Narcissistic mothers know that they are superior to everyone else, especially their daughters. If you are the daughter you felt your mother appraising you very early and finding you wanting. She picked away at your self confidence. Her tone of voice was demeaning. She never approved of you. You may have been beautiful, bright, talented or not unusual on the exterior. This would not have mattered. She was in competition with you from the beginning. Some narcissistic mothers resent how much attention the her husband, the new father,is giving to his baby daughter. If the bond is loving and close, she becomes incensed. As you grow she tells lies about you, enunciating long lists of your many transgressions and cruelties. Your narcissistic mom lied about you all of the time. She wished that you never existed. You were her immediate rival for dad’s attention and the entire world. In private these mothers humiliate, intimidate and terrorize their daughters, seeking submission and blind obedience. In many cases they achieve this. The daughter is psychologically immobilized and unable to activate her gifts. She is frightened all of the time that mother will take revenge if she reveals her real self or speaks openly about her feelings. The homes of these daughters become prisons–at times a form of solitary confinement.
When daughters of narcissistic mothers grow up and become teenagers and young women, the NM vies for the attention of the young men who come to visit. She may even become seductive with the daughter’s male friends and proposition them. In some ugly scenes the young fellow goes along and has a sexual fling with the narcissistic mom. The humiliation and horror of discovering your mother’s breach of morality and her complete betrayal of her maternal role is emotionally intolerable. The narcissistic mother has no conscience–when she wants something or someone, she goes after it. This woman is a narcissistic personality who is not going to change. Think carefully about your options. You can sever this pathological relationships. Study the narcissistic personality in-depth.Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
“Think carefully about your options. You can sever this pathological relationships. “
I see this advice being touted an awful lot — at least now that the psychotherapeutic profession has actually acknowledged the existence of narcissistic parents and emotional and verbal abuse (that alone took a couple of decades, I think).
What I wish I saw more of is some sense of the support networks available in order for the offspring (especially if she is a girl; support is going to be scarce enough) if s/he decides to sever such a relationship.
There’s going to be a whole lot of backlash from the narcissistic parent(s); in some cases attempts will be made to turn other family members and extended family members against the child / offspring who’s attempting to break out of the role of scapegoat.
Isn’t that one of the basic tenets of Family Systems Therapy – that if a scapegoat tries to break out of a dysfunctional family system, the dysfunctional members’ actions will become that much more extreme? How come more isn’t said about that in order to help prepare the person who’s trying to break out?
Are you guys & gals — the psychotherapists, the professionals — just going to keep telling people “Sever your relationships” … and then just letting them fend for themselves??
Something about that doesn’t feel right.