Category Archives: narcissistic stepmothers

Being Victim of Narcissistic Generational Abuse Stops with Me

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I hear from many men and woman who have endured and survived horrendous narcissistic abuse from their Narcissistic Mothers, Narcissistic Fathers, Narcissistic Siblings, Narcissistic Spouses. A number of them report narcissistic cruelties, betrayals, abandonment, scapegoating, bullying that was pathologically repeated from one family generation to the next. They speak of mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, etc. who perpetrated every manner of psychological, emotional and physical abuse. These victims can remember how they were treated as if it was yesterday. They speak about several generations of relatives who coldly participated in a variety of cruelties including psychological and physical abandonment, maternal deprivation, the imposition of sadistic punishments, making terrified servants out of their children, the engagement of horrific punishments that caused constant terror within the household. They described that they were servants in their own homes, bowing to the whims, needs and wishes of tyrannical narcissistic family members.

Those who rise up and say No More to narcissistic abuse are courageous individuals. Despite being surrounded by members of their own families who are endangering their psychological welfare, they make the decision not to side with these cold narcissistic family members who share only their DNA and completely lack any empathy for them. Those who free themselves of narcissistic generational abuse work hard to re-stabilize themselves, to recognize that they deserve to lead a life that belongs to them and that they are not dictated by the pathological whims, obsessions and parasitic needs of their narcissistic family members. Many benefit from excellent psychotherapy. There are many healing pathways including the practice of gentle yoga with the emphasis on the breath that calms that nervous system, learning to focus on their own self care, to create an exercise program that is tailored to their needs, recognizing that they deserve to experience deep inner peace, to use their unique creative gifts, to form healthy close bonds with others who love them. You have made a very important commitment. Your identity has changed forever, moving from victim of narcissistic abuse to leading your life in independence and freedom. You are a great example to all of us.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Narcissistic Stepmothers-Ultimate Nightmare for their Step Children

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There are tales of wicked stepmothers going back hundreds of years. Ancient fairy tales tell the truth of their nature. There are step mothers who are wonderful parents to their step children. I am talking about those who are narcissists.

Narcissistic step mothers cause emotional chaos and psychological distress within the family. When they have children with their new spouse, they often cut off the original family, the children of their spouse’s first family. Narcissistic step mothers are cunning and clever, appearing to be considerate and cooperative with the new family constellation. But they have the upper hand over their spouse. The narcissistic wife slows turns turns very ugly. She has hatched a plan to rule over all of the children and to ultimately control her husband. She caters to this man to making sure that she is indispensable to him, that he cannot make decisions without her. Eventually, these husbands capitulate their control and decision making. They go along with their wife’s wishes on the children of the second marriage. When the husband is highly successful, the second or third wife becomes obsessed with the heady lifestyle, controlling money properties and all assets. The narcissistic stepmother is exceedingly greedy. She favors and give her biological children with her spouse every material advantage. The children of the first marriage have to fend for themselves without the aid of their parent. The narcissistic step mother has won the battle. She is now in charge of everyone.

Don’t wait for the narcissistic stepmother to change. This is a pathologically fixed personality disorder. Study these individuals intently. It is vital that you protect and separate yourself from them. Work changing yourself. Respect your strengths, creativity, the blooming of your potential and every aspect of your unique personality. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Do Not Bother with Suffering of Others

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Narcissists are obsessed with their own lives. If you fit into their
their picture as part of an adoring audience that keeps their ego
inflated, that works very well for them. There are followers who don’t
have an identity of their own and feel and believe (especially with high
level narcissists) that they can participate in the glory, adulation
and power of this other person. They psychologically fuse with the
narcissist so completely that they are always finding ways to emulate
him, to make him pleased, to serve him, to seek his approval, to be part
of his elite inner circle. There are many sacrifices that the devotee
make to achieve this purpose. The first being that you give up your own
life to him (her). When you get older, are less attractive, have jowls
beginning to show, there is an excellent chance that you will be dropped
from his presence. Will he care that you have been run out of paradise.
Will it disturb him (her) that you are having a financial or medical
crisis and need his assistance. Absolutely not! Even if you have known
him for decades.

Narcissists are bored by the
suffering, difficulties, illnesses and tragedies of others. They give
you a quick clipped message and that is the end of it. Your problems are
a bother to the narcissist if you ask him for help. After all, the
focus is his life not yours. Some narcissistic fathers and mothers are
aggravated when their children become ill. They might tell this child
that he or she is lying or exaggerating. The narcissist blames the child
for becoming ill and tells the little one he or she is a weakling.

When
you know a narcissist whether as part of your family or as a friend or
acquaintance, have you noticed their complete disinterest in what you
are experiencing in your life, especially if it is heartbreaking or
tragic or a difficult protracted problem. Narcissists cannot process the
suffering of others, even their spouses and children. The are
completely insensitive to what you are feeling. They don’t and won’t
understand your experiencing and are bored by it. They either play it
all down or ignore you completely. Never think you can count on a
narcissistic spouse or parent to come and stand by you when you are in
emotional, psychological or physical pain. This state of yours is
non-existent to them or it is an inconvenience or interruption in their
plans. I have heard life stories of spouses who were very ill and had to
call upon others to take them to the emergency room because the
narcissistic spouse was too busy or away on a trip and incommunicado.

If
a person cannot stop and  acknowledge that you are having a very
difficult or impossible time with an illness, psychological problem,
financial or family crisis, then he or she is not completely human. This
individual is not worthy of your respect. Narcissists don’t change so
don’t wait for the magical transformation. It is not going to happen.

You
can change by recognizing your worth, your meaning and your creative
gifts. Rediscover yourself by severing psychologically toxic
relationships with narcissists. To learn about the narcissistic
personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Leaving Narcissistic Family–Leading Your Life

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Some individuals are surrounded by narcissists from
birth–Imagine—narcissistic mother, narcissistic father, and
narcissistic siblings sprinkled throughout the family pool. What a life
challenge!  I have known of a number of adult children in narcissistic
families who have survived and are now leading their lives in freedom. A
narcissistic mother alone can be psychologically lethal. Those cold,
dismissive women of deprivation who secretly (or not so secretly)
despise their children are quite common. Little children in these
circumstances usually don’t know that they are being raised by highly
deluded people. They are treated with various forms of cruelty. Some
children are completely ignored. They have to even seek their own food
wherever they can. Mother can’t be bothered to provide regular meals for
them. She is too busy obsessing with her image. The only time they
receive any attention is when it is “showtime”. This occurs when
narcissistic mom is presenting herself as “super mom.” There are
the impeccable photographs of the perfect family. The children stand
their with glued on smiles and empty frozen eyes. They are wearing their
best clothing and mother has made sure that everyone she knows will
have this picture of her family. She is the mother sublime, the selfless
one who will do anything for her children. The opposite is true but no
one knows because this is the secret kept within the walls of the house.
Then there are narcissistic brothers and sisters that must be survived.
That is another nightmare. They are forever bullying the scapegoated
child and getting away with it. Often the father is very weak, like
another child whom the narcissistic mother controls and possesses.

 

There
comes a time of reckoning when children surrounded by narcissistic
family members decide that they can no longer be part of this deluded,
cold, cruel group of people to survive. Many of these children leave
home early, find supportive friends, or simply strike out on their own.
This is quite remarkable and these individuals deserve our deep respect.
These are the courageous ones. We are inspired by these extraordinary
people.

 

If you know that you are trapped in a
narcissistic family and understand this psychopathology, you understand
that these people are never going to change. You are different even
though you share the same DNA. I have heard from many who have left
their narcissistic families behind and are now leading their lives in
psychological, mental and emotional freedom. They are using their
creative gifts, discovering true friendships and re-starting their
lives. Take heart—You can do this. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com