Narcissistic Rage Harms Spouses and Children

“The force of narcissistic rage is cataclysmic, designed to leave no survivors. The timing of its eruptions is unpredictable. There is no chance to escape and run for cover. The victim feels invaded even assaulted. The aftermath causes emotional pain and devastation.” (From Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.)

Narcissist-Ultimate Controller

Narcissist-Ultimate Controller

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Narcissist King is in his castle; Narcissist Queen is in her castle. Some narcissists build monuments to themselves that represent their power and perfection. In business they succeed by surrounding themselves with compliant individuals who are answerable only to him or her. They have no mind of their own.

At home the narcissist is Chief Intimidator. he barks out the orders. The non-narcissistic spouse has no say. If she speaks up, watch out for the eruption of volcanic rage. A child with a stronger personality is these families is going to be psychologically abused and discarded. The narcissistic father uses this child as an example of what can happen to the others if they don’t obey without question.

If you grew up with a narcissistic mother/father tyrant you have suffered psychological wounds that require healing. Know what you deserve—to be treated as a unique individual who is respected and valued. Don’t repeat this dysfunctional pattern. Many of these children marry narcissists! Find healing practices that work you, including gentle yoga, meditation, quality psychotherapy. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Scapegoated Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers and Narcissistic Daughters

We would expect that a child would feel safe in her home. This is not the case with a child who has been put in the victim role by her narcissistic mother. Narcissistic mothers are completely absorbed with themselves. Many of them have children to enhance their image of having a perfect family. The work of raising, nurturing and protecting one’s child is expected and essential. The narcissistic mother often turns her daughter(s) over to babysitters or nannies when the child is very young, even an infant. She makes sure that friends and acquaintances believe that she is a devoted mother. She talks about her daughter, pretending that she is emotionally invested in her child. This is not the case. If one of her daughters has been chosen by mother as the special one, her treatment of this child is completely different. This daughter is privileged from infancy.Mother is fixated on this child who holds the promise of being a perfect replica of herself. Narcissistic mothers choose this special little girl for various reasons; physical beauty, mental brilliance, charm and magnetism that win people over.

Narcissistic mothers often rule the family. Father is present in name only. He is a fixture in his own house. Some of these fathers are workaholics and prefer to be away from home than to deal with the cold harsh temperament of this woman.

The narcissistic mother deals with her unconscious fury by projecting it on to a daughter whom she has picked as a scapegoat. It is not unusual for the victim to be a highly sensitive little girl. She has no defense against the ridicule, demeaning verbal assaults of these highly disturbed mothers. This situation can become more traumatic if the narcissistic mother and her narcissistic daughter join forces in the taunting and humiliation of this child. I have heard from adult daughters scapegoated in this manner. Their stories are heartrending. Many of them survive by entering the world of books, art, uses of the imagination. Some are fortunate to have a special friend whom they can visit often enough to take the psychological pressure off of them for short times.

Adult daughters who survive the narcissistic mother wars are incredible psychological warriors. Many of them experience symptoms of post traumatic stress syndrome and spend years in the aftermath of these traumas and their efforts to heal. Individuals who have been through such a prolonged ordeal need our understanding and compassion. Many of them find their way to healing through support groups, participate in psychotherapy, work with healing modalities–gentle yoga, walking and sitting meditation, The deeper our understanding of the true nature of narcissistic mothers the better we are prepared to help ourselves in the process of healing from these highly pathological family constellations. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Child of the Narcissist—Never Had a Parent

“The child of a narcissist must endure that he never had a real or loving parent. The mother or father that they revered and cherished was a counterfeit: on the surface, beautiful, handsome, charming, bright; on the inside, cold disingenuous, enraged, empty. Many children of narcissistic parents struggle throughout their lives to obtain the love and acceptance their mother and/or father failed to provide. They suffer from the endless flicker hope that now or tomorrow or next year this mother or father will be different—capable of love.” (Quote from: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)

Children of narcissists are searching for the love they never received from their parent(s). Many blame themselves that they weren’t perfect and therefore were unable to obtain the nurturing that they needed. They feel inadequate inside and incapable of moving forward. These adult children don’t have access to their unique creative gifts because their time as children was taken up by the narcissist parent who siphoned off all of the energy and attention for himself. Children of narcissists are often distrustful of others and tend to isolate socially. Some are too trusting and needy and end up becoming involved with narcissistic personalities. Children of narcissists often choose the wrong partners or spouses, repeating in their current lives what they have suffered as children in the past.

Learn to recognize that your life has intrinsic meaning. You are not responsible for having narcissistic parents. You have survived and this is a great achievement. I have been in communication with many children of narcissistic parents who are highly empathic individuals. Work on your healing—looking down the road at the life in front of you. This destiny belongs to you. Take it in your hands and reach high, deep and wide. Recapture your life, appreciate your lovely uniqueness. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

First Born Narcissistic Daughter’s Reign of Terror

In some dysfunctional families, mother and father are not narcissists. They want the best for their children but one or both of them make the mistake of allowing their first born daughter to control them from early on through her temper tantrums, battles of will, her sneering disregard and demeaning of her young siblings. In many instances the father has capitulated his power to the mother. Some of these mothers are psychologically weak, feel inadequate, tend to give in to stronger personalities. I know of several family constellations where the oldest narcissistic daughter is ruling the household by the age of four. Mother is so intimidated by her that there are no limits placed on her behavior. This budding narcissist is very willful and overwhelms her mother.

The first born narcissistic daughter is frequently cruel and brutal with her young siblings. She makes fun of them, telling them they are stupid. Mother does not correct her out of control child. She, the adult, is afraid to say anything because she fears a full screaming fit by her older daughter. I have seen younger siblings suffer horribly under the reign of terror of these narcissistic Queen Bees. These wars continue through adulthood with the parents bending to the will of their narcissistic, unempathic cruel, controlling daughter.

If you were in this stressful, demeaning role as the sibling of a narcissistic older sister, it is time to recognize that you deserve to be respected as an individual even if your parents are too psychologically weak to speak the truth—that their oldest daughter is a cruel narcissist. You may have to sever your relationship from your older sister. She is simply impossible and very toxic to you. The singular goal is to end this hurtful relationship to lead your own life. Free yourself to use all of your creative gifts, set your spontaneity loose, develop intimate emotional relationships,work toward achieving pychological wholeness and deep inner peace. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Ultimate Narcissistic Delusion—Believing They are Good People

“Although he may be a malevolent human being, the narcissist believes that he is a “good person.” (From:Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life) Au contraire! Those who have been married to narcissists or had a narcissistic parent tell a very different story. They have spent much of their lives at the mercy of the narcissist’s deceptions, intimidations, exploitations and complete lack of empathy. Within the inner walls of the family the ugly truth is laid bare. Narcissists put members of their family at their mercy. They terrify their children with threats, horrific rages and innumerable broken promises. Children of narcissists are used as props for photo opportunities and public display at social and business events. Their role is to be decorative and to increase the narcissist’s opportunities to boost his ego. Narcissists luxuriate in their bragging rights about their golden children. It isn’t enough for them to be talking about how wonderful they are every moment. They extend this activity to the child/children they have chosen to make them look even more superior.

Despite all of their transgressions as human beings—a complete lack of loyalty to spouses, the perpetual personal betrayals, the lives they have destroyed with their lies, the people they have psychologically maimed and stepped on to get to the top, they believe and convince many others that they are Good Human Beings.
They play this part so expertly that many in their personal and professional circles believe them. And to make it even worse, they blame those who have been victimized by the narcissists, including his own children. Current and ex-wives who are maligned by the narcissist are put on the “she’s a nutcase list”. If children don’t tow the line they become personas non grata and are ejected from the family tableau.

To protect yourself from narcissists and take the upper hand with them, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Painful Relationships with Narcissistic Siblings

If you are a member of a narcissistic family it is worse than being a fish out of water. In some of these family constellations,mother and father are narcissists and several of their children are budding narcissists. Growing up in these families, the non-narcissistic child is both ignored and abused. In narcissistic families there are a lot of ugly psychological rivalries and covert behaviors.

I have communicated with scapegoated children and heard stories of their intolerable painful childhoods. They are always in a state of survival—-under emotional siege. These children are trapped in a psychological fight or flight syndrome. The sympathetic nervous system is working overtime. This depletes the child’s energy level, feelings of worth and increases anxiety and depression, causing harm to the psyche. When you have narcissistic siblings constantly goading you, threatening and intimidating you, there is no place to go. Some children hid in their rooms, go to libraries, friend’s houses to get some small respite from these cruel chaotic situations. On the outside the family looks ideal—Inside it is a nightmare, especially for the non-narcissistic child.

These dysfunctional relationships can continue through adulthood if the non-narcissistic sibling does not sever them. There comes a time when this person says Enough! I don’t deserve this. I am entitled to lead my life with emotional freedom and inner peace. Those who follow this new pathway find that it is rough at times but I hear reports that finding this freedom and growing and strengthening the real, creative self is well worth the effort. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Is the Narcissist Exploiting You Again…

“The narcissist is a master at extracting the pulp and juice of others-their time, talent, creative ideas, energies-to serve his purpose alone…All relationships with narcissistic individuals are exploitive….Whether personal or professional, agreements, contracts, or covenants with narcissists are made to be broken.” (From: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life).

Narcissists don’t waste their time with you unless you will bring them success, status and/or money. If you are not, they cannot be bothered with you and cross you off of their list. The narcissist is always scanning his environment, looking for those who will produce for him. By seduction or guile he will win over and claim as his own those who will feed his boundless ego. Every relationship for the narcissist is a stepping-stone to success. Narcissists are always looking toward the future to plot, plan and achieve their next goal.

Narcissists think of others as inanimate objects, like pieces on a chessboard that they can masterfully manipulate.

To protect yourself from narcissists and be free of their intrusions on your life, learn to identify them quickly. Pay close attention to your intuition–that wisest of voices that always tells you who someone really is. Study the narcissistic personality disorder in depth. Build a strong grounded center within yourself. Treat yourself with respect and build a strong sense of self entitlement. Practice healing modalities that work for you: gentle hat yoga, q gong, meditation. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

You Are Not Your Narcissistic Spouse’s Servant

“Besides jeopardizing their psychological and physical health, those who live with narcissists, particularly spouses, rob themselves of vital opportunities to develop their unique creative gifts. The se aside their talents, dries and dreams to spend huge amount of time and energy at the disposal of a corporate wife or husband or an obsessive entrepreneur.” (From: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)

You may wake up today and realize that you have been in the role of servant to your narcissistic spouse for many years. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, mother in particular, the stage is set in many ways. You were to go-for person, the fixer, the one who took care of the other children. You were the little mother, the protector. You didn’t have a childhood. Don’t repeat this painful pattern. Make a clear decision to either stay with this narcissist who is not going to change or to sever the relationships. Take very good care of yourself. Make sure you have the support of a few friends with whom you can communicate at any time. Practice healing modalities like walking or sitting meditation and gentle yoga. Pay attention and follow your intuition. It is your best friend for life. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist In your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email:
lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Disentangling Yourself From Your Narcissistic Husband

Many women marry narcissistic men without knowing it. It is very easy to be taken in by these super charmers. You are married to a Jekyll/hyde personality In public he is Dr. Jekyll—-magnetic and charismatic in his persona. Behind closed doors, Mr. Hyde walks in. He strikes fear in you. He is enraged constantly, verbally abusive and out of control. Your narcissistic husband has a fixed personality disorder that is not going to changed. He is enraptured with himself, believing that he is superior, brilliant and perfect. He has no respect for you—you are disposable. He can find someone else with whom to replace you.

As soon as you are aware that you are married to a narcissist, begin to strengthen yourself on every level–psychologically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Practicing quieting your mind with meditation and yoga. Walking and other forms of cardiovascular exercise give you endorphins, those hormones of feelings of well being and energy and stamina that will help you through your severing this toxic relationship. Trust in yourself and know that you deserve to lead a life that belongs to you. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email:
lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com