Not a Narcissist–He/She is a Sociopath

You don’t have to purposely cause physical harm to another human being to be a sociopath. No,  a person can do it the “clean” way by taking your life apart, piece by piece. This includes the final cruelty of leaving you psychologically broken and financially ruined. I have heard too many of these life stories and it is vital that we understand how this happens and to reach out to those who have been left behind with unbearable traumas and sorrows that wound the heart. I know of sociopaths who took their own children away from a loving mother just for revenge. They didn’t love these kids—they are incapable of love by definition. They are vengeful and yes, evil.

I don’t care how successful they are, how beautiful, compelling, irresistible—don’t fall for the false gods of outward perfection and the quiet shrug you are tempted to give them —a big pass–pretending you don’t know intuitively that these people are, as they used to say—No Good!

Sociopaths tempt us to go over the line. They know how to appeal to our greed, salaciousness, emotional and psychological deprivations. With no scintilla of insight, they know exactly how and where to touch our weak spots and get us to collude with them. Ultimately, they want us to hand over our lives and our souls to them. They are counting on it and know it will become a reality. They  have played this winning game so many times it is the air they breathe.

All sociopaths are narcissists. They have no conscience, no empathy, no mercy. Sometimes there are exceptions in their behavior but this is rare.

If you are married to a sociopath and finally out of denial and psychologically awake, decide what moves you will make without letting him/her know the plan you have in mind to end this non-marriage. Work with your inner self by learning to quiet your mind through meditation in a form that works for you. Call on those you trust–it can be one person– to help you get through the process of leaving this nightmare. Call upon your strength, determination and perseverance that have been left fallow. Summon them now. Seek your intuition all of the time. Listen closely to its messages. It is always telling your the truth and how to proceed. Be receptive and you will perceive this great gift you were given. Your path is waiting for you and calling your name. Even when the wind is blowing a gale–it is speaking calmly and clearly–“Come back to your real self.”

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

The paperback edition of Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in your Life was published today August 15, 2013.


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3 Responses to Not a Narcissist–He/She is a Sociopath

  1. Diana says:

    Comment: From Diana
    Your articles have been such a blessing in my life, your words have been healing. I’m typically not a reader, but you’ve changed that! I anxiously await a new entry from you. I will most certainly be making a purchase of the paperback! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience with all of us survivors! Diana from NC

  2. Comment: From Donna
    I’m so glad that this “disorder” (pathology really) is finally being discussed more openly; however, I would assert that these “malevolent narcissists” are actually Psychopaths, as they tend to Target a specific individual (wife, husband, daughter, son) for the bulk of their rage and nightmarish games. I am years into an unending marriage dissolution and I will forever be looking over my shoulder, no matter where I move to. My children are subject to my ex-spouse’s vile favoritism and manipulations, often pitting one against the other, bribery and fear of getting their other parent mad are very strong tools when manipulating children – especially when you’ve already destroyed what little ego strength the children once had. Yet, they will forever want to try to fix things and have a relationship with this parent – insanity in it’s own way! There is a dark side to this type of person, the narcissist, that no one ever truly knows and is absolutely dangerous. If they can’t have you (not that they ever really wanted you) then they will do their best to destroy you (in every way), so that no one else can have you…even when they’ve seemingly moved on in their lives. Total annihilation is their goal and they “will shoot arrows through the children to get at the ex-spouse.” When they see their lives starting to fall apart, especially when their financial success is threatened in a divorce situation, it’s easy to believe that they would wreak fatal violence against the ex-spouse and even children…somehow, never turning the weapon upon themselves, cowards that they are, nothings inside – which is what they fear the most — that someone will actually discover that they are Nothing Inside! If there is a trick in getting the narcissist to release me, I would love to hear it. I can do all the healing and growing that I want, but I will Always be in Danger from this ex-spouse. No matter where I go; no matter what name I use; my ex-spouse will find me and try to wreck my life or harm me. He will always try!
    to manipulate and control our children. You think I’m “paranoid”? Then you’ve never lived with a malevolent narcissist!

  3. Marie says:

    Donna, You are absolutely and accurately right about everything that you have said. I’m going through the same thing with my ex-spouse narcissist. He is so evil in many ways and have broken my children down. The courts could care less about the children s feel emotions, and heartache. They are drawn into the lies of the sociopath narcissist, they can me so charismatic, charming and manipulative, liars to the core.. I hate that I was blinded and married for so many years to this evil thing and I say “thing” because they have no emotions they are empty creatures who prey on others just for self-gratification. I hate that I had children with him, my poor children are now his targets to destroy their self-esteems and he uses everything in his power to control them. My children know that their father is evil in so many levels, my ten year old already has resentment towards him because he can’t be himself and enjoy his childhood. My poor son can’t even consider sports because he knows his father will have a problem with it due to the custody/visitation decree in place. I’m such a loving and caring person but it would make life so much easier and peaceful if he was to disappear of the face of this earth.. I read so many stories from different men/women and the more I read the more I feel like I’m reading about my life in everyone’s story. I pray for all who have to go through this nightmare and hope that one day we will all be free from this. God bless all of you!

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