Narcissistic Siblings Steal Your Psychological, Emotional and Financial Inheritance

One of the most painful familial situations is to be the brother or sister of a narcissistic sibling. From the beginning they “have it in” for you as the old saying goes. I have heard from so many of their victims. The stories told are hair raising. Even in early childhood there are memories of being pinched, squeezed, shamelessly slapped. All of this is perpetrated with impunity. The parent(s) of the victimized child is often a narcissist and gives the special , golden holy terror free reign in the household. There are no rules for this brat turned tyrant. The embattled child is always in fight or flight mode. There is no letting down, no relaxing of hypervigilence, no rest or freedom to express oneself authentically in this family constellation.

In some instances in adulthood the narcissistic sibling far in advance plots how he or she will deceive the parent (s) and gain full control over the family finances or trusts. This is shocking but it happens more often than one would think.

There are cases in which the golden narcissistic sibling intimidates brothers and sisters into taking his/her side against the scapegoated children. These battles become very ugly and can eventually rip families apart.

Rather than live in these dreadful circumstances many siblings break completely from their family of origin and move into a no contact mode. This is often painful since it is difficult for some to believe that a sibling with whom we share our DNA could be so treacherous. Coming to terms with this reality is essential to the healing process.

Learning about the psychological core and dynamics of the narcissistic personality recognizing their specific traits and the naked truth about them is the beginning of healing.

Acknowledging and appreciating your authenticity, the fact that you survived this series of hells is a huge step toward becoming whole. You went through these wars since childhood and have survived into adulthood. You deserve tremendous credit and acknowledgement for this achievement. So many of these survivors are among the kindest, most empathic and intuitive individuals I have every known. Here is to your continuing healing, your triumph as an individual and the unbounded use of all of your creative gifts.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

73 thoughts on “Narcissistic Siblings Steal Your Psychological, Emotional and Financial Inheritance”

  1. Comment:From J. Thompson
    This is so right on in my situation. My sister just put herself in a position to “steal” everything from the family legacy. With my Dad just passing away and my Mother in legal trouble (auto accident where she killed a man) everything is up in the air legacy wise. My sister has still gotten my Mother to put everything into her name in an attempt to “conceal” assets. I’ve not spoken to my family since my Dad’s memorial service. They disgust me…………

  2. Comment:From Carter
    Linda,
    Great post and yes I am one of those survivors of three narcissistic siblings and have no contact with all of them. Siblings that are narcissistic are distant, cold and very manipulative. They never do anything for anyone unless it indirectly or directly benefits them. They do not really know who you are as a person, or maybe even your likes or dislikes. My siblings tried very hard, without success, to try and make me think that I was bipolar, when I was not. They are not whole people. They do not have sympathetic ears, care, love or respect for their siblings. They walk, talk and look human, but are devoid of any interior human qualities. Probably because they were raised from narcissists, so for survival they just mimicked what they saw. It is my belief that they have moments of clarity that their behavior is unacceptable and perhaps one in thousands does something about it, However, most continue to live a life of self consumed superficiality. As Linda mentioned all of this is so difficult to accept, that our own blood family, would be so cruel and unemphatic to their own sibling, and because if you are not a narcissists, it makes no sense. That has been the most difficult part of this process for me, trying to rationalize or comprehend this destructive mental illness. I have come to the conclusion I cannot rationalize or comprehend it. But I am lucky beyond measure, because I survived a tidal wave without a raft or any other flotation device. I am not a narcissists and I will never understand their behavior, cruelty or lack of compassion for siblings, family members or humanity in general.. Thus I move on with my life, alone perhaps, but so much better off than getting hit by a tidal wave daily. Love and compassion for my fellow survivors.

  3. Comment:From Suzette
    Thank you for writing these words. This hits the nail on the head. Thank you for caring enough to write and learn and share and expose these monsters called mothers.

  4. Comment: From Valda
    Hi Dr. Martinez-Lewi, I appreciate your blog so much! My mother, identical twin sister, daughter, and first husband are all narcissists. It has been a tough road, but I have weathered the storm pretty well. My sister beat up on me every day after school until I finally had enough of that in my senior year of high school and I stood up to her. It took me so long to do that, because I didn’t want to hurt her. Learning more about the confusing and vicious messages I received from my family members has given me a new understanding and has brought me peace. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. Warmly, Valda

  5. Comment:
    Hi,
    I just posted elsewhere. I can attest to this post. She is,sadly, quite factual in what she is stating. My NPD mom designated the least financially responsible and greediest of my sibs to be her executor. I believe it is a kind of symbiotic manipulation, if that’s possible. It guarantees my sister’s ongping cognitive dissonance, and willful suspension of disbelief in the face of all the facts of my mother’s abusiveniess to all of us through the years. Inversely, my sister tries to protest and influence our mother’s expressed plans to sell her property and move. They live next door to each other, and my sister wants one of her kids to get the house. Because I stay at a distance by choice and refuse to pretend with them all, she knows my role as the scapegoat and pilloried one remains viable to her should my mother pass before moving! It’s disgusting and shameless, but for my part I really, really don’t care. In fact, it now only amuses me to know how slavish to lies they must remain and there is nothing my ‘family’ has, wants, or might want that I care about. ‘Things’ are meaningless to me and money lags behind only slightly. What I have or want can’t be inherited, to which my greedy family would likely reply,’good, more for us’. She even encourages her kids to point, they’re still quite alive mind you, those things they want or find attractive. Usually jewelry or antiques. It’s disgusting and creepy.

  6. Comment: From Valda
    Your comment that what you have and what you want cannot be inherited is a rare perspective in our materialistic world. It is amazing to me that so many of us that have survived narcissism in our families have a clear perspective on priorities. We all want to belong to a family, just not our family of origin. The positive that has emerged from our experience is a sensitivity to others’ pain and to the world around us. I personally wouldn’t change that for the world. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and blessings to you.

  7. Comment: From Laney
    How right you are that a narcissistic sibling will plot years in advance to steal family finances. I am locked in a legal battle to receive my rightful inheritance–I finally stood up after over 50 years of flying under the radar and being a doormat!! I have been the victim of verbal abuse, occasional physical abuse, intimidation, lies and secrecy all my life. But, when my sibling tried to take advantage of me by stealing most of my inheritance against my mother’s final wishes in her trust, something cracked and I decided to fight. I have no contact anymore, nor do I wish to. I am still recognizing how I was a victim and have begun to heal, but the most amazing part of the healing process is that I feel FREE and it is incredible. Thank you writing this blog- your information is so important in the healing process. 😉

  8. Comment: From Mai
    Narcs are all about self-preservation, it doesn’t matter whether they obtain their security through moral, just or legal means. That’s why they have no qualms attempting against their own babies’ safety or comfort. That’s why they have no shame while robbing the family from their savings or any other valuable possessions. They will lie, cheat, connive against their most loving and generous child (me) to later stab them in the heart when those givers have nothing else material to give. Narcs are unable to feel love, so expecting appreciation from one’s generosity is futile. Siblings raised in a dysfunctional family are all in one way or another, equally affected, even if this is not obvious. It could be plain low-self esteem or dipolar as in my case. Some lean towards the good, some towards the bad. We are all affected by a disorder that one day will be clear, it’s a disease. Since it has a genetic component, our progeny could be affected as well. Remember this before reproducing.

  9. My Narcissistic sister has ruined our elderly father financially. She has been mean and nasty to me, even though I’ve been the only one contributing financially to our parents. Our mother passed, our father is too old now to manage his own affairs. She has robbed him blind through credit card fraud. She has slandered me to everyone she knows–all lies. But I turned her in to Adult Protective Services (which she doesn’t know yet.) I threatened to do it before, but gave her a chance to stop filching Dad’s money. Being the Narcissist she is, she didn’t think the rules applied to her. I gave her a clear warning and spelled out the consequences. Now, thinking that I have something over her, she treats me with ingratiating respect. I know, however, that behind my back, she still spreads vicious lies. But she’s afraid of the power I have over her. Last week, I turned all the financial docs over to ADP. The Investigator told me I had excellent proof and they fully expected a conviction. She has stolen a large sum of money from Dad, so she’s likely going to either spend time in jail or receive another unpleasant punishment. At the minimum, she’ll have to pay restitution. You may think revenge is sweet–but I didn’t do it for revenge. I love my sister, in spite of her hatred and nasty behavior towards me. I turned her in to help my poor Father because, without the money, he can’t get the medical care he needs. I just got financial POA, and this week, I’m shutting off all the extravagances she enjoys. She can live within her means–which are very poor. I hope she learns something from this, but I doubt it.

  10. I was in a legal battle for 4 years after my aunt left me her estate. My mother’s old maid sister worth millions. they got into her house and lockbox illegally taking several million in bearer bonds. While this was going going my grandmother wrote a will leaving me everything. My dad found out, had her neice betray her and take her to sign a will to his liking, he wrote, leaving him everything and the net day had her locked away. I have her on tape pleading that her money not be given to him. My father died 7 years ago and I found out he was forced into signing a bogus will so my brothers could take over his estate, leaving me out. He wanted all of his kids treated equal according to a deposition he took during my aunts court battles. He disinherited me int he will. the day after his funeral my brothers had Mom declared incompetent and took over her estate and will not let me even see her. My parents were worth millions, now being old off before Mom dies. they took over 8 million from my aunts lock box. We recovered 2. It cost over $1M to fight the 4 cases. I won, but I also lost the family. No my kids are being given money to not have anything to do with me. I was a “perfect daughter”,graduated college, great educated kids, but we moved away from the godfather and that upset him. Not enough to write me off, however. I am wanting to take some kind of action, but I have had cancer twice and my husband is ill and we just want to live a happy life and let go. Any comments appreciated.

  11. Thank, you Dr. Martinez-Lewi, for your informative and insightful articles. Prior to engaging in litigation against a sibling who fit the description, you provided telephone consultation to help me understand the behavior and why these people think and feel differently from the rest of society. One statement you made resonated with me: “These people always win because they have schemed for years, they’re good at it, and have access to all the resources.” I’m pleased to share with you that what I learned from you helped our legal team craft a position that hit the Narcissist where it hurts. Although it’s cost me over six figures in legal fees, we have won, and are able to recapture a small portion of those fees. It feels good to know that evil doesn’t always win. I think they do succeed because unless we understand the personality, trying to reason or cope with a narcissist is like trying to negotiate with a snake: you can’t charm it, threaten it, or appeal to it’s sense of reason: it will simply bite you, with no remorse. Thank you again; the time was well spent, helped our family through what would have been a much longer journey in defeating the narcissist, and most importantly helped us to understand that we are not at fault, as he said, for “daring to question him.” I share this post not to boast, (the “win” actually left us quite saddened in looking back at the emotional/financial cost) but to offer hope and encouragement to any others fighting similar battles. As one can imagine with the legal fees and almost a year fighting this through an incredibly frustrating legal system that creates a plethora of cracks where the narcissist can hide, there were times when our family feared what Dr. Martinez-Lewi had told us from her consultation would come true. While we still feel a deep sense of sorrow in “beating” the narcissist through the legal system, there is some satisfaction in knowing that in this one case, the bully didn’t win, and we set an example for our children on standing up for right… I would recommend using Dr. Martinez-Lewi’s telephone consultation to anyone considering legal action to stop a narcissist. It will help prepare you for the depths of the emotional sinkholes these individuals create, so that you go into this knowing the cost and consequences if you choose to take one on in court. It is a dark place, disturbing and unsettling to have to put oneself in the mindset of the narcissist, but like any other “battle,” it is important to understand how your opponent thinks.

  12. 20 years ago my father passed away. My n sister told me he didn’t have a will. I was young and naive and believed her.My father was a kind,generous man. It sickens me to think of how she manipulated him into trusting her. She swirled around him in his illness like a vulture, picking at his bones with her fake empathy and lies about me.Destroying my credibility while building hers up. Well, in 2012 i decided to open a probate case on my father. Surprisingly the judge allowed it. Since that time she demonizes me to anyone who will listen.” She’s delusional. she needs psychological help. she’s just jealous of me” But the fact of the matter is the truth is still out there and I’m very close to finding it.They say to pick and choose your battles but this one chose me. She knows I’m persuing her and lives with the fear everyday of “is today the day?”She stayed very close to me for 18 years and the minute she knew i was on to her, silence. I am well aware of the terrors of locking horns with a narcissist. But more than money she stole my father’s last words to me.Also this has brought many truths to the surface that have been kept in the dark. My oldest brother is on board with me so now we’re both “crazy”. All things are possible with god.It is he who protects me because you can believe this person wants me dead. And she’s not the only family member. They are walking nightmares.They go through life like the tasmanian devil.And evil is the only word to describe them.

  13. This is exactly what happened to me. Still battling following the death of my father 2 years ago and my mother just over a year ago. My brother, Vic, who lied to my mother who was dying from cancer saying that, unless she signs over all assets to him, the government will take 80-90 percent of everything through probate. This was backed up by my brothers wife, Gayle, whom both my parents respected and loved like their own daughter. Both my brother and his wife proceeded to embark on a campaign to destroy my character–making me out to be some evil, manipulative individual who never wanted to do anything. My entire childhood as far back as I can remember was made a living Hell all because of my brother. So hard to imagine just how evil and demented one individual can be–these scars will never heal. On the day of my mother’s funeral, at the wake, he even referred to my grieving as “acting like an a#$-hole.”

  14. Thank you Linda, and Laney! I can relate to your story. I know the feeling of FREE now! I do not speak with my sister anymore. Both of our parents have passed and since then my sister has gotten violent physically. Self preservation finally became my first priority. I have a chronic auto immune disease and have gotten much better since removing myself from her life. It was at great expense to me because we have a disabled brother to care for and my sister will not move from the house we all shared. I don’t get to see my wonderful brother, but I am working on seeing him when she is at work. I feel so great and free as if a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Thank you all for your supportive posts and advice!

  15. Comment from Judy
    My Dad and Mum took a girl into our home because her Mother was a Prostitute so Dad being the kind person he was let her stay with us, she in turn was very nasty to me, she Dominated my Mum and she Dominated my Brother she has told him she is Adopted when she is not, she has my Brother Brainwashed to help her get my Inheritance and my Mother died this year and she had my Mother buried private and she never gave her a Death Notice so I would not find out, she Manipulated my Mum to put her and my Brother Executor and she had Mum cut me out of the will, and she is walking away with my Inheritance worth about $100,000 and my Brother won’t believe me, he won’t believe she is Narcisstic, my Brother has helped her get my Inheritance which she is not entitled to, My Dad would be devastated if he were alive.
    Narcissists are selfish, Greedy, they take what is not theirs and they will stop at nothing to get what they want, which was my Inheritance, they Manipulate, and they are liars, My Mother Abused me because of this girl, Mum made her the golden child which let her Dominate and Control her, and she got away with everything. I could not put up with the Abuse so I left and I never went back. I would have lost my Inheritance no matter where I lived as this girl got my Brother on her side with Manipulation against me. I could not do anything right in my Family, Mum always sided with her, and my Brother was her Favourite.

  16. My NM left golden child everything. She cut me and younger sibling out. I want nothing from NM. The pictures of happy times should be burned because it was lies. People outside the family knew who the favored child was and think it’s wrong. Narc sister gets the house, jewelry, and a mental illness. Lucky her! No contact for over 3 years.

  17. Narc children are very bitter, and with reason. I am one. However, I was smart enough to educate myself and find out that, just as I now have a mental illness, my mother (the narc) also had a mental illness. Not only that, I would be transferring my condition to my children, given the fact that narcissism is genetic/environmental in origen. I find that most children of narcissists are evil themselves, that is, carrying the gene and expressing it. Go to therapy or church, forgive your narcissist because s/he was ILL, DISEASE. My father was bipolar and committed suicide on the phone with me; my mother shot herself when I was 6 holding my hand. I am a mess. But just as I request and demand compassion from others (because I do have empathy), I offer sympathy and compassion to others who are medically ill. And don’t reproduce, will you? You will be making a little narcissist if you do. Just like you are becoming one now.

  18. I can certainly identify with what you are saying. In fact I had the same conversation with a girlfriend last night. She too has a narcissistic sister and we both had our narcissistic sister’s take the family estate. I just told her last night that for a narcissistic sister there is never enough money so it will be gone in no time, but they also get a nasty mental illness that leaves them unfullfilled and hollow. In contrast, I may not have as much money, but my life is full, fullfilling and I am whole. I can’t imagine not having those things that are life’s greatest treasures. God bless!

  19. I am amazed that all your stories are just like mine! For years my mother was played, tricked and she also enjoying the games and attention, but in the end the narcs took what they could with their names on her bank accounts and even getting her to believe she really needed a large purchases that they were wanting after she died. Looking from this perspective now knowing what I know about dysfunctional family dynamics and narcs and sociopaths, all I can say is what a horrible way to live and die. It is unfair to the defrauded scapegoats, but we can have peace knowing we do not have a criminal mind, and don’t want one or a piece of their “loot”.

  20. Hi, I am so sorry for what you have been through in your life. God bless you!! I can’t imagine how much pain you have due to your life experiences and your genetics. Be kind with yourself and I’m hoping if you are currently in therapy that you find some peace and solace.

  21. Hi, I’m so sorry about what you have been through in your life. God bless you! I’m hoping that if you currently are in therapy that you are able to find a place of peace and solace. Take good care and be kind to yourself. Warmest regards, Valda

  22. To Mar Albert, I’m very sorry you had such a horrible nightmare at the age of 6 and beyond! My heart goes out to you! You are strong to reach out. Please contact me if you ever need a friend. God bless you and may you find comfort that can only come from his love and grace. I had to take my narc sister to court. She sent me an email after my mom died that since she was the trustee of my moms estate, it gave her authority to split the properties how she wanted. I took the email to a lawyer who took her to court and had her removed. We now have a lawyer trustee who is selling all property and splitting it equally plus making my sister lay back a loan she borrowed from mom for $150k. So now none of my siblings will speak to me, because they were all ganged up on me to split 90% and leave me 10%. The sell of the first property was $835k. They were all planning to get that one and share it. But each of us get 25% of every property sold since my lawyer won the case. That’s how the trust was written. So why are they mad? I don’t get it. My parents said to split everything exactly 4 ways. That’s what my lawyer did. I’m not trying to be unfair. Im trying to be equal, but they hate me for it. Why? It hurts, because I cannot fathom wanting to steal from family what rightfully belongs to them.

  23. Hi! The reason your family members are mad that you are having the assets divided equally in 4 ways is because your family members are mentally ill. It can be hard to understand this disorder. My story is similar, but my mother was also narcissistic. My identical twin sister convinced my mom to all but write me out of the trust. It’s too costly to fight so I will most likely get nothing. These are vicious and treacherous people. My life has been much better since I have removed my family members from my life. They can’t hurt me now. Narcissists always choose a scapegoat and you are the scapegoat as am I. Take care of yourself. All you can do is run for your life in the opposite direction! Blessings to you.

  24. My sister went to Oxford University, her husband works for the BBC, they are financially really well off, they have 2 properties and now 3 due to the addition of my dads home. I live in a housing authority home which I do not own and have suffered there for years, due to noise pollution, I made my dad aware of this, but he left all the contents of my sisters home to her husband and the house to her. If I had received this inheritance I would have been able to move.

    She has told lies to my mother about me and smeared my character, so I gather she probably was doing the same with my dad, to make my dad change the Will, he lived separately from my mother due to a divorce. My older sister is still lieing about me and my younger sister to put us in a bad light even after my dads death, she will not admit any wrong.

    During the years leading up to my dads death, she wanted practically nothing to do with my sister or me she didn’t even invite us to her wedding, we have both suffered from depression, and she said she did not want to be near depressed people.

    In all that time she has not supported us at all and we were shocked that after the funeral everything that was of any worth had been left to her. My dad changed the Will 3 months before his death, it had been split 3 ways before then. I knew she had probably manipulated him, but I am not strong enough to fight this. However, what really gets me is the falseness of my whole family, my mother will not stand up to her, and when I express my hurt she puts the phone down on me and says this happened 2 years ago you should be over it and she expects me to make amends with my sister, she says she is your sister after all.

    My sister has neither had my best interests or my welfare at heart for years. I want nothing to do with my sister as I consider her a thief and a criminal, and there is absolutely no trust there.

    I was forced without my consent to see her at Christmas, I expressed some hurt and my sister said to me maybe you should seek therapy, I said maybe we should all have family therapy, she does not want it, my mother colludes with her, and I wrote an email to my mother after she put the phone down on me, to try and get her to understand, and she went my sister who stole my inheritance and complained that I sent an email to her. I feel none of my family are on my side. I have had to break contact from my mother, I said I would contact her in March, however I dread it and I dread seeing her. I was the scapegoated child and I still feel that they are trying to make me continue this role as an adult.

  25. Thank you much to Linda Martinez- Lewi and all those who made comments. I just happened to google “narcissistic sister steals inheritance” just to see if anything comes up and here is this blog and the perfect comments. I am 66 years old and have suffered my entire life due to my sister who is a narcissitic person. She fits the description to a T as described in your post about stealing inheritance. The entire write up is my life in a nutshell. I moved across the country away from my sister, her family and my parents. I visited every year, to my parents and on occassion, to my sister’s, years ago. My sister did everything you wrote up, poke or pinch me in while in church, to embarrass me. She would run ahead and not sit with me in church (parents just dropped us off and did not go in with us ( bad parenting). She ignored me in public or in school, did not let me be in her wedding, tried to talk my mom out of letting me go to the prom in the 9th grade because it was her first prom and she was 2 yrs older than me. She always wants all the lime light. It goes on and on but the worst then was when she got my dad to sign his bank accounts and insurance policy all to her, nearly 20 years ago, telling him she will share all with me and she is just protecting his assetts. She said she would take care of him and he would live with her when he could not live alone. He had a brain bleed, was put in a nursing home and though he is much better, she will not let me stay with her and he has to stay in the nursing home with all the dementia people and he is not. He says he feels like he is in prison. Somehow she still manipulates him and tells him it is best for him there. If is a mile from her house. She only goes to see him a couple times a month now, at first daily, weekly not 1-2 times a month. He gave he and her husband POA over his assets and health. In 2010 I had dad do a rough will and POA which said all money, assets and POA goes split down the middle to me and my narc sister, signed and witnessed. It indicated that though his bank funds are in her name, she is still to split with me. Soon as he became weakened and in the home, she was able to talk him into doing a new will and POA over to only her and her husband saying that it is illegal to have me on the POA since I am out of state. I have given up. He picked the wrong daughter to trust. I have invited him to live with me many times now. He doesn’t want to leave his home state but he is tempted now that she hardly visits. His money is almost gone, as they use it and loaned a big chunk to their own daughter who never paid it back. This betrayal by sister, her family and my dad hurt me so badly this past 20 years especially this past 10 years that I was in a depression anxiety state and cried daily. My friends where I live told me to just forget my dad and sister, forget the money too that I will never get it. (Mom died years ago). I do not care about the money, sure I can use it and would help my own kids, but it is the betrayal of my sister and dad. It is all the years my sister did not ask me how I am , my kids and she ignores my posts on FB. I discovered what was wrong with her and why she does this about 6 months ago, when I told my MD who said,oh, she is a narcissist. I looked up several articles about it and it totally hit the nail on the head. I am healing. Finally. I am not depressed any more and anxiety way down, only moments of it. Thank you all for your posts/

  26. Linda,

    Reading this blog entry contained the most life affirming words I have ever read. So liberating. it explains my life perfectly. I had no idea really so thank you.

    I too am just beginning to discover all that my brother did to steal from me and my younger brother our inheritance. I just found out, about a half hour ago that when he obtained POA, thirteen days before our Mother died, he ran to the cemetery and had all the family plots put in his name! A stunning act of greed and narcissistic entitlement behavior.

    Is there a support group for us survivors? I think I may need one.

  27. I did not speak to my father for the last fifteen years of his life. When we were children, he was quite abusive. When he died, my sister said she was the executor, refused to give me his address and told lies about me to my whole family, said I was out for the money.
    She never showed me the will, said they was one then there was not one.
    It is a crazy situation. She cursed at me horribly.
    So there you have it. She hogged our dad’s last will and testament, the only paper that he left me.i never saw any money, or my dads things.
    She stole everything and I’d didn’t get a lawyer.
    Now the famil on my moms side acts as if everything is normal.
    I have cried and cried over this. I am shocked at my sister and my family.
    What can I do?

  28. Same sister received childhood abuse from all the time. As we got older it was a more subtle joke, but still there never left her. Her constant jealousy of me got an opportunity of her lifetime when Mom asked her to step in and be her Trustee on the Family Trust-My lifelong responsibility for which I made several life altering sacrifices for. While such changes to a Trust should be done by an attorney-clearly indicated in the Trust-under dementia Mom has Financial Planner attempt changes? This was enough for sister to put her name on all accounts and manipulate the finances. Knowing the estate worth hundreds of thousands all of a sudden after several trips to Europe and bragging about how close they are-even thou she moved away for 20 years because her husband hated Mom, now the money is gone.? Poor mistake thou she left a hand written inventory of 600k allocated to unknown mystery envelopes of four when there are five children. I have never been disinherited and after a year in court and a GAL attorney investigated-court appointed whom submitted compromised reports- case was dismissed and now is being appealed by me. Recently found an attempt to move the rest of the money out of state, even after the judge told her not to do anything different. California Trust, to be governed in California. With any luck, the judge will now see what a narcissistic b-t-h she is and hopefully do what is right before Mom at 96 cant afford her 5 thousand dollar a month swinging rest home. Problem is all siblings are backing the story that the money didn’t exist its just a mathematical problem-not-and are refusing an accounting. If nothing to hide then lets get the facts and polygraphs going and see where the truth lies? I kept a diary for seven years as things didn’t look and sound right for peace of mind and thought maybe someday in court I may need it. Only to find that Mom may be worth millions now? It has to be checked out-anyone else in my situation would not just say its not worth it? Especially with collusion clauses disinheriting all that attempt to disallow someone named.
    All I know that this is the worse betrayal known to mankind-and as I say the loss of spouse or child is great, that you had not know until your at least in your 20’s on average. But when it goes back to the beginning of your life from someone whom you share the same dna with, it’s worse pain than anything I have ever experienced, or hope to ever again. Thanks for your similar experiences, it does help knowing the details of the same experience that I have had.
    Good Luck, it’s an ugly lonely battle that needs more attention. Keep fighting until its right.

  29. I would love advice, please. I am deeply hurt right now.

    I am the sole survivor from a family with a narcissistic father and an acquiescing mother.

    I have moved as far away as I can from my birth family and I am the sole child (of three) to have forged my own path. I have a yoga studio where I teach meditation and hatha yoga; and I am a graphic designer for a Tao teacher. My life has, largely, been about unwinding these painful knots bond thru life in a dysfunctional narcissistic family. I fully embrace the teachings of transformation and deepened understanding and I freely and lovingly share the teaching I have learned and valued so very much. My narcissistic father has been demeaning of my life choices, but yet I have visited once or twice yearly and kept some semblance of the relationship going……but now, I am in a true quandary…..and I am deeply hurt.

    About four months ago, I visited my aging parents and just helped them from day to night: Got the new dishwasher, got Mom the pedicure, helped with therapeutic massage, etc. Well, 24 hours before I was to depart, my sister, who is an alcoholic, dropped a bomb: My parents estate is to be divided in an highly inequitable manner, with my brother receiving a huge portion of the estate, then my sister…..and, yes, I receive what’s “left over.” To give you an idea of numbers: I estimate, conservatively, that the lands and assets value in mid 8 figure numbers—which is going to my brother; with a nice portion to my sister. My sister says that I am to receive $500K, and after speaking with my parents, then have basically confirmed this approx. number. They have also let me know that if they need long-term care, those funds will be coming from my allotment!

    I fully recognize that my parent’s choice with money is up to them. And, I also recognize that my brother and sister have been involved in the family business, while I have not.

    While I feel fortunate to even have $500K (maybe) coming my way, his kind of gross inequity and favortism is so deeply hurtful to me.

    My response to date has been to: Write a letter that was clearly worded, explaining how I feel hurt and that I would hope they value a daughter’s goals as much as a son’s goals, etc. I have spoken with them on the phone, further explaining how deeply hurt I am–yet they just call me greedy. I have asked for a copy of the will (my brother and sister have one, but I do not) and they have not sent it in the mail. I have explained to them that this is the white elephant in the room, and I do not feel like sharing small talk when this is not being addressed, etc.

    I am so deeply hurt.

    How should I proceed? This is not going anywhere with my parents, and I am so deeply hurt.

    I would love your input, please.

  30. Rula, I’m sorry for what is happening to you. I too am dealing with a narcissistic family member, my brother. Did your dad have an estate and did it go through probate? Why were you not contacted about this information?? His attorney (I believe) has a legal obligation to keep you informed what is happening.

    Can you go to the court house in your county and find out if any papers have been filed?

    My narcissistic brother is being a total jerk but I call his attorney ALL the time. My brother despises me and we were so close. Our families live on the same block and my father has been gone almost a year. And we’re still waiting. I don’t have the money my brother has but I need the money from my inheritance. I did get a copy of the will, a copy of the filing for probate and next I’ll receive the list of inventory which I’m sure will be very sketchy.

    I hope and pray that you will feel peace at some time. Unfortunately I have seen these things happen to several of my friends besides myself.

    Good Luck.

    Dee

  31. I am sad to hear your news. I would keep asking to be treated fairly,one can only ask for decency so many times before it becomes futile. I have just been through a similar situation. My mum made a deathbed will. My sister insisted that all my mums estate was left to her. It is cruel to face loss, and then Attempted robbery also. I had a spiritual moment, I realised nothing I said or did Would change the outcome. My mom had decided, i had to live with her decision. Amazingly mum treated all 3 siblings equally. However mum had been bled dry by my other 2 siblings, yes, one alcoholic, one sectioned under the mental health act after mum died. It is totally heart breaking, all of the damage becomes clear when the parent passes on. Be nice to yourself, really kind in fact. Because you will not receive what you deserve (the milk of human kindness) from these people. Be vigilant. Don’t go to court.

  32. What is the difference between a narcissist as described here and a sociopath? A lot of overlap? Have had a lifetime dealing with such. My mother seems to have been a narcissist, but could also be very giving. A conundrum. She went downhill in later years with dementia, and my siblings took over and exploited her finances.
    The 1st took all the savings, income, and some insurance money and at the same time neglected her care. He did show remorse and paid back a sizely portion of what he took.The other sib took over and did provide better care for her, but refused to look into placing her into a nursing home for full-time care, even when she was completely helpless. While railing against the othe sibling and saying how hard life was, the 2nd sibling also took all the income and the entire reimbursement the 1st sibling had paid back. Has shown no remorse and no indication that any of this will be paid back.
    Now the 2nd sibling is expecting a greater portion of the estate than other siblings and threatens lawsuits if held accountable. If manipulation fails, this sibling resorts to intimidation and bullying. Have witnessed 2nd sibling bully many people: relentlessly to 1st sibling. Bullied me some at a very early age, but I learned to stay out of the way. But now I must stand up. Other than the legal aspects, I am not communicating and once this is over will break off all contact.

  33. I know it’s hard to finally grasp that your sibling can be so incredibly nasty, but it’s true and your gut is right, your ears aren’t.

    I am currently suing narcissist sister (NS) who got mother to make her Executor and Trustee. Both the will and trust state many times that the split is to be 50/50, but I got 21% and she took 79%.

    She’s never filed the required paperwork with the court clerk’s office, blackmails me if I need a disbursement, and in general is just a spiteful, vindictive, petty, raging psycho.

    My mother died eight years ago and NS has repeatedly refused to give me any of the paperwork I am entitled to by law. She didn’t include me in any planning of the funeral and didn’t even tell me, living in the same house, when it was. I found out from an aunt.

    Unfortunately for her, we’ve found (and she’s given us) enough evidence to prove her theft and her restitution to me will almost bankrupt her. The rest will go to dealing with the five criminal charges we have proof of and she’ll end up with nothing in the end. Not even her freedom for a few years if she’s convicted of even one criminal charge since in my state they all carry mandatory jail terms.

    She’s going to lose over a million dollars because she decided to steal a few hundred thousand.

    I remember when I first learned how to deal with her – we were both at my mother’s house just after she died and NS demanded that I sit with her every evening to ‘talk’. The few times I did, these ‘talks’ quickly turned into a diatribe of all my faults and her turning me into a mess.

    She always seemed to know things I had never told her (and used them against me of course). She told me that the people I thought were friends were really her spies. I didn’t know what to believe but I decided to do a test. I told my friends one version of a story but wrote another version in my journal. She ‘confronted’ me with the journal version within 48 hours, almost verbatim. I began carrying my journals with me whenever I went out after that. Within a few days she had stopped bitching at me for ‘never leaving the house’ (I was in mourning AND dealing with her).

    I did some research online and found some great advice – learn and shut down your buttons. The next time she went on the attack and tried to start an argument, I started replying “that’s nice” to everything that I used to react to. I have to admit, it was funny as heck to watch her scrambling to find a new button! Soon after that she began sleeping at her boyfriend’s house (whom she stole from his wife).

    After she evicted me from my mother’s house (conveniently ‘forgetting’ to inform me that I actually owned half of it! And yes, she kept ALL the money when she sold it), it took me six months to finally feel like myself again. But I still deal with the anger and unfairness of everything. Thankfully I have tons of evidence to prove her theft and not only will I get my justice, but both her beloved bank balance AND her highly valued reputation will be ruined, publicly.

    But even with all that, I have no doubt she’ll find a way to twist it to make herself the victim in her retelling. I’m not even sure she’ll grasp that thinking people will know that she can’t be innocent if two different courts find her guilty and make her pay restitution and (maybe) serve jail time. Yes, everyone else on the planet is wrong and she’s the only one who’s “right”.

  34. Don’t go to court? Really?? if you have the evidence, get a good lawyer and sue the proverbial pants off them! That’s what I’m doing. I have years of emails from her countering her current claims, financial statements, proof she’s lied to the court, etc. I am NOT letting her get away with her theft but the court is the only way to get through to her. It’s going to take them shutting down her finances to get her attention, but I will have justice in the end and my mother’s wishes WILL be honored.

  35. Threatens lawsuits? That seems to be their ‘go to’ because mine threatened that all the time. One time she picked a physical fight but I went into my room and held the door against her pushing. She said she was going to call the cops. I told her to go ahead because I lived there too and *I* wasn’t the one who was drunk off my arse. She left about three minutes later.

    She’s also threatened me with lawsuits a dozen times over the years. Once was for ‘stealing’ my mother’s cable account (I took it over after she died, she took over other bills). She’s threatened to sue me for years, and each time I sent her lawyer a copy of the Comcast document proving that she had signed the authorization as Executor. I get an apology from the lawyer and wait another two years for the next threat.

    But if you listen carefully, the narcissist will tell their biggest fears – they’re what they threaten you with! The next time they threaten you, tell them to go ahead and sue you/call the police. They’ll back down in a heartbeat.

  36. IN FRANCE, IT IS THE LAW TO DIVIDE FAMILY ASSETS EQUALLY!!! In light of so many people suffering from these criminal gang family members, and ridicules court process we need to organize a support group and use all of our stories to demand assets be split equally. The willful impoverishment and theft the narcissists do of our well deserved inheritance has to stop. I have well off parents from that generation but am clinging to the government help to exist, an it not worth existing this way, truly! While my brother and sister gorge themselves on the money they manipulated from our parents. It has hurt and affected all my children. I believe in France there is a law protecting family assets from this evil, and therefore their country too, welfare roles would decrease dramatically. In France demented siblings can not get away with all these lies, tricks, cons and fooling old people to give them everything. Common sense anyone. We should all contact DA of your area, and legislators and stop this lunacy and larceny!!!!!! We should try! I have auto immune disorder from the livelong suffering. Please help, anyone, with ideas on how to do this productively. You will do many people a huge good that will carry on to help many generations more. Lets stop the horrendous silent suffering. Be silent no more! As you know their evil just spreads, they bring the whole society down in so so so many ways!

  37. When I was six years old I really wanted to die because I was suffering so much. I wondered if other children were being slowly mentally and physically destroyed like I was. Somehow I knew there was and I felt bad for them also. That summer my father left my on the beach at six years old of the Atlantic ocean long enough for me to almost drown. And he called me stupid all of my life. While drowning, I heard a voice telling me I could come home now because I was not happy, and this will not change, because the family members won’t change. I answered saying I wanted to stay alive, and be myself, a good person that I knew I was. I really really really regret that choice because at 59 it has been 59 years of attacks and cruelty. And it has hurt my children, and grandchildren without mercy. It also sets a gross example of family. My descendants have and will suffered too, in their own way. Please help stop this evil. Can we work and pray to expose and end this invisible prejudice that goes on, and on, and on to destroy lives. One person and one lawsuit at a time does nothing.

  38. Your post hits home. I am going through this now and know that my brother schemed, lied, withheld and forged documents all because he decided to steal my inheritance. He has been working at it for 20 years. My father had absolutely no idea that his Ivy League professor son could be capable of betraying him and committing fraud and theft which is why he appointed him to be his personal representative and gave him power of attorney. The lawyers I have consulted have reviewed the documents and the case and they say that I would need a creative lawyer to find my brother’s mistakes. He was that thorough.
    We haven’t given up but my husband and I are discouraged and reeling from the magnitude of my brother’s deceit.

  39. This is exactly my story also, even my family try to convince me i was Bi-polar. Was wondering how you are doing. I have gone 12mths no contact with aged narcissistic mother and two adopted brothers. Its so hard and very difficult to believe
    Kim

  40. Glad I found this site. My sister is insensitive and narcissistic. We had a joint account with mom’s asset. She took ALL of her inheritance and 45K of anything I would inherit to buy a brand new house while my mother IS STILL alive. She promised to put the money back (At least the 45K). It was well over a year, and no pay back. She kept lying and lying about paying it back, and finally I had to file a lawsuit. Now, SHE is angry at me. How dare I question her reputation? Plus she is living with someone, and hasn’t told this person OUR MOTHER IS STILL ALIVE. She hasn’t visited my mother in 3 years. She basically wrote her off as dead, and now she is disowning me. What a person?!?

  41. Sometime fighting the fight is exactly what the narc wants. You have to ask yourself if it is worth it both emotionally and physically to fight it over a long period of time. It just may be worth more to yourself to just let go and move on. Harboring ill feelings can be stressful.

  42. In the U.S., our laws are largely based upon British law. The only state that operates differently is Louisiana (Napoleonic code based), but even there the laws have been revised to allow the decedent to cut out children if they wish to do so as long as certain requirements are met. I am not a lawyer but did have an experience with a LA probate case. So, the tendency is in the other direction!! The laws learn in favor of the one possessing the property, allowing them liberal leeway to do with it as they see fit.

    I’m not arguing against what you are advocating, just pointing out some facts.

  43. I really need help. I have a unique problem. I have a lawyer but he’s taken his time. My sister did some amoral things and some who got the upper hand. I don’t know how to prove her actions but they’re atrocious

  44. My sister,,who has lived off of everyone,(61 yrs old) and is such a snake in the grass,,has tried so hard to destroy my life(JEALOUS) Not sure,her own children know what she is like,I have done so much for her,and Love her,,but yet.I am done,she has tried so hard,to turn everyone against me,I just don’t get it.The 1 person who is always there for her,,Yet,she downs me all the time. 🙁 I am so done

  45. My eldest half sister from my mother has had it out for me since birth. I also found two other kids my mom has and they are evil incarnate as well. Horrible things started to happen after finding them thinking it would be a wonderful experience since the other two kids my mom had have this heartless cruel personality type as well, they are the ones I knew of growing up, but the other two, we never knew each other, I have discovered, it is genetic and now I painfully and sadly regret searching for them. The consequences are that I have been socially, emotionally, physically and financially decimated trying to do something good and bring family together, but instead it all backfired, it’s like I brought a bunch of demonic people together, it was horrible. I also found out that my eldest half sister tried to take my moms home when she was committed to a residential care facility. She also tried to hide my Narcissistic mothers whereabouts as well. After all the emotional, social and financial trauma I faced getting away from an abusive man, she refused to show support or help me when I asked her for it, I remember hearing the eldest sister tell me she “Hopes I get the help I need” as if I had some sort of mental problems after surviving the odd things she did to me growing up in addition to other painful unexpected life experiences, I am very strong and resilient, but my sister is vile and cruel, I would have never betrayed her if someone hurt her.. One time, I was assaulted by a man when I was 14, I called her to tell her he broke my wrist and to take me to the hospital as I was in fear of the man who did it, she was so evil, she put me on hold, then told my attacker where I was and that he needed to go find me and take me to the hospital, then she got back on the line asking me a bunch of questions to buy time so that my assailant could find me, then when I told her I had to go because his car was coming, she said, “don’t be mad, but I put you on hold, then called him and told him where you were so he can take you to the hospital”.. Narcissistic sibling get off on tormenting you. They will go all out to break you, then twist your pain and traumatic experiences around on you as if you are playing victim, laughing and smirking behind your back, or even to your face. They will convince everyone you are playing victim and that they are the ones being abused by YOU. These people are vile, sick, dangerous and twisted. We need laws to protect siblings/families from one another. I am in no contact. I hope they believe their own lies that I am crazy so they will leave me alone. They lie, triangulate, hi-jack relationships, turn people against each other and the madness goes on an on. They will try to steal your kids, friends, family everything from under you for their own sense of thrill and sick power. RUN and don’t look back! Narcissists are criminals of the highest order, they have no conscience and what I can’t stand the most is how some of them quote bible verses and talk about God when their actions and behavior are of Satan.

  46. We need a legal code to disinherit children/relatives, parents or anyone with Psychopathy, Sociopathy or Naricissistic Personality disorder. This is a very serious problem. They are dangerous!

  47. I am a victim of this horrible crime I am also a step sibling and they keep stealing everything I have say I should go to kinder Garten I am 58 years old they keep ruining my life only a real kind merciful god can make them leave me alone but they do not fear any god that tries to help me. They find and destroy the base of any entity that encourages me to do well.Thru have no qualms conscience nithing.

  48. This seriously hits home for me as well. My sister and her husband stole everything my brother and parents owned and then took my mother to Georgia away from the rest of the family where she lived in her own basement of her home until she passed away. My sister stole everything from my mother who called me when I was too ill to help her saying my sister took hundreds of thousands of dollars. I sold my property with hopes of bringing my mother back to California however I learned she passed away. My sister took it all and never even filed a thing in court nor declared anything she stole and now has three homes, leaving my brother’s children and I out completely. Such treachery and few laws to protect the rest of the family who then suffers. I worked since I was eight years old my social security records prove and never received a dime from my parents who promised to put the funds into a trust fund, but of course, all that was taken as well. I couldn’t even afford an attorney to help and am now too disabled to work and am facing the streets, but with a sister who could care less.

  49. in reading all the comments, i relate to them all…..however, a big difference is that my sibling is a lawyer and used that experience and knowledge along with a 20 year head start to succeed completely… i tried to take him to court here in the states but he manipulated the justice system in ms. and my lawyer to essentially beat me thoroughly………it’s kinda embarrassing since i’m the older brother who always looked out for him, but i now see that he resented me and had a twisted, nearly sociopathic desire to crush me…………it’s a shame and i somewhat feel sorry for him… his two daughters have been out of my life for a good 10 years, no doubt, because he doesn’t want them to know the truth about what their father did to their uncle who always got them presents at christmas and wrapped them myself, and i even had a baby quilt made and embroidered when the first one was born………nothing i can do but know i try to live a life of integrity as our father, who i am named after, did……….

  50. My sister and her husband stole everything my brother owned, his home, tools, cars, everything as I later found out from my nieces and nephews after my brother died of so called suicide. My nieces and nephew were taken for a long ride in the middle of the night when my brother in law pulled a knife on them forcing them to sign over my brother’s entire estate. My sister actually called the police on me, and tried to have me arrested by lying to the police who warned her if they found she did lie about me they would arrest her. So after my father and brother passed away which I seriously find rather suspicious, my sister took my mother back to Georgia while I was severely disabled and I learned later basically held my mother prisoner in the basement of her own home until my mother managed to call me one day complaining my sister had stolen over two hundred thousand dollars from my mother who was very upset. I sold my property to be able to afford to bring my mother back to California where she said she wanted to be close to all her babies, meaning her grandchildren my sister alienated her from. So then I find out my sister purchased a home with my mother’s money and basically left her alone with my brother in law until I then find out my mother died. My sister purposely prevented me from knowing about my mother’s passing and even successfully prevented me from knowing in time to be able to attend my mother’s funeral. So basically my sister and her husband stole my parent’s entire estate and covered it all up by putting everything my mother owned in her name that consisted I learned later of three homes and a very large amount of money and my father’s pension and everything was taken just like that. My sister basically left my nieces and nephew destitute and totally cared less about me and even tried to have me arrested by telling the police I was some junky living on the streets and under bridges when in fact I owned my own property about two hours from my mother’s home my sister also stole from my brother who was buying the home from my parents. My sister stole everything. I’m severely disabled and suffered massive pulmonary embolisms when I was attacked by a woman at a financial aid office who prevented the ambulance from taking me to the hospital, I very nearly died and now have to use oxygen and then to make matters worse I suffered a major heart attack and had to have major open heart surgery however I do have my degrees so I’m hoping to be able to work out of my own apartment soon doing advanced Internet programming, web design, graphics etc etc but now can’t even afford a phone thanks to my dear sister and her husband who simply flat out stole my inheritance and everything else they could get their hands on. My mother while still alive for nearly a year sent me money every month that I sent back to her in the form of a cashier’s check so she could have money and so my sister wouldn’t know and my sister even expected me to pay that back to her after my mother died. I found out my sister had been planning on stealing my parent’s estate long before my parents even passed away. She now hides out somewhere in Georgia after selling my mother’s homes and stole my mother’s money, everything while the rest of the family received absolutely nothing from my parent’s rather large estate.

  51. My sister lived at home all her life and I moved on and have been happily married for 32 years. My sister had everything put in her name ten years ago with the verbal promise to my mother and me that she would split everything up according to my mother’s instructions. My sister told me she swore to this in front of the lawyer and my mom when the will was drafted, without me in it.

    There are two homes involved and I was supposed to get one. My mother died last October and I stood over her and helped her die over three days. I will never forget it. After it was all over I went to where my sister was and she didn’t even ask me how I was feeling. This hurt as much as watching my mother die.

    Nothing was ever in writing, but when we met with the attorney after my mother’s death she opened up the conversation with the transfer of the property to me and my wife, and things started to fall into place, because my mother had told me my sister could be trusted and that the lawyer knew what my mother wanted.

    But as time passed my sister began to make a case for herself why she was more deserving and why I was less worthy of the promise my mother and she made to me. I won’t pain everyone here with the details but it was steaming pile of rationalizations, justifications, embellishments and outright fiction. She played down things where she needed and played up things where she needed…you know the rest, but it was shameless and reprehensible, although brilliant.

    Since October her emails have acknowledged her “moral charge” put she keeps putting us off month after month because see says she’s trying to get an apartment ready for rent, which has taken too long with the time and money she’s had to take care of it. Her responses to our emails inquiries are growing more short and curt with the response of “I’ll let you know.”

    But knowing her all these years I think she is trying to conflagrate the situation in order to have everything blow up and then blame us for the fallout, she learned this from my passive aggressive father.

    My wife and I have always lived modestly, we’re educated but we work in fields that don’t pay anything, I’m a reporter. But my sister of has been traveling and living the good life since my mother died, more than we’ve travelled in the last 15 years.

    My sister has treated me with nothing but contempt since I could barely walk, she’s four years older, and it has really upset my wife over the years the way my sister treats me. I left home when was 17 to get out from under my sister.

    The hurt I feel is heavy, like losing my mother again, just overwhelming and I have felt like ending my own life, I won’t but the despair I feel is real and I’m finding hard to concentrate these day. It is truly a nightmare and my wife is worried about me. I just don’t how anyone could treat someone this way. I could never do it. As reporter I’ve written about the darker side of life — betrayal, bitterness and other crimes of the heart, but I’ve never really felt it until now.

    My wife once said that if my sister and I had been eagle chicks in a nest along a river somewhere, my sister would have tried to kill me.

    Thanks for listening, and for all of you who’ve been victimized by a sibling, you have my utmost admiration and empathy, I’m truly sorry for your pain

  52. I am in the same situation. I slept in the ER for 48 hours traveling from another state when my father was 75. He checked himself out of the hospital against medical advise. When my uncles found out about the trust they bullied me in a parking lot. I was there when my father died and my brother and uncles stated I was disinherited. He couldn’t share the 5 million. What a jerk. What an asshole. I got to do the dirty work and he went for his 75th and 80th birthday parties. My father was a narcissist. The only picture in the nursing home my uncles put him in was of himself. I was the scapegoat.

  53. I try to call my parents once a week, so they remember who I am, I really hope it is enough because visiting is becoming harder and harder, I am not even sure my mother can hear what I am saying.

  54. Same Leslie as above, all that he has done to me and my mother hasn’t been enough, especially me, the money he has stolen from me and my mother to keep my mother and sister in the home… Well let’s just say I no longer have a place to live now. I am too tired and too broken from all of this: none of this has been right or fair

  55. Wow you really said it all.That’s my family in a nutshell. They tried to destroy me.They hated me all my life.I knew this.But my Narc Mom would hear nothing but praises about her darling children.I tried to tell her who they all were.But she would not hear it.She was too busy talking about what a good christian she was.My brother held me out a 2 story window one time.He never even got punished for it just told to never do that again.He said ok with a big ole grin on his face.After that he held a knife on me and told me if I moved and he cut me it was my fault.I have a jerk due to anxiety (no doubt) that happened and he cut me.I told her. She told him to leave me alone and that was all. I had to go bandage my self alone.When I was 12 we moved from NY to Florida to an old house we had lived in before.My aunts family lived there while we were in NY. We only lived there a year before we moved again.But during that time.Some one was setting fires in the neighborhood.No one was caught.But my mom found some sticks and some matches out back of our laundry room where it looked like someone tried to start a fire.(also during this time my brother showed me a burned up dog that looked as if it was trying to get away as it died.He was so excited to show me this before breakfast one morning.I couldn’t tell though my Narc mom had a strict rule tattle telling is as bad as lying.Of course those rules only applied to me.)Next we moved it was just a short time before fires started in the new neighborhood.I know this because my psychopathic brother would come and get me and our psychopathic sister and say hey y’all there’s a fire down the road let’s go watch it burn!! With excitement like that. I know he set them.I know he burned that dog alive.This was all just a short period of time 3 months.But in the 6 block neighborhood I lived in there where at least six fires that summer.We didn’t have any friends yet we had just moved.I think he did it because he was bored.When we went back to school the fires stopped.At 16 he sold drugs out of my parents home.They are Christians? All they did was flush the drugs.Then they sent him on an extended vacation to N.C. to get away from the drug dealer cause they flushed the pot.They hid him out. These people tell me I am the sick one. I am bipolar.I could go on and on.My whole family cousins, aunts, uncles, grandpa, and grandma all belong on an episode of Jerry Springer. Thank for listening whoever sees this.I have no one to talk to about this who understands what I have been through.

  56. This isn’t actually reply, it’s more of a scream for help. Forget the childhood I endured, when beaten by my mother, brother, sister, maids, stepfather, random strangers my mom let beat me, and it doesn’t matter that we lived in ‘good home’, in a ‘nice neighborhood’ and looked like the ideal family. Then after that I was thrown away like garbage, because my father stopped paying child support so I wasn’t worth anything to anybody but for quite a few years I got around just surviving, not even eating, but living paycheck to paycheck just to pay bills. Then came the point over 16 years ago when my mother and my sister who is becoming disabled decided to move down south, and I did not go with them. My older brother, that abusive, self-centered, self-entitled, lying, theiving narcissist came and got me against my will to drop me in my mom’s apartment: now I became a permanent babysitter for my sister, a maid and a paycheck for my mother, she was taking my own disability money from me, and making me work for her 24 hours a day, and that went on for almost 16 years, and that brings us to this point: all of the sudden my brother decided to move from California into my mom’s unit next door to me, and I always knew he was controlling and had a temper and his face would turn bright red and his veins with stick out and spit would come out of his mouth over absolutely nothing, and he’s delusional, but all of the sudden incidents started happening with my mother, and she went to the hospital, was to be gone for physical therapy for just on one occasion three days, the second occasion two weeks. The first time he had her gone for over two and a half months and I did everything I could to get her out. Mind you, I have a younger brother who is a politician and everybody thinks that I can turn to him: he wants absolutely nothing to do with it. Again, I knew the older brother was crazy with a bad temper, I didn’t know just how crazy he was: the second incident happened in January of 2015, I won’t go into what happened that night but my mother ended up taking a small fall, yet older brother called 911 for himself because he had just short of a 100 degree temperature, left my mother screaming on the floor, I ended up taking care of getting the 911 guys to help me with my mother, and spent the rest of the night taking care of their cats, taking care of my disabled sister, cleaning their apartment, and the next day when my sister’s part time aide showed up I took a cab to the hospital and spent the entire day with my mother: after her surgery the doctor came out and said she had a cracked hip, it was fixed & she was to be two weeks in physical therapy. Again, that was 2015 in January, and in March of 2015 she was officially discharged from that place that I don’t even like to call a home or a rehabilitation facility: it is the worst. (By the way, my mother went into surgery at 6:30 p.m., and by the time I got home I was exhausted, so I went to leave a message on Facebook for the family and what did I see? A large photo my brother took of himself with intravenous in his arms, and this was at 6:32 p.m. and he posted: looks like another long stay in rehab for my mother . I mean, for god sakes, the woman was not even out of surgery and he was already covering his tracks of what he planned to do: this is so sick to me. But guess what? Even though my mother knows about his temper, knows he won’t let her out of the home, knows my brother took away her cell phone with her contacts so she can’t call anybody, knows that my brother abuses me, who does she call all day and night? Him. She might not even call me for one or two weeks, because I’m just her daughter, her son, no matter what he has been or is, she would do anything to get attention from him.) I caught my brother placing a call to Medicare to keep her gone, then she was to come home the following Friday… That never happened then two weeks later he said she was coming home and the day before he didn’t want her home and he made up another reason. I stopped asking when my mom would come home. Then he said he was redoing the floors in the apartment that July and the excuses just go on and on and on. Oh, and I neglected to mention that disabled sister of mine that I took care of for 16 years, not only was she getting bed sores all of the sudden, they were infected bed sores, so she went off to the hospital: that was May 2015, she was discharged and she’s not home. And by the way, I’m not stupid. That so-called home, that he has my mom and sister and is costing $16,000 a month: even though when it comes to me and my mother, money is always in question from him, even if we went to a simple store like Target, even though he’s had so much money in the past and spent it recklessly . In the interim, I started to privately try to reach out to relatives for help: Not only would they not respond to me they told on me to the abuser, as if I was doing something wrong by wanting my mother back home: and what did older brother care? He wasn’t taking care of her, it was me. Again, almost 16 years, 24 hours a day: no social life, I never had a birthday that was celebrated, we were not allowed to celebrate holidays, I never got a thank you from either one of my brothers. I went to my Mom’s doctors, apparently older brother found out that my mother’s doctor was on to him so he got rid of her. He keeps changing my Mom’s doctors and telling them they’re not allowed to talk to me. He’s told the so-called home that she’s in that they’re not allowed to speak to me. There is not one relative, from my mother’s sister to my cousin’s to my younger brother, his wife: nobody is speaking to me. I have continued to live like this because older brother holds the threat over my head that he paid for this unit and I have a place to live. So I sit every week, day after day,with nobody speaking to me and all I had to comfort me was a doggy I took in years ago who had been abandoned and abused: and then, my doggy died of a sudden heart attack. I have been barely hanging on the last few months, and then last week I got the mail, apparently my brother never gets the mail: why should he? He’s used up all my mom’s charge cards and doesn’t pay the bills, he’s stolen my credit and hasn’t paid the bills and I have bill collectors calling me from 8 a.m. till 9 p.m. everyday, even though there’s not been one circumstance since I was on my own at 17 that I never paid a bill, he took out credit in my disabled sister’s name, he has treated people from California to trips here: airfare, hotel meals, yet I’m not even allowed a birthday card on my birthday, and I’ve taken his abuse by only allowing me out one day a week, on a Saturday, what time he says, to go to a discount supermarket to get myself groceries: then he decides to charge me for that when I can’t even afford to eat. Anyway back to the last Saturday, I get the mail and there’s a certified notice from attorney: he hasn’t been paying for my unit or his unit for over 2 years, mind you he’s collecting disability, he’s taking my mom’s disability, he’s taking my sister’s disability, family members are sending him checks, he’s working, he has fake companies.. And now I’ve got nothing left to lose: I have no place to live and no one to turn to. I could finally tell the truth on him: but who would believe me? He has newspapers doing articles on him, he gets himself on the news, he is so good at his bullshit that social workers I have turned to have turned around and told him. People have praised him for keeping my sister going all these years: how stupid are people? He didn’t even live here until 3 years ago, and that was part-time, and that’s when my mother started having accidents, that’s when my sister ended up in a home, that’s when animal control started putting notices on their door, Etc. I’ve not had a happy peaceful day in my entire life, and this is just enough.

  57. My mother passed away when I was 16 years old she left me a large lump sum of money I got into trouble and got locked up but before I did I had told the banks to stop sending my check although my sister forged my name on the checks and received every penny of my money what can I do can I sue her and get my money back or what

  58. My sister is a narc. At this time I am taking her to court as she is trying to steal the inheritance. I think I am winning but I am very afraid of her reaction when this happens. Any insight or advise in this matter will be appreciated.

  59. I agree. I am just waiting for the uncles to die. Keep your focus on positive happy things, muster all the courage to fight and even appeal and truly ask God to keep you from becoming bitter. I have noticed that most NP personalities die incomplete with their eyes wide open (i.e. Not heaven bound). I participated in the entire Landmark Forum and it really helped me complete things. I am unsure if dad loved me. But it’s all about us loving others. You have your wings for heaven!

  60. I still have nightmares about my siblings turning my mother
    against me. My mother was 90 with a diagnosis of dementia.
    The oldest sibling lived with her because she couldn’t support
    herself. She eventually got my mother to sign over her condo
    then shoved her into assisted living. The other two siblings conspired
    to take the rest of her money leaving me & my brother out. They got
    Power of attorney without me knowing & took her money to pay cash
    For a condo. They tried hiding my mother from me so I wouldn’t find
    Out. I found her & she cried apologizing to me in the end. They moved
    Her several times hiding her then she passed & they hid the funeral
    Arrangements from me.

    They got karma in the end. One sibling was murdered by her son
    A year later. The other two were hit with lawsuits for financial
    Elder abuse. I have not spoken to them to this day.

  61. Wow, sounds like you are projecting. You’re a horrible sister. You ratted on your sister, then claim you love her all over money. And claiming you get respect because of the power you had over her shows who the real manipulator and abuser is. Normal people don’t think like that,.who needs enemies with family like this . SMH so sad. If she is big enough to ever actually forgive you are very lucky….brst.

  62. Have you considered learning acting? you could try rehearsing a new type of role in the play that is your life. Try on roles, not as perms-victim, but as victor. Think you can even contemplate that possibility? Or are you addicted to the power and siren call coming from “victim, poor me, nobody loves me-landia”?

  63. My brother is this. I was too trusting and also thought my parents would do the right thing. Instead my brother manipulated my parents into leaving everything to him and nothing to me. My parents can’t and won’t do anything about it even as they realize in hindsight what has happened.
    Perhaps the most hurtful is that no one – NO ONE – in my extended family will say anything to my brother. Except memof course.

    I haven’t had contact with any of them in over a year. So painful…

  64. I’m in a lawsuit with my two sisters right now. I was made into the scapegoat and marginalized from the inheritance. Once upon a time we were all good friends. It is not about winning for me. Yes, the money is significant–we need it to live. I’m 65 years old and was always told what I would inherit and that it would be divided equally 3 ways. But this is about a higher form of justice that rests on fairness, the intentions of my parents, and on not letting someone run over you for once (standing up!). Once a narc is in charge (after years of careful manipulation and scheming) the entire rug can be pulled from underneath you. Thank you for knowing that many of us victims are kind, sensitive people who believe in God and have integrity. Because I am the one bringing the matter to court I am made out even to my adult children as the evil one, the greedy one or the one who just wants to stir up trouble. It is useless to try to talk things out and convince a narc and their cohorts. I have had to accept that I have lost my two sisters and perhaps even some cousins who have taken the side of the narc. Thanks for this post.

  65. I felt this article was written about me. My sister was beaten by our dad until she lost her sight and hearing on the side of her face he hit. Mom’s way of dealing with it was to punish me psychologically. My sister only had to demand and it was done. When I heard my sister yell…”Mom…Rhonda’s hair is getting as long as mine!”…I held my breath. Mom would say to me…”Come here.” I had to sit and she cut my hair off so short that my bangs would meet my hairline. I was called ugly at school and my sister called me “Harpo Marx” because mom curled the short hair tight. Mom put me in the second grade again to please me sister per her request. “Mom…if I fail…Rhonda and I will be in the same grade! Mom…..” Mom immediately made me go with her to the principal office from the school I just passed the second grade in a convinced her I couldn’t read. The principal did not ask me to read for her….just appeased my mother and put me back in the second grade again. This was in the fifties. It went on and on and my sister brow beat mom into willing her everything she owned when she found out mom had terminal cancer…..then she got financial power of attorney from dad when he got old and the same for my mothers sister. My sister even attacked me physically for a painting I did in high school to keep me from moving out with it. When she was showing more control behavior toward me by trying to get me to divorce my husband…I bought land two hours away and disconnected from her entirely. The rest of my siblings are sick also and bully me also since I was the scapegoat. I don’t connect with any of them. It is my peace and I feel better for it. Both my parents are deceased now. So…my sister is running out of people to manipulate for money. Our aunt is dead as well this last year. Now…my sister has tried to convince my three children and grandson that I am a bad person. When my son got married…she convinced him that I was missing and I was only running a half hour late. She even called the Sheriff to look for me. She told my daughter that I would ruin her wedding by throwing a tantrum because my daughter sat me next to my sister at the reception. This was successful and the groom to be “went off” on me at the wedding rehearsal, telling me I’d better behave or he’d throw me and my husband out. We simply left and my daughter has not spoke to me for over a year. Her twin refused to believe anything my sister said about me and told her she didn’t care about anything she had to say. My son and his son are the same in being loyal to their mother…me. Now…every time I comment on a picture of my children on facebook…my sister makes a comment right behind mine. It annoys me…but that is the only thing she can do now. She has no control over me. My other sister has stolen from me excessively and I would never allow her to come into another home of mine again. My older brother molested me when I was nine and he thirteen. I have risen above it with the faith I have in God. It helps me tremendously to read articles like you wrote. I forgive but will never allow those people to hurt me again. …not even my daughter. Thank you for your article.

  66. similar problems, but with one brother. I kind of understand why he’s like that. Tried to get almost all of the property, still trying. Tries to get money from my mom. Have to take care of mom all by myself, deal with legal issues, financial issues etc.,I’ll leave out the details.
    Just that i’ve ended up a very angry , frustrated person going through all of this. I wish I cud just let it all go, cos peace of mind means so much more to me than property or money…………….. but i can’t.

  67. She rated on her sister for her Fathers health and it needed to be done. She is making a point that the only time her sister showed any respect was when she did this deed. You are either very stupid for not seeing this in her words or your too are narcissistic. It took guts to rat on her sister who was stealing from their Father and quite frankly she had it coming.

  68. My narcissistic little sister did not do the physical assaults HERSELF; rather, she deputized our middle sister to torment me. She also ostracized me. She would make secret plans with “Middle” and go off on some fun-filled jaunt. One day, when I was about eleven, they had gone across the street to a church to roller-skate. I was standing, alone and bereft, on the side porch of our old Victorian, when, suddenly, and without warning, “Middle” came up behind me and slugged me in the middle of my back, knocking the wind out of me. I collapsed to the porch, unable to breathe. I gripped myself: take little breaths, take little breaths. I breathed in and out in tiny breaths till I could fully breathe again. I think I nearly died. I think the “narcissist” watched from across the street to see if her plan had the chosen results. As soon as I could breath again, I ran into the house to tell my mother, who was shocked.
    Nothing ever happened, though, and I went on being ostracized throughout our childhood. The secret plans and outings continued, always omitting me. Today, I do not speak to my narcissistic sister, after decades of trying to get along with her. She finagled my mother into signing the family home over to her. She has been nothing but diabolical in ways too numerous to mention here.

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