Immunizing Yourself Against Narcissistic Abuse

Our physical immune systems are a wonder. If we maintain them, they are constantly fending off diseases and infections of all kinds. We are in charge of our immune health. We learn how to eat foods that will support the immune system and avoid others that will suppress our powerful defenses. Our daily habits strengthen the immune system. The exercise that we do on a regular basis boosts our immune systems. Making efforts to get quality sleep is another source of strengthening this  protective function that enhances our physical well being. I use this example to explain that we can develop an immunity to further narcissistic abuse. Of course if we don’t have a professional obligations to be around narcissists, we avoid them. They are a toxic presence. There are growing numbers of narcissists every day. We find them in our spouses, siblings, parents and with our bosses and co-workers. The narcissist has no incentive to change. At this time of growing acceptance of narcissists in our current society, we have to learn to deal with them. They are not going away and they have no reason to change. They experience themselves as perfect and others as inferior and defective.

We build psychological immunity by first understanding and appreciating who we are. It is not the sum of our accomplishments in the world. It is based on the strength and integrity of our character and our capacity to know and seek the truth. It is recognized in our efforts to move beyond the compelling narcissistic delusion that you can be ruthless, cruel, merciless, without conscience and destroy others as long as you win.

Don’t be surprised at the number of people who follow and are true believers of narcissists. They crave being a member of the inner circle even if they are infrequently thrown crumbs or are honored to kiss the ring of the anointed. They have thrown away their identities, strapped themselves to the narcissist for the E ticket ride. They will do anything to be identified with this person. They believe that he or she is a good human being because of outside trappings and the wielding of power over others.

The focus is on developing and evolving as an individual who is solid and strong. Some who have been victimized find that psychotherapy is helpful in building a therapeutic alliance with a professional and developing trust, being heard and understood. If you go in this direction, do you research and trust your observations and reactions to prospective therapists. Remember you are hiring them to help you with your life.

If you are verbally attacked by a narcissist who is a family member, an acquaintance, an ex-spouse, learn to detach from their inappropriate, incendiary comments and criticisms. First, you don’t have to respond to such cruelty in the first place. Some statements are so delusional that they do not deserve engagement —silence on your part can be golden, when the narcissist knows you mean it. There are times when you make the decision to defend yourself. There are many replies to toxic questions and queries and cruel statements. Make your statement clear and short. Do not re-engage the narcissist. That’s what he’s waiting for—to pull you back in. One good response to inappropriate queries is: ” I don’t respond to personal questions.”

One of the best ways to immunize yourself is to create an internal space inside that cannot be penetrated by the attacker. Develop habits and routines that you consistently use to quiet your body and mind. Regular exercise that works for you is one of them. Getting sufficient sleep and eating good foods strengthen the body, mind and psyche. Following your creative track is inspirational and empowering. It separates you further from the narcissist’s arrowed quiver of recriminations, manipulations, deceptions and blatant cruelties. Learn to go within, using a way of  stilling the mind that works for you. It can be a form of guided meditation, chanting, gentle yoga with emphasis on the breathing, keeping a private journal, etc. Develop a small but faithful support system. These are people you can count on when you are discouraged, worn out, burned out and when you feel alone. The listening ear of a supportive person is one of the most powerful forms of psychological immunization you can have.

Search for and follow your dreams. Allow you mind to move unchoreographed and free. You will be surprised at the results of this practice.

 

8 thoughts on “Immunizing Yourself Against Narcissistic Abuse”

  1. We need to recognise such dysfunctional person who’s behaviour is recognised as DSM V narcissistic whatever sub division is recognised and treat them to restrict the damage they act on others and as sociopaths. It is a responsibility of society to act in this manner so that we in society are protected. Surely the Declaration of Independence promotes such responsibilities.

  2. Great advice. Just had a terrible phone conversation with my Queen Bee Narcissistic 29 yr old, newly married, daughter. Accusing me of things I said that were completely untrue. I also just learned from her younger sibling, 26 yrs old, the cruelties that she endured as a child. Things that were done and said to her without my knowledge. I am so sorry I did not see or know of this. Having had the same experience with my older sister as a child, I feel I should have been enlightened to this behavior. I cant change the past but I can set new boundaries .
    After five years of therapy my phone response was negligible, however, this only seemed to “up the ante”.

  3. I will be facing my narcissistic ex-husband in a week in divorce court. This is very helpful, especially the silence part. I ended up arguing a lot with my ex toward the end and have since gone no contact. Hope all goes smoothly. Thanks for the great info.

  4. I have watched my narcissistic ex steal his first son from his first wife. I am watching what he is doing during our custody battle. His parents help him. I need to find that inner space, where he can’t touch me; because I have so many feelings about all this.

  5. This is awesome!!! I was very very badly abused by my mother. My therapist, who has a Np mother says that my mom is the most wicked women (not that its a completion, just much needed validation) he has ever heard of….so, I had a long way to go to wellness. I had 3 DR’s over a span of 10 yrs, tell me that they cant believe that Im still alive (2 other siblings have died, one is sick w cancer n my brother is a NP) I have had years of resonance repatterning (which i recommend 100%) which brought me to finally be able to believe and put this advice (in this post) into action, just this week! I was married (he left me) to a NP for 22 yrs. Ive been single for 11 yrs. And did it again 20 months ago! So, just realizing it has been wonderful/awful but also empowering. The cycle of ignoring/reeling you back in, “gaslight” is a perfect description. My advantage is that Im much smarter than he is and Im pro-active/powerful also. That is because I am a deeply loving, spiritual and caring person and no evil can touch that, really. (JW.org) That said, this advice here, is so welcomed because I have never taken care of myself and now I do, at almost 53! Its a struggle but I am determined to conquer this evil, this wrong. Plus Ive learned so much about my own needs, shortcomings and see the need for improving myself, APART from and in spite of the NP, its for ME to improve because I want to be awesome. Its awesome and I praise you, Linda for your living kindness, dedication and sharing on this grave subject. The other thing you said, in essense, in another post, was “dont feel bad that you were taken in…they are so devious…” that was HUGE for me…thank you again, so very very much for you active care of the badly beaten down victims, its beautiful and precious and good. Thanks a million!!!

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