Category Archives: married to a sociopath

Married to a Narcissistic Sociopath–Learn to Place Value on YOUR LIFE

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If you are married to a man or woman without conscience, who hurts others without a scintilla of concern, who demeans and undermines you, who lives strictly for himself, who treats you with psychological abuse, constant criticisms that run through your body that put you in continual states of terror, who screams in your face at the top of his lungs, telling you how worthless you are, who leads a secret life and with great cunning is secretly trying to take away your financial security by lying about his plans for the two of you, if you are being blamed for everything that he is doing (not you), if you are the recipient of the putrid flow of his  toxic projections, if you are always on edge waiting for the next tirade that feels like the tectonic plates and you can’t stand it one more moment, it is likely you are married to a narcissistic sociopath. The very clever and “successful” sociopath is smooth as imported silk. In the social whirl, he shines and glows. People are drawn to him. They melt like butter in his presence. They can’t say “no” to him. Remember when you first met him. You were captivated by this man (woman). You may have become obsessed and he took over your mind and heart. You married him and as time passed you realized that something was very wrong. You blamed yourself and worked harder at pleasing him. That didn’t solve the problem. The problem between the two of you became untenable but you wouldn’t give up, thinking you could fix it if you just tried harder. He (she) betrayed you and you forgave him. He mangled you with personal crushing comments. You were exhausted, spent, done, cooked.

Finally you researched and discovered who this man (woman) really is—a narcissistic sociopath, a pathologically fixed personality that will not change. You reached out to a friend who understood the hell you were going through. Some people respond very oddly to these situations. They act “nice” but they don’t want to hear it. They don’t believe you and think your imagination has taken over. They write you off in their minds. “She’s such a drama queen. She exaggerates everything”, they say to themselves. Forget those who don’t believe you. I do. I know this territory of the mind of the narcissistic sociopath and the treachery and darkness of their malevolent ways.

Your knowledge is powerful. Start Now to place value on YOUR LIFE. This often begins with severing your relationship with this person who has caused you dreadful suffering. Let your healing begin with taking good care of yourself and developing a strong sense of entitlement to lead your own life (not his/hers). Rebuild your body/mind with consistent times you take to be quiet, to meditate (in a way that is pleasant and works for you), journal and watch the words move through you. Let the river of feelings flow and know that you are healing in these precious moments. This is nature’s way–a letting go, a loosening, a softening, and finally a peace announces itself inside of you. Stay here and recognize that this is the real original you that has been waiting so long to announce its lovely presence. The peace speaks inside of you and says: “This is who you  are. I have been waiting for you to find me. I am always with you. I cherish you. I love you.”

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Embracing Treachery–Married to Narcissistic Sociopath

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Treachery causes an annihilation of the self. Its natural course is psychological danger to you, betrayal and deceit. When you live and are married to a narcissistic sociopath, treachery shadows you day and night. You are never safely alone with your private thoughts and feelings. The treachery of the NS creeps cunningly into your dreams that often reoccur, warning you to get away, get out, save yourself. But you cannot listen because you are ensnared by the sociopath’s seductive ways–his promises, his rewards for “good behavior”–meaning that you do exactly what he expects of you, even if this goes against your personal principles and values. Many women are psychologically fused with socialized psychopaths and find them addictive. They flee from their lover or marital partner, only to return again and again. Each time they are a little weaker psychologically and less aware that the price they pay is with their lives–the dilution of their emotional energy, creative gifts, core sense of self, the initiative to follow their professional and personal dreams and to experience an abiding inner peace.

When you are twined with NS your life is in his hands, your thoughts are his thoughts, your heart belongs to him not yourself. He screams at you when he is projecting his noxious venom into your face. He humiliates you emotionally and psychologically when he is enraged. He gets a thrill out of hurting you as you cower and beg forgiveness for what he has done to you. The cycle of destruction is endless until women married or tethered to these men wake up and recognize that their mate suffers from a severe pernicious personality disorder that will not change. The experience with the NS leads you to the lowest depths of your being.

It is when we are at a very low ebb that the urgency of “Waking Up” becomes strong and persistent. The voice of intuition speaks clearly: now is the time to sever the non relationship with this man/woman.  You are a strong independent, capable and gifted human being.Leave this regressive, pathological non relationship. Get back in touch with your real self—-the person you were meant to be.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

The Rise of High Level Sociopaths

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In this post I am not speaking about the anti-social personality disorder who has been stealing cars since adolescence and has moved on to crimes of physical assault and robbing banks and eventually hard core jail time. The sociopath I am focusing on sits at the upper echelons of power in the private and public sectors of this country. To most people they are unrecognizable in this role. These individuals are beyond clever and cunning. They are masters of image, disguise and deceit. Many of them attend our finest universities, have the highest credentials in many professional fields. They are exalted in the highest levels of society, given honors and awards for their important work and looked up to as role models by their peers, communities and friends.

These sociopaths are a special breed of men and women. They often have a high intelligence quotient, have earned several degrees and have entered, climbed and succeeded to the pinnacle of their professions. Almost everyone is fooled by them. They have so many admirers and followers. Their main focus is in making enormous amounts of money and wielding ultimate power. There are no limits on their ambitions—It is endless. They are socially well placed and have learned the art of sizing up people early, have mastered all of the social skills and ways of flattering people into falling for them. They wield power and influence in their work over their associates. They act like team players but behind the scenes they are using others who will do their dirty work to plot and destroy their next competitor. They spread lies, create ugly scenarios, defame and eventually destroy anyone who gets in their way. I have heard many stories from their victims of lives decimated by these fawned over criminals in disguise.

The truth comes from those who have shared their private lives with this monsters. Some husbands and wives sacrifice their lives and sell their souls to share the public adulation, lifestyle and raw power that these sociopaths hold in the palms of their hands. Others finally discover that they can no longer live with the abuse, suspect that there is too much illegal, immoral and unethical behaviors occurring that they can no longer stomach and that they must sever these treacherous relationships to save themselves and their children. Divorces from these high level sociopaths are ugly to the max. Those who go forward and survive are relieved and finally free of the imprisonment and secrecy that has haunted them for decades.

Many in the current society, hyped by the media and entertainment empires, believe that those who ultimately win—even if other human beings are thrown to the wolves in the process, is perfectly ok—-even admired. Those who don’t or won’t or can’t play this brand of hard ball are wimps. The increase of narcissistic personality disorders over the last few decades is astounding. Along with this is the acceptance and rise of the highly skilled, charismatic, high level sociopath. They are seated in the midst of many power venues. All sociopaths are narcissists. Some narcissists are sociopaths. Both of these severe personality disorders fool most people, including some psychotherapists. To protect yourself from these highly destructive individuals, study these personality disorders in depth. There are many highly successful people in different kinds of professions who are humane, have great integrity and command respect. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sociopathic Narcissists Have The Killer Instinct

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The grandiose narcissist needs to have his/her ego constantly
stroked. He knows how to reel people in. He plays to their dependency
needs, material desires, their aspirations for wealth and power. He can
take one look at a woman and know how to get her under his control. Many
women fall for this master of charm with all the gilded promises. With a
narcissist you are lead to believe that you life will be unlimited,
that you can have every high and pleasurable experience you’ve ever
wanted, that you will never have to worry about money, security, social
status. You will always be royal. Woman with very successful careers and
professions still fall for charming narcissistic men. They become
entranced, hypnotized.

The sociopathic narcissist is
several steps beyond his classic brother narcissist. He doesn’t have a
whiff of conscience. He is involved in illegal activities as part of his
lifestyle. He secretly leads a number of lives and has a keen killer
instinct. You get in his way and your life is toast. That is the force
of his dangerous darkness. He may threaten you openly or keep his plans
secret but watch out if you confront him. Those who go along with him
are not leading their own lives. They stay there because of all the
perks which are a constant distraction like a merry go round that is
moving faster and faster. The giddiness of having anything you want is
intoxicating.

Sociopathic narcissists are disastrous
parents. They are incapable of forming any kind of relationship with
them. Sometimes the child looks up to the father or mother because this
person is very successful and powerful. Some narcissistic sociopaths
choose one child to mirror him. He becomes the golden boy or girl and
can do no wrong.

Sociopathic narcissists are
psychological killers in business. They terrorize their rivals. They
have close allies and partners that make the lives of their competitors a
living hell. They step over ethical and legal boundaries all of the
time and don’t get caught because they have a coterie of killer instinct
sociopathic lawyers.

When you decide to divorce a
sociopathic narcissist, make your preparations secretly and take your
time to do a lot of research. Interview several attorneys who understand the way these people tick. The soon to be ex is out for blood and will stop at nothing to win.  Find an attorney who is
not intimidated in the slightest with these personalities, someone who
remains calm when the long knives come out. Use all of your resources to
get the support you need. Excellent psychotherapy can be very helpful
during this time. Find friends that are available to support you and
stick with this ordeal. You will prevail. Keep telling yourself that
this is a marathon and you are up to the race and will cross the finish
line with a smile on your face.  Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com