Stop Acting As the High Level Narcissist’s Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists cause multiple psychological train wrecks in the lives of others, particularly family members—spouses, ex-spouses, children, in-laws.Always on the hunt for narcissistic supplies which includes a feverish search for people they can exploit, the narcissist can deleteriously affect a wide swath of people including close family members, business and social circles. Exploitative, duplicitous, at times treacherous, highly manipulative, dangerously secretive, the narcissist never stops his hunt for the ultimate narcissistic supplies: praise, adulation, social status, wealth, business connections, spouses and partners that will enhance his/her image of perfection.

I have seen families decimated in the aftermath of the narcissist’s vicious, repeated dark deeds. Having neither shame nor conscience, a narcissist, particularly a sociopathic narcissist thinks absolutely nothing of leaving an ex-spouse and his children with no financial support or security while he or she moves on with a new fresh partner to marry again and begin a new family. Narcissists don’t stop. Just when you think that they have mellowed, changed or slowed down, they will surprise you with finding another way to obstruct your life. If you share custody with a narcissistic ex you understand how exhausting, anxiety provoking and exasperating, these individuals can be. They want everything for themselves. If they have to deplete psychologically, emotionally, mentally and physically in the the meantime, that is your problem. You are taking life too seriously. Narcissists will never take responsibility ever for the damage that they do. Never wait for an apology or reparations from them. They view themselves as perfect–You have the problem.

Become highly informed about the narcissistic personality. This is a powerful offensive to bring into your life. Today we are surrounded by narcissists. Much of society give them a wink and a nod. Often they are praised and emulated. It is time to become knowledgeable and assertive. You will become a master of this subject and narcissists will be quickly identified, dealt with and out of your life. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Narcissists have no respect for the needs, suffering and wishes of others. They are disinterested in other people—fascinated by every thing “me.” When they appear to be intrigued with an individual it is because they have decided that this person can do something for them. A handsome man or beautiful woman can enhance the narcissist’s image.For the narcissist, image is reality. If this chosen person is attracted strongly to the narcissist, all the better. The narcissist has found a compliant living narcissistic supply who will help to keep his ego inflated.

Children learn very early to develop personal psychological boundaries from their parents. Psychological boundaries are essential to our solid sense of self and to the integrity of the individual. Each person is entitled to be treated with respect for his feelings, thoughts and privacy. The narcissist doesn’t grow up with a sense of boundaries particularly if he or she is a golden child, the chosen one in the family who is believed to be so special that he/she doesn’t have to live by any rules. The parent(s) allow this child to have free reign in the household. There are neither rules nor limits. The golden child is permitted to be rude, cruel and intimidating to his/her siblings. From the parent’s point of you, he can do no wrong–this child viewed as perfect and impeccable, untouched by any rules. As a result these individuals are often cruel and ruthless even with parents and other adults. The parent of this child constantly makes excuses for this inappropriate out of control behavior. The parent believes that this child is the perfect replica of what he (the parent) has always wanted to be—a perfect human being.

Most spouses of narcissists have difficulty drawing clear lines of differentiation between their requirements for self respect and privacy because the narcissist is so convincing and intimidating.

You can learn to command respect from others who try to invade your personal space. First, you need to be convinced that you are worthy and have unique value and deserve to be treated with deference. Knowing and believing this about yourself, you will feel more detached from the narcissist who attempts to override your psychological boundaries. Narcissists often ask very rude and insensitive questions—You are not compelled to answer any question at any time. Don’t be thrown by the narcissist’s convincing or aggressive manner or the pressure of those inside his golden circle who try to force you to respond to an inappropriate question or demand.

Learn how to ground yourself psychologically through practices of stilling the mind through meditation, visualization or other modalities that quiet and clarify the mind. With this practice comes a valuable kind of emotional detachment combined with an ability to immediately see through what the narcissist is trying to achieve—invade your private psychological space. The narcissist believes that he/she can achieve ultimate control over you. When you know yourself intimately and are able to separate yourself from the narcissist’s many clever ruses, you will see through him very clearly.

When the narcissist knows that he cannot shake you up, react to his lies and innuendos and that you are detached, separate and individuated, the narcissist will walk away from you to find another prospective partner, devotee, acolyte or psychological slave whom he/she can use. Maintaining psychological boundaries and deciding with whom to share our deepest selves is a sacred right as human beings. We never have to give any part of ourselves away to another human being. We are born in integrity and grow with reciprocal respect, honoring ourselves and others who deserve our trust. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

The narcissist with his/her elaborate image of smooth self confidence, excessive self entitlement and an ability to manipulate others to bend to his will, appears to moving ahead in life at full speed. Continually in restless movement, making one business deal after another, influencing social and professional associates to invest in his projects, having a list of followers who admire and praise him, one would think that he/she is progressing at warp speed. If we judge the narcissist by his level of activity, it appears that he is always accelerating toward greater success.

Inside the narcissist’s psyche, this individual is a false deluded self. The real self of the narcissist is regressed back to early childhood. When we observe the narcissist at very close range, we are aware of this profound regression.This is evident from their attitudes and behaviors. The narcissistic rage that pours forth from them, the lack of psychological boundaries that overstep respect for others, the ruthlessness to obtain what he wants and must have at great price to others, the complete lack of empathy, the constant acts of deception, the lack of conscience—all of these traits tell us about the narcissist’s true nature. The narcissistic personality is a fixed personality disorder that is most unlikely to changed. At their core they are incapable in getting in touch with their authentic selves and therefore of evolving and moving toward psychological growth.

Those who have been involved with the narcissist—as children of a narcissistic parent, siblings of narcissistic brothers and sisters, married to and divorced by narcissistic spouses—have experienced a horrendous long ordeal at the mercy of the narcissist’s psychopathology. As you move each day to heal yourself, you are freed to grow and thrive in every aspect of your being: psychologically, mentally, physically and spiritually (in the way you define this concept) You have fought to maintain an authentic sense of self. The path ahead without the narcissist is welcoming you to now move forward with your life with renewed purpose, the flowering of your unique gifts, the freeing of your emotional expression, a sense of mental spaciousness and inner quietness. You are growing, moving forward every moment. Your horizons are expanded and open to every possibility. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

People have many ways of communicating with us. We listen to their words and think that is the message. A friend of mine always says: “Listen to the music behind the words.” This is excellent advice, especially with regard to the narcissist. Narcissists are often very persuasive and articulate. They have the talent to sell anyone anything—-even when it is worthless and harmful to you. Watch the narcissist’s nonverbals. The gestures, body posture, eye messages give the narcissist away if we are skilled observers. Notice repetitious patterns of behavior that are insensitive at best and cruel, ruthless and destructive at worst. Narcissists stop for no one. They are always moving forward, running through barriers of conscience and humaneness to reach their goals. This is all that matters to them. They treat people like objects that can be seduced for their ego enhancing purposes, used to create valuable social and business connections if you have them, sell you out financially if that benefits them, or throw you into the ditch when you have lost your luster for them and are of no further use in providing them with the narcissistic supplies that they need at the moment. Narcissists always find others to replace the role played by you. It was never yours in the first place. Whether it’s six weeks or six years, eventually most narcissists know that there is a time certain when you will become a part of his/her forgotten past. Narcissists do not ruminate about what they have done to cause pain to you. This thought would never occur to them. From their point of view you were fortunate to be in their presence, their special vibration. You benefited from just knowing them. Whatever you contributed to their lives or how you sacrificed yours is of no consequence to them.

Narcissists telegraph their intentions. In the beginning we are swooped up, mesmerized by a euphoria of the promise of lifelong fulfilled dreams and excitement. To think that this irresistible man or woman is becoming part of our lives and that we have been chosen by him/her is intoxicating. We have drunk the sweet nectar from the cup of delusion. Narcissists live in an unreal world of delusion. They believe that they truly are superior to everyone else–brighter, more clever, talented, entitled. Narcissists pull you into their lives to fulfill a specific goal. They know just when to move your strings, tap into your emotional vulnerabilities, inflate your ego and become so entranced with them that there is nothing you can say but “yes.”

To protect yourself from the narcissist’s duplicitous games and cunning traps, become highly skilled at identifying this personality disorder. You can learn more from somewhere like PsychBC. It is worth your time and effort to study the narcissistic personality in every detail possible. At the same time, get to know yourself better. Locate the psychological triggers that lead you into relationships with these emotional vampires—Are you a pleaser? Are you afraid to say “no” to someone because they will be disappointed in you? Are you in a pattern of letting others dictate the narrative of your life? Strengthen and reinforce your authentic solid self by becoming psychologically more independent and trusting your intuition and wisdom to know the truth about another individual. Begin a practice of learning to center yourself whether this is a form of meditation, yoga, mindfulness. Develop an appreciation for your own inner wisdom. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]
Posted by lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife

Narcissists beneath it all are cowards and phonies. Despite their psychological shallowness they perpetrate tremendous damage on other human beings—emotional, financial, mental. Pernicious lying, deceptions and manipulations are part of their psychological dna. For most narcissists their image is uppermost in their minds at all times. How they appear to others, how many followers they are accumulating, how much praise and adulation they are receiving and how wonderful people believe they are—these are their touchstones. I have communicated with many of those who were married to narcissists who were stunned by their partner’s ability to maintain a pristine public image while privately causing severe trauma, emotional distress and even terror to members of his/her family, business partners, etc.

Narcissists who succeed in the world preserve their pristine images by having favored members of their tight inner circle do their dirty work. Whether it is bringing down a business competitor by stealth and intimidation, using corps of attorneys to break down a former spouse who is asking for child support and custody arrangements, narcissists find the best follower, the most devoted—to carry out their malicious goals. I have had contact with many of their victims, especially their discarded and broken spouses, partners and children. The damage that they do is immeasurable. Part of the insidious problem is that the current culture rewards narcissistic behaviors–“I’ve got mine; the hell with you.” The narcissistic style of acting superior, being over-entitled and a laser focus on outward appearance and “image” has become pervasive in many stratas of our culture today.

Those who have survived the narcissist and are prevailing by moving forward with their lives despite all of the pain they are suffered, deserve our deep respect and empathy. These individuals are real. They come without facade, artifice or hidden agendas. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

I receive some of the most painful and touching communications from children of a narcissistic mother or father. In some cases, these individuals were surrounded by narcissistic family members, including parents and several narcissistic siblings. I hear from adult scapegoated children who were grew up with golden child siblings. There life stories are emotionally wrenching. The cruelties perpetrated on them were chronic and unmerciful. While the narcissistic parent constantly made outrageous demands on the non-narcissistic child, she/he picked one or two other children in the family who were found to be superior, unblemished almost godlike. The scapegoated child was constantly humiliated and treated as an inferior person. Unrelenting cruelties and verbal and in some instances physical abuse were thrust upon these children.

In many cases the narcissist parent was an instigator in turning her budding narcissistic children against the victimized son or daughter whom she viewed as second rate and defective. All of the mother’s/father’s primitive aggressive projections were projected upon these targeted children. Many courageously learned to survive in creative ways. Some scapegoated children become hermits within their own home and play the role of being invisible. They are frequently left to their own devices, unprotected by the narcissistic parent, learn how to fend for themselves. Some of these children are already living on their own before the age of eighteen. I have known of children who have left theses homes of horror before legal age in order to be free from the constant taunting, cruel games, harsh criticisms and constant fear and anxiety. Despite their age, many of these teens will seek out the best fake id websites 2020 in order to get by and in an attempt to strengthen their sense of independence. Whether this decision turns out to be a wise one is, of course, determined by what they choose to do with such an ID.

The narcissist is never going to change regardless of your hopes, wishes, sacrifices, kindnesses. These are losing propositions when dealing with a narcissistic parents.

Those who free themselves from narcissistic parents build a life that is beyond their personal history. This is challenging, takes perseverance and unrelenting purpose and focus. You are not your narcissistic parent. You are a unique human being of great value. It is not your fault that your narcissistic parent has a severe personality disorder, is cruel and deceptive and has attempted continuously and purposely to disrupt, interrupt and devalue your life. Those who free themselves form narcissistic parents, find friends whom they can trust. Another route is to establish a practice of stillness in the form of meditation, gentle yoga or other modality. By consistently practicing these forms of stilling the mind, we communicate with the part of ourselves that cannot be touched or harmed by our early traumatic conditioning. These practices can fit into a spiritual belief used in a non-spiritual purpose to improve and steady our nervous systems, increase our focus and concentration. Many benefit from high quality psychotherapy.

Getting in touch with the innermost parts of yourself where you will find peace and acceptance is well worth the consistent practice that it takes. When we learn to separate and individuate out of our family of origin we have begun to see ourselves as we are, using our own lens, writing our own unique history. We are a work in progress throughout our lives. Each day we have a new opportunity to become more authentic, to activate our creative gifts, to fulfill our many potentials, to practice giving and receiving love and affection. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

One sociopathic narcissist set loose causes suffering that is beyond our imaginations. I hear from those who suffer under the cruel tyranny of these individuals. There are generations of families of narcissists who cause incalcuable pain to their family members, spouses, siblings, in-laws. Sociopathic narcissists don’t suffer deep emotional pain. They are too shallow and very busy, greedily taking what they must have to fulfill their inflated ego needs. There is no real communication or relationship with a sociopathic narcissist. They are tyrants and control freaks. Some are psychologically sadistic and find pleasure in watching others suffer under the weight of their oppressive tactics.

Ultimately the sociopathic narcissist can help us to define who we are. Rather than being on the defense with them, walking on pins and needles,waiting for the next shoe to drop, hiding in their shadow, use your direct exposure to them and the pain you have suffered as powerful motivators to launch an offense. By now you know how these persecutors operate–They are shamelessly ruthless, chronic liars, dark exploiters, psychological bottom feeders. They not only must win but if that means taking you down in the process, they will not have a quiver of conscience. Conscience is a vital part of the sociopathic narcissist that is missing. At some point when you know them well, have studied their personality characteristics and have had enough, you will take a stand and say: “No more!” ” I’m resetting the start button on my life.” Appreciate your individuality, mental and artistic gifts and the part of you that cares deeply about the welfare of others. You are an authentic, strong human being. Identify and remove the sociopathic narcissists from your life. You will celebrate this move by leading your life fully. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Dr. Elaine Arons introduced the concept of the highly sensitive person as a result of her extensive clinical research. She tells us that it is vital to understand certain characteristics about these individuals: “Your trait is normal. It is found in 15 to 20% of the population.” “It is innate.” “You are more aware than others of subtleties. This is mainly because your brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply.” “You are also more easily overwhelmed.” “You are naturally going to be overstimulated when things are too intense, complex, chaotic, or novel…”

A highly sensitive child of a narcissistic parent is inclined to have a more difficult and traumatic experience. With a parent who is insensitive to the feelings and perceptions of others, who is emotionally distant, incapable of empathy, highly manipulative, living each day in this psychological environment is extremely challenging and painful. Some sensitive children learn to protect themselves from the narcissistic parent through their deep intuitive sense. They learn to keep a safe emotional distance from this parent and some fortunate children discover that there are others in the family environment from whom they can obtain feelings of security and acceptance. Some children wall themselves off emotionally and use their minds to escape into their private worlds of the imagination. There are children who have no where to go—they feel imprisoned by their narcissistic parent. They become the receptacle of the narcissist’s aggressive, cruel projections. From early childhood they take in these criticisms and humiliations and believe that there is fundamentally flawed deep within them. I hear life stories of many of these adult children of narcissistic parents. Their nightmarish tales wrench your heart. Often their suffering is protracted and continues through much of their adulthood. With many adults of narcissistic parents, there comes a time, often during a time of crisis, when these survivors recognize that they separate human beings who are intrinsically good and worthwhile. Most of all, these children realize that they are neither mother nor father but unique individuals. Many are helped toward healing of these specific childhood wounds through quality psychotherapy, meditation and hatha yoga. They step out of the painful identities imposed on them by the narcissistic parent and reclaim their lives. A new cycle of life has begun for them. We celebrate their tremendous victory. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Narcissistic men are looking for women who will adore them, provide them with adulation, capitulation of self and total compliance. Narcissists never admit their mistakes but are obsessively finding criticisms and launching humiliation on their Borderline Personality Disorder spouses. The greatest fear of the borderline is psychological abandonment and feelings of annihilation. The borderline personality fuses psychologically with others and has great difficulty maintaining boundaries. The borderline is easy prey or the manipulations and cruel deceptions of the narcissist. The narcissistic man is the opposite of the borderline woman. He is extremely demanding, always gets what he wants, supremely self entitled, superior, has no conscience and doesn’t give how he devastates others emotionally.

Borderline personalities have suffered great trauma in childhood. They have no sense of entitlement, feel worthless and empty and can’t make it on their own. The cruelty perpetrated on them in the marriage to the narcissist mimics and is a repetition of the painful patterns of childhood.

Narcissists know when they will discard their borderline spouse for a new fresh, younger model. The narcissist moves on with no regrets, no stricken conscience, in some cases only a blur of memory that this woman had a role in his life. To learn to protect yourself from the narcissistic personality disorders and assert your own life as unique and valuable, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife

Living with a Narcissist-Have You Had More than Enough

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“Relationships” with narcissists cannot be genuine because of their true nature. A narcissist is a grandiose false self, focused completely on his/her own ego needs—adulation, praise, worldly power, subservience of others to his will. In the early stages the narcissist with his solid gold charm offensive is unstoppable to most. He/she knows exactly how to play people, almost hypnotize them to make them members of his court. He is at your service; you are indispensable; the perfect match. Some narcissists are so clever that they can anticipate your needs, know exactly what you want and get it for you. This is the wooing and seduction phase of the relationship.

Once you are in his possession, the mask starts to crumple and the other side of the narcissist’s personality is revealed. This is a perfectionist, manipulator, deceiver, chronic liar, exploiter of everyone, especially those whom he has chosen as a partner. Many individuals marry narcissists against their own better judgment. They say to themselves: “He is so special and brilliant, so charming; this ugliness is temporary, it will pass with time.” Another rationalization is: “I know he will change and I am the one he can count on to make that transformation.” A self destructive belief: “There must be something the matter with me. He/she is so successful and revered by many people. I need to give him a chance. I’m being too sensitive.”

Eventually the full weight of the psychological devastation perpetrated by the narcissist comes down upon you. He is in constant rages, blaming everything that goes wrong on you. You are incompetent. Some suffering partners take the blame upon themselves, never reflect that it is a pernicious psychological projection on the part of the narcissist. Once volleys of rage have bruised and beaten you down, you begin to wonder if you can take it any more. The ongoing verbal abuse and the absence of the smallest
shred of empathy have wearied and beaten you down. How much more will you take? Is it worth your psychological or physical well being? He much longer will you throw you life away and have it siphoned off by the narcissist’s insatiable ego needs? At some point in this recurrent pain, many decide to leave the narcissist and reclaim their lives. This is a tough challenge, especially if he/she has control of the finances. There is no perfect time to leave the narcissist. One thing you can count on for sure is that this personality disorder is not going to change. In making you calculus close consideration must be made if you have children with this person. Narcissists have devastating psychological effect on their children. They are incapable of parenting and in some cases, their progeny become narcissists.

Making the decision and following through can be very tough but well worth the effort and perseverance.
After the break and you have renewed your psychological equilibrium, you will finally breathe become the author of your life. Good psychotherapy, support groups and communication with trusted friends may all be part of your healing process. Now you observe and follow the new trajectory of your life, the inner peace that you have awaited so long and the renewal of hope and creativity. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality and how to deal with these individuals, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book:amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]