Preface

Today we feel the powerful reach and dark hold of the high-level narcissist, that vaunted human creature who reconstructs the world to fulfill his omnipotent dreams and grandiose delusions. On life’s stage, they are our CEO’s, national leaders, politicians, movie and television stars, physicians, attorneys, media moguls, high-tech savants. Closer to home they are our spouses, lovers, mothers, fathers, siblings, children, in-laws, bosses, and friends. 

Famous high-level narcissists are particularly intriguing. Dramatizing and vivifying this unique personality disorder are scenes from the lives of Pablo Picasso…Armand Hammer…Ayn Rand…and Frank Lloyd Wright.

Chapter I: At Center Stage: Outshining All the Others

He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear
him crow.
— George Eliot, Adam Bede

We had a lot in common. I loved him and he loved him.
— Shelley Winters

We never know when or under what circumstances we will meet a narcissist. By accident or design we will eventually encounter him. We are often woefully unprepared for these events. I recall an evening, a business/social affair, hosted by a West Coast power couple. The location—a sprawling estate in an exclusive beach enclave of southern California. The mansion was the frequent setting for illustrious fêtes, political gatherings, and elegant soirées.  I was invited as a former business consultant to the couple. Other party guests included a…plastic surgeon, a superior court judge, a film director, and various sycophants and court jesters, all chartered members of the couple’s inner circle.

Greg and Charlene, the decorous hosts, greeted me at the grand entryway. The house was sumptuous in every detail, mimicking the architectural lines of an elaborate wedding cake. Inside, all was
elegant and pristine…Charlene, the wife and co-owner of the business empire, introduced herself to me, settling into the couch where I sat. From that moment on she never stopped talking about herself—her business triumphs, her material acquisitions, her innumerable trips and treks, her social A-list friends, her couturier, her brilliant and talented children…

After dinner Charlene continued her breathless litany of self, signaling a chilling disdain for others who would never measure up to her standards. Everything surrounding Charlene and her golden
circle was perfect. Outside this boundary were inferior, pitiful beings, condemned to a dull hell of mediocrity. Inside this hallowed sphere were the privileged, who surrounded and protected her like a venerated member of royalty. When the interminable evening ended and I said my good-byes, I felt like a long-held prisoner now freed. As I raced across the magnificent green lawn, I gratefully
embraced the clear star-filled night and realized that in all those hours she had not once asked me one question about myself.

This book focuses on the high-level narcissist: masters of charm, purveyors of magnetism. Meeting one of these individuals is a memorable experience whether the encounter is positive, negative, or mixed. Narcissists beguile and persuade with a special brand of magic.

My purpose is to inform the reader so that he will be able to identify the narcissistic personality…Arming yourself with specific strategic tools offered in this book provides you with the psychological edge and confidence you will bring to all of your encounters with the high-level narcissist.

The Great Performer: We view the narcissist at center stage, the spotlight shining fully on him…This is dramatically illustrated in vivid scenes from the life of art world icon Pablo Picasso…the narcissist in full bloom…Narcissists pervade every realm of life today. 

…The narcissist’s interactions with others are shallow and venal. He keeps people in his circle as long as they benefit him. When they become an inconvenience or cost him money…or become rivals, they are dismissed without warning, gone as if they never existed…

Behind the Perfect Mask: Here we encounter the dark underworld of his psyche. The high-level narcissist is an exploiter par excellence…deception becomes an art form in the hands of a high-level narcissist…

Beneath the bravado and grandiosity lies a pervasive emptiness. The high-level narcissist constantly turns to the rewards of the external world (praise, adulation, material possessions) to fill the painful inner void. The narcissist projects a bottomless rage, secret envy, and closet paranoia…

The Adoring Audience: (The narcissists creates a) golden circle of followers and devotees. Inside the circle is a sacred space reserved for handpicked members who believe that the narcissist is the source from which their identities and feelings of worth flow.

Response to the Great Performer: (The book offers) specific rules of engagement that will maximize all of your interactions with the high-level narcissist. The source of your success is keen awareness of your own core psychological issues. Feeling secure within yourself and psychologically grounded is essential… Stay mindful in the present moment…Outfox the high-level narcissist by taking the initiative, defending yourself without being defensive…

Beyond Narcissism: (Readers are invited) to travel…to a quiet spaciousness that puts life in a clearer, simpler perspective. We will build a bridge together that will transport you beyond the ego-driven frenzy of the narcissistic world. Here you can learn how to become more still and peaceful inside. One method is the practice of meditation. I offer specific suggestions for starting a meditation practice.

BENEATH THE NARCISSIST’S ELABORATE MASK
From Chapter Five
The Well of Emptiness

The narcissist’s experience of emotional emptiness is beyond longing or sadness.  It is a severe and intractable wounding, a pain so savage and deep that it seems intolerable.  The psychological landscape of the narcissist is bleak. He has no inner resources to sustain him.  He cannot turn to himself or others for real affection or solace.  Although he enjoys the transient loyalty of dedicated followers, no one really cares about him. The narcissist feels empty because he is completely alone.  Like a house without furniture or a landscape without vegetation, his inner world is devoid of meaningful relationships.  All signs of life have disappeared… 

Bottomless Rage

The force of narcissistic rage is cataclysmic, designed to leave no survivors.  The timing of its eruptions is unpredictable.  There is no chance to escape and run for cover.  The victim feels invaded, even assaulted.  The aftermath causes emotional pain and devastation.  The victim rises slowly and cautiously, checking himself for injuries.  Expressing gratefulness for having lived through the ordeal, he anxiously wonders when the next violent jolt will occur and he will survive it…
…Rage is primal; it is born and grows out of the core of the self.  Rage promises chaos and destruction.  Narcissistic rage propagates in the earliest years of childhood.  It is the psychological remnant of a lack of parental empathy.  Bottomless rage emerges from the severe psychological wounding of not being loved and cherished for one’s true nature.  The child who must forfeits his authenticity to survive is the adult filled with rage…