High Level Narcissistic Sociopaths—Are You Married to One?

The worldly power of High Level Narcissistic Sociopaths is growing. The narcissistic style has become the norm among different “in” groups withing the society. It is perfectly ok if not expected to be ruthless to succeed. If you are not ruining someone else’s career so that you can get ahead, then you are not living up to your potential. This is the real attitude (not openly discussed) in many corporations. Those who make crucial decisions without regard to clients or co-workers has become the norm in many work environments.

This is also true in our personal lives. So many women and men are drawn to this personality disorder. They are charming, convincing. They are tremendous actors and sell themselves to you. They begin by focusing like a laser beam on how beautiful, handsome, brilliant, talented you are. You are the most extraordinary person they have ever met. Their magic begins like a gravitational pull we can;t resist. They are very persistent when they are after you. They are masterful at the chase and in winning you. Tremendous seducers.

Are you married to one of these individuals? Does your spouse lack empathy? Does he or she only have conscience when it means getting caught? Is he a master of lying? Is he highly critical of you despite all of your efforts? Is there always a sense of his superiority and your inferiority? Are you subject to non-stop rages that can go on and off for days at a time? Is he unscrupulous about how he makes money? Has he been responsible for causing professional and/or financial harm to others in his professional life? Are you being used by this person to enhance his image? Is there a genuine lack of affection and caring when you need support? These selfish individuals always come first even if you have been married to them for decades. Some spouses stay with the narcissistic sociopath because they are very successful and provide a very comfortable lifestyle. You are being criticized and dismissed. The narcissist is wearing you down. Your creative gifts are being squandered.

If your spouse is a narcissistic sociopath you can make the decision to stay in the “relationship” or sever it. Think about the life that you deserve–to be respected, to use all of your creative gifts, to have a sense of inner peace and privacy, to be valued for yourself. No other person can tell you what to think, what to feel and how to use your unique gifts. Learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Covert Narcissists—Doing their Dirty Work in Secret

When we think of narcissists the grandiose, man or woman of the hour, magnetic figure comes into our minds. Certainly there are many highly successful narcissists who fit this description.

There is another kind of narcissist I call covert whom most people would never think possesses the same fixed and destructive psychopathology as his extroverted relative. Coverts are always under cover. They appear to be meek. We see them blending into the background–always at our service. Some of them drip with compliments to us. They become instant followers. They are full of compliments They ask us questions that make us look very smart. Their body gestures are humble and self-effacing. They appear to be embarrassed by their own presence.

Covert narcissists are very sneaky. They get as much inside personal information they can about you.. They put this in their back pocket so they can use it on you later when they decide to make a power move and wipe you out. They thread themselves closer and closer into your life. This happens in many romantic relationships. The CV has done some research and realizes quickly that you are a great catch—short or long range–a week, a month or even a marriage. Coverts like to see their plans become successful. This is all done with deliberately. Narcissists don’t love anyone–always remember, they are incapable of any real real feelings for another human being that denotes affection, love, caring, etc. With their quiet ways, they draw you in. You may even feel sorry for the CV who is making a play for you He or she is awkward and you think this is innocent and charming. Finally you fall hard, especially if the intimacy card is well played. If you are just coming off of a painful divorce and breakup, all the better for the CV. You are very vulnerable.

The CV treats you like royalty–Anything you want honey? I’m here for you 24/7. This is so appealing to most women. “What a selfless kind person this is?” “Finally, someone I can trust.” None of this is true but you don’t know that yet. Months go by and everything is wonderfully intense and exciting. Not long and the marriage plans are made. After you have been together for a while you start to notice that the sarcastic remarks are pointed at you more frequently, the accusations are coming more rapidly; you see his lips curl more often. But then he’s all sweetness again and you are thrown off. He tells you a story that you believe. He has been having a rough time financially—some bad breaks due to unscrupulous people that took advantage of him. You believe him and give him access to your private bank accounts. They are placed in both of your names. He has already researched your family’s monetary worth and becomes very chummy with your parents. They trust him completely as well. Time moves forward but the nature of the narcissist does not change. You are being betrayed and keep making excuses for his lack of attention to you, his dismissiveness. One day when you least suspect it, he decides you are causing him too much stress and the answer is a divorce. You can’t believe it but it is true. You have been set up all of this time. He hires a very tough attorney and fights you cunningly. As a result he ends up with half of all the assets. Weeks later in the aftermath while you are wiped out from the horror of this experience, he has flown out of town on the winds–of course with the goods he intended to take from you minutes after he met and seduced you. This happens frequently with CVs. They have such great cover and a masterful act. To protect yourself from the covert narcissist, research the narcissistic personality. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Stop Your Narcissistic Mother from Haunting You

Narcissistic mothers are ubiquitous and that is a mild comment about them. When we are little they either ignore us completely, devastate us with their cruel comments (worse than a slap in the face) undermine our imaginations by destroying all of our spoken words and making us prisoners of their ever-inflated egos. After we grow up they are still on our minds. When will they “pop’ in on us and start the interrogation about our most private lives. When will the criticisms and accusations begin. How will we defend ourselves against the barrage of abuse that they throw at us unrelentingly. They answer is never—-as long as we maintain contact with them. Narcissists never stop their efforts to bring us down unless we are their golden children that they turn into narcissists–these are false grandiose selves who go on to hurt every person in their lives.

Even after mother has died many still suffer as if she is a living presence. There are the memories of her countless cruelties; the opportunities that we had that she destroyed; the way she dashed our hopes and dreams when we were children; the way she betrayed us with our fathers (who loved us but were too weak emotionally and too afraid to buck her).

You can stop the haunting by your narcissistic mother—Only you can do this. It is not easy since mothers for good or ill have a profound impact on the development of our psyches. But remember, you are an individual although her DNA runs through your blood. You are not your mother and you are not a narcissist. That is what I tell so many people who contact me. They believe that they are narcissists. That is most likely untrue.

As long as you hold on to the “relationship” with mother you cannot be yourself–completely. That is one of the goals of our lives–to manifest our individuality with our unique gifts in this lifetime. We cannot wait for a magical shift to take place. Time is going by. You are not your mother. You are not responsible for what she did or didn’t do for or to you. When you were very little you were a prisoner of the NM. This wasn’t your fault; it was something that happened to you. You cannot change that. What you can do is understand this serious personality disorder and recognize that you re a separate human being of great value.
There are many ways of getting in touch with your real self. Learn how to go inside with brief meditations. Be as consistent as you can. Be nonjudgmental. If you miss a day or a week or a month,you can always get back to your practice. It is waiting for you. Some people use spontaneous writing as a way to use their imaginations and to be with themselves in a special way. Be sure to exercise–dance if you can or walk –Do what you can to take advantage of the endorphins that flow and are part of the calming parasympathetic nervous system of healing.

Don’t be judgmental–be self kind and patient. When you hear the negative self talk, take a breath and a break. Give yourself credit for the human being you have become. To learn about every facet from the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life.
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

You Are Not Crazy—Narcissistic Spouse is Projecting His Venom

We all project unconscious feelings, thoughts and impulses at various times. If we are self aware we are capable of acknowledging at least to ourselves that what we said to someone was more about what was coming out of our unconscious then about them. We made a flip or cruel remark that spontaneously ejected out of our mouth on to them When we can catch these projections, acknowledge them to ourselves and to those on whom they are aimed, then we have made great progress in become more aware, more awake.

The narcissist is in a constant state of projecting in various forms. He/she is grandiose, telling us in every way how wonderful he is. This is the positive side of the projection. Narcissists always have one way non conversations–monologues on their decorative stages. In many cases, if they are highly successful and magnetic they garner quite an audience.

In private in particular narcissists are continually spewing their nasty projections on those closest to them. They are unstoppable. They have completely tuned you out. You don’t exist and if you do you are only one of their possessions. Listening to one of these individuals day and night as a spouse is intolerable. Some wives and husbands blame themselves for these verbal assaults. What’s the matter with me? I must be kinder, more patient, more helpful and on and on. That is not what is happening. The narcissist uses primitive unconscious projections to rid himself of the toxic contents of his psyche which he cannot bear. Beneath the surface of the perfect facade, deep within, this person is empty, full of rage and self loathing. But he is not consciously in touch with this. You Are—-because you are with him or her behind closed doors. Others in his circle of business and personal acquaintances never see this Mr Hyde presentation. He must protect his image above all.

Remember that when you think you are going crazy while your narcissistic spouse is on one of his tirades and accusation runs—-it is what he or she is doing, not you. You are the unfortunate recipient of this verbal excrement. Protect yourself by learning about the narcissistic personality in-depth. Take good care of yourself. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Choose Wholeness and Healing after Surviving Narcissistic Family

Growing up in a narcissistic family is one of the toughest life pathways. When we are very young we don’t know exactly what is wrong. We feel insecure and unhappy and frightened much of the time. Some children in these families feel isolated surrounded by their narcissistic families. These are families in name only. Narcissists are incapable of genuine relationships. Children are used as narcissistic supplies that provide a powerful enchanted image for the narcissistic parents. If the children are attractive, bright, have talents, these can all be used as a source of powerful narcissistic supply for the parents. Many narcissistic parents no no effort to raise their children. They can’t be bothered. They are too busy with their careers, social lives, traveling, having parties and keeping their physical image at a high state of perfection. Looking great takes a lot of time, especially if we insist on being impeccable and that is what many narcissists focus on–how beautiful, flawless, elegant they appear. Narcissists do absolutely no work on their inner selves. They have no conscious access to their person. They are incapable of having an internal life. They will never know themselves. Rather they spend tremendous energy impressing people about how superior and wonderful they are.

Children who survive the narcissistic family are to be commended. They have achieved a harrowing journey and come through as real individuals. What a feat!. After you extricate yourself from this toxic family allow yourself time to heal. Some adult children participate in high quality psychotherapy which helps them to re-orient themselves and recognize what they have been through and who their family really is—highly narcissistic and toxic. They do the work of healing and begin to individuate from these pathological people who are parents and siblings in name only. Be patient with your healing. Many find that forms of meditations, gentle yoga, tai chi, your choice of exercise as well as creative pursuits and finding great friends is all part of the healing process that brings you into your own. Now you are free to define yourself, to recognize that you are a loving human beings capable of empathy and capable of emotional intimacy. You find friends and a support system who help to support you. You are evolving toward becoming your real self. Celebrate your great achievement. To learn about the narcissist in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation:United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Stop Making Excuses for Narcissistic Spouse’s Abominable Behavior

Many people repeat the traumas and horrors of childhood by marrying individuals who are highly abusive, explosive, cruel, cold, manipulative and duplicitous. Those who survived the wars of abusive childhoods don’t always escape from this gross mistreatment in adulthood. Many start the cycle again by marrying a narcissist. Eventually, despite his charm, allure, accomplishments and smooth talk, you will be faced with the real nature of the narcissist you have married. He will start critically picking at you for no reason. One moment he is telling you how wonderful you are. In the next he is pointing the finger at some small mistake or oversight or better yet, inventing terrible character flaws that you have that exist only in his deluded mind. You are confused; you take the blame. You are confused. You might even think that you are mentally unbalanced. Narcissists love to tell their spouses that they are not thinking clearly. It is a clever cruel accusation. There is something about being told that we are not in our right minds that strikes a chord that has a mighty charge. Narcissists are incapable in introspection but they know like a great predator just when and where to strike. Narcissists are dirty underhanded players. They constantly lie to their spouses. They convince you they are loyal and they have their eyes all over the place. They tell you they are flat broke and they have bulging hidden bank accounts. They tell you they are spiritual and they spend most of their time, cheating other people. In fact the narcissist cheats you out of your life.

If you are a kind person your tendency is to make constant excuses for the narcissist. Many spouses are terrified of being on their own. Others expect the incoming fire of abuse since they have been accustomed to this since childhood—It is all too familiar. When we have been in a constant psychological war of survival since birth, there is a tendency to repeat this pattern in other relationships.

There comes a time for many victims of marital narcissistic abuse—a reckoning–when the spouse can no longer and will not take it any more. It is over. The fork in the road has come. The deep intuition of the victim has been telling the abused spouse over and over again to sever the relationship and finally the message has been heard. Many spouses listen and follow up on this knowledge. It is not easy; it is challenging but they make the break from the narcissistic spouse. This is a great victory, a necessary and positive change in a life that now begins anew. I have seen this happen many times. It is different for each individual. The freedom of mind and heart and the creativity that springs forth and the making of new friendships and other real relationships is waiting at the end of this process. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Don’t Let Narcissistic Spouse Psychologically Detour Your Life

Narcissists are always seeking what they want and must have. They zone in on people who will get them to the winner’s circle. Whether it is money, power, sexual attraction, stealing your creative ideas—the narcissist is always there to take from you. Narcissists are craven–They feed off of others. It is part of their nature to bring you into their psychological sphere with their charm, promises and allure, to use up all that you have to offer and then to disregard you. This is an all too familiar pattern. It is important to understand that no matter what they promise—whether it is material comfort, financial stability, making your dreams come true—they will in the end fail you and worse they can make your life a living hell day and night. This is as predictable as phases of the Moon. It ‘s only a matter of when the dark side of the narcissist will show the horrific side he has hidden from you. Often there are hints even in the beginning. You will notice the need to control you, to want everything to look perfect–including you. You will observe the demands that the narcissist makes on other people whom he intimidates.

If you stay with the narcissist you are in some way taking a detour from your own life. Some spouses manage to create a zone of detachment around themselves for protection. But is this an authentic, loving relationship?

Those who decide that they must lead their own lives, grow psychologically and emotionally on their own terms and expand their creative gifts in freedom, take the step toward divorce. This can be daunting since narcissists are very clever at hiding assets, blaming everything that went wrong with the marriage on you, and telling relatives and friends outlandish lies about you. Those who believe them are not your supportive relatives or your friends. Nevertheless, I have seen many partners make this decision and move through the process of freeing themselves. They have endured and prevailed. They are now directing their own lives and discovering that they are moving forward toward greater individuation and the use of their creative gifts. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sociopathic Narcissists Have The Killer Instinct

The grandiose narcissist needs to have his/her ego constantly stroked. He knows how to reel people in. He plays to their dependency needs, material desires, their aspirations for wealth and power. He can take one look at a woman and know how to get her under his control. Many women fall for this master of charm with all the gilded promises. With a narcissist you are lead to believe that you life will be unlimited, that you can have every high and pleasurable experience you’ve ever wanted, that you will never have to worry about money, security, social status. You will always be royal. Woman with very successful careers and professions still fall for charming narcissistic men. They become entranced, hypnotized.

The sociopathic narcissist is several steps beyond his classic brother narcissist. He doesn’t have a whiff of conscience. He is involved in illegal activities as part of his lifestyle. He secretly leads a number of lives and has a keen killer instinct. You get in his way and your life is toast. That is the force of his dangerous darkness. He may threaten you openly or keep his plans secret but watch out if you confront him. Those who go along with him are not leading their own lives. They stay there because of all the perks which are a constant distraction like a merry go round that is moving faster and faster. The giddiness of having anything you want is intoxicating.

Sociopathic narcissists are disastrous parents. They are incapable of forming any kind of relationship with them. Sometimes the child looks up to the father or mother because this person is very successful and powerful. Some narcissistic sociopaths choose one child to mirror him. He becomes the golden boy or girl and can do no wrong.

Sociopathic narcissists are psychological killers in business. They terrorize their rivals. They have close allies and partners that make the lives of their competitors a living hell. They step over ethical and legal boundaries all of the time and don’t get caught because they have a coterie of killer instinct sociopathic lawyers.

When you decide to divorce a sociopathic narcissist, make your preparations secretly and take your time to do a lot of research. Interview several attorneys who understand the way these people tick. The soon to be ex is out for blood and will stop at nothing to win. Find an attorney who is not intimidated in the slightest with these personalities, someone who remains calm when the long knives come out. Use all of your resources to get the support you need. Excellent psychotherapy can be very helpful during this time. Find friends that are available to support you and stick with this ordeal. You will prevail. Keep telling yourself that this is a marathon and you are up to the race and will cross the finish line with a smile on your face. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

You Deserve to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

The beginning of healing is recognizing that you are worthy and that you have unique value as an individual. This can be difficult for those who not only married narcissists but grew up with a narcissistic mother or father. From the beginning of life you were treated like an object or less. No one gave you the special attention you needed, even as a small child. Your basic physical needs may have been taken care of (or not) but there was no emotional contact or understanding with the narcissistic parent. This person was so preoccupied to himself/herself that you were invisible to them. In other cases you were the punching bag. The narcissistic parent was constantly enraged and you were conveniently there to receive the blows–the humiliations, criticisms, threats, intimidations. You can still remember the primal sounds of your narcissistic mother’s screams; the way she looked at you with pure hatred. You felt yourself grow cold. Your intestines roiled inside. You thought you were going to die on the spot. Some children become emotionally frozen and feel numb. They learn to go into this state to protect themselves. Some narcissists parents have special sadistic punishments–putting you in a locked closet most of the day. There you sat and cried, unable to breathe, not knowing when you would be released. You felt terror roar throughout your body and mind. Finally you whimpered yourself to sleep. Some narcissistic parents treat their children like servants. Small children must clean the house, wash the clothing and wait on the narcissistic mother or father. There is no mercy behind the walls of this house. Those on the outside never know that this malevolent treatment is taking place.

You can and will heal from your narcissistic mother, father, spouse, sibling. One of the most significant roles here is in putting your healing first–make it a priority. You have been living in the fight or flight mode most of your life. It is essential that you begin to have experiences within your self that feel safe and calm. Each person finds his own pathway to healing. We take from different disciplines and practices. One that helps many people is the use of the breath to calm the body/mind. This can work through the practice of gentle hatha yoga poses with emphasis on the breath moving in and out of the nostrils. When we do a pose we are gentle with ourselves. There is no need to strain or push. There is nothing to attain. Be present with yourself and pay attention to your breath. If you are unfamiliar with yoga it might be helpful to find a class with a teacher who is skilled but also highly empathic and calm. True yoga is uncompetitive. It is a practice that has developed over thousands of years and is very effective for many in achieving greater calmness within the body and mind. Another method of treatment is acupuncture. This is not for everyone. Some people are afraid of needles (although they are very thin). Finding the right practitioner is very important. This is someone who is highly skilled and experienced and whose ego is dropped. Besides this, you want to see an acupuncturist who does not have a money motive but a healing motive in treating patients. Acupuncture treatments lead the patient to experience the parasympathetic nervous system, that part of us that is very calm and feels safe and protected. We rest in a deep security as we let go and ground with the experience.

Writing regularly for yourself alone is another form of healing from the narcissist. It frees up your mind and emotions. You are expressing feelings as you release them. There are no judgments to make as you write. It flows from you. Spending time with Nature is also very healing. We see the intricacies and beauty of the natural world and are amazed by them. Some people have small gardens and find that focusing in the present on their plants and flowers is part of their healing process. Meditation for some of those who are recovering can be a source of comfort, quieting the mind and focus. Do not be judgmental when you meditate. Meditation is not the absence of thought. It is the effort that matters the most, not the time you put in. One minute of meditation or prayer is invaluable. Some form of exercise releases body tensions and calms obsessive thinking. Choose what works for you. Find your own ways of healing. Trust yourself. You know so much about how to find you way back. The body/mind is always moving naturally toward healing. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Mother Severely Destructive to Her Children

The narcissistic mother is cold, robotic, ruthless and cruel. She has no real feelings for her children except for the one who is most like her–the golden one. This is the special boy or girl whom she has picked as a living god like a pharaoh. NMs live through these children who can do no wrong, who have no limits and are allowed to abuse their brothers and sisters without any consequences.

Unchosen children live in constant fear, apprehension, always waiting for the next catastrophe. Their nervous systems are always turned on the fight or flight syndrome. They don’t know what it means to feel safe. Many of them have horrible insomnia or night terrors. They worry that mother will come in and start screaming at them or even beating them. Secret punishments that cause humiliation and constant terror are meted out regularly. When you live with a narcissistic mother you exist in a kind of gulag. There is no escape; you feel helpless and alone and there is an enduring sense that this hell is never going to end. Some children of narcissistic mothers feel deep inside that they are bad and defective human beings. “What have I done wrong?” What horrible things have I done to mom that she hates me so much? “I can’t stop hearing her screaming in my ears?” “I get scared every night that she’s coming in my room to hit me and then send me away. Where will I go?’

Every despicable word or deed you can imagine has been perpetrated by narcissistic mothers, especially if they are sociopathic. They are highly sadistic and smirk and smile when their children are most terrified by them. They love to shock even a small child just to watch the kind of power they have over him. They cram food down their throats, put them on hunger regimens, make them eat food that has spoiled, demand they stand in their feces for hours. You name it, they’ve done it!.

The psychological impact of having a narcissistic mother is devastating. There are actually some people who don’t believe these life stories. I say the hell with them. Don’t give anyone who doesn’t believe you the slightest attention. You know exactly what you have live through. There are so many people who are incapable of empathy. If it didn’t happen to them, it doesn’t exist. How narcissistic is that!

Adult children of narcissistic mothers can continue to suffer in the aftermath of their abuse. Many of them find healing by working with excellent psychotherapists, practicing healing modalities like gentle yoga with its emphasis on the slow breath through the nostrils, acupuncture can bring the quieting parasympathetic nervous system experience to those who have suffered this level of abuse. Many survivors of maternal narcissistic abuse find their way back to inner peace, the loving acceptance of their real selves and the activation of their creative gifts. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com