Many of them go unnoticed at social events. They appear to be self effacing with a low grade ego. Meet the covert narcissist—that individual who is a narcissistic personality disorder without the elaborate persona. The covert narcissist seems to blend in like a chameleon. They fool a lot of people with their practiced pseudo empathy and fake humility. Covert narcissists are low key but watch their moves. They are highly competitive, manipulative, intensely secretive and willing to mow you down to get what and whom they want like their
grandiose cousins. Covert narcissists like to play the role of “ordinary” or “don’t make a fuss about me” or I’m not important; you are.” That’s another one of their ruses. They put themselves at your feet, at your service. Their motive is to win you over and gain your trust. Watch out—you’re about to be ambushed.. You think you have a genuine relationship with one of these individuals. You have confided in them. You trust them. Then you find out that they have spread your personal information like a virus. Covert narcissists are exceedingly envious of those whom they view as rivals. They cunningly whisper rumors about “your past”—spreading downright dirty lies about your character. They often get away with this because they appear to be impeccably innocent and perpetually unsuspected.
Learn to tune into the cues of this type of narcissist. If you sense an effusiveness toward you, be wary. Using your powers of observation and your keen intuition will always lead you to the truth about a person’s intentions toward you. Be ready for the psychological ambush—this is a signature tactic of the covert narcissist. They are friendly, helpful, your biggest cheerleader, etc. You let down your guard and wham–You get the rude inquiries: “How are you doing with your stocks?”"How much money do you have invested in the market?” “Do you have a pension plan?” “I thought you inherited money from your family–Is that true?” “How old are you?” “Do you rent or own your home?” These are only a few of the thousands of questions that fling out of the mouths of covert narcissists. These questions are designed to put you off balance, to humiliate you, to make you feel anxious and unable to think clearly. The bottom line is that the covert narcissist feels superior at your expense. It is difficult not to overreact to outrageous questions and comments that are not only rude and impolite but purposely structured to fracture your composure, leaving you feeling helpless and inadequate.
To protect yourself from the covert narcissist, study every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. Remember that these individuals are false selves filled with rage, highly manipulative, duplicitous, cunning, psychological stalkers of those whom they sense are vulnerable. Covert narcissists get a thrill out of disturbing your sense of peace. They revel in putting you in an emotional tailspin. They are hardened to their own feelings, incapable of empathy and seek to weaken your sense of self.
You can learn how to deal with covert narcissists by understanding every aspect of their psychopathology. Become keenly aware of their game playing. Learn to detach yourself so that you will not overreact to them. That’s what they’re waiting for you to do. Meditating regularly is one of the many ways that you can still the mind and body. As a result of this practice your concentration is honed, your focus on every detail in the moment is clear and your nervous system is calm despite nasty verbal volleys thrown at you.
You are in charge of yourself and your reactions to others. You don’t owe anyone an answer to his/her question. You are no one’s possession. You are a unique human being who will never be replicated. Knowing this and renewing your promise to be faithful to your true nature, keep peace and stillness inside of you. They are your touchstones. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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