I hear from many individuals who have been married to a narcissistic spouse for many years. They are suffering horribly. They feel like their lives are completely eclipsed by this very self involved, over entitled and highly demanding individual who is constantly projecting psychological venom on to them. They live in a state of emotional and psychological siege– never knowing from one moment to the next how ugly the narcissist will become–which big shoe will drop and when. This is a perilous way to lead one’s life. Victims of narcissistic spouses don’t deserve this kind of treatment.
Some spouses make excuses for being treated abusively. They have become accustomed to being victimized. They remember the “good times” to stay in the relationship which is never authentic when you are involved with a narcissistic personality.
There is good news from those who have made a decision to leave a marriage to a narcissistic spouse. The process is not easy but very worthwhile. How much is the psychological and emotional quality of your life worth? You are entitled to develop your creative gifts to their fullest, to experience inner peace, to express your feelings without being continually criticized and demeaned. You are a person of integrity and deserve to be treated this way.
Think carefully about the constricted life you are leading. Narcissists insist on followers and adorers not true marital partners. They are incapable of real love and emotional intimacy. They do not change.
Pay close attention to your intuition and let it guide you as you make this very important decision. Put yourself first. That is what I tell my clients. For some, it is the first time in their lives that they have done this. Consider the pathway of freedom and the beginning of a new life cycle that you deserve. Your personal healing is at hand and waiting for you to say “yes” to your new life.
I’ve been married to a narcissist for 15 years. Only in the last 3 years have i figured out the crazy making. He would start fights and then insist i was the instigator, every time. I would be so emotionally exhausted from his ranting that i would just apologize and take the blame.he was bullying me into taking responsibility for his bad behavior. Never wrong, never sorry. In the last seven years he’s become physically abusive on top of the other abuses. He pushed me into a wall and broke my foot. The only thing he was concerned with was what i would tell the doctor. He told my sons ” your drunk mother tripped and broke her foot”. I have had many bruises as knocking me down seems to be his favorite thing to do. And he’s tried his best to alienate my three sons right under my nose, but too bad for him they have seen his mask slip. And know they are as big as he is. My one son stood outside my bedroom door with a knife. I took it from him and told him “not ever”. To put my babies in that position is abusive. He will use anyone or thing in his arsenal to try to hurt me. My sons took a recent trip up north to spend time with their grandparents. My husband got drunk and demanded to know where this relationship was going. I told him we’ll talk tomorrow when your sober. Well that sent him into a rage ( no 3 year old temper tantrum has anything on him). He was saying things like “your boys aren’t here to protect you” “maybe i should pour some hot grease on that pretty face!” The look of hate that comes over his face makes me wonder if an evil spirit takes over. It shakes me to my core. Needless to say he is well aware that i am now aware of his “dark passenger” and that makes him furious. He tells me ” I’m getting nowhere with you”He calls me the worst of names. He tells me i’m just an expense to him. He put up with me for ten years do i really think he’s going to do another ten? I keep my mouth shut and my eyes open. The wrong word, look anything that’s perceived as a criticism or negative and there will be hell to pay. I have recently spent four days on the cardiac unit because of chest pains. they did a heart catherization and told me there was no blockage but an artery on the outside of my heart ( to small for a stint) showed some blockage and could be treated with medication. I had a team of five doctors (one of the best hospitals in Michigan) and each of them kept asking me questions like ” are you an anxious person? is there an exceptional amount of stress in your life? is there any reason you wouldn’t want to go back home?” I knew what they were driving at but what was i supposed to say? ” uh, yeah my husband beats on me like it’s his job”. But now his ” dark passenger” is on his best behavior because the smell of money is in the air. My uncle passed and left me in his will. He wasn’t exactly broke. I am fighting in probate because i have two aunts that tried to pinch me out but that will be resolved. So now my husband is all lovey and ” we can fix the house up” and so on. of course his only goal is to figure out how to get the money out of my hands. I am 44 and yes i smoke. I guess that could be the sole cause of my problem but the doctors didn’t seem to think so. Living with one like this has taken a toll on my health. I have an exit plan and he won’t know until I’m gone. My kids are pretty much grown and i have recently found a job that’s a really good opportunity for a woman my age. I want to live in peace with my children. Anyone who tries to throw that “divorce is a sin” crap at you has not or could not fathom the insidious, diabolical, purely evil intentions of people like this. Thanks for letting me share. I can still salvage my life.