We all project unconscious feelings, thoughts and impulses at various times. If we are self aware we are capable of acknowledging at least to ourselves that what we said to someone was more about what was coming out of our unconscious then about them. We made a flip or cruel remark that spontaneously ejected out of our mouth on to them When we can catch these projections, acknowledge them to ourselves and to those on whom they are aimed, then we have made great progress in become more aware, more awake.
The narcissist is in a constant state of projecting in various forms. He/she is grandiose, telling us in every way how wonderful he is. This is the positive side of the projection. Narcissists always have one way non conversations–monologues on their decorative stages. In many cases, if they are highly successful and magnetic they garner quite an audience.
In private in particular narcissists are continually spewing their nasty projections on those closest to them. They are unstoppable. They have completely tuned you out. You don’t exist and if you do you are only one of their possessions. Listening to one of these individuals day and night as a spouse is intolerable. Some wives and husbands blame themselves for these verbal assaults. What’s the matter with me? I must be kinder, more patient, more helpful and on and on. That is not what is happening. The narcissist uses primitive unconscious projections to rid himself of the toxic contents of his psyche which he cannot bear. Beneath the surface of the perfect facade, deep within, this person is empty, full of rage and self loathing. But he is not consciously in touch with this. You Are—-because you are with him or her behind closed doors. Others in his circle of business and personal acquaintances never see this Mr Hyde presentation. He must protect his image above all.
Remember that when you think you are going crazy while your narcissistic spouse is on one of his tirades and accusation runs—-it is what he or she is doing, not you. You are the unfortunate recipient of this verbal excrement. Protect yourself by learning about the narcissistic personality in-depth. Take good care of yourself. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life