Narcissistic Personality - The Narcissist In Your Life

Narcissistic Mothers-Their Children Are Narcissistic Supplies

The narcissistic mother, especially those who overpower their spouse and everyone in the household with the force of her will, treats her children like narcissistic supplies. Narcissistic mothers enhance their grandiosity and overblown sense of omnipotence by using their children to enhance their bloated egos and the elaborate false mask that they show the world. Most people outside of these highly dysfunctional homes would never guess or believe that these mothers are abusing their children. Some narcissistic mothers play their parts so well that other family members living outside the home believe their well rehearsed act. Narcissistic mothers often cast their children in different roles. Many choose a child who will become a perfect mirror of the narcissistic mother. The chosen child is often very bright, can be gifted musically, has athletic skills and is very attractive or pretty. Mother is entranced with this child. She has found the perfect vision of herself in this being to whom she has given birth. This child is adored by her over all of her other children. The others siblings are treated very differently. Often there is a sensitive kid who endures volumes of verbal abuse and assault to his person. She/he is told that she is ugly, can never measure up, is deficient, etc. This cruel theme is repeated daily to this child and has very negative effects on this individual’s psyche. Even those who are “chosen” , though privileged and allowed to do whatever they want, including being cruel to their brothers and sisters, are forced to become a perfect clone of the mother. They are human puppets who must dance to her choreography—They are living narcissistic supplies.

Narcissistic mothers as they grow older continue these cruel practices, turn one child against the other, causing psychological chaos and emotional damage. Those who are victims of these non-mothers try to survive the best they can. Even into adulthood, victims of narcissistic mother’s abuse are still suffering the tortures of childhood. At some point many of these adult children decide that they must sever this “relationship” with mother to reclaim their own lives and their unique selves. They stop contact with the narcissistic mother. They seek the support of others who understand their suffering and are there to comfort them and help them heal. Human beings are resilient when provided with good psychological nourishment. Many of these scapegoated children, free from the narcissistic mother gulag, discover their creative gifts, find that they are able to have deep loving relationships and find inner peace inside of themselves. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Narcissistic Wonder Woman

Some narcissistic women fit in a category that I call the Wonder Woman. There is nothing she can’t achieve. The narcissistic wonder woman is highly competitive. She will do and say anything to be number one. Some narcissistic wonder women have high metabolisms. They either feel very little pain or are masterful at concealing their pain. They have wills of iron. The narcissistic wonder woman has an impeccable external image that is constantly updated and refreshed using a variety of aesthetic procedures. The narcissistic wonder woman may appear to be slightly manic. She is restless, moving all of the time. They are not bi-polar disorders. She knows how to expertly wield the bejeweled axe on those who are obstacles on your upward trajectory. Think of the Atlantis rocket fully ignited on the launch pad. Are you going to get in front of this one–I don’t think so.

If you are feeling weak, vulnerable, are incapable of empathy. They expect no complaints, no vulnerability and of course no tragedy.

The narcissist uses primitive unconscious projections to inflict pain on you. These are defense mechanisms that are out of the narcissist’s consciousness. If you have to deal with the narcissistic wonder woman, learn how to be psychologically detached. Developing a regular hatha yoga practice with emphasis on the breath will help you focus. Meditation, quieting the mind is another way of learning how to detach from the narcissist.

Learn to appreciate that you are real. You have genuine feelings. You are not a machine, an artiface. You are authentic with many creative gifts. Go forward with your life and appreciate your individuality. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Leave the Narcissist’s Golden Circle

What price will you pay to remain a part of the golden circle with whom the narcissist surrounds himself/herself. This is a group of individuals who have been hand picked by the narcissist to enhance his image, maintain and grab more worldly power, to substantially inflate his grandiosity and extreme feelings of self entitlement. As the spouse of a narcissist you are head cheerleader. Many spouses are willing to play this role in exchange for an easy carefree lifestyle where one’s needs are fulfilled, you are waited on and treated with great deference, You are looked upon as a special person only because of the tremendous prestige of your spouse. This is good news and bad news. If you are looked upon as prominent, special person due to your choice of marital partner and your position in the family, you are treated with special care not because of yourself as an individual but solely due to your close association and relationship another person.

All of those within the golden circle–spouses, children, siblings, close business associates, decorative venerating friends—know how they must obey to remain part of this highly select group. Some members are truly mesmerized by the narcissist, believing that he can do no wrong and that his powers of persuasion and manipulation are limitless.

If you have been enraptured by your role in the golden circle of the narcissist as spouse, child or professional associate and finally recognize that this person is unfair, manipulative, incapable of empathy, deceitful and exploitive, this is your opportunity to take leave of this role to find yourself as an individual. Spouses become highly stressed and disgusted with the control of their lives by the narcissist. Some of them do research and discover that they are married to a duplicitous, severe personality disorder. If the spouse has children with this individual he or she may be very concerned about the negative influence of having a narcissist as a parent.

Waking up from the delusion of believing in the narcissist as a raison d’etre represents a positive shift that provides an opportunity to lead your life, using all of your creative gifts, protecting your children, living with deep inner peace. I have communicated with those who have left the golden circle, especially spouses. Although it can be difficult, these life shifts away from the psychological imprisonment to freedom , this is a positive life choice. With the help of quality psychotherapy, the encouragement and compassion of a strong support group and a deepened understanding of the true nature of the narcissist and all of the psychological nightmares they impose on all of those close to them, this represents ultimately a turn to emotional freedom and re-instituting your own life. Those who achieve this goal deserve our congratulation. They now can make all of their own life decisions—small and large, can move through expansive pathways of creativity and spirituality (in the way that this has meaning for you.) I hear very hopeful reports and a stories of gratefulness and victory when freedom has now become a realization. We celebrate your great accomplishment. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, etc.
Email: [email protected]

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers-Rage-Grief-Healing

Daughters of narcissistic mothers have a particularly difficult life road to travel. From childhood they have had to contend with mothers who were cold, distracted, self-absorbed, coercive, dismissive, manipulative, highly critical and psychologically destructive. Many daughters of narcissistic mothers remain in denial about their mother’s true nature. They blame themselves for manufactured short comings and flaws that were the product of the projections of a delusional narcissistic mother. These mothers live for themselves. They come in as many shapes and sizes and styles as there are plants on the planet. But when we look at the essential realities of their natures they are the same. Narcissistic mothers have a severe personality disorder that is not going to change. Their children are at their mercy and whim. Their daughters are a continuing source of narcissistic supply. If they are intelligent, have special talents, athletic abilities, are attractive—the narcissistic mother uses these qualities of her child to pump up her ego and grandiose image. The child doesn’t matter to her—only the perfect performance that will impress those in her circle of social or professional influence. Narcissistic mothers test two daughters to see which one will be the standout. One will be favored over the other and this will become painfully obvious to the daughter who is not chosen. Often the narcissistic mother and the budding narcissistic daughter form a dark alliance designed to psychologically immobilize and even decimate the rejected child.

Adult daughters of narcissistic mothers have to contend with the multiple cruelties perpetrated by these mothers from hell. Rage is often the first reaction of the wounded daughter. She hates her mother. She is furious about this woman who was mother in name only and tried to destroy the life of her own child. Beneath the rage is a gnawing grief—a pervasive feeling of loss over what the daughter never had–a loving protective mother who accepted and nurtured her child as a separate individual with no strings attached.

Some daughters of narcissistic mothers find that working with a highly skilled psychotherapist helpful in working through the narcissistic mother rage and grief. Those inclined to go in this direction must make sure that they choose a therapist very wisely.There are excellent ones but it takes research and the full use of your intuition and powers of observation to pick the right therapist for you.

The next step is healing and wholeness. We are designed to be whole, complete, separate, thriving individuals. When you have worked through the rage and grieving, you discover that the deep authentic parts of you are there ready to be activated. This is a complex process. Some daughters of narcissistic mothers move in a spiritual direction (in the personal way that you define this). They develop a consistent meditation practice that works for them. Many practice gentle forms of yoga that put emphasis on the breath and calm the nervous system. Many do daily journaling and keep track of their dreams. Dreams are gifts of the unconscious that are given to us every night. Become familiar with this part of yourself—It is found gold.

The daughter of a narcissistic mother is very special—–She is a survivor, a beautiful human being who has survived the psychological gulags of childhood to emerge as a vibrant, loving, creative individual. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Wealth Obsessed Uber Rich Narcissists

We are now living at a time when the wealthy have been surpassed by the uber wealthy. -those making hundreds of millions a year, even one billion plus dollars a year. Not all uber-rich are narcissists. There are many vastly wealthy individuals who are deeply involved in philanthropy and foundations who help those who are in financial need.

I am talking about uber rich narcissists who spend most of their time thinking about how much more wealth they can accumulate. Money is their god. If that means betraying a business partner or a marital partner of many years, that’s essential for the narcissist. These individuals are greed driven, obsessed with wresting money from others, including their relatives. They are often lawyered up with the best attorneys to insure that they will legally steal wealth from their own family members. Right now 2% of the population is controlling over 80 percent of the wealth, leaving the rest of the population in the dust. Narcissistic uber rich never often don’t feel that they have enough. They are warlike in their assaults on the financial security of others. In their families they hold the possibility of changing their wills and trusts as a psychological cudgel to control their spouses, children and siblings.

Uber wealthy narcissists are incapable of forming any kind of meaningful relationships. This is especially the case with their spouses and children. These family members are a source of narcissistic supply. They are viewed as objects who add to the enhancement of their elaborate grandiose false image (which most people mistake for an authentic self)

The uber rich narcissist views himself as ultra superior to all others because they have not achieved at his/her level. They have no conception of what other people endure, trying to pay their bills, buy sufficient food, have decent medical care and education for their children. These issues are not an aspect of their consciousness. Narcissists view all others as inferior and unworthy. They can’t be bothered with their wives or children. Their roles are highly limited and strictly dictated by the narcissist. Spouses of these narcissists are often so intimidated in their marital arrangements that they are afraid to leave these highly disturbed cruel human beings. As a result they and their children are psychological victims. Some spouses are addicted to the uber wealthy lifestyle where they are treated like royalty at all times. The super narcissist feels entitled to this kind of bowing and scraping. Being at the top of the heap financially is all that matters. If the current spouse does not go along with his grandiose plans, the narcissist views this person has dispensable and easily replaceable.
Uber rich narcissists move those close to them around like pieces on a game board. They never consider for one moment the tremendous damage they have perpetrated upon their spouses and children.

Our current society is becoming more narcissistic. As a result excessive greed is considered a fine character trait. Winning big is all that matters, even if this psychologically wounds their own children. This is the ruthless ,cold unempathic world of the uber wealthy narcissist. It is essential to learn to identify the narcissistic personality disorder to avoid being ensnared by them. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Will Not Poison My Life—I am Independent and Thriving II

Whether you are the daughter, son, sibling, spouse or ex-spouse of a narcissistic personality you have been victimized by the narcissist in your life. These individuals are psychologically toxic to everyone, particularly those closest to them. Through their contaminated personalities with strong negative qualities of cruelty, dismissiveness, chronic lying, deception, exploitation and plans they execute to turn your family and friends against you through pernicious gossip and innuendo, the narcissistic personality wreaks havoc and horrendous pain for which he is never held accountable. Most people don’t understand how one individual can be so callous and cruel. When those victimized by narcissists tell their story to close relative and friends, they are not believed. Or the person will say: ” Get over it.” “You are exaggerating.” ” (blank) is a great guy. Where are you getting all of these irrational ideas about him.” And on and on. It it nauseating to watch the level of delusion in which many people live. They want to believe the best about narcissistic personalities—-Really? Do they know anything about this severe psychopathology? No! Do they want to find out? No! They want “happy talk” and nothing more. I suggest that if you have been victimized by a narcissist and you are in the process of recovery, keep your distance from those who don’t believe you. It is not worth all the torment, lack of understanding and lack of respect that you go through with those who make no effort to comprehend the level of your suffering.

Focus on your healing process. Turn to those who do understand the brutality you have endured. These are people you can trust and will continue to be supportive and watch you grow. Give yourself great credit for reclaiming your life from the narcissist. Allow yourself times of solitude and quiet to encourage healing on every level: physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual. Some find that a practice of gentle yoga with emphasis on the breath helps to quiet their thinking , to create clearer inner focus and to find a state of peace.
There are individuals who begin a meditation practice that works for them. This can mean very short sessions of meditation: one minute, two minutes, five minutes. What matters most is consistency not the length of time that your are meditating. Don’t be judgmental in any way about your meditation.Make it pleasant for yourself.
If you miss a day or even more, don’t criticize yourself. Start again. The power of meditation and the effect on growing independence of thought, deep intuition and inner peace. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers—Begin Your Healing Now

Daughters of narcissistic mothers learn early that something vital is missing from their lives. They may live in a household that appears to be normal. Everything is organized. The children are fed and kept safe. But where is the affection and warmth that they need so desperately from their mother. That is the missing piece that causes such horrible distress to each daughter of a narcissistic mother. In some instances the father is able to compensate for the mother’s lack of understanding and empathy. He is warm; he listens; he keeps his promises. He plays with his children and listens to them. Some daughters have aunts who take on the role of mother or even a grandmother or grandfather. There are some daughters who have to depend on themselves. Some of these children know very early that they must fend for themselves and they do this with great courage. This takes place against the barrage of criticisms, sarcastic remarks and dismissiveness of the narcissistic non-mother. These daughters become intellectually independent very young. Despite all of their efforts and accomplishments, the narcissistic mother wound is still there.

Adult daughters long to heal. In communications with some of these brave women I hear that they have taken their own pathway. Some have benefited from quality psychotherapy. Others find inner peace and a sense of belonging in a consistent practice of meditation. They discover that as the mind is quieted they get in touch with the deep inner loving part of themselves and feel their own warmth and compassion. This is a powerful process that transcends who we had as a mother or father. As meditation deepens as a practice it can become a pathway toward deep inner healing. Gentle hatha yoga is an excellent companion practice with meditation. Here the emphasis is on the breath. Focusing on the breath in the moment as each pose is done, quiets the nervous system, focuses the mind and gets you in touch with that serene vibration of love within you. This is who you really are. Embrace yourself. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Widely distributed
Email: [email protected]

Rampaging Narcissistic Matriarchs

Narcissistic mothers are tough enough to take. When you add over the top rage, extreme self entitlement, treachery and large sums of money to the mix you have a disaster on your hands for anyone who will stand in this woman’s way or question her. No one can over-emphasize the psychological damage that they do to entire families for many generations. Stories about them area legion. You cannot overstate their rapacious treachery. These women have unlimited energy, plotting how they will control their adult children. One heinous method is to turn sibling against sibling, encouraging one to gang up on the other. Often the matriarch has a special child who is her clone and will enforce whatever cruel plans she has laid down. These matriarchs take pleasure in watching the clashes that occur among her children. They love being in the center of the battle—the ultimate five star general. They send their lieutenants out to do the real dirty work. Often the cloned child—a blooming narcissist–decided very early to get access and control over money and property that is owned by his/her aging mother. Little by little she is courted by her golden child. This child knows how to inflate mother’s ego to the max. The GC tells outright lies about the siblings he wants out of the way. Words like” unstable, overdoing medications, involved with questionable people who can’t be trusted, having poor judgment” endless litanies of negative profiles of siblings are “confidentially” put into the mind of the narcissistic matriarch with perfect timing. When other siblings get wind of these betrayals all out war is threatened. Sadly, the most sensitive, caring and non-narcissistic siblings are left behind. They have very few options. Some of these victimized children find their singular way out of this nightmare. They study hard, use their creative gifts, take initiative and remove themselves from this pathological snake pit as soon as possible.

Some children of these matriarchal nightmares are still feeling psychological injury and deep emotional wounding into adulthood. Some of them finally recognize that they cannot obtain genuine love and understanding from their own parent. This individual suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, a pathology that does not change. Some find help working with an excellent psychotherapist who can help them move through the grieving process of never having a real mother. Many of these adult children learn how to mother themselves by recognizing the lovely child who is deep inside of them and who is worth and deserving of respect and leading a rich and meaningful life. If you are from one of these families, be patient and kind with yourself. You have been through a horrendous ordeal. You are strong and solid. Always remember that you are a valuable unique human being. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers—You Deserve to Heal Sooner than Later

Each daughter of a narcissistic mother is unique. Her life experiences are specific to her but there are common psychological dilemmas daughters of narcissistic mothers share. As a small child she was never appreciated for herself as an individual. Even if she was the chosen one, the star of the family, this daughter was not allowed to be her real self. Some daughters of narcissists become narcissistic themselves. Most often this is not the case. The daughters of these mothers suffer horribly under the cruel dictatorship of insensitive, demanding, cold mothers who impose themselves on their children. Some daughters are used as scapegoats by the mother. This is one of the most painful and difficult roles for a young child. There is no peace or respite for these daughters. Many of them make themselves invisible and do everything they can to be out of mother’s line of fire. There are daughter who spend their childhood and adulthoods in sadness, confusion, anger and guilt. They feel invalidated by the narcissistic mother at every turn. The constant criticisms, put downs, demeaning comments and cruel manipulations reverberate deeply within them. Some daughters keep returning to the mother for love which she is incapable of giving.

The goal of each daughter of a narcissistic mother is to reclaim her life—-a life that was commandeered by a woman who is not a real mother. In some cases the daughter was able to obtain comfort and acceptance from the father, a grandmother, aunt or a family friend.

One of the first steps to healing is recognizing that mother is a narcissistic personality disorder that will not change. Another part of the process is grieving over the mother that you didn’t have. You are a special human being,not a possession of a woman who has no understanding or empathy. This is a difficult step and old pain comes to the surface. Being able to deal with the loss and the recognition by the daughter that she is a valuable separate person in her own right. This represents a great movement toward individuation and personal freedom.

Some daughters of narcissistic mothers are helped by quality psychotherapy with a clinician who has clinical expertise on the narcissistic personality disorder. The nest step is a transition of turning around how the daughter experiences herself. This begins with her understanding that she shares her mother’s DNA but not her characterlogical attributes. As time moves forward these daughters discover and develop their unique creative gifts. This movement toward creativity is essential in making a clear break as a separate person who deserves to feel whole and independent. Many healing modalities are effective in moving in this direction. One pathway is through practices like gentle yoga with emphasis on the breath. When we breathe through a pose we are enlivened and calmed at the same time. Yoga can be done on any level. It is highly adaptable to the individual. Another regular routine is developing your own meditation practice. Meditation is a personal activity. Learning to be at peace with yourself is invaluable to healing. Discovering your own expression of creativity is invaluable in redefining yourself. Some daughters discover that journaling and writing regularly is a freeing experience that allows them to express and appreciate what is deep inside and needs to be treasured. Some daughters discover that helping other women who have been victimized by these mothers is part of their healing. It is time now to reach out for the life that you deserve. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, widely distributed in books and e-books
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife

Leaving the Narcissist—From Delusion to Truth

Narcissists live in a world of their own making. For the classic narcissist it is larger than life to suit his enormous ego. They stand at the center of the universe—everything and everyone revolves around them. Those who are married to narcissists, children of narcissists or siblings of narcissists are keenly aware that there isn’t enough room for them in this view of reality. The narcissist is highly deluded. He/she believes that he is perfect, incapable of making mistakes, ruthlessly self absorbed and willing to psychologically endanger even his wife and children to get what he wants. Some spouses of narcissists are so mesmerized by them that they are psychologically fused and are unable to distinguish themselves from their partner. In spite of this some of those who share a comfortable lifestyle with the narcissist continue to fool themselves that they are truly loved. The narcissist cannot love or be intimate with another human being. Many are deluded, spending much of their lives wishing rather than facing reality. At times we are swept away and impressed with people who are highly successful and appear to have it all, without considering that they are not human beings of integrity. They are shallow, empty, venal, ruthless and superficial. It is their worldly acquisitions and their power reach that impress the majority of people today. This is all part of the narcissistic style which has become predominant among a large portion of our population.

Many of those psychologically abused by the narcissist in their roles of spouse, child or sibling finally wake up and recognize that this individual suffers from a severe personality disorder that is not going to change. Spouses of narcissists can decide to stay in this abusive relationship and make the most of their constrained lives. You cannot be yourself; you are suffocating from the narcissist’s overwhelming role in your life; you are not free to be creative and you have no inner peace. Severing a relationship with a narcissist is not easy but it can be done. It is a grand leap from delusion to truth—your truth. Those who have taken this initiative with courage and perseverance discover that they are now living with the truth about themselves, have their life opening and expanding in front of them and are free to determine their own destinies. If they have children, they have given them a greater chance of becoming whole solid human beings who seek and experience truth over delusion.

Major life decisions are worth all of the hard work, effort and stamina that they take. Life is a marathon not a sprint. Each moment lived in truth is a great achievement. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com