I hope the wedding invitations haven’t been mailed yet.  The gown fits perfectly, the flowers are ordered, and the wedding planner is ready, the minister chosen, the ceremony written. There is an enormous obstacle standing in the way.  Janine, the bride to be, is questioning her decision to marry Michael.  In the last few months, Michael has shown more of his true character.  He constantly criticizes Janine, blaming her for his mistakes. Recently, she discovered that he was frequenting a bar with a female co-worker after work. Michael had grown up as mommy’s darling, a golden child. She could never say “no” to him, making excuses for his insensitivity to the feelings of others.  Michael always felt superior, entitled to get whatever he wanted.

In business Michael was very clever at manipulating his way up the power ladder by setting one individual against another, often spreading rumors about fellow workers he viewed as professional obstacles. He never considered the personal and professional harm that he caused.  Marrying the lovely Janine who came from a “good” family would enhance his perfect self image.  
We don’t know what Janine will do---continue with her wedding plans or recognize that marrying Michael is unwise and could be psychologically harmful. It is most likely that Michael is a narcissistic personality disorder, considering these clinical characteristics:

1. Deceitful-narcissists are never straight or honest with others. They use trickery and cunning to reach their goals at all costs.
2.  Ruthless-narcissists treat others without compassion or empathy. They are cold and    insensitive to the needs of others
3. Highly manipulative - narcissists find clever ways to control others.
4. Ingrained patterns of lying - narcissists lie easily and frequently to achieve their goals.
5. Grandiose self - narcissists have an overblown sense of self importance.
6. Extraordinary self entitlement-a sense of self importance that has no limits.
7. Lack of empathy-an inability to psychologically care about or put oneself in another                             person’s place.
8. Obsessed with image-the narcissist creates a false persona that reinforces his feelings of specialness. He uses this perfect image to impress others.

As a psychotherapist who has worked extensively with many clients who have suffered psychologically from their relationships with narcissistic spouses, ex., boyfriends, girlfriends, I recommend that this wedding be cancelled.  Everyone benefits from this decision. 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.---Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life