Category Archives: female narcissists

Narcissists Alive and Very Well Among Spiritual Healers

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The Unsuspected—A goldmine of pathological narcissism is among those you would never imagine share this disorder—”Spiritual Healers” —those received as royalty and great holy masters through their million dollar book sales, endless rotating seminars that encompass the globe, their cds, dvds, audios, internet classes and trainings they offer. Their schedules are so full it is remarkable that they are able to move through each crowded day. But remember this is a narcissistic personality who never tires from being on center stage, viewed as superior even semi-divine, a super mentor, a saint in human form.

There are individuals of high consciousness who truly help people to heal: physically, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually. These people have their egos dropped, are not after a money motive. They charge fees that are fair. Some of them are very successful and do produce books and seminars and dvds that sell very well. I am not talking about these individuals. I am speaking about pathological narcissistic personality.

Today many people are looking for a quick mystical fix. They want an instant miracle, a tectonic shift in their lives–right now. The pseudo narcissistic healer cunningly offers that tantalizing potion through his charisma, charm, clever magic words in a well rehearsed presentation. After someone is hooked by him or her, the seduction is complete. It’s like opening up your heart and giving it away, opening up your wallet and bank account and saying: “Take what you want.”, breaching your mind and psyche and saying, “I believe you; I will follow you.” The pseudo spiritual healer practices a form of brain washing that is very effective with a substantial segment of human beings.

Narcissistic spiritual healers ensnare the most vulnerable–those who are fresh from a personal tragedy or loss, the very lonely who have been abandoned by family or spouses, those with intolerable feelings of anxiety, those who feel depressed and depleted by the burden of their lives, the dependent ones who are always looking for someone to cling to because they cannot tolerate another moment of their raw unrelenting pain of psychological emptiness.

Learn how to identify these pseudo spiritual con artists. Listen to their sweet talk pitch, the eyes that appear to melt with your sorrow, the nonverbal cues that reach out to console, the vacant promise that you will be completely healed and your life will be resurrected (if you sign up for thousands of dollars of course sessions).  Watch how much money you are being asked to invest in this “spiritual” project. Is it multi-level? Will there be other courses required? How much are you being cleverly pressured? Listen to the voice of your  intuition first in a whisper, then like a mighty wind that cries: “Don’t do it!’ “Don’t sign up!” “These people are parasites exploiting you.”  “Back away.” “Say “No” now.”

Identifying the narcissistic spiritual  healer before you take the bait is highly empowering. If you have fallen for these tricks and ruses in the past, don’t blame yourself. Now you are wise to the game. You are in charge, walking your own path, listening to the wisdom that flows through you.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Narcissistic Mother Chooses Narcissistic Princess over Other Daughter

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Narcissistic mothers are unjust, unfair and downright brutal. When this non mother has seized on the child who is the answer to all of her deepest needs and wishes, she has no interest, let alone a disgust for her other children. One common scenario is the older daughter turned “Princess” versus the young daughter.  From babyhood NM chooses the older daughter as her favorite. The sun rises and sets on this child. She is never corrected for her impulsive mean behaviors. When the younger daughter comes along and the budding narcissist pinches her baby sister, the NM pays no attention at all or she waves it all off as if it never happened. In fact NM may find it amusing to hear her baby cry or watch her wince. In this case “mother” is highly sadistic and dangerous to her little one. There are many occasions when the older blooming narcissistic daughter terrorizes the little child without any witnesses. She pretends like she is playing a funny game and rushes out of the shadows and scares and startles the baby who reacts with crying. Mother is annoyed: “What’s the matter with this kid ? All she does is whimper and cry.” “Why can’t she be like her older sister, calm and composed?” This situation is horrific for the victimized baby, young child and growing sibling who is subject to this malicious abuse. Dad never finds out about these horrors because he is purposely left in the dark. In some cases he is out to lunch and doesn’t want to be involved in any meaningful way with his family.

After growing up under these abusive conditions, victims of narcissistic sisters suffer greatly. Some of them feel that they are obligated to maintain relationships with the ones who tortured them. Well, I am telling you, you don’t. The family may not understand or believe you. But if this previous abuse by your NM and NS is continuing to interrupt the positive trajectory of your life, sever the relationship. The NM and NS are not going to change. They will continue to deride you, disdain you and psychologically injure you.

What is best for you is self  care and beginning the process of psychological and emotional healing. This begins by knowing that you are entitled to lead your own life, to feel deep inner peace, to feel safe and secure inside, to use your creative gifts, to learn to trust only those who are worthy of it. You can and will heal.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Narcissistic Mothers–Avarice and Huge Egos

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There is a type of narcissistic mother who organizes her life around her ambitions not her children’s psychological and emotional needs. 

There are large numbers of mothers who must go to work to provide for their children. Some of them are divorced and the sole responsible parent.  They both work and take full parental responsibility.  These women put their children first even though they must work very hard to provide for them.They love their children and this is reflected in their kids’ deep love for them.

Many women are highly ambitious professionally. They possess the tools to high level success: drive, use of their fine intellects, formal education, talents, ambitions, fearlessness and confidence in themselves. They choose not to have children because their primary life trajectory is succeeding on the highest levels in business, academic, medicine, government, the corporate world.

Narcissistic mothers whether they have professional careers, work outside the home or stay at home, give birth to their children but don’t raise them. It is difficult for some people to understand why these women have children unless you understand the narcissistic mindset. The narcissistic focus is on the external—creating and maintaining the Perfect Image. Having a couple of children is part of their Image Portfolio.These women can be on the high end career track or those who have chosen not to work formally. They spend their days focusing on themselves: enhancing their physical appearance, constant social activities, etc. Their schedules are full and include very little time with their children.

Some narcissistic mothers are filled with avarice (“excessive or insatiable desire for wealth or gain”) ; they are obsessed with getting more. There is no end to their insatiable wants and musts. The narcissistic ego is boundless. She is perfect; others have enormous flaws. She is always right even when she makes huge mistakes that cause intractable pain and psychological damage to her children.

Children of narcissistic mothers suffer horribly under the cruel yoke of this self obsessed, unempathic parent. The pain often lingers after they have become adults. So many adult children feel guilty and take the blame for their mother’s countless cruelties, deprivations, torments, bullying, shaming, exploitation. Many of these adult children discover the pathways toward healing their psyches and minds. I have discovered through a number of years of contact with these children that they are often among the most understanding and compassionate individuals I encounter. They have survived with grace and a loveliness of spirit that heal them and others who cross their path.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Embracing Treachery–Married to Narcissistic Sociopath

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Treachery causes an annihilation of the self. Its natural course is psychological danger to you, betrayal and deceit. When you live and are married to a narcissistic sociopath, treachery shadows you day and night. You are never safely alone with your private thoughts and feelings. The treachery of the NS creeps cunningly into your dreams that often reoccur, warning you to get away, get out, save yourself. But you cannot listen because you are ensnared by the sociopath’s seductive ways–his promises, his rewards for “good behavior”–meaning that you do exactly what he expects of you, even if this goes against your personal principles and values. Many women are psychologically fused with socialized psychopaths and find them addictive. They flee from their lover or marital partner, only to return again and again. Each time they are a little weaker psychologically and less aware that the price they pay is with their lives–the dilution of their emotional energy, creative gifts, core sense of self, the initiative to follow their professional and personal dreams and to experience an abiding inner peace.

When you are twined with NS your life is in his hands, your thoughts are his thoughts, your heart belongs to him not yourself. He screams at you when he is projecting his noxious venom into your face. He humiliates you emotionally and psychologically when he is enraged. He gets a thrill out of hurting you as you cower and beg forgiveness for what he has done to you. The cycle of destruction is endless until women married or tethered to these men wake up and recognize that their mate suffers from a severe pernicious personality disorder that will not change. The experience with the NS leads you to the lowest depths of your being.

It is when we are at a very low ebb that the urgency of “Waking Up” becomes strong and persistent. The voice of intuition speaks clearly: now is the time to sever the non relationship with this man/woman.  You are a strong independent, capable and gifted human being.Leave this regressive, pathological non relationship. Get back in touch with your real self—-the person you were meant to be.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

You Cannot Communicate with A Narcissist

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The narcissistic personality lives in a delusional world of his creation. Although he/she gives fine speeches and is highly articulate in his profession, he is incapable of the give and take of true communication. I am talking of a meeting of minds. The narcissist is of one mind—his. That is all that exists at the center of his universe. He is the sun, the center of everything that goes on in his world. You share his reflected light only if you can provide him with major narcissistic supplies—becoming an adoring spouse who acts as his servant, provide him with sources of power and paths to wealth, introduce him to influential movers and shakers. If you are in his life and cannot fit his bill, especially if you are a spouse or child, you will be treated with disrespect, dismissiveness, constant ridicule, searing criticism, verbal assaults, mental gaslighting and psychological sabotage.

There is a fresh crop of young narcissistic adults who have extreme self entitlement issues. The current society gives these individuals a large pass especially if they are successful academically and professionally and are highly confident. Recently I had an encounter with a young narcissistic fellow. I had spoken to him previously and suspected that he was a narcissist. Every word that he uttered was about him. He bragged incessantly about his entry into a medical residency. I made an effort to engage him in a conversation but it was impossible. At one point I mentioned a renowned surgeon who was in his field of study and he didn’t make a verbal or nonverbal reply. It appeared that he was unable to hear anything that I was saying except the sound of his own voice. He flashed a pasted smile with pearly teeth every time he spoke about his grandiose ambitions. He was obsessed with his perfect false self. I talked about a person whom I knew that had a medical problem in his prospective specialty. He was incommunicado. It was quite astounding. I watched him puff himself up like a peacock as he spoke about his future. When he did mention others there was a sharp disdain in his voice, a demeaning manner signaling his superiority.

I left the Prince’s throne room and went outside into the night and gazed at the twinkling stars —so beautiful, magnificent and real.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

Narcissistic Women Making Mincemeat of Their Paramours

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There are narcissistic women who are particularly skilled at finding male paramours whom they can completely control. They have no limitations to their wants and needs. The illicit lover is the best catch. After all, he is married and tied up in a legal bond (until he breaks it) This provides this narcissistic conniver with plenty of time for adventures with other men. Narcissistic women of this ilk make sure that they have a spare man or two around just in case the current affair gets too bumpy or even goes off the tracks. The partner is in an altered adoring state over his beloved. What this fellow doesn’t know is that he is being taken for a wild ride.These she-devils are takers only. They love bling, expensive clothes, ongoing spa treatments, and jewelry that is heavy on the fingers. NW acquire cold cash, investments even property that have been spirited away by the love to make his gal happy and beaming.

For men uninitiated in these practices, be sure to learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth. You don’t want to get yourself into this psychological, emotional and financial quicksand. Don’t wait ’til you are up to your neck and being pulled under. Narcissistic women of this kind are plotters and planners. They know exactly what they are doing. They use their beauty and sex to play every man that suits their fancy. Their lists of broken male hearts are exceedingly long. Watch for the NPD characteristics: complete lack of empathy, chronic lying (hard to detect but use your intuition and you will identify it), constant manipulations, empty promises, duplicity, exploitation and outbursts of volcanic rage. When the first red flags are waving in the wind about this gorgeous woman, pay close attention—-She is a narcissistic personality disorder who is not going to change. Why should she? She is perfect. You have the flaws. She is wonderful and will replace you with someone else.

Above all, take care of yourself. When you feel that intense chemistry coming from a NPD , take a flyer. It’s worth getting away. These dramas have very unhappy endings for the male paramour.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Sons of Narcissistic Mothers Despise Them

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Narcissistic mothers often have an iron hold on their sons. These mothers appear to adore their sons over their daughters an shower them with all of the attention and adulation. There are sons of narcissistic mothers who become narcissists and the two of them are fused in a highly pathological and destructive psychological duo.

Those sons who are not narcissistic have a rough time of it. They feel their mother’s narcissistic claws  at the ready to get a hold of them and not let go until she possesses them. Narcissists believe that everything belongs to them, including their children,with whom they can fuse, neglect or discard. The narcissistic mother demands her son’s attention. She cannot be attuned to her child but rather is bent on molding him into what she believes is another replica of her perfect self. These sons are both intimidated  and feel deep hatred of a so-called mother who blocks their way toward psychological independence, the fulfillment and promise of their masculinity and the use of the potential and appreciation of their individuality. Some sons feel obligated to the narcissistic mother and spend much of their lives trying to please these impossible creatures. This interrupts the natural growth of the child and young adult. Often the father in these families is psychologically weak and emasculated. That is why the narcissistic mother has chosen him—someone whom she can fully control, manipulate and deceive.

Men psychologically possessed by their narcissistic mothers have difficulty with emotional intimacies.  Unconsciously, they belong to mother. How can they  give themselves to a partner when they cannot be separate from her. There are sons who make the break from their narcissistic mothers. It can be a tough battle. The NM infuses guilt. She is a drama queen, insisting on her way despite the psychological damage that is incurred by her son. Some sons remain pleasers and feel guilty if they don’t fulfill their mother’s wishes. Inside they are torn between deep feelings of obligation and enraged that they are still umbilically tied to their NM.

Those who achieve the separation are freed to feel and express their uniqueness, to use their individual potential in every way, to be creative, to activate their spontaneity.  Some sons of NMs benefit from excellent psychotherapy. When choosing a therapist, interview until you find the one that is best for you. This professional must be capable of attuning himself/herself to you, have well developed empathy besides a solid academic and clinical background. Make sure that the therapist does not have a money motive and is not a narcissist. This can and does happen. Some of the “most qualified ” psychotherapists, psychiatrists, counselors, etc. are narcissistic personality disorders. Stay away from them; they can be very charming and convincing.

There are many avenues to healing. Learn to calm your nervous systems through methods that work best for you–gentle hatha yoga with emphasis of breathing through the nose, a form of meditation or inner quiet that you can do regularly, spending time with people who appreciate you and are excellent listeners.

Some sons of NMs make a decision to go no contact with their mothers to stop the constant interference, blowups, accusations, recriminations, etc. This is your judgment call.

Above all, respect yourself. You are evolving and growing each moment. You are becoming free.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

Narcissistic Stepmothers-Ultimate Nightmare for their Step Children

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There are tales of wicked stepmothers going back hundreds of years. Ancient fairy tales tell the truth of their nature. There are step mothers who are wonderful parents to their step children. I am talking about those who are narcissists.

Narcissistic step mothers cause emotional chaos and psychological distress within the family. When they have children with their new spouse, they often cut off the original family, the children of their spouse’s first family. Narcissistic step mothers are cunning and clever, appearing to be considerate and cooperative with the new family constellation. But they have the upper hand over their spouse. The narcissistic wife slows turns turns very ugly. She has hatched a plan to rule over all of the children and to ultimately control her husband. She caters to this man to making sure that she is indispensable to him, that he cannot make decisions without her. Eventually, these husbands capitulate their control and decision making. They go along with their wife’s wishes on the children of the second marriage. When the husband is highly successful, the second or third wife becomes obsessed with the heady lifestyle, controlling money properties and all assets. The narcissistic stepmother is exceedingly greedy. She favors and give her biological children with her spouse every material advantage. The children of the first marriage have to fend for themselves without the aid of their parent. The narcissistic step mother has won the battle. She is now in charge of everyone.

Don’t wait for the narcissistic stepmother to change. This is a pathologically fixed personality disorder. Study these individuals intently. It is vital that you protect and separate yourself from them. Work changing yourself. Respect your strengths, creativity, the blooming of your potential and every aspect of your unique personality. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Women Still Use Sex To Gain Ultimate Power

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It may be tens of thousands of years old but there are women today, some highly educated and career competent who use their youth, great looks, perfect figures and their seductive skills  to gain ultimate power over men who they stealthily choose as their targets. There are many more women who are  intelligent, well educated, self confident and highly competent who never take this route and reach powerful positions in their fields on their own merit, intelligence, advanced education, perseverance and very hard work.

The women I speak about are conniving narcissists. Some of them go many steps further down the spectrum of ruthlessness and treachery and are sociopaths. Most people do not recognize the socialized sociopath. These individuals are often very attractive physically, have magnetic charm, are very articulate and are very persuasive about their indispensability. They are also relentless. Once they have decided that a particular man, a very successful one with a resume of high level accomplishments will further their career and satiate their grandiose visions, they hatch a complex plan that will lead them directly to their goal. They are unconcerned if this man is married, has children, must protect himself against liaisons due to his professional position. None of this matters. The narcissistic woman who is married with children easily sets her familial  roles aside without a moment’s hesitation, and moves at top speed to seduce and possess her targeted male. There is nothing else in her mind. She is relentless. You have seen the female cheetah in the tall grasses sizing up her choices of prey. When the timing is right and the winds are in her favor and her mark has shown vulnerability, she slowly gathers indomitable speed that cannot be surpassed and easily brings down her victim for the perfect kill.  With animals these violent actions are essential to survival.

Human beings are more complex. The narcissistic woman who pursues, seduces and vanquishes her target man has been developing into a narcissistic personality most of her life. If you look into her background you will often find that she always took advantage of others–in class, on the playground, with her friends and even adults. She did this with both charm and a special kind of intimidation. Some narcissistic women have many gifts. They are very attractive, bright, quick, athletic and have mastered the skill of manipulating people with their charm, tremendous confidence and their incredible nerve. They are steely creatures who throw all the rules to the winds to get exactly who and what they want.

Sexual attraction and the promise of hot sex is still one of the most powerful tools a woman can use on a man. Most men can’t say No to this level of temptation. The predatory female who is determined to control this man sexually is thrilled by the prospect of “getting him” but her ambitions go much higher. If he is a very big fish, she has already planned how she will use this intimate association to increase her professional power. That’s the operative word–Power. Ultimately, when he falls, she doesn’t give a damn about him. He is a fool like all of the other men she has seduced, possessed and discarded. She will get the most out of her conquest. Soon she will move on to another mark. When she is called notorious, she secretly smiles inside. Notorious–that has a glamorous, forbidden, mysterious, powerful ring to it.  I like the feel of that word inside my skin,  She says to herself.  To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Ex-Spouses Psychologically Poison Their Children

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Remember that narcissists are without conscience or shame. They will
never apologize for some horrible trauma they have caused you or your
children. In fact, they blame every calamity on you. They twist the
truth like a warm pretzel. Some spouses believe their lives are great because they
have been brainwashed over the years. Others are
immersed in the lifestyle that he/she  provides for them. There are too
many trips, parties, lovely possessions, gifts and all the other
distractions that keep them deluded by the fantasies of having what they
want. They are like children in a candy store with unlimited amounts of
money to buy every treat they can reach.

When the
marriage disintegrates and the nasty divorce dance is over, there are custody arrangements. These always cause problems. With half and half custody the narcissistic ex-spouse
spends enough time with his/her children to psychologically poison them
against the other parent. They tell outright lies to the point of
describing an affair that the other spouse had. None of this is true.
The children find  this information very alarming. What makes this even
worse is the narcissistic ex-spouse swears the children to secrecy.
Don’t say a word; this is between you and me. Narcissists thrive on
secrets. It makes them feel powerful. They control others with this
mendacity. It pits one person against the other and weakens them. They
are sadistic and love to watch others twist in the wind and lose their
psychological footing.

Maintaining a loving, open,
close relationship with your children is key to offsetting the
psychological poison of the narcissistic ex-spouse. When the
relationship is solid and loving, your children will tell you exactly
what is going on when you are not in their presence. We only need one
good loving parent or a parent surrogate.

Use your intuition and you will know what your ex-spouse is cooking up. You can smell the aromas of his deceptive stew of lies. You have the drop on him. You know the truth. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com