicious and sadistic.

For many children of narcissistic mothers there is a time of reckoning when the child, often grown is able to get access to the right information about the true nature of the narcissist. Then, the insight comes through and the victim now knows that this was never her or his fault, that this dreadful abuse occurred as a result of mother’s psychopathology.

After this deep knowing and realization happens, the process of healing and recovery can begin. It is at this time that some child victims become familiar with the intrinsic beauty of their true selves, that part of their deep core that recognizes, often for the first time that they are special, good, bright, talented, lovable and entitled to lead a very good life. There are others along the way who provide support–friends, spiritual figures, various books, teachers, mental health professionals, etc. who remind these precious human beings that they are worthy and can heal. This is the beginning of a new journey, an upward turn in life that promises hope and the fulfillment of the creative gifts of one’s true nature and the possibilities of reciprocal love and inner peace.

Hold on to this new vision of yourself that has been waiting all of your life to be revealed. Pay attention to your intuition and insights that are always leading you toward the direction of healing, transformation and truth. Know that there are so many others who are walking this pathway. You will find them and support one another on this life journey to which you are richly entitled.