Narcissists have no limits–moral, ethical, legal—They are indecent
human beings on many levels. If you have a narcissistic parent you know
how outrageous they will be. They have no shame. I have known of a
number of instances in which the narcissist’s daughter had a close
friend who was like part of the family. The young adult daughter of the
narcissist was shocked to find out that her father was making passes at
her best friend. She kept telling herself this couldn’t be happening.
She idealized her father and thought of her mother as weak, an appendage
of her father. She was unable to stand up for herself. When college
time came father and mother divorced. Dad soon began dating, often
seeing a couple of women in one evening. Alice (let’s call her) was
shocked by her dad’s behavior. He was acting like a teenager. In walks
Alice’s childhood friend, Gina for a college break. Alice feels the
sparks fly and the chemistry stir between this man she calls dad and her
best friend. Alice notices that Gina is becoming secretive with her. On
a particular evening she discovers her father upstairs with her friend
Gina in a compromising scene in the master bedroom. Alice is stunned.
She can’t believe it. Her father announces that he and Gina love one
another, have for some time and are planning to get married in the very
near future. That is exactly what happens. Alice can barely tolerate
getting through the ceremonies. She is humiliated and feels deeply
betrayed. She has lost her father and best friend. This man she has
known as an absentee workaholic dad is the husband of a young woman who
is thirty years younger than his daughter. To make matters more painful,
Gina was pregnant before the wedding and will soon deliver a half
brother or sister to Alice. She is devastated. Alice gets a lot of
benefit from excellent psychotherapy. She recognizes that her father is a
narcissist who was never capable of loving anyone, who doesn’t have any
psychological boundaries, who goes after what he wants, no matter whom
it hurts, including his own daughter.
Alice severs her non-relationship with this man she called dad and her previous friend and current wife.
Working very hard with skilled psychotherapy and the support of close friends, Alice heals, moves through her grief of never having a
real dad and is able to put her own life together. This takes time,
patience and courage. She renews her relationship with her mother and
forgives her for not being strong enough to stand up for herself. Alice
is renewing her life on her own terms. To learn about the narcissistic
personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life