There are narcissistic daughters who dictatorially rule over their entire families:mothers,fathers,siblings,grandparents,etc. They treat their parents like stupid lowly servants, who tremble when they bark out commands. One psychological scenario occurs when the parents of the future narcissistic daughter are both borderline personalities. Borderlines area characterized by their fear of abandonment, boundary issues, unstable psyches, dependency, lack of self confidence, emotional over reactions and lack of psychological insight. Borderlines are subject to wide swings in mood and emotionally and psychological fuse with those close to them like spouses. The budding female narcissist enters the picture when this couple has its first born. In this case example, it is a girl named Caterina. From the beginning Caterina is catered to. As an infant her mother ministers to her needs with consistency and care. By the age of eighteen months it is very clear that little Caterina is running the household. Mother and father make no effort to create boundaries of appropriate behavior for their child. Whenever Caterina wants something, she open her mouth, screams wildly, and instantly receives it—morning,noon and night. There are no rules in this household. Caterina is treated like a queen to be obeyed not a dependent child of parents who love her and act as consistent guides in her development. By three the first of her sisters arrived and Caterina becomes more enrage and self entitled. She is very cruel to her younger sister and neither parent intervenes to explain that she cannot act out her rage on the much younger sibling. By this time Caterina is in charge of the household, intimidating her parents. Whatever Caterina wants, she gets, regardless of her insensitivity to her younger sibling or her highly disrespectful behavior to her parents. Caterina has not been taught to treat others with respect. She has never learned that anyone else mattered or even existed in the world, except herself. Her parents have placed her on a high immovable throne where they worship their budding narcissistic daughter.
As a full blown narcissist, Caterina is still ruling the roost. Although she lives halfway across the country from her family and has a husband and children of her own, she directs and rules on family matters from her domain. Recently, she insisted on making decisions about her grandmother’s assisted living care. It is Caterina not her father or mother who is in the driver’s seat. Why would Caterina be so closely involved with a grandmother she doesn’t give a damn about. You guessed it—her grandmother’s inheritance. Caterina turned on the charm with subtle pressure in more recent years and grandmother has made “her decision” to leave over seventy five percent of her estate to Caterina. Never doubt the venality and greed of a narcissistic personality, especially when relatives with monetary assets are involved. For more information that will help you to specifically identify and assist you in successfully dealing with narcissists in your family and beyond, visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
“Cock of the Walk” derives from the middle english, meaning a person who dominates others with his (her) overbearing manner. This describes many male narcissists who treat their brother(s) in humiliating and intimidating ways, constantly pouring vinegar into your open psychological wounds. Whether older or younger the narcissistic brother takes control of the household very early. He was always the attention getter, the One, the overwhelming presence. In many family scenarios he is mother or father’s favorite. From the beginning he is not taught to be aware or sensitive to other’s feelings. His parents give him the green light and tell him directly and indirectly that he is extraordinary Male siblings of narcissistic brothers describe their fear and trembling in the presence of their brother. Frequently, the parent(s) is unaware of the narcissist’s manipulation of them and the other children in the family. The narcissistic brother is often a bully who routinely terrorizes his brothers and sisters. I hear these stories frequently from the narcissist’s victims: “He was always cruel, made fun of me. ” “He lied and told dad that I stole something or hit a kid at school. My brother is a bully, pure and simple.” “He can get away with anything.”
The narcissistic brother will never stop abusing you. Narcissists are very unlikely to change. They are wildly rewarded for their grandiosity, extreme self confidence and for their cruel domination of others. I have heard first hand accounts of narcissistic brothers who turn treacherous and convince other family members that their brother is mentally and psychologically unstable. Often these brothers become the executors of the family estate, especially if there are large assets involved. They pretend to be attentive to the living mother or father for the purpose of brainwashing them into controlling the will and the trusts.
Narcissistic brothers get a perverse joy from digging at their siblings. They demean and humiliate their brother, embarrassing them in public or among other family members and friends. They take joy in inducing wounds–they are mercilessly sadistic, even treacherous. When you tell others about your narcissistic brother, don’t be surprised if you are not believed. Many people live in delusion, never wanting to face what is darkest in another because they cannot face their own psychological shadows.
In many cases the targeted brother must make a move to sever his ties with his toxic family member. Painful as this action can be, it is an opportunity for the once victimized sibling to break free from this narcissist and assert and celebrate his unique identity. For many this represents a personal transformation, a great victory! Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
If you survived your childhood—and that is a very tall order for many abused, neglected and deprived children— no one can psychologically harm you.It usually takes most of us a number of painful experiences to come to this realization. After all what we had to do to remain alive emotionally and psychologically meant that we had to become invisible, pretend who we weren’t, cower in a corner and hope that we would not be hit, hide from our parents at friends’ houses, disappear into libraries to escape the horrors of home and fill our minds with useful intellectual information. Libraries become a place of refuge for many children. In books we enter a world of enchantment where we can be transported to other worlds and away from the constant psychological pain of our dysfunctional families.
Those who have suffered abuse and neglect often choose as partners, individuals who will continue these kinds of behaviors. We are drawn back to what was familiar to us,even though it made our lives intolerable. Many children learn very early that they are unworthy of kindness or empathy. They become inured to cruelty and neglect. As they grow up they unconsciously expect this kind of treatment from others, including prospective partners.
At some point victims of emotional and psychological abuse wake up. Maybe the last time of being humiliated and shamed and even struck in the face by a spouse or partner was the last straw. They say to themselves: “I will not take this kind of treatment ever again.” This time they mean it and begin their journey toward healing and wholeness. No one can harm or destroy you psychologically. Learn to appreciate that you are a valuable unique human being who deserves respect and the reciprocation of love and appreciation. Send this message to others who are still suffering and trapped in this old cycle of abuse. Your life has begun anew—Keep your light shining day and night. You deserve to live with a spacious calm mind, the reciprocation of love and friendship and deep inner peace. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
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Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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