Divorcing A Narcissist–Watch for Narcissistic Greed

When you met this man or woman you were captivated–carried away by his/her charm, ambition, success, confidence and promises of love. Today you are either contemplating a divorce, divorced or going through a very ugly divorce from your narcissistic spouse. One of the issues that makes it very painful besides a fight for custody over the children is their GREED. Never think you can negotiate in good faith with a narcissist. They will run the table on you if you don’t hire one hell of an attorney to fight them tooth and claw.

Narcissists are greedy and demanding. During the divorce they are completely uncooperative. They love to put obstructions in your  way, rattle your nerves and scare the hell out of you. They throw barrages of threats to ruin you financially. First, they have been stealing from you for a long time. They lie about their assets constantly during the marriage–even in the good times. Narcissists are exceedingly secretive. They must always have the edge over everyone else even if it is a spouse or child.

When the divorce is on, the narcissist goes into full battle mode. You are bombarded by his attorney’s  countless questions and insinuations, designed to wear you down to nothing so you will give up. Narcissists get a thrill from watching others suffer. It makes them feel even more superior, knowing that they are controlling your emotions and they are exposing what they perceive as your weaknesses—meaning your humanity.

Prepare yourself for battle by having a deep working knowledge of the narcissistic personality. When you have the background, you have a better edge at predicting their moves and developing excellent strategies.

Don’t ever give in to the “I have changed. I want this divorce to be amicable” routine. This ploy is used to throw you off balance and re-consider. Don’t fall for it–ever!

Make sure that you learn to take good care of yourself during the divorce and for the rest of your life. You are a first priority. You will never capitulate to someone who is a taker, not a giver.

You will prevail–I know you can. Remember, you are an authentic, strong, talented and empathic individual.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

4 thoughts on “Divorcing A Narcissist–Watch for Narcissistic Greed”

  1. Comment:From Catherine
    this post would have been extremely helpful to me had I known that was what I was married to. I found out through therapy and the odd suggestion to contact his ex-wife. She was with him 10 year – I suffered 20. I am still waiting for the end of this roller coaster ride but I hope to see the end soon. I have hit the NO MOre mode ( it was a request list asking for things that were gifts to the children and beds they are using along with inocuous items like glass baking pans and coffee cups) I have begun to rebuild my life even though I don’t feel truly free of this – I hope to find peace soon within myself. The PTSD and weird axieties are perticularily hard to take.
    I do read these as they come to me and each time I question my sanity and how I will heal enough to be healthy ever again.

  2. Comment:From Transitions 59
    I empathize with you because this is like NO experience in life. You have been a victim of deep deception and pathological lying. The core of what EVIL is. I too am trying to rebuild my life after 32 years of being with someone who is calculating, methodical, and perverted in many ways. These men are damaged goods to begin with and they thrive off of leveraging themselves off of other people energy, resources, and whatever else they need to survive. Believe me, it is ALL about self preservation and nothing else. Only through great support and resources, will anyone be able to survive the holocaust of this situation. Best wishes.

  3. Comment: From Erin
    Dear Linda,

    You have been such a great support to me. For over the last year, I have been divorcing a narcissistic man. He is everything you say: secretive, manipulative, heartless, and physically abusive. I hired an excellent attorney and we fought extremely hard and prevailed. I have full physical and legal custody of my children. It was so difficult because here was a man who ignored and mistreated his children predivorce and then demanded 50-50 parenting time and custody. He has fooled so many people, including all of his family. Words cannot describe the monster thay he is. But I kept great records, stayed strong, and strengthened my faith in God. I also had a deeply empathetic therapist through out.

    Your posts and book have been so helpful. I’m still amazed by how perfectly you describe him, his family constellation, and my own inner psychology.

    I feel so much stronger now that I’ve left him and my kids are safe and recovering. Sometimes I marvel at the darkness we were living with.

    Blessings.

  4. Greed is the ROOT of all Divorce Evil.
    I hired a Narcissistic “Pitbull” Divorce lawyer. I trusted my lawyer and let him convince me that California’s liberal view of no-fault divorce meant that I should fight for more rather than settling with my ex.

    My attorney led me to believe that “he couldn’t lose” and “don’t worry, the court will make my ex pay all the legal bills”. My Narcissistic OC Divorce Attorney also convinced me that I was entitled to receive half of my ex-husbands business even though I was never involved in the business since it started. Convinced by my lawyer I went after my ex in the courts for cash advances to pay for legal fees – and my ex paid them.

    When the final judgement came down after 3 years going to court, not only did I have to pay all my own legal fees, but I never got half the business. Community was spent on legal fees and I ended up with next to nothing. My lawyer cost me more than a million dollars and if I had settled to begin with I would have over a million in my pocket and my pride intact.

    If your divorce attorney promises you anything – IT’S A LIE. It designed entirely to suck you into blowing all your money on paying his legal fees. There is no way to predict what

    Greed is evil, and I regret listening to my greedy attorney.

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