Category: Divorcing Your Narcissist

Narcissistic Men Despise Independent Women

Narcissists control others with the back of their hand. They have
learned this from childhood. Male narcissists were often controlled by
their mothers. Momma, mom, mother—adored them to use as her puppet and
her psychological partner. She chose her son over her husband. Some
adult male narcissists report that mother comes to visit the family and
in secret tells her son that she wants to go to dinner with him for a
“date.”  The narcissistic male is often psychologically possessed by his
mother. Unconsciously he grows to hate her. There is always an
ambivalence with mother,  a love/hate relationship. The male child
cannot be free and is emasculated.

Ironically,
narcissistic men love the chase and the seduction of women. If they are
married they often have numerous affairs, even hidden children in the
shadows. With each conquest they move on to the next. They never tire;
they are hungry for more females they can conquer.  If they are powerful
in the world and good looking and completely charming, they succeed on a
superficial level. They are voracious in their need to seduce.

Narcissistic
men despise women who are independently minded—those they cannot fool
and know instantly who they really are. Some women are so astute that
after a few flirtatious rounds they have picked up the scent of the
narcissist and turn their heads away. The narcissist cannot have them,
cannot bargain with them, cannot possess them. They are contained and
control their own lives—they are psychologically independent women.
Narcissistic men hate what they cannot own and control and abuse. The
narcissistic man is never free of the mother who controls him even after
her death.  She has put her imprint on his soul and it is indelible.

Narcissistic
men despise all women and independent ones in particular. If you are in
this category, celebrate. If you have been fooled by a narcissistic man
(and that includes a lot of us) but now know who they really are, give
yourself a hand. If you are just finding out that the man you are with
is a narcissist, keep doing your research. It is worth the effort. There
is a celebration ahead for you. Never stop digging for the truth.

Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Play “I have Changed” Card

One of the repetitive themes that runs through the cycle of abuse
with the narcissistic spouse is: “I have changed. I want you back. I am a
different person now.”  This works very well for many narcissists. They
are such brilliant method actors that the abused spouse believes them.
She has been waiting to hear these words for years. She wants to believe
that this man has transformed himself. She still loves this husband who
has abused her for years. She takes him back and soon discovers that he
has returned to get something that he wants. In some cases it is a
financial ruse. He knows that you have been very successful at your
career or business and he has come to take you for every financial asset
you have. Another reason is that he doesn’t want to go through a
divorce because in the agreement he will lose too much of his monetary
worth. He would much rather have a pretend marriage with you as the
official spouse that leaves him lots of opportunities for his affairs.
He needs the image of the perfect marriage and family. Beneath the
surface he is still leading a secret life. 

Narcissistic
personalities do not change. This is a fixed characterlogical disorder.
Narcissists believe they are perfect. Don’t let the narcissistic spouse
back into your life. You don’t deserve this abuse and exploitation.
Free yourself. You will find your own way. You will use your creative
gifts. Your energy and emotional and psychological health will be
restored. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my
website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissitinyourlife.com

You are the Narcissist’s Possession

“Casting one’s lot with a narcissist means that your life no longer
belongs to you. Your mental freedom and psychological space are
invaded…The narcissist  creates an unbroken fusion with his intimates,
treating them like the intricately woven fabric of his own
personality.”(Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)

Narcissists
are driven to have what they want and must have regardless of the 
people whom they ruthlessly push aside (even their small children) lie
to, cheat, psychologically abuse, trick or cause psychological and
physical harm. They are bulldozers, juggernauts, human tsunamis.  You
can’t win with a narcissistic spouse unless you fuse with them and allow
them to eclipse your inner world of creativity and freedom and go along
for all of the perks and material upsides of one who is rising in power
and financial assets. Some spouses choose that direction. There is so
much to gain by having the next lovely object—a special article of
clothing, an irresistible piece of jewelry, a perfectly designed home, a
grand trip, the prestige to be married to a man or woman who is sought
after as a very special person in the world. This is so tempting to many
spouses that they can’t say ‘No”.  The deeper and closer the fusion
with the narcissistic spouse the less capacity to individuate out as a
separate person who is free to be genuine and to use their creative
gifts and full potential.

Some spouses decide that they
must sever this pathological relationship. Many of them do it for their
children. They recognize the damage that staying with the narcissistic
spouse is doing each day. They make the decision to divorce. This is a
difficult process with a narcissist but they are up for the fight. They
have confidence in themselves, have chosen an excellent, bright,
fearless attorney who knows how narcissists operate. In the aftermath
the spouse, now free from bondage, is free to renew his/her own life and
the endless opportunities that it holds. To learn about the
narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com