You have been through a long harrowing, gut wrenching and horrific experience with a narcissistic spouse or narcissistic mother, father or sibling. Most people do not understand what you have endured and how you have survived. They are too caught up in their lives and have short attention spans for the traumas and tragedies of others. However, you will find a few very unique individuals who will become part of your support system. In some instances an important part of your recovery will be working with a psychotherapist who is excellent and dedicated to you as a client and has an in-depth clinical background in the NPD and those who suffer from their countless cruelties.
One of the first steps is in believing that you can heal from this ordeal and that you deserve and are entitled to finally lead your own life without bending to the will and outrageous demands of the narcissist. If you were raised by a narcissistic mother or father, you needed to survive and played the part that was mapped out for you, often knowing that something was very wrong with one or both of your parents and/or siblings.
Human beings are meant to be whole, to experience inner peace, to give and receive love, to feel joy deep within them, to have full use of their creative gifts and to follow a spiritual pathway in the manner that each person defines this.
The essential healing factor is self care. You have spent most of your life, moving through the narrow psychological spaces that were required as a result of your relationship with a narcissistic personality.
Now you are no longer required to define yourself in this way. You are no longer a narcissistic supply or possession of the narcissist. You will find that that there is a place deep inside of you that is independent, spontaneous, creative, has humor and knows that your possibilities are boundless. You will not let anyone interfere with your forward trajectory. When the pain of past cruel deeds come to mind, you acknowledge them, understand their context and then return to your true self which always leads the way.
Learning how to calm the body/mind through meditation in a form that works for you is very helpful. Responding to you intellectual and creative curiosity is one of life’s greatest gifts to us. We wade into an area of passionate interest and find ourselves deeply immersed–We are happily lost in our journey to understand what has fascinated us for so long. The company of caring, loving friends and companions is one of the best medicines for healing and wholeness. You deserve to receive the affection that others feel for you and to know that this is happening because these individuals are recognizing something special inside of you that is unique and wonderful.
Be open to the messages of your unconscious–your dreams that come each night to speak the truth in metaphors, extraordinary scenes, verbal messages, vivid colors and incredible characters that you create while in REM sleep. Listen to your intuition for new directions in your life. Be open and receptive and you will hear these messages with ease. Tapping into this gift of yours will become a natural part of your daily life.
The self seeks wholeness. That is one of its essential functions. Embrace this process and you will find the inner peace and inspiration you have been seeking all of your life and that you justly deserve.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.