Narcissists Accuse You of Being Crazy–Not True

Narcissistic mothers, spouses and siblings accuse their victims of being “crazy”. That can mean anything–that you express your feelings, think independently, call the narcissists out on his mistakes, that you are creating a life of your own, that you have talent and tremendous creativity.  Wherever you don’t fit into the mold that the narcissist has created for you, there will be a target of his/her volcanic rage. Narcissists are so intimidating to most family members that we tend to believe what they are saying to us—even though it is a lie, figment of a deluded person. You are not fitting into the narcissist’s image of how he has molded you.  There’s the rub. Being yourself is not part of his repertoire. Since all reality revolves around him/her, you cannot step out of this very confined psychological space or the doors of Hell will open right before your eyes.

Narcissistic siblings are often sadistic with the chosen victim brother or sister. Having mother or father in your back pocket is a big plus if you want to put your sibling in constant turmoil. He or she gets the blame always for things that the budding narcissist, the golden child has done. The victimized child is not crazy. He lives in terror from one moment to the next.

Narcissistic spouses dispense with their perfect images when they enter the confines of their private spaces and all Hell breaks lose with their screaming demands, their false accusations, their threats to expose you for something you never did. This is crazy making but you are not crazy. The narcissistic spouse is creating chaos inside of you that is intolerable. You don’t think you can live through one more moment. Some husbands and wives on the receiving end are so afraid that they go along with the narcissist and even blame themselves and agree with his delusional accusations.

You are not crazy; you are being severely abused and treated with disrespect, dismissiveness and a complete lack of empathy or compassion. In these instances the narcissist is inhumane. Stop blaming yourself if that has become your pattern of survival–identifying with the aggressor.  Seek excellent professional help and make sure you do all of the research on finding a therapist who is worthy of your trust. Reach out to friends whom you can count on. You only need one. Know deep down that you will prevail over living in a narcissistic family or being married to a narcissistic spouse or having a narcissistic sibling. There are so many alternatives waiting for you. Start to recognize the beauty inside of you–the original self that you always were. There are many pathways to freedom. Trust your intuition to find the one that is suited for you. Listen carefully and let yourself be guided. Meditation in a form that works for you deepens intuition and the guides that lead us to freedom and rediscovering our real selves. You will find individuals whom you can trust along the way. They will help you. Be receptive to the gifts of knowing that don’t come from the intellect. You are learning that you can be calm, that the body, mind and soul are always in the process of healing.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

This entry was posted in Children of Narcissistic Mothers, Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, married to a narcissist, narcissistic abuse, Narcissistic Personality, narcissistic rage, narcissistic siblings, narcissistic sister, narcissistic wife and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Narcissists Accuse You of Being Crazy–Not True

  1. Christine says:

    Comment:From Christine
    Yes I agree You hit the mark I am married to one and going through a divorce. He thinks he calls all the shots and has even threatened to harm me.

  2. Stacia says:

    Comment:From Stacia
    Completely true. Everyone has known narcissists throughout their lives, and they always pick the kind, compassionate, shy, creative and trusting people to destroy. Whenever you tell them to stop, or you confront them, they will tell you that you’re being overdramatic and blowing things out of proportion. That you’re delusional, and that nothing happened the way you said it did, you just simply imagined it. That goes for kids and adults. A narcissistic child will make fun of their victim when seeing their pain. Telling them they’re being a “baby”, and laugh and scrutinize them on their looks, behavior, and personality. They will tell their victim that they are annoying and weird, and that it’s their fault that they don’t like them. The narcissistic child will make up lies to get everyone they know, including the narcissistic child’s parents or teachers to not like the victim child and to ostracize them. I have known several narcissistic children and they were that way before kindergarten. Adults see them as “little innocent children”, but they’re just evil human beings in small bodies. That’s it. Their mindset and actions are exactly the same as an evil adult. They use “being a child” as their weapon, to get away with verbally and physically abusing people. They are extremely cunning, and know that they can use their perceived innocence and child like appearance to get whatever they want. They use their looks to get what they want from adults, just like adults do. Adults tell them how cute they are, and the child picks up on this. They are literally taught by adults, that acting and looking cute will let you get away with murder. There are little kids that kill and torture animals, and physically and verbally assault other kids. There are even children in grade school that sexually abuse other children and know it’s wrong. Evil children are just as horrible as evil adults. Evil children will always do things to other children when adults aren’t looking or aren’t around.

  3. Laurie says:

    Comment:From Laurie
    I wish I had understood about this years ago. I was married to one and his entire family were narcissists. I knew something wasn’t right, but always believed it was me. My former mother in law was extremely critical and judgemental of others. I was carefult to try to not be what ever she found fault with in others. I also thought his family was “perfect” but learned that was all for show. I was so young when I got married and had moved over 800 miles from my family where my husband was from. 30 years later, I understand it all now. Also, I went through a horrible divorce. My ex had MS for over 15 years of our marriage, I tried so hard to keep it together, but the sicker he got physically, the worse his behavior became also. The Dr. told me at one point that it wasn’t the MS, it was something else he had been able to hide until He got MS, but he blamed the MS for his behavior, so it made it very hard for me. The guilt and anger at times were overwhelming, and I had promised him I would stick by him, through his illness. I only left after I was forced to by his famly. I had reached the point where I knew I could not live with his behavior and that our marriage was over. (He was having an online affair, among other things) He and his family hired a lawyer, removed all of our savings, and then made me thing I was crazy. I did think I was loosing my mind. Now, in hindsight, I understand. It was better to blame me so no one knew the truth of what happened. I can’t go into it all here, suffice to say I lost many friends and everything I owned, but not our children. They saw the craziness, and they knew I was trying to protect them. I was in so much pain for a long time, and I was also forced topay him alimony, which added salt to the wound so to speak. I even had a protective order against him at one point becuase he stalked me and found out whre I lived and threatened me. His sister took over when he got sicker, and she took me to court for MORE alimony. I could never tellt he Judge what had happened in the!
    divorce because I wanted to keep our children from testifying against their father, so I agreed to everything they wanted. I didn’t understand about the alimony. For seven years I lived this nightmare every month when I had to pay the alimony and live with the fear of going back to court to pay more. His family had a lot of money, it wasn’t as if he didn’t have money. My mistake was not leaving the first time he hit me, and my second mistake was beleiving that his family would try to understand. I know now that they were all as sick as he (with the way they thought). So much happened and it was pure hell, there were days I wanted to die to make it stop. I see them for who they really are now. I had no idea what Narcissim was, but I now. I wish there was more about it, and I wish family courts understood it. It was so hard listening to them lie in court, and no one cared that I knew the truth of why and what happened. Just because he was disabled with MS didn’t mean he wasn’t capable of controlling my emotions. It had started long before he got sick, I didn’t see it until it was too late. He had manipulated me for years, and when he got sick, he used the MS also. The use people, they use your feelings. They have no empathy, they only pretent to for when it’s convenient and it suites their purposes. I had no idea of how cruel they really are. I feel so sorry for anyone dealing with narcissitic family’s. You are trapped to some extent, until you recognize it. thank you

  4. Sam says:

    Comment: From Sam
    The first part of your comment is exactly what I am living through with my husband. I’m crazy, I’m delusional, I have the worse memory of how things occur, I do not keep the house clean enough (everyone who visits talks about how nice and clean it is), I am SO lazy. I have recognized that he is a narcissist and that I DO NOT want to spend my life with him, but I simply can’t bring myself to cut the strings; everytime I go to his tears and promises of changing (but I need to change as well) draws me right back into the marriage.

  5. Bot says:

    Comment: From Bot
    Look up gaslighting…find a councilor. .and move on…I did ex has taken my 14 yr son from me, but not my 12 yr daughter …His lies will catch up with the courts ..he’s a firefighter and uses his position to hide the truth…I will not give up on my son and will stand up to my ex …you can push me down but I Will get back up…I have a loving family and friends in my life..Please get out …stay strong ..I’m so happy to Be Me…

  6. crod says:

    This is very true. My husband constantly pushes the right buttons to make me feel like I’m the crazy one. It hurts to know that the person you entrusted to spend the rest of their lives with could hurt you so badly. Even though I was working 2 jobs, taking care of 7 of his 9 kids, 1 of my own, cooking, cleaning, and trying to quench his ego, he still calls me psycho. Some days I just want to take my son and run far away.

  7. Christie says:

    After many, many years of being part of a debilitatingly dysfunctional core family and while being at my own very low point, it is difficult to decipher if I’m the narcissist and everyone else is relatively normal or those I’m surrounded by choose to enable and support the narcissist and call me crazy. Living like this has made me physically ill and for the most part, absolutely unable to cope with what appears to be a silent code by other family members of dealing with my emotional ‘outbursts’ when I call someone out or reach out to want explanation or information to process the latest issue. Silence is the only defense my core family knows, or talking to one another and not the person wanting to clear the air or get clarification. The stew has become so toxic I can no longer set boundaries or define what the issues are because the mess of he said’s/she said’s has become a humungous mountain that is impossible to negotiate. What are my options? Where does one turn?

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