Married to A Socialized Sociopath—Puts You in Psychological Danger

These are among the most successful, bright, ingenious, attractive, magnetic individuals that we encounter. They are confident, socially skilled, astute and exceedingly charming. This is a description of the Socialized Sociopath, a severe personality disturbance that has become acceptable, even valued and lauded in our current society.

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Socialized Sociopaths Do Their Dirty Work Unscathed–Free Yourself from Them

The socialized sociopath is alive and very well in our culture today. Their numbers are growing and they are striving at the expense of those who are most vulnerable–their children, siblings, spouses. The image is impeccable. They convince everyone to believe their lies. They lead many lives and continually deceive, exploit and destroy. They commit crimes of the heart by abandoning their children, literally and emotionally and through their perpetration of great harm upon them. They treat their spouses like dirt and wipe the floors with them. (But no one sees this horrific display of multiple treacheries).

Those who are awake and aware need to spread the word about these monsters living in our midst. Many of those whom you tell will not believe you so be selective. The truth is a rare commodity these days. Money is speaking more loudly on the public stage and in the offices of our CEO’s and the movers and shakers in business and government.

It is time to rise to this occasion and extricate yourself from socialized sociopaths. If they are family members, go no contact with them. You don’t have to explain yourself or give them any reason. It is none of their business. After all, they have made your entire life a living hell. Why make excuses for the disasters they have visited upon you.

Your best counter play is the way you lead your life, your healing process, the discovery and use of your many creative gifts and finding those who deserve to be in your company. Finding the best ways for you to calm your mind and your nervous system is an essential part of your new life. Do this daily and it will become a habit. Did you forget to laugh? Smile broadly? Be very silly? You never forgot. Get back into practice.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Not a Narcissist–He/She is a Sociopath

You don’t have to purposely cause physical harm to another human being to be a sociopath. No,  a person can do it the “clean” way by taking your life apart, piece by piece. This includes the final cruelty of leaving you psychologically broken and financially ruined. I have heard too many of these life stories and it is vital that we understand how this happens and to reach out to those who have been left behind with unbearable traumas and sorrows that wound the heart. I know of sociopaths who took their own children away from a loving mother just for revenge. They didn’t love these kids—they are incapable of love by definition. They are vengeful and yes, evil.

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Are You Married to a Socialized Sociopath and Don’t Know It

The sociopath is in unexpected ways smoother and more believable than the classic narcissist. All sociopaths are narcissistic. Not all sociopaths end up in prison or harm people physically. No, they are too clever for that.

They are so “good” at sizing you up and getting you to relinquish yourself to them, that it makes your head spin just thinking about it. Often they are in positions of great power–private and public. There are more sociopaths now in the society than the statistics indicate. That’s because the high level ones don’t get caught and they know exactly how to operate under the radar and to protect themselves at all times.

You know a socialized sociopath but very likely don’t recognize him/her. Often successful and socially adept, these people are masters of knowing what you desire, need, want, must have. They are subtle taking your psychological temperature. They survey the environment like a red tailed hawk those they decide to possess. They know your moves, your attitudes, your fantasies, your reputation, your successes, your weaknesses. They secretly investigate  your family history to determine if you are the right partner for them—the one who will benefit them the most.With meticulous calculation the meeting takes place. The sociopath makes a breathtaking opening move—unforgettable!

After the romance is in  full bloom and thrall, it doesn’t take long to make plans for the wedding. You are his  biggest “get.” You come from a prestigious family, have an excellent education, are attractive even beautiful and will present a perfect image as spouse to the sociopath.

Within a year or before the non narcissistic spouse feels twinges of regret and fear that she has made this marital choice. She is the recipient of constant criticisms, screaming fits, humiliations. There are clues that he is participating in unethical and illegal business practices. She suspects that he has a few women hidden away when she lies sleepless in bed not believing that he is working late into the night and early morning hours. but there is a part of her that keeps forcing herself to believe that he is loyal and still loves her. She makes millions of excuses for him, remembering the early days of their romance and his extraordinary promises he made. There is secrecy about bank accounts. When asked about their investments or money, he becomes surly and boils over with rage: ” You don’t trust me. How dare you?” “After everything I have given to you, you have the nerve to question my character.” This is spoken with such forthrightness that the spouse in the dark wants to believe her spouse.

Finally the last trap door opens; the reveal occurs; the horror is exposed in this “heart of darkness.”  Now you know whom you have married—A user, an exploiter, a destroyer, a dissembler, a socialized sociopath.

Save yourself and know that you are worth it. As you proceed give no warning–not a hint. Outwit this socialized criminal, this dark being in human form. Make meticulous plans, get out and get back to yourself. You have begun your next incarnation—-Feel the joy running through your body/mind.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Beware–Don’t Marry A Sociopath

Sociopaths live among us as “normal” individuals. Often they are exceedingly successful in the world. In the last few decades narcissists and even sociopaths, if they behave with smooth social graces and know human nature (not their own) can travel far in their careers and be considered as pillars of their communities. Much of this is caused by the veneration of material success in our current societal mode. Many people make the mistake of equating external achievements with a fine character. They have nothing to do with one another.

When you meet the man or woman with whom you want to formally share your life in marriage, be sure that you are not choosing a highly socialized sociopath. Observe carefully. Look beneath the charm, charisma and his/her intense focus on you and your perfection together with all of his extraordinary promises.

Notice how he treats those who do not possess his level of education, monetary success or social status. Is he dismissive with them? Does he humiliate them in subtle ways? Do you get an intuitive sense that your prospective spouse is restless inside. Does he insist that everything must be perfect at all times. Is he self absorbed and fanatical about his outward appearance. Is he overly self entitled? Have you caught him in dozens of lies that he cleverly covers up? Do you hear from others who warn you about his past cruelties to those in his personal life. Do you have a clear sense from time to time that he is leading a double life. Do you see rage in his eyes when you catch him making up clever stories to cover himself?  Is he nonchalant and proud of ignoring the law? Does he treat these illegal acts like some kind of game that he will always win. Is he secretive about his past and wave it off by smoothly changing the subject. Do you at times feel keenly that you don’t know this man at all? Ask yourself these questions and any others that come through your wise intuition. You will get the right answers to them. Once you have made up your mind that this man/woman is a sociopath, don’t marry him. Sever the relationship and do not let his circling around you to have another chance, tempt you to take it.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

The Rise of High Level Sociopaths

In this post I am not speaking about the anti-social personality disorder who has been stealing cars since adolescence and has moved on to crimes of physical assault and robbing banks and eventually hard core jail time. The sociopath I am focusing on sits at the upper echelons of power in the private and public sectors of this country. To most people they are unrecognizable in this role. These individuals are beyond clever and cunning. They are masters of image, disguise and deceit. Many of them attend our finest universities, have the highest credentials in many professional fields. They are exalted in the highest levels of society, given honors and awards for their important work and looked up to as role models by their peers, communities and friends.

These sociopaths are a special breed of men and women. They often have a high intelligence quotient, have earned several degrees and have entered, climbed and succeeded to the pinnacle of their professions. Almost everyone is fooled by them. They have so many admirers and followers. Their main focus is in making enormous amounts of money and wielding ultimate power. There are no limits on their ambitions—It is endless. They are socially well placed and have learned the art of sizing up people early, have mastered all of the social skills and ways of flattering people into falling for them. They wield power and influence in their work over their associates. They act like team players but behind the scenes they are using others who will do their dirty work to plot and destroy their next competitor. They spread lies, create ugly scenarios, defame and eventually destroy anyone who gets in their way. I have heard many stories from their victims of lives decimated by these fawned over criminals in disguise.

The truth comes from those who have shared their private lives with this monsters. Some husbands and wives sacrifice their lives and sell their souls to share the public adulation, lifestyle and raw power that these sociopaths hold in the palms of their hands. Others finally discover that they can no longer live with the abuse, suspect that there is too much illegal, immoral and unethical behaviors occurring that they can no longer stomach and that they must sever these treacherous relationships to save themselves and their children. Divorces from these high level sociopaths are ugly to the max. Those who go forward and survive are relieved and finally free of the imprisonment and secrecy that has haunted them for decades.

Many in the current society, hyped by the media and entertainment empires, believe that those who ultimately win—even if other human beings are thrown to the wolves in the process, is perfectly ok—-even admired. Those who don’t or won’t or can’t play this brand of hard ball are wimps. The increase of narcissistic personality disorders over the last few decades is astounding. Along with this is the acceptance and rise of the highly skilled, charismatic, high level sociopath. They are seated in the midst of many power venues. All sociopaths are narcissists. Some narcissists are sociopaths. Both of these severe personality disorders fool most people, including some psychotherapists. To protect yourself from these highly destructive individuals, study these personality disorders in depth. There are many highly successful people in different kinds of professions who are humane, have great integrity and command respect. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sociopathic Narcissists-Getting What They Want at Your Expense

Narcissists are frequently given a pass for their multitude of misdeeds, transgressions, cruelties and brutalities. Part of this is occurring because the narcissistic style–self absorption, rank materialism, extreme self entitlement, ruthlessness and treachery–have become acceptable behaviors throughout much of our current society. The cult of celebrity has created an obsession of instant stardom, public sensationalism . through various forms of communication and entertainment vehicles. People are responding to the contagion of the narcissistic style. In some families the narcissistic style is highly rewarded, even expected.

The behavior of many narcissistic personalities blurs into sociopathy, meaning that concerns about the harm they perpetrate upon others, especially family members is non-existent. There is no conscience here at all within these individuals. Although they might not harm you physically in a direct way, they will do everything they can to wear you down and even devastate your life if they believe that’s what it takes to pull you under and win. Narcissists never look back. They are always pushing forward at top speed in a rush to reach their ultimate goals and triumphs. The narcissist lives his or her life in the fast lane. Narcissists are very high maintenance. They often find mates who will do all of the hard work, and take the beatings, which includes being the frequent recipient of raw, constant criticism and demeaning humiliations.

To the sociopathic narcissist every person is expendable and interchangeable. If you have devoted your life to a narcissistic spouse and no longer fit in with their revised grandiose sense of self, you will be discarded– often without any funds for the most basic needs. I have communicated with a number of individuals who have been psychologically and financially severely harmed by the immoral and illegal workings of the sociopathic narcissist. These individuals are cunning and cover their tracks. They work in secret, make deals behind the scenes–always at your expense. With the sociopath narcissist there is no peace, no feeling of psychological security.

Learn to recognize and protect yourself from the sociopathic narcissist. Study the narcissistic personality disorder in detail and master the material. It is in your best interest to learn to identify these severely disturbed individuals quickly. Be clear with yourself that no one —no one will get what they want at your expense. Bolster your own sense of self entitlement. Work on steadying your mind and emotions. Respect your solid sense of self, your separateness and insist on maintaining your psychological boundaries. Visit my website: http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Your Narcissistic Husband-Wife is A Sociopath

A person who incessantly makes efforts to destroy you and those close to you at every turn is a sociopath. Without conscience, flying high on the manic winds of their grandiosity, there is nothing they will not do to eviscerate you psychologically and financially without laying a hand on you. It’s done with sinister cunning— siphoning off your money through legal maneuvers, getting others to perform the dirty work of destroying your reputation, turning your family against you, making binding agreements and breaking them when it is inconvenient for them, finding legal loopholes to jump out of binding contracts, threatening to expose a personal secret and using psychological and financial blackmail to keep their silence, fighting and winning custody of your children not because the sociopath loves them but to cause you unending emotional suffering and reservoirs of guilt and fear about their future. There are as many demonic schemes as the sociopath’s imagination can conjure up. You may think that the person you married is just self absorbed and selfish. Then you identify him as a narcissist—At last you recognize the man/woman you married is an irredeemable sociopath.

Be self protective and wise. He/she is never going to change. He will continue to harm you on every level, disrupt your life and in some cases, destroy your life.

Take the initiative. Focus on what you need and want for your life. Gather individuals around you whom you can trust. Seek psychotherapy if that is best for you at this time. Be keenly aware that your life is taking a different and positive trajectory after extricating yourself from this malicious sociopath. Do not make contact, direct or indirect with this person. (If necessary this can be done through attorneys). Leave no trace of your contact information. Begin to breathe deeply again. You may find that some form of meditation will still your mind and calm your body. Exercise and feel your body responding, becoming more alive. Give love and appreciation to yourself. You have prevailed over a dreadful situation. Now you are expanding inwardly and in the world, celebrating a new life cycle. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

High Level Sociopaths in Positions of Power-Are You Married to One

There is a personality disorder spectrum from pathological narcissism to sociopathy. The kind of sociopath I speak of doesn’t personally attack another person with mortal physical force. From his point of view that would be absurd, ineffective and put him in prison. The high level sociopath destroys people slowly with pseudo empathy and feigned kindness. That is the demonic genius of the high level sociopath. He takes you into his confidence. Some people fall in love with these individuals and no matter what harm they have caused, continue to live with and defend them.

The high level sociopath is exceedingly narcissistic–self absorbed, exhibiting convincing pseudo empathy, personally magnetic, often very bright, cunning, cleverly exploitive. They wouldn’t be careless and impulsive to blow their elaborate persona of perfection, superiority or the misperception by others that they are “good people.” The high level sociopath operates to achieve his goals through his masterful control and manipulation of others. The high level sociopath is ultra confident. He has no limits. He is often seen as a business visionary. Some of these psychological predators accomplish a great deal in the world, building empires and fiefdoms that amass large fortunes. This is the public face and imprint that these high level sociopaths send to the world—their global image. This is a small fragment of their true nature. In private the high level sociopath operates in a different mode. He/she is cold, distant, enraged, hyper-perfectionistic and hyper-critical, autocratic and without mercy.

These individuals are the ultimate nightmare as parents. They are incapable of playing this role. Their children are used like chess pieces in a high stakes game. They don’t give a damn about how their small child is responding to them as long as the parent is in complete control of them. Some of these sociopaths discard and ignore their children, sending them off to full time nannies, boarding schools and military schools as early as possible. They want nothing to do with children other than using them to build up their image of a great father. In some cases these sociopaths choose a favored child that is groomed to become a part of his echo of perfection and power—this child becomes a strong source of narcissistic supply. The sociopath has huge bragging rights about the high achieving child he has created. Children who are not chosen for these special roles are thrown away, psychologically imprisoned, treated with extreme cruelty. If his children are not performing at the level he insists, some sociopathic parents abandon the entire family and re-constitute themselves with a new adoring spouse who has no clue about this form of psychopathology.

I am in communication with a number of individuals who unwittingly married high level sociopaths. They often have no clue that they are married to a person who is bent on destroying others in order to make it to the top.
The heady lifestyle that the high level sociopath provides for his puppet spouse is irresistible. Feeling financially secure, having anything at your fingertips that you desire, being seen as important and special—-all of these narcissistic supplies shared by the non-narcissistic spouse are very difficult to give up. Many spouses stay with the high level sociopath indefinitely despite the heavy toll that this partnership takes on them. Throwing in one’s fate with one of these vipers stunts your creativity, your capacity to become separate, to expand, deepen and grow psychologically and spiritually.

These sociopaths are all consuming. They suck out the creative and emotional oxygen from your life. You never have respite or peace. Sociopaths do whatever they want without any sense of consequences to the welfare of others. Everything is about their march to the pinnacle of power, the need to vanquish their many enemies, to morally compromise their close associates to bend to their will. Those who defy them are endangered psychologically and emotionally. These sociopaths are vengeful and never forget who has transgressed against their iron will.

If you are married to a high level sociopath, it is advisable that you sever this relationship—especially to protect your children. The sooner you make this move, the better. This person is not going to change—ever!
Apply your intuition, listen to your internal voices and act in your best psychological, emotional and spiritual interests. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

High Society Narcissistic Sociopaths Get a Huge Pass

I am not surprised very often about the pervasive acceptance of pathological narcissism and sociopathy in our current society. In some high social circles those who live uber opulent lifestyles in the rarefied air of super wealth and power get a huge pass even in the area of serious crime. The attitude among many (not all) at the highest levels of power is to ignore the dark deeds perpetrated by those that are admired for their super wealth and impeccable social and business connections. A recent article by Alexandra Wolfe, a former contributing editor to Conde Nast Portfolio, the author wrote about an elite party given in New York, celebrating the return back into high society by a billion pedophile who had completed a 13-month sentence for soliciting prostitution from a minor. Recently this perpetrator had settled numerous civil suits brought by 40 victims who surfaced as a result of an FBI investigation. Was this man shunned? Was he upbraided by his social circle? No. Quite the contrary. He gave himself a high scale party and invited some of America’s media and entertainment figures. Three public statements were made in opposition to this perpetrator kid gloves treatment for serious crimes: Aeropostale director John Howard: “What I see here is if you have big money or are famous then you get a pass.” Lorna Brett Howard, wife of Irving Post Capital CEO: ” In the Midwest, where I am from he would be a social pariah. David Patrick Columbia, founder of New York Social Diary: ” A jail sentence doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing that gets you shunned in New York society is poverty.”

This is the attitude that some americans(many americans do not) have about those who lead the headiest lifestyles and have the greatest access to the highest levels of financial power even after they have committed horrendous crimes. They have served the time given to them. But to receive these predators with open arms and celebration—greeting them back into the fold. What kind of values are these?

I hear from victimized women and men of narcissistic sociopaths frequently. He or she has run off with all of the assets. They are left flat broke financially and broken emotionally and psychologically. Everyone must and recognize that pathological narcissism and narcissistic traits and even sociopathy in some instances are now widely accepted in our society as a method and sure way to ultimate success. Ruthless competition that destroys the lives of others is no longer a consideration. Winning the race is all that matters.

God help those who are poor. Some people look upon them as the new criminal. The society is so externalized that for some if you are very attractive and wealthy and have high connections you can get away with a hell of a lot—-much more than your poorer brothers and sisters who have become non-entities. We must fight these toxic trends. Look upon each person from the inside—what kind of character do they have? Are they moral? Are they empathic and kind? Are they honestly doing their best? We must bring mercy and deep caring about the welfare of others back into the vocabulary and daily thoughts and actions of our lives.

I hear from those who have been through hell with narcissists, sociopathic narcissists and sociopaths. They know exactly what can happen when you allow them to rule your lives. Those who have survived have rebuilt their lives, become strong on every level, re-discovered their unique gifts, found friends and partners who share their humanity. We applaud and celebrate their lives. Stay fully awake, trust your intuition that always speaks wisdom. Listen to that voice that guides all of your days. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition

Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com