Narcissistic Personality - The Narcissist In Your Life

Paranoid Narcissists Cause Psychological Pain-Chaos

There are high and lower level narcissists and layers in between. Every narcissistic personality has specific characteristics by which he or she can be identified: self absorbed, extreme self entitlement, lack of empathy,grandiosity,manipulative and exploitive of others. Lower level narcissists do not succeed in the world like their high achieving brothers and sisters. One attribute of the lower level narcissist that stands out is a persistent paranoia. Paranoia is “a pervasive fear that others will harm or even destroy us. The narcissist lives in …a dangerous inner world…he is tormented by anticipated attacks of delusional enemies These unconscious enemies are remnants of cold aggressive internal parental images perceived as persecutors.” The narcissist has no awareness of his internal process. When he is stressed, feels cornered or has not received the narcissistic supplies (adulation, praise, power, money) that he craves, he becomes more deeply paranoid. This paranoia is acted out upon those in his personal and work life. The narcissist trusts no one and is always looking over his shoulder for an imagined enemy who has come to destroy him.

A case vignette brings the paranoid narcissist into full light. Claude is part owner of a nursery that sells plants, tools and other garden accessories. His father started the business several decades ago. Claude is king of his domain and always right. He has no respect or personal concern for his employees. Besides his sense of superiority, manipulation and complete lack of empathy, Claude suffers from a pervasive paranoia that runs alongside his pathological narcissism.

For some irrational reason known only to Claude he insists that plants be constantly over fertilized with a toxic pesticide. One of his employees, Jake, developed a severe rash as result of handling the plants. When the employee was medically debilitated, Claude blamed him for his medical condition, tried to pay the employee a very small off the books fee to keep Jake quiet and insisted that he would fight any workmen’s compensation claim. Claude was adamant that Jake caused his own severe rash and it was all his fault. After the employee returned to work, Claude had several of his relatives watch the employee at regular intervals to see if he was doing his job. Claude sent them to snoop in Jake’s yard to make sure he had not stolen anything from the store. Jake has resigned. He can no longer work for an abusive narcissist whose paranoia invades his privacy.

Many employees continue to work for Claude. Employer and employee are participating in a pathological folie a deux. Despite the narcissism and paranoia, both parties remain psychologically intertwined with one another. Understanding the paranoia that is part of the narcissistic personality will further clarify your understanding and ability to deal with these complex and toxic individuals. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Never Underestimate the Narcissist’s Ruthlessness

The narcissist arrives and moves into our lives with striking, compelling outer packaging. Often he or she is very attractive, bright, a social standout. The narcissist always has a plan up his sleeve about the people in his life. He asks himself: “What can this person do for me?” “Can I make money or achieve higher status through his contacts?” “What’s the best way to get rid of him/her after I’ve gotten what I want?” “Who is the next person on the horizen who can fulfill my desires?”

Narcissists go after their goals with a vengeance—like old testament gods. There are no shades of gray when they are driving down the home stretch. They wreck marriages, abort contracts, cause intolerable stress and anxiety within their homes, detour money into their coffers when it belongs to someone else. Narcissists are ultimate users. They are particularly dangerous to those who are emotionally fragile and dependent. Borderline personalities are often victims of the narcissist’s ruthlessness. The borderline has a deep pathological fear of abandonment. These individuals are emotionally unstable and are inclined to go through periods of extreme mood swings, have poor ego boundaries and problems with impulse control. As a result they are easy fodder for the preditory narcissist. I have known many instances in which borderline personalities who are psychologically enmeshed with narcissists have lost any remnant of control over their own lives as a result of these highly dysfunctional relationships.The narcissist doesn’t suffer; he has no conscience. There are no consequences for his horrendous actions because he’s learned the fine art of not leaving his finger prints on these lowly deeds. Some borderlines have psychotic breaks or if they are alcoholic they swirl down into the oblivion of their addiction. In some cases, the victims become physically ill and have difficulty recovering their health. Meanwhile, the narcissist has moved on to his next prize.

To those who fear him, the narcissist says:”If you don’t give me what I want, I will take it from you.” “If you make it impossible for me, I will destroy you.” These are the clear implications that narcissists leave with those who cower in his presence. When we stand steady within ourselves and face the narcissist without being intimidated, we have a great opportunity to assert ourselves and the truth. Coming to a deep understanding of how the narcissist functions psychologically and why and learning to deal with him successfully, will expand you consciousness and your life in every way. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Marriage from Hell-Narcissistic Man Marries Borderline Personality Woman

Narcissistic men are looking for women who will adore them, provide them with adulation, capitulation of self and total compliance. Narcissists never admit their mistakes but are obsessively finding criticisms and launching humiliation on their borderline personality spouses. The greatest fear of the borderline is psychological abandonment and feelings of annihilation. The borderline personality fuses psychologically with others and has great difficulty maintaining boundaries. The borderline is easy prey or the manipulations and cruel deceptions of the narcissist. The narcissistic man is the opposite of the borderline woman. He is extremely demanding, always gets what he wants, supremely self entitled, superior, has no conscience and doesn’t give how he devastates others emotionally.

Borderline personalities have suffered great trauma in childhood. They have no sense of entitlement, feel worthless and empty and can’t make it on their own. The cruelty perpetrated on them in the marriage to the narcissist mimics and is a repetition of the painful patterns of childhood.

Narcissists know when they will discard their borderline spouse for a new fresh, younger model. The narcissist moves on with no regrets, no stricken conscience, in some cases only a blur of memory that this woman had a role in his life. To learn to protect yourself from the narcissistic personality disorders and assert your own life as unique and valuable, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife

Borderline Personalities Married To Narcissists

The individual who suffers from borderline personality disorder has an extreme abiding fear of being abandoned. Borderline personalities are psychologically fragile. Due to the lack of positive, nurturing internalized parental figures within their psyches, they feel desperately alone, worthless, anxious and depressed. They have low impulse control and poor psychological boundaries, meaning that they do not possess a solid separate sense of self. They emotionally fuse with partners who are stronger and whom they believe can offer them emotional security and safety. Their ego strength (that sense of a strong “I” that is assertive and self approving) is deeply impaired. As a result, borderline personalities can be easily seduced and exploited by highly manipulative and controlling individuals like the narcissist. Frequently the pair become a pathological folie a deux that is psychologically devastating to the spouse who is a borderline personality. In some cases, the borderline individual experiences severe damage to his/her physical health. In many instances when the narcissist decides to break up with his borderline spouse, he pilfers the monetary assets and properties owned by the couple. Some borderline ex-spouses never recover and are catapulted into a tragic downward spiral of substance abuse, psychological disintegration that can lead to psychotic breaks, and life threatening physical illness.

The psychologically impaired borderline is a perfect partner for the demanding, self absorbed , grandiose, empathy lacking narcissistic personality. The borderline is saying to herself or himself about the relationship: “I will be whatever you want me to be—just don’t leave me. “I will do anything you want me to do—just don’t leave me.” “I will risk my life for you—just don’t leave me.”
The narcissist is parasitic. He feeds off the weaknesses of others to accumulate more financial resources and raw power. Since the narcissist has no sense of limits and virtually no conscience, he is completely disengaged about his role as a principal party in the psychological destruction of another human being or in severely damaging a spouse’s physical health. Before the separation or divorce is mentioned, the narcissist has already made elaborate plans for the next phase of his/her life. There are no regrets or conscience stricken moments for the narcissist. The former spouse never meant anything to him and now has become an infinitesimal speck in the chambers of memory. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
email:lmlphd@gmail.com

Marriage from Hell-Narcissistic Man Marries Borderline Personality Woman

Narcissists Choose Borderline Spouses

Narcissists choose spouses, not because they love them but because they can exploit these individuals. Narcissists often marry individuals who suffer from borderline personality disorder. The borderline suffers from a severe fear of abandonment and has problems with psychological boundaries. Borderline disorders are emotionally dependent and willing to serve the narcissist in all of his/her needs and desires. The borderline spouses is coldly exploited by the narcissist and will eventually be discarded by him.
Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

High Society Narcissistic Sociopaths Get a Huge Pass

I am not surprised very often about the pervasive acceptance of pathological narcissism and sociopathy in our current society. In some high social circles those who live uber opulent lifestyles in the rarefied air of super wealth and power get a huge pass even in the area of serious crime. The attitude among many (not all) at the highest levels of power is to ignore the dark deeds perpetrated by those that are admired for their super wealth and impeccable social and business connections. A recent article by Alexandra Wolfe, a former contributing editor to Conde Nast Portfolio, the author wrote about an elite party given in New York, celebrating the return back into high society by a billion pedophile who had completed a 13-month sentence for soliciting prostitution from a minor. Recently this perpetrator had settled numerous civil suits brought by 40 victims who surfaced as a result of an FBI investigation. Was this man shunned? Was he upbraided by his social circle? No. Quite the contrary. He gave himself a high scale party and invited some of America’s media and entertainment figures. Three public statements were made in opposition to this perpetrator kid gloves treatment for serious crimes: Aeropostale director John Howard: “What I see here is if you have big money or are famous then you get a pass.” Lorna Brett Howard, wife of Irving Post Capital CEO: ” In the Midwest, where I am from he would be a social pariah. David Patrick Columbia, founder of New York Social Diary: ” A jail sentence doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing that gets you shunned in New York society is poverty.”

This is the attitude that some americans(many americans do not) have about those who lead the headiest lifestyles and have the greatest access to the highest levels of financial power even after they have committed horrendous crimes. They have served the time given to them. But to receive these predators with open arms and celebration—greeting them back into the fold. What kind of values are these?

I hear from victimized women and men of narcissistic sociopaths frequently. He or she has run off with all of the assets. They are left flat broke financially and broken emotionally and psychologically. Everyone must and recognize that pathological narcissism and narcissistic traits and even sociopathy in some instances are now widely accepted in our society as a method and sure way to ultimate success. Ruthless competition that destroys the lives of others is no longer a consideration. Winning the race is all that matters.

God help those who are poor. Some people look upon them as the new criminal. The society is so externalized that for some if you are very attractive and wealthy and have high connections you can get away with a hell of a lot—-much more than your poorer brothers and sisters who have become non-entities. We must fight these toxic trends. Look upon each person from the inside—what kind of character do they have? Are they moral? Are they empathic and kind? Are they honestly doing their best? We must bring mercy and deep caring about the welfare of others back into the vocabulary and daily thoughts and actions of our lives.

I hear from those who have been through hell with narcissists, sociopathic narcissists and sociopaths. They know exactly what can happen when you allow them to rule your lives. Those who have survived have rebuilt their lives, become strong on every level, re-discovered their unique gifts, found friends and partners who share their humanity. We applaud and celebrate their lives. Stay fully awake, trust your intuition that always speaks wisdom. Listen to that voice that guides all of your days. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Don’t Mellow With Age

The narcissist and his image are indistinguishable. He/she creates, embellishes and protects a gilted persona over an entire lifetime. Being attractive, mentally superior, socially adept, well connected and physically vigorous are essential to his identity.
Aging is a horrifying prospect for the narcissist. The narcissist will go to the greatest lengths to keep himself/herself looking young with plastic surgery and a variety of aesthetic enhancements. Narcissists are extremely envious of those who are moving up in the world of power and prestige, particularly if they are young and very attractive. Sometimes, they hire younger narcissists whom they can manipulate and control. These arrangements provide him with a very attractive person who is aligned with youth and vigor. This way the narcissist can delude himself that he is floundering on a downward path to old age and oblivion. One of the common routes to preserving image is marriage or pairing with a partner who is many years younger and very attractive. By associating himself/herself intimately with a youthful wife or husband, the narcissist is telling the world and himself that he is ageless, still desirable and sought after.

Beneath this complex image of outer perfection, the aging narcissist feels unconsciously more helpless. This is expressed through frequent bouts of rage. If you been married to a narcissist for decades and plan to stay with him or her, don’t count on any psychological mellowing. If anything, the aging narcissist accelerates his temper tantrums, raising their frequency and volume. As they lose their physical vigor and mental powers, narcissistic rage becomes more prominent ; tirades break in faster succession and explosiveness.

Although he may appear to be witty, the narcissist does not have a real sense of humor. The essence of humor is appreciating our full humanity, good and bad. One of the qualities that allows us to age with grace is self deprecating humor. The narcissist is incapable of this. Narcissistic rage has no beginning, middle or end. It is a continuous storm that appears to ebb for a while only to return with merciless fury. The aging narcissist is not going to lighten up on his rage; it is as much a part of him as his grandiose self, his hubris and his delusions of superiority. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
email:lmlphd@gmail.com

Narcissistic Mother-in-Law Time to Say Goodbye

There are excruciating choices some women have to make. Stay married to a husband who is psychologically fused with his narcissistic mother or make the decision to sever the marriage because you can no longer tolerate the severe narcissistic abuse projected on to you.

This woman is not going to change. She is the vaunted Matriarch of the family. She runs everyone: her husband, children, siblings and any one else that crosses her path. Her son (your husband) loves and hates his mother but he is psychologically locked in to her. He has never been able to separate himself from her clutches. You married him because of your love for him. You saw a long future of sharing your life with him. Then the nightmare started full force. His narcissistic mother revealed herself in full ugly vengefulness. She gossiped about you to all the relatives, made up secrets about you and your family, telling all who would listen that you came from people who were dishonest and low class, who may have committed crimes. This vicious gossip and flat out lines was very convincing to her coterie of family followers. They believed her.

You recognized that your husband was in fact intimidated like a young boy about hurting his mother’s feelings who could turn the tears on and off like a well oiled tap. What an actress—She needed to take to the stage.

But this is real life for you every day, a miserable impossible situation with this woman and a man who remains a small boy in her presence. It is up to you to decide if you will remain in this very difficult role of villainess.

There are many life stories of women subjected to this level of narcissistic abuse that recognize that their husbands are so fused with their mothers that this Gordian knot cannot be untied. It is time to say goodbye. This is not an easy parting, but wrenching, especially if you have children. Many women have taken this hard pathway to their freedom from the narcissistic mother-in-law. But the rewards are great. You have your personal freedom, inner peace and all of your options are open for you to use all of your creative gifts. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Female Clients-Protect Yourself from Predatory Narcissistic Psychotherapists

When clients come to therapy they are in a vulnerable psychological state. They are suffering from depression, anxiety or a combination of these, insomnia, panic attacks, physically and emotionally abusive relationships, stress headaches, etc. In this blog post I am addressing female clients. When clients enter psychotherapy their defenses are down due to their mental confusion,pure numbness and emotional chaos. This is the time when women are at their most vulnerable and need a therapist they can trust completely. There are many excellent psychotherapists who are highly trained, professionally competent, empathic, ethical, and very skilled in their profession. If you are in need of psychotherapy it is well worth the time and research to find the very best therapist for you.

I am warning female clients about narcissistic male psychotherapists who take advantage of psychologically vulnerable women. These individuals are not therapists; they are predators. I have known of cases and researched many in which the narcissistic therapist initiated sexual relations between himself and the client. These “relationships” are based on manipulation, exploitation, and overpowering the victim. Some female clients who believe they have fallen in love with the therapist, continue these relationships over long periods of time. The result of these unethical liaisons is psychologically devastating to the client. Some client victims become so psychologically fused with the narcissistic psychotherapist that they continue to defend the affair, spinning dreams of having this person become a permanent partner in their lives. Some exploitive narcissists carry on several affairs at once. Why not ! Narcissists haven’t developed a conscience. Their idea of right and wrong is based on whether they will get caught. For some of these tawdry men, the thrill of the sexual chase and embrace and the possibility of exposure only heightens the drama for them and makes life even more exciting. It also demonstrates their delusional grandiosity and no limits vision of reality.

Some of the narcissist’s victims require psychiatric hospitalization as a result of the aftermath of their pathological union with a professional whom they trusted. The violation of these victims causes severe psychological regressions that may take many years to unravel and work through. Some victims destroy their marriages and end up causing emotional chaos and suffering to their children.

In some instances the victim of the narcissistic therapist reports this abuse to the professional authorities and the perpetrator is severely reprimanded and professional licenses are revoked (as they should be) . This is a difficult but necessary step in exposing this unethical and in some cases unlawful behavior.

Protect yourself from predatory male narcissistic therapists. Pay attention to your instincts and your intuition. Get excellent referrals from other professionals whom you have known for some time and have a great track record. Take your time. Do your research and always listen to that inner voice that informs you what is in your highest good. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com