The narcissistic personality lives in a delusional world of his creation. Although he/she gives fine speeches and is highly articulate in his profession, he is incapable of the give and take of true communication. I am talking of a meeting of minds. The narcissist is of one mind—his. That is all that exists at the center of his universe. You share his reflected light only if you can provide him with major narcissistic supplies–becoming an adoring spouse who acts as his servant, provide him with sources of power and paths to wealth, introduce him to influential movers and shakers. If you are in his life and cannot fit his bill, especially if you are a spouse or child, you will be treated with disrespect, dismissiveness, constant ridicule, searing criticism, verbal assaults, mental gaslighting and psychological sabotage.
The current narcissistic society gives these individuals a large pass, especially if they are successful academically and professionally and are highly confident. Recently I had an encounter with a narcissistic fellow. I had spoken to him previously and suspected that he was a narcissist. Every word that he uttered was about him. He bragged incessantly about his entry into a medical residency. I made an effort to engage him in a conversation but it was impossible. At one point I mentioned a renowned surgeon who was in his field of study and he didn’t make a verbal or nonverbal reply. It appeared that he was unable to hear anything that I was saying except the sound of his own voice. He flashed a pasted smile with pearly teeth every time he spoke about his grandiose ambitions. He was obsessed with his perfect false self. I talked about a person whom I knew that had a medical problem in his prospective specialty. He was uncommunicative and disinterested. I watched him puff himself up like a peacock as he spoke about his future. When he did mention others there was a sharp disdain in his voice and nonverbal demeaning gestures signaling his superiority.
I left the Prince’s throne room and went outside into the night and gazed at the twinkling stars —so beautiful, magnificent and real.
Study the narcissistic personality in-depth.You will learn how to recognize them much sooner. Trust your intuition as well. It always speaks the truth. Work on your own self entitlement, clear boundaries and demand self respect. You are a person of many gifts and have unique value. You are empathic and each person you meet is fortunate that you have passed their way. Stay on the road less traveled, the one that leads to higher consciousness and inner peace.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.