Stop Acting As the High Level Narcissist’s Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply - The Narcissist In Your Life

Narcissists-Making Others Do Their Dirty Work

Narcissists beneath it all are cowards and phonies. Despite their psychological shallowness they perpetrate tremendous damage on other human beings—emotional, financial, mental. Pernicious lying, deceptions and manipulations are part of their psychological dna. For most narcissists their image is uppermost in their minds at all times. How they appear to others, how many followers they are accumulating, how much praise and adulation they are receiving and how wonderful people believe they are—these are their touchstones. I have communicated with many of those who were married to narcissists who were stunned by their partner’s ability to maintain a pristine public image while privately causing severe trauma, emotional distress and even terror to members of his/her family, business partners, etc.

Narcissists who succeed in the world preserve their pristine images by having favored members of their tight inner circle do their dirty work. Whether it is bringing down a business competitor by stealth and intimidation, using corps of attorneys to break down a former spouse who is asking for child support and custody arrangements, narcissists find the best follower, the most devoted—to carry out their malicious goals. I have had contact with many of their victims, especially their discarded and broken spouses, partners and children. The damage that they do is immeasurable. Part of the insidious problem is that the current culture rewards narcissistic behaviors–“I’ve got mine; the hell with you.” The narcissistic style of acting superior, being over-entitled and a laser focus on outward appearance and “image” has become pervasive in many stratas of our culture today.

Those who have survived the narcissist and are prevailing by moving forward with their lives despite all of the pain they are suffered, deserve our deep respect and empathy. These individuals are real. They come without facade, artifice or hidden agendas. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]
Posted by lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife

High Level Sociopaths in Positions of Power-Are You Married to One

There is a personality disorder spectrum from pathological narcissism to sociopathy. The kind of sociopath I speak of doesn’t personally attack another person with mortal physical force. From his point of view that would be absurd, ineffective and put him in prison. The high level sociopath destroys people slowly with pseudo empathy and feigned kindness. That is the demonic genius of the high level sociopath. He takes you into his confidence. Some people fall in love with these individuals and no matter what harm they have caused, continue to live with and defend them.

The high level sociopath is exceedingly narcissistic–self absorbed, exhibiting convincing pseudo empathy, personally magnetic, often very bright, cunning, cleverly exploitive. They wouldn’t be careless and impulsive to blow their elaborate persona of perfection, superiority or the misperception by others that they are “good people.” The high level sociopath operates to achieve his goals through his masterful control and manipulation of others. The high level sociopath is ultra confident. He has no limits. He is often seen as a business visionary. Some of these psychological predators accomplish a great deal in the world, building empires and fiefdoms that amass large fortunes. This is the public face and imprint that these high level sociopaths send to the world—their global image. This is a small fragment of their true nature. In private the high level sociopath operates in a different mode. He/she is cold, distant, enraged, hyper-perfectionistic and hyper-critical, autocratic and without mercy.

These individuals are the ultimate nightmare as parents. They are incapable of playing this role. Their children are used like chess pieces in a high stakes game. They don’t give a damn about how their small child is responding to them as long as the parent is in complete control of them. Some of these sociopaths discard and ignore their children, sending them off to full time nannies, boarding schools and military schools as early as possible. They want nothing to do with children other than using them to build up their image of a great father. In some cases these sociopaths choose a favored child that is groomed to become a part of his echo of perfection and power—this child becomes a strong source of narcissistic supply. The sociopath has huge bragging rights about the high achieving child he has created. Children who are not chosen for these special roles are thrown away, psychologically imprisoned, treated with extreme cruelty. If his children are not performing at the level he insists, some sociopathic parents abandon the entire family and re-constitute themselves with a new adoring spouse who has no clue about this form of psychopathology.

I am in communication with a number of individuals who unwittingly married high level sociopaths. They often have no clue that they are married to a person who is bent on destroying others in order to make it to the top.
The heady lifestyle that the high level sociopath provides for his puppet spouse is irresistible. Feeling financially secure, having anything at your fingertips that you desire, being seen as important and special—-all of these narcissistic supplies shared by the non-narcissistic spouse are very difficult to give up. Many spouses stay with the high level sociopath indefinitely despite the heavy toll that this partnership takes on them. Throwing in one’s fate with one of these vipers stunts your creativity, your capacity to become separate, to expand, deepen and grow psychologically and spiritually.

These sociopaths are all consuming. They suck out the creative and emotional oxygen from your life. You never have respite or peace. Sociopaths do whatever they want without any sense of consequences to the welfare of others. Everything is about their march to the pinnacle of power, the need to vanquish their many enemies, to morally compromise their close associates to bend to their will. Those who defy them are endangered psychologically and emotionally. These sociopaths are vengeful and never forget who has transgressed against their iron will.

If you are married to a high level sociopath, it is advisable that you sever this relationship—especially to protect your children. The sooner you make this move, the better. This person is not going to change—ever!
Apply your intuition, listen to your internal voices and act in your best psychological, emotional and spiritual interests. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

What You Don’t Know About the Narcissist Can Harm You

You and the narcissist may share the same time and space in a family, business or marriage but you are planets apart.The narcissist thrives in a world of delusion of his/her making. The narcissist’s visions of reality are grandiose, skewed to an absolute belief in his superiority. He holds ultimate power and control over others through manipulations, deceits and chronic lying. We may not recognize that the individual we are meeting is a narcissist, especially if he/she is masterful at playing his roles. If you do not react the way he perceives you will, he is very adept at switching to another character in his drama. All of this is a convincing act but fraudulent.

Narcissists don’t change; their personality structure is rigid and very unlikely to change..
Narcissists generally don’t benefit from psychotherapy because they are certain that the problem(s) originates and is being driven by others—spouses, children, siblings, business associates. The narcissist believes he is flawless; the difficulty is with others not him. If you cross the narcissist, at times he/she will relentlessly pursue you. They go to war in certain situations. It is particularly ugly in divorce proceedings, division of property and material possessions and custody decisions.

In extreme instances the narcissist decides that he/she can wreck you life on every level—personal and professional. Narcissists always know that they will win. They persuasively lie to everyone, including judges, therapists and lawyers. Their confidence overflows with hubris. Without a conscience they throw threats, intimidations, defamations of character where ever they might stick. They often get away with their outrageous and destructive behaviors. Many narcissists present themselves as victims and convince many people through the fine art of lying. They have been practicing perfidy since they were children.

Learn about every aspect of the narcissistic personality disorder. It is well worth doing your homework.
The earlier you identify a narcissist, the greater the edge you have in either avoiding this individual or giving yourself a head start on dealing with this person.
Trust and deepen your intuition—that quality that tells us the truth directly and accurately.
If you are dealing with a narcissist, learn to detach your feelings from their psychological bait.
Practice some form of quieting your body/mind—yoga, restorative yoga, meditation, tai chi, etc. This will provide you with powerful techniques for grounding yourself.
Always remember that the narcissist is projecting his/her venom and other contents of the unconscious most of the time. This is the narcissist’s noxious unconscious remnants. They do not belong to you.
Learn to detach from the narcissist’s histrionics. These individuals are waiting for you to overreact. Maintain your sense of emotional equilibrium so they will not have you as a target. Don’t share any of your deep feelings with the narcissist. He or she will use them to manipulate your vulnerabilities.
Appreciate your uniqueness and your entitlement to lead a life of inner peace, meaningful relationships with those who appreciate you and the expansion of your creativity.
Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

The Rise of High Level Sociopaths

In this post I am not speaking about the anti-social personality disorder who has been stealing cars since adolescence and has moved on to crimes of physical assault and robbing banks and eventually hard core jail time. The sociopath I am focusing on sits at the upper echelons of power in the private and public sectors of this country. To most people they are unrecognizable in this role. These individuals are beyond clever and cunning. They are masters of image, disguise and deceit. Many of them attend our finest universities, have the highest credentials in many professional fields. They are exalted in the highest levels of society, given honors and awards for their important work and looked up to as role models by their peers, communities and friends.

These sociopaths are a special breed of men and women. They often have a high intelligence quotient, have earned several degrees and have entered, climbed and succeeded to the pinnacle of their professions. Almost everyone is fooled by them. They have so many admirers and followers. Their main focus is in making enormous amounts of money and wielding ultimate power. There are no limits on their ambitions—It is endless. They are socially well placed and have learned the art of sizing up people early, have mastered all of the social skills and ways of flattering people into falling for them. They wield power and influence in their work over their associates. They act like team players but behind the scenes they are using others who will do their dirty work to plot and destroy their next competitor. They spread lies, create ugly scenarios, defame and eventually destroy anyone who gets in their way. I have heard many stories from their victims of lives decimated by these fawned over criminals in disguise.

The truth comes from those who have shared their private lives with this monsters. Some husbands and wives sacrifice their lives and sell their souls to share the public adulation, lifestyle and raw power that these sociopaths hold in the palms of their hands. Others finally discover that they can no longer live with the abuse, suspect that there is too much illegal, immoral and unethical behaviors occurring that they can no longer stomach and that they must sever these treacherous relationships to save themselves and their children. Divorces from these high level sociopaths are ugly to the max. Those who go forward and survive are relieved and finally free of the imprisonment and secrecy that has haunted them for decades.

Many in the current society, hyped by the media and entertainment empires, believe that those who ultimately win—even if other human beings are thrown to the wolves in the process, is perfectly ok—-even admired. Those who don’t or won’t or can’t play this brand of hard ball are wimps. The increase of narcissistic personality disorders over the last few decades is astounding. Along with this is the acceptance and rise of the highly skilled, charismatic, high level sociopath. They are seated in the midst of many power venues. All sociopaths are narcissists. Some narcissists are sociopaths. Both of these severe personality disorders fool most people, including some psychotherapists. To protect yourself from these highly destructive individuals, study these personality disorders in depth. There are many highly successful people in different kinds of professions who are humane, have great integrity and command respect. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists-Non Verbals Give Them Away

When you assess whether a person is a narcissist or not, one of the many valuable tools is a fine perception of the non verbals.
These assessments were corroborated by other interactions with these individuals. Some narcissists strut across a room, head held very high and literally look down on those in front of them.They are performing for their adoring audience and displaying their irresistible attractiveness. One of the pilates trainers at the gym enters the room with a glossy smile, head lifted. She stares into your face with her painted on rigid smile. It feels like a sneer. There is no feeling in the eyes. She is not making any real connection with you. Her statement is: “Here I am. I’m perfect. I look down on you because you don’t have a perfect body conformation like mine. My looks make me superior to everyone else.” I later had several interactions with this woman that indicate that she is highly narcissistic. On another occasion I had a couple of brief interviews with an orthopaedic surgeon with a first rate professional reputation. He had recommended a surgeon for a friend of mine. After the procedure was completed, I took time to thank him for the excellent referral. He hurriedly greeted me with a confident very firm hand shake. His eyes avoided my gaze; his dismissive hurried manner evaded the words of sincere gratitude that I was expressing. He didn’t have three seconds to make human contact. I remember those large vacant eyes. I could see that they were moving quickly on to his next engagement. He had no time or energy to spare with me, a person who was so insignificant in his mind. In fact I had the impression that he wanted me to step out of his royal presence. My sincere appreciation was not a sufficient narcissistic supply to such a “superior surgeon and man of power.” I was not on his level. I could not get through his steel armor of grandiose defense to reach his humanity. I believe he had left that behind long ago.

I have had many nonverbal encounters with narcissists. They vary in their detail but they are common in the complete lack of connection that is made with them.This can shift if the narcissist wants something from you. Then he or she moves adroitly with the charm and magnetism offensive—a form of method acting that is flawless in high level narcissists. Pay attention to the non verbals. They will tell you more than the narcissist thinks he is giving away. When you make these distinctions and can detach from his highly polished act, you have the knowledge and the power to perceive the truth about these personality disorders. You are seeing through the elaborate lifeless mask of the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife

Narcissists Trapped in a One Dimensional World

With all of their grandiosity, no limits attitude and excessive self entitlement, the narcissist lives in a very narrow world of consciousness. He/she is highly limited. First there is no real communication with a narcissist. They do almost all of the talking—regaling you with stories (that they have told hundreds of times) about their successes in business, the size and reach of their investments, the perfection of their lifestyles, their outstanding achievements. You are trapped on a one way street. You make an effort to listen but it becomes tiring and boring. There is no reciprocation. A narcissist can speak for hours without asking you one question about yourself. If he does make an inquiry, he often is too impatient to wait for your response. You know that above all he was not listening to you. He was expanding his massive ego, talking about his favorite subject, himself.

Many narcissists spend a lot of time talking about their financial success, their material possessions, their treks, their trips, cruises, the highly important people whom they calls friends. Even narcissists who are not very wealthy but comfortable spend a lot of time and energy impressing you with their achievements. Having to sit for hours at a dining table with one of these individuals is pure hell. You feel trapped, bored, appalled and disgusted simultaneously. I remember on one occasion after this narcissist had gone on for over an hour, feeling the need to flee but unable to get up because it was a formal occasion. I needed rescue. Finally, I went into my own mind while still holding the gaze of this self absorbed narcissist and pretended that I was listening. All the while I put my imagination in another location, started taking mental notes and reminding myself of the torture that spouses, children and relatives of narcissists endure every day living with these impossible, selfish, self addicted, insensitive, umempathic people.

There may come a time in your life when you will decide you have had too much of a narcissistic spouse, parent or sibling and must sever this pseudo relationship. These decisions can be tough and they are very personal. Sometimes we have to choose between our destiny as an individual to continue evolving psychologically, intellectually, creatively and spiritually and remaining in a one dimensional non-relationship with someone who is destructive and limiting to our development on every level. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists-Using Lies to Invent Their Truth

Narcissists are compulsive liars—-they can’t help themselves. This is not an excuse for their abominable behavior. It is part of their psychopathology. Narcissists spend their lives in a state of delusion, a world of their making. They find others to share this delusion with them. If they are highly successful they have no difficulty finding those who are willing to “play with them” and share their lifestyles. At the core of it, the narcissist is a very small petulant child who has major tantrums if he doesn’t get everything he wants.

One of the chief ways the narcissist reaches his goals is through lying—overt and covert lies. He/she often bad mouths others, makes efforts to destroy their characters and professional status to move themselves foreword up the ladder. They have no compunctions about lying to everyone. They have clever concocted stories for each person in their inner circle and for the world at large. They lie to their spouses all of the time, to their children—promising them they will spend time with them and then making excuses at the last minute. Narcissists never show up for their children unless it is the favorite golden child that they have picked to be their alter ego. They are very keen at inventing “truths”—intricate stories out of whole cloth. People believe them, even highly sophisticated individuals who should know better. It is the charm and magnetism that camouflages their perfidy every time. Once the narcissist has established power in the world he continues with his lies. He says the opposite of what he does. He promises constantly and never honors these proclamations. He knows that he can create his own reality and if this involves ripping people off for millions of dollars over and over again, or destroying the lives of his children because he was neglectful and cruel, causing so much stress that his spouse becomes very ill—-none of this matters. He faces those who confront his lying with more lies. And this works for the high and mighty these days. We live in a highly narcissistic age where these people are running most of the show. Learn everything you can about the narcissistic personality disorder. Protect yourself from these highly disturbed predatory individuals. Lead your own life, using your many creative gifts. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Vengeance Has No Boundaries

Narcissists are very different from those who do not suffer from this personality disorder. On the surface, in social and business settings they appear to be competent, sociable, even brilliant and innovative. Most people are fooled by narcissists. There is a dark side of the narcissist that is concealed from his public image and act.
This appears most often in private with his spouse, children and other family members. His fangs also come out with business associates who have gained on him. He/she will do anything to maintain and enhance his his power and financial moves up to the headiest levels, This can mean that he will purposely defame, create whole cloth lies about an associate’s private life that smear his personal reputation and cast doubt on his mental and psychological adequacy. If the narcissist has access to the prospective victim’s superiors and is convincing in his lies to those at the top, there is a good chance that he will threaten the associate’s current professional position and jeopardize his opportunities in the future.

Narcissists often seek revenge, especially in marital situations that have gone sour. They will insist on having full custody of children they don’t love and never wanted in the first place because they are furious with the other spouse. They want revenge and find the cruelest ways to perpetrate these psychological crimes. A narcissist will use their court fights for custody of their children to emotionally harm their spouses.The narcissist is merciless in his willingness to instigate lies, destroy reputations, taint your personal life so that he can get back of you. He wants to continue to use his children to demonstrate that he is a perfect, responsible father who is the better parent. Mediators, attorneys, judges and therapists in some instances are duped into believing the narcissist’s lies and accusations. Find the best attorney you can. So often women are sabotaged by choosing a lawyer who is not up to this level of battle and the toxic quality of the deceit that the narcissist is willing to use against his now enemy.

Prepare for these circumstances by understanding every facet of the narcissistic personality. Know that they are unlimited in the tricks and deceptions that they will pull. Be ready for them with your knowledge. Practice centering yourself through yoga, meditation and having a special support group. Interview as many attorneys as you need to so that you will choose someone who is up to this battle. This professional must be masterful at family law but also have a deep understanding of how narcissists operate and know that there isn’t anything they will not pull. The attorney must be contained, composed, highly professional with excellent people skills as well as keen intuition. He or she must be fair to you in charging what is fair. That tells you about the quality of his/her character.

Strengthen yourself on every level with cardiovascular exercise, walking, gentle yoga, meditation practice, other forms of healing modalities. Be positive and ask for internal guidance, especially the power of your intuition. Remain steady. Be kind to yourself. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists- Becoming More Cruel and Ruthless

The narcissistic personality disorder is fixed but not static. As the narcissist becomes more successful in the world, he/she activates greater and greater grandiosity, extreme self entitlement and ruthlessness. If he/she is at the top of his profession—finance, medicine, entertainment, politics, media, etc. he/she is surrounded by a circle of people who believe that he is far superior to them or anyone else. This protective circle provides the high level narcissist with a continuous circulation of narcissistic supplies: adulation, praise, accolades, the highest monetary compensation. These individuals are insulated from any wrongdoing on their part. As these narcissists move to higher tiers of power and influence of great reach, they are almost untouchable in terms of being held accountable for their personal misdeeds and treacheries. The narcissist becomes more emboldened by his increasing reign of power, his control over others, his capacity to destroy them, his winning at all cost. At the highest levels he assures himself that he can make or break anyone. And often this is the case. Does it matter to him if he destroys someone else’s career. Absolutely not! This is business—hardball. Those who side with him (not knowing that they too are disposable) will vanquish his enemies. The narcissist becomes more and more ruthless and inhumane as he grabs more power and becomes more manically delusional.

If this narcissist is a waking nightmare at work, he is hellish at home. Here in the private space there is no need wear his false mask. It is ripped off by the time he reaches the front door.He screams, taunts, threatens,demeans, humiliates his spouse and children. The reign of narcissistic terror is endless. He has his spouse in a psychological stranglehold. If the marriage is going badly and the spouse suggests a divorce, the decree of threat comes down—“You will be left with nothing.” “I will get full custody of the kids.” “Everyone will know that you have instigated the divorce and take my side.” “I will hire a small group of attorneys who know exactly how to defeat you at every turn in the divorce process.” These threats are continuous and terrorize the non-narcissistic spouse. I have been in communication with men and women who are so frightened that they feel that their only recourse is to stay in the toxic marriage. If you make “nice” with the narcissist, he will always find ways to belittle and threaten you. In some cases he has complete power over the finances, leaving the non-narcissistic spouse at his mercy. Some spouses reach a breaking point—They are in severe distress–They cannot sleep; they are on red alert free floating anxiety all of the time; their physical health is suffering; their children are enduring emotional stress as a result of the narcissist’s constant eruptions of rage, outrageous demands and ongoing cruelties and humiliations.

Don’t wait for the narcissist to change course. He knows he can control and manipulate you at any time. He is eclipsing your life and the lives of your children. Some spouses take a courageous step to sever their relationship from these highly disturbed individuals. They strengthen themselves physically, mentally, psychologically and spiritually. They surround themselves with a protective support group. I have heard from many of those who made this decision and successfully severed their relationship with the narcissistic spouse. All of their efforts—well thought out and skillfully done—paid off. They reclaimed their lives and changed the trajectories of their children’s destinies.This was not easy. It takes great courage and an abiding confidence in the self. To learn about every aspect of the narcissistic personality disorder and how to protect yourself from them, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Covert Narcissists—Get Wise to Their Acts, Baits and Incessant Cruelties

Covert narcissists are among the most difficult to decipher. The can appear to be shy. They are excellent method actors, pretending to be your best friend. Covert Narcissists are magnanimous. They are always watching to get the inside track on you. Most people don’t notice any of these behaviors until these disguised enemies bare their sharp teeth.

Covert narcissists come on treacly, sugary, dependent, overprotective of you and caring. But you begin to notice here and there they are planting small digs at you. They dig and then come back to be your best friend, your confidante. They play the confidante role to the hilt. This is a big red flag. As you look carefully at the covert narcissist, they display no genuine empathy. If you recall clearly, you now know they wanted something from you from the beginning. They were obsessed with taking your power and putting themselves in your place.

Covert narcissists are incessantly cruel. They lie in the weeds. When you are the most vulnerable they strike with extended claws. Never share how you feel with a covert narcissist—that you are down, having to struggle emotionally or financially. They will find these times to demean and humiliate you. Once they have you where they want you the covert narcissist quickly discards you. They believe they’ve gotten rid of you and annihilated you. This pleases them. They are at the top of the heap; you are at the bottom. You now see them clearly with artifice or mask. They are incapable of genuine feelings or empathy. They are cold. They plot all of the time, using their cunning to stalk their human prey. Covert narcissists are highly competitive. They will fight you to the death psychologically. They are incredible competitors. Don’t let them get the better of you or any part of you. Learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth. Assert your own power, mental steadiness and your sense of self entitlement. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]