It is difficult to imagine that a little girl can control an entire household. Those of you who have been tyrannized by a sibling of this kind understand all too well. From early childhood this daughter was allowed by her parents to kick, demand, scream, bribe, cajole and threaten her parents. If they didn’t cave in to her wishes all hell would break loose. The parents were terrified of “upsetting” their little darling and capitulated to her wishes. This relinquishing of their roles was pivotal in creating a narcissistic personality disorder. With a sense of no limits, “You can do nothing wrong attitude”, “we are afraid to impose respectful behavior on you”—she grew in size, outrageous demands and reprehensible behavior.
Queen Bee narcissists are physically abusive and emotionally cruel to their siblings. They perpetrate their treachery on the younger, weaker ones. When the parents are out of sight, they are free to shove, push, squeeze and hit their younger siblings. The secret threat to this terrified child is: “If you say one word to mom or dad—I will hit you even harder. Mom and dad believe me not you. Shut your mouth, don’t say a word–If you disobey me, you will be very sorry.” Some Queen Bees lock infant siblings in closets for hours when mom and dad are out. The wretched screams of sheer terror coming from the locked dark space doesn’t phase the QB. In fact she gets a certain pleasure and feeling of complete control from these heinous acts.
I have had communications with those who were trip-wired throughout their childhoods and adulthoods by these cruel, ruthless narcissistic queens of the household. These little girls who grow up to be psychological monsters have spent much of their time making the lives of their siblings a daily living hell.
I have known of Queen Bees who wouldn’t invite a sibling to her wedding because she was ashamed of his/her lack of education or how they looked. The Queen Bee always wins these battles. She still has the parents under her control and intimidation. In some cases one sibling will become her servant—a Queen Bee Wanna Be. She follows in her shadow, lapping up any compliments and commands she can collect.
Healing from the wrath and malevolent behaviors of the QB sibling can be done. It first requires the recognition that you were victimized by a very disturbed human being. You are not weak. Your sibling is a severe narcissistic personality disorder and in some cases, a sociopath. Your parents are weak and ineffective and allowed themselves to be taken over by one of their own children. They helped to create a monster who still walks the earth.
This is your time to detach and sever your relationship from the narcissistic Queen Bee. When you take this step, you are renewing your own life, valuing yourself as a unique individual and gaining a sense of respite and inner peace that you deserve. Do this for yourself. Do not be concerned what other family members think or say. This is your business not theirs. If mother and father are perplexed about your decision that is their issue. They never protected you from this dreadful person. Some adult children of Queen Bee sisters find that quality psychotherapy is helpful to them. Be sure you get an excellent therapist. It is worth taking the time and effort and research to do this. Learning how to calm you body and mind through yoga, tai chi and various forms of meditation get you in touch with that interior part of yourself that is at peace and feels secure.