When you met this man or woman you were captivated–carried away by his/her charm, ambition, success, confidence and promises of love. Today you are either contemplating a divorce, divorced or going through a very ugly divorce from your narcissistic spouse. One of the issues that makes it very painful besides a fight for custody over the children is their GREED. Never think you can negotiate in good faith with a narcissist. They will run the table on you if you don’t hire one hell of an attorney to fight them tooth and claw.
Narcissists are greedy and demanding. During the divorce they are completely uncooperative. They love to put obstructions in your way, rattle your nerves and scare the hell out of you. They throw barrages of threats to ruin you financially. First, they have been stealing from you for a long time. They lie about their assets constantly during the marriage–even in the good times. Narcissists are exceedingly secretive. They must always have the edge over everyone else even if it is a spouse or child.
When the divorce is on, the narcissist goes into full battle mode. You are bombarded by his attorney’s countless questions and insinuations, designed to wear you down to nothing so you will give up. Narcissists get a thrill from watching others suffer. It makes them feel even more superior, knowing that they are controlling your emotions and they are exposing what they perceive as your weaknesses—meaning your humanity.
Prepare yourself for battle by having a deep working knowledge of the narcissistic personality. When you have the background, you have a better edge at predicting their moves and developing excellent strategies.
Don’t ever give in to the “I have changed. I want this divorce to be amicable” routine. This ploy is used to throw you off balance and re-consider. Don’t fall for it–ever!
Make sure that you learn to take good care of yourself during the divorce and for the rest of your life. You are a first priority. You will never capitulate to someone who is a taker, not a giver.
You will prevail–I know you can. Remember, you are an authentic, strong, talented and empathic individual.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.