Each narcissist has his own style. Some are brash, obnoxious, vicious, reptilian. Others are smooth, so sleek and clever that most people are taken in by them. On some occasions the narcissistic son is an absolute charmer. Bright, convivial, astute socially and driven to succeed this fellow goes far in his profession. He is capable of maintaining marital relationships as long as he is getting his necessities: obedience, praise, adulation, total agreement. He appears to care about his children as long as they come up to his high standards. He loves to brag about their exemplary school performance and their attractiveness. Socially you would never guess that this person is a narcissist. It is behind the stage after the performance that you know better. This smooth guy cannot stop talking about himself. There is no conversation with him. He regales you with his multitudinous stories that feature him as the lead actor. You hear about his professional triumphs ad nauseum. He has a loyal group of followers in his close circle of Yes men. His focus in life is not insight, self knowing, compassion for others that he puts into action. It is economic success at the highest level. He doesn’t care whom he hurts or decimates as he climbs to the top. His ruthlessness is masked by his ready smile, quick jokes, rambling stories and his handsome appearance.
The narcissistic father is a different story. Cast as the golden child from toddlerhood he indeed is very bright. He has been tested and found to be intellectually gifted. The parents are hyper impressed. The other children in the family are ignored and left to fend for themselves.Bid Daddy Narcissist is brash, rude, insensitive and downright cruel. He makes the most cutting remarks when you are alone with him. The horrendous projections eject from his mouth like filthy vomitus. He hits you in the gut with his verbal blows. You learn to avoid his presence because you know he will corner you and let you have it. He is sadistic with his blows. Many of his family members go along with his outrageous treatment. They all say to themselves: “On, there he goes again.” Really!!! These narcissists old or young should not be permitted to get off the hook. They are toxic and psychologically injure others, especially their unfavored children and their spouses.
Watch out for these fellows. Narcissists are increasing in numbers every day. Keep your distance from them. Maintain your ground and self respect. Keep them out of your life even if the rest of your social group or family thinks you are overly sensitive or even crazy. You know the truth about narcissists and the destruction that they cause throughout their lives.
You are taking a different path: learning about and activating your real self, using your many creative gifts, opening your heart and showing your kindness to others, learning how to quiet your mind by meditation, using your intuition to develop wisdom and inner peace. These are the real treasures and they are all available to you right now.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.