Cruel Narcissistic Sister Rules Household

Narcissistic siblings do not change. As little children they already
have become self entitled to the hilt. I remember visiting one of these
dysfunctional families. It was startling. Soon after I arrived the
parents’ four year old was hitting her little brother. The parents said nothing to her. They “woke up” for a moment and in a frail voice the mother said: “Dear, that’s not
very nice.” That’s it.

I remember that this pint sized tyrant demanded every one’s attention. She kept interrupting the adult conversation to talk about herself incessantly. The mother listened to her daughter intently. I could sense that this was very common in this household. This child was running the show.

I got reports from other relatives and friends of the family that (let’s call  her  Allison)  had gotten worse. Her brother was the constant target of physical and emotional abuse. The parents still did not intervene. It was as if they were afraid of the tyrant in their midst. Her demands and cruelties continued and became more serious. The
little brother often hid in his room to avoid Allison the Hun. I returned to this home a number of times and found Allison to be a growing tyrant.

Many years later I was invited to Allison’s wedding. She was a Bridezilla on steroids. Her maids of honor were criticized and psychologically beaten down and told exactly what they could do and not do. They were intimidated by the bride.This full grown narcissist was now running the entire family.

Her brother was still traumatized from the years of abuse by her and obliviousness by the parents. He fortunately moved away, married and had very little contact with his abusive narcissistic sister.

If you have a narcissistic sibling, these life stories are no mystery to you. The question is: How much more are you going to take? Narcissists don’t change. They  grow older and crueler. Learn to give priority to your own life, to your talents, your dreams, your personal relationships, your creativity.

6 thoughts on “Cruel Narcissistic Sister Rules Household”

  1. Comment:From Sandra
    I grew up with an older sister like this and it is true that she never changed. My my question in this is how or why do some people seek honest self observance and others only seek to hide from themselves? Even in the light of the disaster that their behavior creates in their own life and the lives of those around them. When I finally came to terms as a young adult that this type of belief system in myself was injurious,I sought to see it and acknowledge it,bring it to light so to speak. It really is all about honest awareness and the desire for honesty that determines if a person is to always remain the same. Is there an ability to be self aware that is fundamentally lacking in some people? If so whats the pay off and why? I consider that there must be a self serving reason for this type of belief system.

  2. I idolozed my older sister throughout my childhood. But by the time i had my own child i forbid my father to tell her ii had a baby- he wore me down and when my daughter was 3 i gave in- she tried to take my child, destroyed my career, and continues to poison my life- i havent seen her in over 15 years and she still ruins my life- she alienated my child from me she never ever stops. It has made me mentally ill

  3. My sister is like this too.I just went throught Breast cancer, and, she was jealous of my parents giving me any attention whilst going through treatment.She does the least amount she can, to appear nice to me, to make Mum think she IS nice.But, she isn’t.She is mean and nasty, when she thinks no one else can hear or see.She is Intent on finding out all my personal business,it makes her feel in control, I think.Dad came home to die, last Easter.My sister thinks she is a healing guru and helped his soul go to God.As if God needs help?She has delusions of grandeur.I have just moved back, with my teen son, nearer to Mum, to support her, without Dad….my sister has lived with my parents for over ten years, saying to everyone, she is there to ‘help,’ them.But, it’s the other way around,she is like a 55 year old baby.Has no independent life skills.She blows up about every six months, and, apparently, it’s everyone else’s fault.Im going to a physiologist, caz, the last time she blew, I ended up with PTSD, after Cancer, it was the last straw…It may seem harsh, but, I don’t have any love for her.How can you love someone who has abused and tortured you, your whole life?…I would Really like to speak to someone who is an expert on such a family dynamic.I would also like to talk to other siblings who have suffered the same…please, anyone? Thanks…joy

  4. Though my sister is not as dreadful as most of these descriptions, she has enough narcissistic traits to greatly upset me more often than not. The most annoying being that while she chooses to visit my narcissistic more often than me, she will throw up in my face how much SHE does for Mom, implying I do nothing. While deep down I would prefer to have no contact with either one, my sense of right & wrong makes me do what is “nice” what a “nice” person would do, and I do quite a lot to contribute to my narcissistic mom’s well being , now that she is elderly. My sister will visit my Mom much more frequently at the assisted living facility, flounce around smiling at the other old folks, and then tell me how much they all like her, and how nice and pretty they find her, and how they wonder why I never visit. Normally I do not mind this as I am used to her princess persona, though she is 60 years old herself. Today, however, she was discussing a topic that was making me nervous, and I asked to change the subject. She yelled that she had a right to talk about whatever she wanted to talk about because she just spent x amount of time doing x amount of things for Mom, where I had not. Never mind that I spent the previous day working on cleaning out my parent’s hoarder home. The fact that she decided that she deserved to speak about whatever SHE wanted to talk about, not matter how bad it made me feel, was of no concern to her. I was the bad one. The one stopping her from talking incessantly about something I did not want to hear. This is a pattern in our family. I was the bad one. She was the good one. But now I see she is simply a facade of a good person, and much like my mother is, a toxic narcissist. I really don’t know how I am going to deal with this, until my mom is dead and the estate is settled and cleared out. We have to work together on this, unless I walk away. Which may be what she wants, so that she gets it all. My dad was also a narcissist. I should have walked away at 18 and never went back, but I believed them. I believed that I was the flawed, selfish one, and that my sister and Mom were the ladylike good ones. My Dad admitted to not being perfect, so that was something. I think trying to talk to her does no good, so I may just numb myself up, deal with her when I have to, and just hope that I can have a life free of her and my mom soon.

    1. I know how you feel.My siblings all 4 of them.I believe to be narcs.Theylie they cheat they steal all of them.Although they never admit it.They also seem to believe that if they say something that makes it true.My mom always told me they would be my friends my entire life.But they never were.I kept trying because I thought that’s how it should be.I’ve taken their abuse for 56 years.I am the youngest.My therapist told that the fact that I decided as a teenager that I was not going to be anything like them is what made the difference in me not becoming one too.My heart goes out to you.I hope you find some peace and contentment.

  5. My sister with the support of my mother, suppressed our late father’s will who divorced my mother. She told everyone that I was planning on calling the police on my dad’s daughter from his first wife as she was not in the will. It was a bold faced lie. The problem was, my mother supported this story and never came to my defense so of course no one believes me. I never got anything or a letter or whatever. Previously, my sister violently abused me, again in front of my mother. My mother said she was protecting her from me. I never attacked my mother. I hate them so much. I hope God is real so they know what they have done.

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